She was frightened, he knew that. With good reason, he supposed. But to him, the bottom line was he thought she’d be happy there, in the program at Trinity if she got in, in Dublin, and with him. Not because he demanded it, but because he truly thought she’d fit in there. She worked in Manhattan, she was used to city life, so it wasn’t moving to a major city that scared her. He doubted the program itself scared her; though it did look intensive, she was smart and capable. What scared her was coming and being with him. Committing to him, and to them. She didn’t believe in the possibility of what they could become together, what they could have, the way he did. It was hard to accept; he didn’t want to accept it. But the more time that passed, the more time they spent apart, the more likely it was that they wouldn’t end up together.
The night before, Gavin had dreamt about her again. Usually his dreams about her were either the hot and steamy kind that had him waking up with his whole body pulsing, or the sweet kind where they’d simply be walking on the beach together, talking or laughing. No, last night, he’d dreamt they were dancing. Outdoors, on a wide patio, surrounded by greenery and lots of people. All he could see at first was her beautiful face, smiling up radiantly at him as he twirled her around the dance floor. Only when the music stopped did he look down at her fully and see she was wearing a magnificent wedding dress.
Now, as he opened his tiny mailbox in the lobby of his apartment building to check his mail, the vision reappeared in his mind, clear as day. Toni, in a wedding dress, absolutely beautiful and glowing with happiness… he closed the empty mailbox with a scowling grunt. He had to stop this. Toni wasn’t there. She wasn’t going to come to Ireland, they wouldn’t have the chance to further the relationship, they wouldn’t end up together, much less married. And he had to somehow let the whole idea go.
He punched the button to the lift and waited, tapping his Kindle against his leg. Why had he gone to America for a simple holiday, only to meet someone he knew he could love for the rest of his life and then probably lose her? The physical distance was too great. And the truth was, she’d have to come to him on her own. Only then would he know she’d chosen to take a leap of faith—chosen him, chosen them—that was strong enough for him to believe in it. And that was clearly not going to happen.
The door to the lift opened and he stepped inside. She hadn’t alluded to very much in her emails. He imagined her withdrawing from him a little more day by day. It was ironic that she’d worried about him slipping away from her, when the reality was, he felt like she was the one slipping away.
He missed her. Everything about her. How long until that ache would go away?
Reaching the third floor, he stepped out of the lift and walked down the hallway, finding his keys in the pocket of his jeans. Maybe he’d go down to the pub for dinner tonight. Throw back a few pints and wallow, watch some football…
He opened the door to his apartment and heard a rustle of movement. Standing in the middle of his living room was Toni.
Chapter Twenty-Two
‡
The air rushed from Gavin’s lungs in a whoosh as his eyes rounded wide. “Bloody hell,” he breathed, staring at her in obvious shock.
“Hi,” she said, trying to keep the smile off her face and failing miserably. God, it was so good to look at him. She’d missed him so much, every fiber of her body was screaming to run into his arms. But from the look on his face, she wasn’t sure he was glad she was there. She hoped he was just surprised to see her, not unhappy.
“Hi, yourself.” He blinked and put a hand to his chest, staring at her as if she were a mirage, his astonishment clear. “How… how did you get here?”
“Um, I flew,” she said with a trace of teasing sarcasm. Her heartbeat nervously picking up speed, she held up the key he’d left for her. “Then I took a cab, and used this.” She smiled hesitantly, then bit down on her lip. “You said I could…”
He rushed across the room to her, cradling her face in his hands as if seeing her for the first time. “Jaysus, you’re really here.”
“Surprise,” she said softly.
“The best one ever.” He crushed his mouth to hers in a possessive, hungry kiss. Her arms slid around his waist to hold him closer, tighter, as their mouths and tongues tangled and played. When he finally pulled back to gaze down at her, they both had to catch their breath.
“When did you get here?” he asked.
“This morning.” She reached up to run her fingers through his hair, then trailed them down his cheek. He nuzzled into her palm as she added, “I took the flight last night, got in around ten AM Dublin time. So I went to the hotel, ate some breakfast, got some sleep. Then I came here… but you weren’t here. So I’ve been waiting.”
“You’re joking!” he cried. “You’ve—damn—for how long?!”
“Two hours,” she said, smiling. “I didn’t know if you were working or what. I figured you’d come home eventually.”
“Unbelievable,” he breathed, his eyes travelling eagerly over her features, his equally greedy hands running through her hair, up and down her arms, her back, everywhere he could reach. “Wait, why are you staying at a hotel?”
“Well… in case you didn’t want me here,” she said.
“Why on earth wouldn’t I want ya here?” he said, incredulous.
She shrugged. “Just covering my bases,” she whispered.
He cupped her face in his hands, staring into her eyes, and asked, “How long are you here for, Toni?”
Her hands lifted to hold his wrists as she stared back at him and said, “As long as you want me to be.”
“Ah.” His thumbs caressed her cheeks, and she saw a spark of light in his eyes. He leaned his forehead to hers and murmured, “So, forever then.”
Her breath hitched as she smiled. “Sounds good to me.”
He took her mouth again, kissing her senseless before releasing her. “Sweet mother of God…” He shook his head, drinking her in again with his eyes. “I thought I lost you.”
“What? I thought I lost you.” She moved her hands to lock behind his neck. “Because I didn’t tell you, or show you, just how much I love you. And I do, Gavin.”
“I know that now. You’re here.” He kissed her lips with tender affection. “I love you too, Antonella Josefina.”
She melted into his embrace, the overwhelming relief and joy flooding her with warmth and light. She’d made the right choice. Nothing had ever felt so right.
“Did you quit your job, then?” he asked.
She nodded. “With glee.”
“I’ll bet.”
“And I applied to the postgraduate program at Trinity,” she said. “But I missed the deadline. So if I get in—which, thank God, looks likely—I won’t be starting until January. I’ll find a job and work until then.”
“I’ll help you. I don’t start the new job for another three weeks.” He looked around his apartment. “Maybe we should find a bigger place, too. This flat’s really made for one. But if you’re going to stay, I want you comfortable.” He peered at her, hope and disbelief in his gaze. “You’re really staying? Are you sure, Toni?”
“I’m really staying. I’m totally sure. I want all of it—the program, the new start, and you. Especially you, Doc. I know you’re a sure bet.” She grinned mischievously. “Okay, you caught me. The truth is, I came here for the mind-blowing sex. I hear you’re good at a fling.”
A laugh burst from him. “Actually, turns out I’m crap at them.” He grinned as he threaded his fingers through her hair. “Couldn’t keep it casual. Broke the rules. Fell head over heels in love. I’m done for.” He stole a quick kiss and smiled. “Want to stay anyway? We could still have the mind-blowing sex. Ya know, if you insist.”
“Okay.” Toni smiled so brightly her face almost hurt. “I’ll call it an adventure.”
The End
Looking for the next McKinnon brother?
Enjoy an excerpt from
All I Want for Christmas
Copyright © 2014
Standing on the crowded, bustling sidewalk of Seventh Avenue, Cassandra Baines sipped her peppermint hot cocoa as she waited for her best friend. She’d placed herself at the center of the top step so when Bree came up the escalator, out of Penn Station, she’d be right there and easy to spot.
The familiar smells and sounds of Manhattan barraged her from all sides as she stood in the midst of frenetic activity. So many people—hustling into Penn to make their trains, coming out of Penn eager to roam the city, or just trying to get through the crowds to wherever they were headed. Cars and taxis bulleted down the street, horns blaring, the exhaust fumes mixing with the smoky smell of pretzels and chestnuts in the cold air. A group of teenage girls hustled by, all of them talking simultaneously.
Cassandra wasn’t fazed by the chaos. She was a lifelong New Yorker, born and raised on Long Island, less than ninety minutes away from Manhattan. She’d spent her undergrad years at NYU and done her graduate program at Columbia, and now she had a tiny apartment in Chelsea and taught English Lit at NYU. Noise didn’t register and crowded sidewalks didn’t make her claustrophobic. The only thing ruffling her at the moment was wondering where Sabrina was. She should have been here by now.
A cold gust of wind blew, lifting the ends of Cassandra’s shoulder length hair. She shivered, glad she’d chosen to wear her fuzzy wool hat, thickest scarf, and heavier wool coat. The temperature hadn’t gotten above forty degrees that day, and sure felt like it was dropping into the low thirties now. She took another sip of the hot chocolate to keep warm.
“Cass!”
She turned in the direction of the familiar voice, and there was Bree, coming up the escalator. In a few seconds, they were hugging and chatting and all was bright again.
Going to see the lighting of the tree at Rockefeller Center had been an annual tradition since the girls were babies. Four women had been sorority sisters in college, became the closest of friends, and bonded for life. After graduation, they’d made a point of getting together several times a year, which had been fairly easy, since all four of them lived in New York. So when those four women had their own daughters—Cassandra, Sabrina, Jade, Kara, and Elena—the next generation of girls were practically raised as sisters. They’d become an expanded loving network that shared in each other’s lives as one big family.
Some of Cassandra’s best childhood memories were of huge Thanksgivings with everyone at Aunt Enza’s house, out east on Long Island. A few days later, they’d all meet up in the city for the tree lighting. The four moms especially loved holidays and loved creating celebratory traditions… but things had changed after Aunt Marie had died in the Towers on September 11th. A black hole ripped all of their lives open. Kara and Elena no longer had a mother, the other moms had lost their sister, and the sorrow was a tangible thing none of them had been able to shake off for a long time. Having one another to lean on had gotten them all through those dark days.
And the years passed, and the girls all got older, and some of the traditions had changed slightly. Elena, the youngest, had refused to set foot in New York City after her mother died and she moved away with her father—and really, no one could blame her. Jade had moved to Tampa a few years ago. Even though they had all made it to Aunt Enza’s for Thanksgiving this year, not all of them were going to the tree lighting ceremony. In fact, for various reasons, Cassandra and Bree were the only ones making the pilgrimage.
And they planned to make the most of it.
Bree had dropped her young daughter off at her mom’s for the night so she could make it into the city. Now, she and Cass made their way to Rockefeller Center, heads down against the cold gusts of wind. They walked up 33rd Street so they could look at the holiday displays in the picture windows of Macy’s. After that, they walked up another few blocks and made the left onto Fifth Avenue. It wasn’t a short walk from Penn Station to Rockefeller Center, but they loved to do it every year, even in the cold.
They passed all the big department stores that decorated their window displays for the holidays. The scent of sugared nuts and pretzels and smoke floated on the frigid air. Cassandra looked around and smiled happily. There was a different energy in the city at this time of year; it was like the holiday season itself had sprinkled magic and light all around, and everyone just seemed to be… brighter. Happier. Excited. The vibe was a tangible thing, and Cassandra loved it. Every year, it revitalized her and filled her with joy.
Two hours later, after the tree lighting ceremony, they pushed their way back through the crowds. They were even colder now, but they linked arms and chatted as they walked. Cassandra spoke of how busy her schedule was with final exams looming next week. Bree talked about how her daughter, Charlie, was kicking ass on the local hockey team—the only girl, she skated circles around all the boys, a natural talent. Cassandra marveled at that. Her nine-year-old goddaughter was a spitfire, all right, much like her mother. And Cassandra adored them both. A rush of affection shot through her and she smacked a kiss on the back of Bree’s gloved hand.
“What was that for?” Bree asked, looking at Cassandra strangely.
“I just love you. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Aww. I love you too. Wouldn’t have missed it, Cass.” Bree gripped Cassandra’s arm tighter. “We have to keep these traditions alive, even if everyone else had to crap out this year.”
“I wish Jade could have stayed a few more days and come out with us tonight,” Cassandra said. “She hasn’t come to the tree lighting in what, three or four years now?”
“Aunt Gigi’s mother-in-law had a stroke,” Bree reminded her. “They had to get back home.”
“Yeah, I know,” Cassandra said softly. “I didn’t mean that to sound bratty.” She hesitated, wondering if she should speak her next thought aloud, then realized of course she could: it was Bree, her best friend in the world, her sister. “Can I ask you something? I feel like Jade’s… mad at me. Or something. She was distant at your mom’s house.” She shrugged and offered, “Maybe I’m being paranoid.”
“You’re not,” Bree said, fielding a bump from a passerby, which in turn sent her bumping her into Cass. They both snorted at it. “Look, I’m sorry you felt that. But you know she’s having a hard time right now. I think she’s a little… jealous, actually.”
Cassandra’s eyes flew wide. “Of me?”
“Yeah.”
“Seriously?” Cassandra couldn’t wrap her head around that. “Why?”
“Because you’re doing so well,” Bree said, as if it were obvious. “You’re making your career happen, just as you planned. Now, you’re one of the youngest assistant professors at NYU. You’re on the right track, and you’re successful. Jade’s in between jobs and not sure what comes next. I think she’s just a little jealous. In the ‘she has it going on and I don’t right now’ kind of way.”
Cassandra blinked, walking in silence with Bree as she processed that. Finally, she just sighed and said, “God, I hope you’re wrong. I feel terrible.”
“Don’t. That’s on Jade, not on you,” Bree countered. “And when she gets her act together, she’ll be able to be happy for you again.” She pulled Cassandra around a crushed cup of soda on the sidewalk. “Don’t worry about it. Jade loves you. It’s not really about you. She’s just… well, at a low point.”
“I wish she’d talk to me about it,” Cassandra lamented. “I’m here for her.”
“She’s not really talking to anyone. Besides, I’m only speculating.”
“Your instincts are usually right on the money.”
“True,” Bree said with a grin. “But still. No worrying tonight! We’re going to have some fun.”
“Fun, huh?” The wind gusted and Cassandra shivered as they continued their walk up Fifth Avenue. “Fun. Yes. I think I remember fun.”
“Really? ’Cause I don’t think you do.” Bree slanted her a sideways look. “Charlie’s sleeping over my mom’s. I can ha
ng out for a while. We’re going to go to a bar, get a little drunk, and have a good time.”
“We are?” Cassandra asked. “Okay. Any ideas where?”
“No, but I’m freezing. Like, I can’t feel my face anymore freezing,” Bree sputtered. “How about we just duck into the next place that looks decent?”
“Fine by me.”
They made it another block, heads down against the cold, harsh wind, before Bree said, “Here. This one. Looks nice, looks warm. Okay with you?”
Cassandra peered at the storefront. O’Reilly’s Tavern. A huge wreath with red bows and gold sleigh bells hung on the door, and lively classic rock could be heard rumbling through the large glass windows. “I guess…”
“Good, because I need to be inside. Now. Come on.” With a firm hold on Cassandra’s arm, Bree dragged her through the heavy wooden door.
Inside, it was warm and welcoming. The music was louder now, but it set Cassandra’s limbs moving instinctively. It was a decent size for a midtown bar: long and narrow room, high ceilings. White walls with framed pictures and all things Irish, hardwood floors, a few tables and chairs along the walls. The main lights were dimmed, so the endless strings of white Christmas lights cast an ambient glow. It definitely felt cozy. Cassandra quickly counted eight barstools lined up in front of a sturdy, polished mahogany bar, with enough people talking and drinking to fill the place almost to capacity.
The bluesy classic rock song ended and morphed into the Eagles’ version of Please Come Home for Christmas, which Cassandra had always liked.
Still, something inside her wanted to leave. Almost like a whisper of intuition…
“It’s a little crowded,” she said, loudly enough to be heard over the noise. “Maybe we should go someplace else.”
His Love Page 19
