by JJ King
Was it possible to have more than one soul mate?
If we were mates, all four of us connected on a soul deep level, how had that happened and why had it happened to me? Doubt and fear crept into my heart. Had Raphael done something in his lab to cause this?
I thought of Rose, of Alyssa, and of all the other girls that had been created just like me. If I were a sin against nature, then they were, too, and I would never lay that burden on them.
I had just as much right as anyone to find happiness, I repeated, like a mantra. I gave myself a firm talking to and refocused on the discussion, which was actually quite fascinating.
By the time class ended, I’d made up my mind to speak to Dr. Daniels about a purely hypothetical situation.
“Do you mind waiting a few minutes while I talk to the prof?” I asked Emily as she turned for the door.
She raised her eyebrows a fraction and shrugged. “I’ll be just outside.”
I waited for the room to empty before clearing my throat. “Dr. Daniels?”
He raised his head and looked at me with surprise. “Yes, Alexis, what can I do for you?”
He moved papers from his desk into his leather satchel then sat on the edge of the table and gave me his full attention.
My tongue wanted to stick to the roof of my mouth, but I forced it to cooperate. My questions were just hypotheticals as far as he knew.
“I’ve been doing a bit of reading on soul mates and wanted to ask if, hypothetically, it would be possible for a wolf to have multiple mates.” My sticky tongue felt too big in my mouth now.
He tilted his head to the side and considered.
“I’ve never read of it happening but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. A hundred years ago, same sex soul mates were unheard of in our society, but it wasn’t because we didn’t exist—it was because it was still considered taboo. Polite society didn’t acknowledge same sex mates because we couldn’t produce naturally conceived pups.” He shook his head. “It seems silly now, but, at one point, most wolves would have said only male female soul mates existed.”
He pushed off the desk and adjusted his jacket, then continued. “If you look to the human world and the vast array of relationships possible, especially polyamorous groupings, it seems close minded to think our kind wouldn’t at some point experience the same type of expansion.”
I frowned and thought it over. “So, you’re saying it could very well happen but because it’s still not considered mainstream,”—I made air quotes to show my disdain— “there are no reports or studies done to verify it.”
“Exactly. Only the arrogant believe knowledge is set. All perception is fluid.” He picked up his satchel and threw the strap over his shoulder. “Sorry to cut this short, but I have another class. I’ll see what I can find in regard to multiple mates and let you know next class.”
I thanked him and joined Emily in the hallway.
“What was that about?” she asked, lowering her phone as we started walking towards the cafeteria.
I shrugged. “Nothing, really. Just a question about soul mates.”
I brushed it off, hoping she would drop the topic.
“Speaking of soul mates,” she said with a devilish grin. She wiggled her eyebrows and did a shoulder shimmy that made me laugh.
“Come on,” I said, shaking my head with amusement. “I’m going to need coffee to get through this conversation.”
She linked her arm through mine and pulled me forward, as casually as two girlfriends who’d known each other for years. I grinned as she launched into a description of the girl she’d met after I’d brought chaos to the party.
It felt easy and right, spending time with her, being here at Beta Wolf Academy; two things I hadn’t thought possible just a few weeks ago. The darkness that had been my constant companion for too many years to count lifted as we made our way towards coffee and, possibly, snacks.
I was happy, I realized, laughing at one of Emily’s jokes. I was content.
Which is why I ignored the chill of nerves, as if I were being watched by unseen eyes, that stole up my spine as we stepped out into the summer air and turned towards the cafeteria.
Chapter 14
My phone vibrated, buzzing against my leg as I shifted my gaze from the stunning model posed gracefully on top of a stool at the center of class to my canvas.
Ignoring my phone, I bent my wrist to lower the angle of my pencil and darkened the shading on my portrait of the woman we’d started working on tonight. She was lovely, all long lines and soft curves with curly burnished hair and dreamy eyes. It was easy to let the world slip away and just focus on translating her beauty onto the canvas before me.
A short buzz indicated that a message had been left. Good. I would check it after class. There was only nine minutes left to the session and I wanted as much time with my shadows as possible before class ended.
The world outside these four walls faded away when I stepped through the doors to my art class studio. Maybe it was the splash of bold colours on the walls, or the array of student and professor art, or the patient but enthusiastic attitude of my professor; whatever it was, this place calmed me. I adjusted my pencil again and deepened the shadows between the model’s thighs.
"Alright, class," Deirdre, no last name, no fancy doctorate title, said with an easy smile. "We'll continue working on Cassandra next class."
The model pulled on a cotton robe and stepped down off the pedestal at the center of the room.
"Thank you, Cassandra." Deidre offered the beautiful young woman a nod and a smattering of applause that everyone joined in on.
I gathered my supplies, taking care with my pencils out of habit. I'd always loved drawing, but pencils were weapons, so I'd had to secret my precious treasures away and hide them from prying eyes. For our one-month anniversary of being free, Rose had presented me with a beautiful art kit that had allowed me to explore whatever natural talent I had. When I'd been picking out my courses for this term, she'd urged me to register for this class.
She hadn't had to urge very strongly. I'd been planning on signing up for an art course anyway, but this one was the advanced class, and I hadn't thought myself ready for it. So, she'd pushed and prodded, like a proper big sister, until I'd submitted a small portfolio of my work, then waited on pins and needles for the professor's decision. Getting that acceptance would go down as one of my favorite moments of all time.
I just wished that the peace and calm I felt while I created would bleed out into my everyday life.
The chuckle escaped before I could catch it and I rolled my eyes over my own idiocy. What exactly did I have to be stressed about anymore? I'd spent my formative years locked inside a cage and was finally free. Not just free but blessed with friends and family that understood what I've been through, who'd been through it with me. Just because they weren't here with me right now didn't mean that they weren't with me in spirit. And just because I wasn't ready to share that part of me with my friends here, didn't mean that they wouldn't accept me when I did.
Sure, I had boy troubles, but, like Lizzo said, "That's the human in me."
Well, technically the wolf in me, but that was just semantics.
The point was, I wasn’t alone.
That was all anyone ever wanted, wasn't it? To not be alone. To find others who would walk with them, side-by-side, holding them up when they needed it, celebrating the good times, and just being there. It might be confusing and totally outside the realm of possibility, but there was a chance, however small, that I'd found not just one, but three guys to stand with me.
Was that really so bad?
Relationships, especially romantic ones, came with complications, or so books and rom coms had taught me. One guy could wreak havoc on a girl's entire existence. Did the havoc increase threefold with three guys? Could the havoc increase exponentially? These questions whirled through my mind, confusing the shit out of me.
Of course, it didn’t matter that I was c
onfused or agitated or downright pissed off, at times. I felt what I felt, and so did they. There was something real happening between us. We all felt it. I couldn’t dismiss my feelings without dismissing theirs, and I wouldn’t do that to them.
I slung my backpack over my shoulder and moved out of the room, nodding goodbye to Deidre. I wasn't ready to accept that what I was feeling for Dimitri, Lucian, and Chase, was what my heart kept insisting it was. It was impossible, my mind argued, improbable at best. Yet, for every argument my mind presented, my heart pulsed with need for them.
My emotions were like a roller coaster these days. I'd felt wonder and awe yesterday when I'd looked at the image of that woman's brain in the presence of her soul mate. It had lifted me, making my soul sing with hope.
Yet, I'd fallen asleep feeling sorry for myself and had been pulled down into dark dreams where monsters stalked me. I'd tried my best to wash away all the negativity in the shower, but some of it had stuck and refused to budge.
So, I’d done everything I could throughout the day to regain my sense of self and balance. I'd gone for a run, done some meditation, even had a video chat with Dr. Bennett before heading out to class. I’d worked hard and regained my balance and now I wanted to find my guys.
Finally.
The sky was a soft glow of orange and pinks when I stepped out of the art building and onto the path. I breathed in the scent of honeysuckle and blackberries and closed my eyes, letting the soft summer breeze flutter my hair.
When my phone began to buzz again, my eyes popped open. I’d forgotten about the message. Maybe it was from one of them, or all of them.
I sank down onto a nearby bench surrounded by thick bushes that gave it an almost secluded feel. It reminded me of where Lucian had taken me to regroup the day we met. My lips twitched at the sweet memory.
He'd been the first of the three, the first man that had turned my knees to jelly and made my heart skip a beat. Even when I was pissed off at Dimitri or fantasizing about dirty sex with Chase, part of me longed to be with Lucian.
Lucian was gorgeous, yes, no one would refute that fact, but there was more behind those dark eyes than he let on. In the moments we'd spent together, I'd seen keen intelligence, compassion, and a recognition of pain. He'd saved me from the crowd that day because he'd seen my fear, he'd known what my pain had looked like even before he knew me.
I opened the message and sucked my lower lip into my mouth, chewing on it as I read the message with a blend of butterflies and hope swirling through my chest.
I know you need time to think and figure out how you feel, but you need to know that whenever you're ready, I'm here. We're here, for you. We'll figure it out. xoxo
I glanced up at the name and number. Chase. There was more to him, too, than he let the world see. Beneath the playboy and the southern flirt was someone searching for someone to look beneath his shiny surface. I'd glimpsed the man beneath and wanted desperately to look again.
Then there was Dimitri. That guy was like an onion. He was layered and, on the outermost layer, protecting him like a shield, was an asshole. Or, at least, an asshole to me and most other people. I’d seen him with the guys, though, playing and laughing. His brooding mask had lifted, and he’d looked younger, more innocent, though I doubted there was an innocent bone in his body.
Not that I spent much time thinking about his bones.
I smirked. That was clearly a lie.
My fingers hovered over the keyboard as my mind swirled with sentimental responses, casual flirtation, and the urge to demand to see them all, right now. I wanted each of those things, all at once, yet something held me back.
I swallowed my frustration. It was annoying, this strange need to adhere to what was expected of me from society. I'd grown up apart from the world most wolves knew. I'd experienced things I never wanted anyone else to experience, but I'd also been extremely sheltered. My entire world view had come from the books we'd been allowed to read and, after we'd been rescued, I'd expanded that view with new series, including television and movies. Still, I'd stayed close to home, close to Rose, and Liam, and the others, too afraid to venture out into the world on my own.
Beta Wolf Academy was supposed to be my chance, my tentative first steps into wolf society. Instead, I'd been thrust into the most complicated personal relationship situation possible.
If it were just sexual, things wouldn't be so mixed up. I was still inexperienced in that way, too, but I could have handled it. Maybe I would've reveled in it. It didn't hurt to feel desired, especially by guys who made my stomach butterflies flutter to life.
I bit my lip, thinking about them, and felt my face flush with heat. Our situation might be complicated—no one would argue that—but it made me feel alive, and seen, and desirable. I typed out a quick response.
I've had long enough to think. It's time we all talk. xoxo Lexi
I hit send then practically swallowed my tongue as heat suffused my entire body. I licked out my tongue to wet my suddenly dry lips.
I'd done it. Now, we would figure it all out, together.
The soft summer breeze shifted, rustling my hair and tickling my nose with the faint scent of wolf. I paused as I reached for my backpack and lifted my nose higher, inhaling deeply to catch the scent that, somehow, reached deep inside my mind to tug at distant memories.
I frowned but, when my nose filled again with the scent of blackberries, I shook off the chill of apprehension that had raced up my spine and chalked it up to nerves. After all, I was about to willingly step into a very sexy viper's nest.
A smile lifted my cheeks, which, I was well aware, glowed with bright excitement as I made my way towards my dorm room. If I was going to see my guys for the first time since the campus run, the first time all together by my choice, then I was going to be fresh as a daisy from head to toe. I chuckled and picked up my pace, anxious to see them and dive into a new adventure.
A man stood on the path ahead, his face half turned away from me, so that I only caught his profile, but it didn't matter. My heart slammed painfully against my ribs and all the blood that had rushed to my face a moment before, drained, leaving my limbs weak.
I knew that face. I saw it in my nightmares.
Raphael?
I backed away, my breath coming in ragged gasps as I reached out with both hands, searching for something to hold onto, to hold me up so I didn't collapse. My eyes riveted on him, on the familiar shape, size, and look of him.
I needed to hide. I needed to run away. I needed to disappear before he turned and saw me and took everything I’d fought so hard to achieve.
My hand connected with the rough bark of a tree and my fingers curled in, grasping that living thing as my brain screamed that this couldn't be happening, that I was hallucinating, that the panic attack rising from my legs to my stomach to my chest was just a product of stress.
I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut, to crumble into a ball at the base of the tree and pray that when I opened them again, he would be gone. But I couldn't. My gaze zeroed in on that profile, on the familiar patrician nose and full lips that had curled back with hate so often.
"No." The single word slipped from my lips without my permission accompanied by a soft keening sound.
I slapped a hand over my lips, muffling my voice, trying to hold back the panicked sobs that wanted to break free.
My vision wavered, going brilliantly white, then stark black. My muscles went weak, and I shifted to fall against the tree. Somewhere in my mind I was grateful it was there.
It wasn't him. It couldn't be him. Raphael was dead. He couldn't hurt me, not anymore.
I squeezed my eyes shut, terrified of the darkness behind my lids, the darkness that had flashed through my mind reminding me of where he'd stuck me for hours on end. The sound of a little girl crying echoed through my mind, growing louder and louder until the whole world was a cacophony of fear and pain.
"Lexi!" Strong hands grasped me and pulled me away from the tree.<
br />
I opened my mouth to scream, and, in a flash, the darkness receded in my vision focused on Dimitri.
His face was twisted with fear and worry, his eyes wide with confusion.
"Lexi, what's wrong?" He pulled me towards him, and I went, unable to struggle, unable to fight anymore. I just wanted to be safe. I threw myself into his arms and looked to where the man had stood just moments before, sure I would find him staring at me with the revulsion I would recognize anywhere.
But he was gone. The path leading away from the arts building was clear of all but a few students, too wrapped up in their own lives to have noticed my complete and utter meltdown, or the way Dimitri held me, his strong arms wrapped around me so tight it felt like I was in a cocoon.
My body began to shiver violently, shaking us both so hard that Dimitri stepped back and began rubbing his hands over my arms, trying to warm me up.
"Old Ones, Lexi," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
I lifted my eyes, feeling the wildness in them, and met his gaze. I opened my mouth to tell him, then snapped it shut and shook my head, unable to speak.
Dimitri glanced around, looking for whatever or whoever had hurt me and, finding nothing or no one, squared his shoulders and scooped me into his arms as if I weighed nothing.
"Hold on," he murmured against my ear, sending shivers of relief through me. "I've got you. You're safe, now."
I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I couldn’t.
Chapter 15
I buried my face in Dimitri’s shoulder and squeezed my eyes shut, focusing on my breathing, trying to calm my racing pulse.
It wasn't Raphael. You imagined it. He's dead. I repeated the lines over and over, hoping that eventually the words would sink into my terrified mind, and I would accept them as true. There had to be some explanation.
