by JJ King
But I'd seen him with my own eyes, and the scent that had tickled my memory, the scent that had shot spears of icy terror up my spine— had I imagined that, too?
I gritted my teeth, squeezing every muscle in my body tight in an effort to chase away all thoughts. Dimitri's arms, wrapped around me, felt like a touchstone, keeping me anchored in reality, when my mind wanted to slip away. I pressed my nose into his neck and drew in the scent of him.
His breath hitched, and his heart skipped a beat, then raced on. He lowered his lips to the top of my head, soothing me, as he murmured, "Almost there. Hold on."
We entered a building. I knew that much even without looking, because the light changed from natural to artificial. Still, I kept my face buried in his body, using that connection to chase away my demons. As my head began to clear, realization surfaced.
Dimitri had seen me have a panic attack. He was carrying me to safety. He would want to know what had happened.
Fresh fear skittered up my spine. I wasn't ready, not yet, to tell him or any of them my story. I didn't want them to know, not even Lucian, whose first interaction with me had been set around one of my panic attacks. I blew out a slow breath, needing to focus through the panic, and willed myself to calm.
I needed a plausible reason why I'd been mid meltdown when Dimitri had found me. I didn't want to lie and, some part of me knew that if I tried, he would know. Those dark eyes had seen right through me from the first moment we'd met. He knew something was up but hadn't pressed me on it, yet. Then again, we hadn't exactly had tons of time together, alone or with the other guys, to talk and get to know one another on a level deeper than the basic attraction that connected us all.
I'd been on my way to rectify that.
My stomach churned as I thought about keeping such a huge secret from them. But was it really so wrong to just want something normal for once? To just be a girl, without the darkness that shadowed me constantly. It was why I had dyed my hair pink, I thought, barely holding back a manic chuckle at the memory. It wasn't the time to laugh and, really, I wasn't amused. I just coped with stress in different ways. Dr. Bennett had said a lot of people make jokes when they are uncomfortable or filled with anxiety. Might as well laugh, he'd said. Or else you'd cry.
Dimitri pushed open a door and carried me into a room that smelled like mothballs and old books. I lifted my head to look around and wiggled my nose as dust swirled around us.
He set me on my feet so gently it made my chest ache, then moved away to remove a pile of books set on an old-fashioned couch in the middle of the room.
I scanned the room, taking in the scarred wooden table set against one sloping wall, the dust covered bookshelves lined with ancient tomes, and that octagonal window set high into the far wall.
"Where are we?" I asked, turning in a full circle as I chewed my lip and wondered where in the world Dimitri had stolen me away to. I didn't care, not really. Either I'd hallucinated the man who'd imprisoned and tortured me my entire life, or everything I thought I knew was a lie and my sisters and I were in grave danger. I swallowed hard and blinked away tears. I didn't want to think about it.
I needed a distraction.
My gaze fell on Dimitri and my lips twitched. What better way to distract myself than with a wolf that made my skin shiver and my stomach flutter in anticipation?
He stood opposite me, his body braced to fight off whatever bad guy had been on my tail, his dark eyes wild on my behalf. The passion I saw there, the barely controlled heat, made my heart speed up and my core soar to an impossible temperature.
My pheromones filled the surrounding room, hitting him a split second before I threw myself into his arms, rising up on my toes and angling my head so that our mouths fused together.
Bright light exploded behind my closed eyelids as his lips reacted to mine.
He gasped, inhaling my breath, then wrapped his arms around me and hung on like a drowning man.
I wound around his neck, threading my fingers through the nape of his hair, pulling him down as I strained upward. He was so tall, imposingly so, putting him just out of reach when I so desperately needed to—
I pulled back, looked up at him through thick lashes, and bit my lip as I shoved him back against the couch. When he tumbled to the cushions, I pounced, climbing on top of his lap, spreading my legs to press my heat against his thighs. The hardness of his arousal shot a flare of lust through me that washed away any lingering fear and nerves.
Anticipation surged through my body, through my bones, my skin, my very soul. When I fit my lips to his and opened to the erotic touch of his tongue on mine, a sense of fullness tightened my chest around my pulsing heart.
I brought my hand to the back of his neck, moving my fingertips over his skin and into his thick dark hair to pull him closer as his mouth devoured mine. His taste was dark and rich, like that first sip of decadent coffee followed by the finest dark chocolate. I nipped at his lower lip and reveled in the sound of his aroused growl.
His hands moved to my hips as I circled them, grinding myself against the proof of his interest. He gripped my shirt as if he were about to rip it from my body, then unclenched his fists and moved beneath the fabric to trace the length of my spine. Wherever his fingers touched, fires lit across my skin, intensifying that ache between my thighs that was going to drive me mad soon.
"I need you," I whispered in a hoarse voice, too overcome with emotion and desperation to say anything else, to say what I really wanted to. I ignored the urge to claim him, to call him mine, to whisper those three words that filled my head even now. It was too soon. I barely even knew him. Still— I wanted to.
I tore my lips from his and sunk my teeth into the muscle of his shoulder, then threw my head back, exposing my throat. I cried out when his tongue traced the sensitive skin from my collarbone to my jaw.
He grabbed the hem of my shirt and yanked it up and over my head, exposing my breasts, covered only in black lace, to his demon gaze. That was how I thought of him, as my demon. His eyes, already endlessly dark, turned obsidian and darted from my heaving chest to my face.
He hesitated, just for the slightest moment, waiting for me and the thought that someone so fierce, so dark, would look to me first, made my lips tremble. Keeping my gaze locked on his, I bit down on my lower lip and arched my back, offering my body and my soul.
His body went stiff. His fingers curled as my skin tensed, then released and pulled away. I felt his withdrawal like a slap and knew he’d done it again. He'd switch from indecently hot to crushingly cold in an instant, leaving me bereft and confused.
I felt my nakedness like Eve and covered my breasts with my arms as I scrambled off his thighs and backed away from the couch while he lowered his gaze and furrowed his brows. My breath came in small gasps, hitching in what should have been ecstasy but was now pain and frustration. I bent to grab my shirt and felt a wave of nausea nearly knock me over. In the moments it took me to regain my physical balance and pull my shirt on, the anger he seemed to draw from me so easily resurfaced.
"What's wrong with you?" I demanded, balling my hands into fists as my shirt settled down around my waist. My skin heated with a passion that had no outlet, so I poured my frustrations at his feet, desperate to get some kind of reaction from his stony features. "Why do you think you can treat me this way?"
I dug my nails into my palms as my head spun and heated. Hot tears filled my eyes, but I held them back, not wanting to give Dimitri the satisfaction of seeing me cry over him.
He lifted his gaze and stared at me, his dark eyes hard now with resolve that had scraped away the passion that had brimmed in them only moments ago. It didn't make sense, my heart and mind argued. He'd been with me, feeling what I felt. He'd wanted me more than anything and now he was looking at me as if I were a stranger.
It snapped something in me.
I turned and grabbed one of the six books from the nearby shelf, then pivoted and threw it with every ounce of strength I had,
straight at his head as a furious growl broke from my throat.
He caught it before it could strike him and tossed it to the floor as his gaze latched on mine.
There! I nearly cried out with satisfaction. For just a split second, I'd glimpsed him, the real him, not this flat eyed drone he was pretending to be. My mind raced as questions swirled. Why would he pretend to be something he wasn't? Why would he pretend he didn't want me when I knew with all my soul that he did?
What if he knows?
The question leaped to the forefront of my mind and eclipsed everything I was feeling, burying me in a shroud of darkness that made my stomach want to rebel.
What if somehow, he’d found out who I was, what I was? What if he knew that I was damaged goods and unnatural down to my very genetic makeup?
My spine stiffened. I wasn't the only one to have been created in a lab or raised in captivity. I wasn't the only one trying to rebuild my life in a world I didn't completely understand. Sure, the rational part of my brain reminded me that I judged myself as unnatural and unlovable all the time, but that was my demon to fight, not his. How dare he judge me? How dare he pull away from something so real it rocked me to the core every time we were close?
Desperate fury lit me from inside, and I narrowed my eyes.
"Look at me!" I shouted, glaring at him through a film of angry tears. When he blinked and glanced away, I balled my hands into fists again and screamed, "Look at me, Dimitri!"
Finally, his eyes dared to meet mine.
I didn't know what he saw. I didn't know what I looked like at that moment. It was a first for me. In the mountain, we hadn't been allowed to talk back, let alone fight back, so, out of a sense of self-preservation, we'd minded our own business and kept silent. When you were surrounded by women and girls you loved, it was easy for sadistic minds to manipulate and control you.
But I wasn't in the mountain, anymore. I could rage, and scream, and throw all the breakables I wanted, but something stopped me. I didn't want to be that girl, the one that lost control of her temper and let anger rule her.
I squeezed my eyes shut and swallowed down a lump in my throat, searching for balance, and only opened my eyes when my heart had found a steady rhythm.
His gaze was on me when my eyes opened and in his dark eyes, I saw a battle being fought that confused me even more. There was passion there, but he was holding it back. Why, I didn't know, but now that I'd calmed my mind, I realized he couldn't possibly know, and, somewhere deep down inside, I knew that even if he did know, it wouldn't change a thing for him.
"Why do you keep pushing me away?" I asked in a voice brimming with emotion that I could no longer hold back. "Why do you keep pulling me in, then shoving me aside?"
I ground my teeth together to hold back a sob and bit down on the inside of my cheek until blood filled my mouth.
I looked up towards the ceiling and blinked rapidly, barely holding back everything I was feeling, then gave up and let the tears fall. I'd already embarrassed myself beyond reparation in front of him. What did tears matter in the scheme of things?
"I can't do this anymore." The words rasped from my throat before I even thought to say them.
My heart squeezed as if in a vice, as if it would burst from pressure at any moment and kill me on the spot. Grief and panic swelled inside me, pushing me precariously close to the edge of control. I blew out a deep breath, squeezing my eyes shut for one final moment of silence, then smiled sadly at him and turned towards the doorway.
"Goodbye, Dimitri," I said without looking back.
A growl so dark and desperate that it made my knees shiver split the air. Before I could turn, before I could remind myself not to look or care, Dimitri was across the room. He hovered behind me, chaotic energy pouring from his entire body, barely containing the emotion I'd only glimpsed in his eyes.
"Fuck it," he said and spun me around.
All sense of self-preservation evaporated and the grief I'd been feeling a moment before poofed as he moved his hands to my hips and pinned me against the door.
The last thing I saw before his mouth descended on mine was his dark eyes staring straight into my wounded soul.
Chapter 16
My body came alive.
Dimitri surrounded me. His taste, his scent filled me and drew me from the darkness into the light that exploded behind my eyelids as his mouth ravaged me, driving all thoughts from my mind.
I arched my back, lifting my mouth to give him better access, and slid my arms up and around his neck to tug him down. The decadent taste of him filled my mouth again, making me want to beg for more. But I wasn't the begging type, so I took more.
I tore my mouth from his and brushed my lips along the sharp edge of his jaw, loving the way his stubble bruised my lips and made them swell. I wanted to taste him, so I traced the length of his neck to his collarbone and nibbled at the skin there.
It wasn't enough. I wanted, needed, all of him, even if for just this moment. I would deal with reality later.
His body shuddered beneath my lips, spurring me on, loosing something wild inside me that had remained hidden for far too long. I grasped the edge of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head in one sinuous motion.
His chest heaved and, for one long, endless moment, he just stared down at me, incredulity written across his face like the most beautiful love letter ever written.
"I need—" he whispered and drew in a shuddering breath.
"I know." We didn't need words anymore. They just seem to fuck things up, anyway.
His fingers closed around my waist, encircling me easily, making me feel sexy as hell. Then, without any sign of exertion, he hoisted me into his arms and turned away from the door, carrying me across the room to the couch.
I expected to be tossed, that seemed like a Dimitri thing to do, so when he laid me gently on the old cushions and lowered to the seat beside me to lay his lips on mine, I nearly lost my breath.
He hovered above me, held up by the strong arms I’d admired from afar since we’d met, and pulled back just enough to gaze into my eyes for what felt like an eternity. It was like a gift, like I was being given a glimpse into his soul through those dark eyes. It touched me so deeply, I couldn’t stop a tear from falling.
His mouth crushed mine and began to move, dissolving all coherent thought in my melting brain.
I moaned into his mouth, arching my spine to let my head loll back on the cushions as his demon lips rushed over my skin, branding me, bruising me, and making me soar. His hands traced deadly fires over my flesh until it felt as if I would go mad if he didn’t touch all of me, right now.
I didn’t want sweet whispers or tender strokes, not from him, not from my dark demon. He lit something inside me, drawing out the darkness in a way that made it part of me, a part I’d been afraid to claim before. With him, though, I felt strong. The darkness wasn’t going away anytime soon, so I might as well learn to appreciate her.
My hips bucked as he reached for my skirt, tugging it up over my hips to reveal the matching black lace I wore. The low growl that reverberated from his chest filled me with an almost feline satisfaction. My wolf preened. I lifted my hips to let him pull off the barely-there panties.
When his lips pressed to the scorched skin of my thigh, I saw flashes of color that made my head spin and left me floating. I rolled my head back and gasped in a breath as his mouth found my heat.
I lost the ability to think, talk, move, or breathe. A gasp caught in my throat and stayed, locked there, as waves of sublime pressure built with every flick of his tongue on my sensitive flesh. After a moment of complete paralysis, my body rebooted, and wonder exploded through me. My fingers dug into the worn fabric as my hips moved in a rhythm I didn’t consciously set and mewls escaped from my throat. My eyes rolled back, and the brilliant lights reappeared.
My skin grew damp and hot, so fucking hot, I wasn’t sure if I could handle much more. Something deep inside me strained forward, urging me u
p, desperate to relieve the delicious pressure. I lifted my head to look down at him and locked eyes as he lifted his glistening mouth from between my legs.
His lips lifted, quirking to one side in that devastatingly cocky grin he always wore. His eyes narrowed in challenge as he slipped fingers inside me.
I moaned and rolled my hips, taking him in deeper as he lazily thrust into my body, never tearing his gaze off mine. My sight flared white then burned off until I could see him again, watching me with that fucking smile.
It drove me insanely wild.
I pulled back, almost sobbing at the loss of him, then reached out a hand. I was breathing too hard to say what I wanted.
He understood. The smug glint in his eyes disappeared and that desperation I’d seen earlier, the unspoken need to be with me when something, Old Ones knew what, was keeping him from just giving in and letting go.
He rose off the couch and unbuttoned his jeans, shoving them over his lean hips and thighs along with his boxer briefs, leaving him naked and fully aroused. My mouth went hot and wet, as did other parts of me that throbbed for him to pounce. I opened my legs and grabbed his hand, pulling him down.
When he sunk into me, stretching me with his thickness, I cried out in ecstasy.
It was like touching the sun. Heat rolled through me like an inferno, making my skin crack and sizzle. Every stroke, every tilt of his hips, sent me reeling higher, too quickly for my mind to catch up. Before I could even understand, brilliant lights exploded behind my eyelids and sent me careening over the edge. I ceased to exist on this plane, going, instead, to a place where nothing dark could touch me and it was only him and me in perfect unison.
I think I stopped breathing, because my next breath came in ragged gasps that stretched my lungs, dragging me back down to earth from the strange paradise that wrapped around me. I clung to Dimitri's back, digging the tips of my fingernails into his flesh as he thrust, over and over, ignoring my cries and too-sensitive body until my orgasm faded and fresh pressure began to build anew.
