03 The Fate Of The Muse - Marina's Tales

by Derrolyn Anderson

  She looked at me like I was hopelessly ignorant, “The moon sent us a new sister… and Nerissa was the chosen one.”

  My God, I thought, they had no idea where babies came from. I sure hoped they couldn’t read my thoughts about that. I looked at the little mermaid with her chubby arms wrapped around Lorelei’s neck, “She sure is cute… What did you call her? Nixie?”

  “Yes,” said Nerissa, scooping her up and swimming her to me. The little mermaid squirmed in her arms and ducked down in the water so only her seaweed green eyes were visible.

  “Why Nixie? What does that mean?”

  “The council chooses in the naming ceremony,” Nerissa said, lifting the child out of the water. “It’s alright Nixie, Marina will come to swim with us someday.”

  I chose to ignore Nerissa’s prediction, and smiled at Nixie, “Naming ceremony? What’s that?”

  “It’s part of a council meeting, Adria was going to have one too… She came to show us that she was blessed like Nerissa... but she never came back from the big place.”

  “You saw my mother when she was pregnant?” I was stunned, “Big place?”

  “Mother?” Nerissa cocked her head like a dog.

  “Pregnant?” Lorelei chimed in.

  I groped for the words, trying to come to grips with the last bit of information at the same time, “Adria,” I told Nerissa, turning to Lorelei, “Blessed.”

  Nixie wriggled out of Nerissa’s arms and swam closer to inspect my legs.

  “Where was the place she never came back from?” I asked, pretty sure I knew what happened after that.

  “You saw,” she laughed, “Where that big thing goes over the water.”

  “You mean the Golden Gate Bridge?”

  “The big thing is not golden,” Nerissa said seriously, “It’s more like starfish color.”

  “It’s like Nixie’s hair!” Lorelei cried in delight, making Nerissa laugh. Nixie joined in and started laughing too, looking between the two of them as if to try and find out why.

  “She swam with me…” I said slowly, “She transformed when she was pregnant... I mean, blessed.”

  They all stared at me blankly.

  I pantomimed a belly, “You know, like this…”

  “Yes! Adria was so happy she came out to swim all the time!” Nerissa shook her head in disapproval, “But she kept going back to the man she saw.”

  I was shocked to realize that I was more like my mother than I knew. Even after she met my father she’d been going back and forth between her two worlds– trying to have it both ways.

  What if I’d been born underwater? If I took my first breath of water instead of air, would I have been fully mermaid, like Nixie? She would never know anything about the land, but she could have. She would never see the wonders of human creativity, and remain completely unaware of the divine spark that inspires art, music and all the wonders of the world– the spark contained within herself.

  Nixie was born to be immortal; she would never grow old or weak, but she would remain ignorant. She would be young, strong and beautiful for all eternity. I wondered why my mother had made the suicidal choice to have me in a hospital. She must not have known what it would mean for her. My eyes filled with salty tears.

  Nixie tentatively patted my knee, “Don’t be sad,” she said, “Swim with us.”

  The tiny girl smiled brightly at me. Her hair was shining in the sunlight, a bright burnt-orange red– the exact color of the bridge, and her eyes… I was happy to see she looked nothing like Peter. She swam around my surfboard and lunged out of the water onto it, wiggling onto my lap. I steadied her, looking at her little body in amazement. She was as perfectly formed as all her sisters, just a childish version, with everything in miniature. Her tiny tail flapped, and she reached her arms around my neck. She was adorable.

  “Marina,” she said in a reedy high pitched voice, clear as a flute, “You are the one that saved my Nerissa! Come and play with my friends.” She took my hand as she slipped back into the water, trying to pull me off the board.

  “Wait! I have to stay on my surfboard…”

  “Surfboard,” she repeated, cocking her head like her mother.

  I could hear Lorelei explain things to her in my mind, mostly just random images of the times we’d surfed together. Then I saw another, more disturbing image of me from the time I’d been forced to transform; hovering underwater with glowing skin and a tail.

  Nixie smiled and climbed onto my board as Lorelei took a hold of it and towed us both through turbulent, choppy waters closer to the rocky shoreline. Seabirds nesting by the thousands in the craggy rocks screeched and flapped as we approached, clearly seeing my human form as a threat. There were several types of gulls and cormorants, along with funny little puffins waddling in their midst. The sound was deafening.

  “It’s alright!” Nerissa called out to them, “Go back to your eggs.”

  After the birds settled down I could see a myriad of shiny heads bobbing to the surface all around us. It was a pod of fur seals, and their faces were so cute they made me laugh with delight. Big cartoonish eyes were set in round whiskered heads, and sweet little newborn seals were swimming alongside their mothers. Nixie squealed with joy and threw herself in among them, tumbling and rolling in the water, joining in their baby games.

  We rounded the island, coming close to a rocky beach where enormous Elephant seals were hauled up onto the shore, gigantic males with their large fleshy noses dwarfing the females and pups they jealously guarded. They all noticed my surfboard, eyes rolling with alarm and suspicion, only relaxing when they spotted the mermaids.

  I realized that this little group of rugged islands was essentially a marine nursery. Treacherous currents and a remote location made this an ideal place for marine wildlife to nest and rear their young, far away from human interference. I’d heard about this rocky spot before, remembering that it was famous for its white shark population. I looked nervously out at the deep blue waters surrounding us, imagining the big hungry fish lying in wait there. I could understand why the animals were so happy to see the mermaids.

  “Are there any good waves around here?” I asked Lorelei.

  We found a wicked point break on the northern edge of the islands, and started surfing and playing the day away. The mermaids laughed so melodiously and infectiously I couldn’t help but join in, and soon my sides ached from the effort. I grew more and more tired, thirsty and cold. The sun dipped low in the sky, a fiery red orb touching the horizon that seemed to flatten as it sank out of sight. I finally told them all that I needed to get back home, hugging Nerissa and Nixie goodbye and flopping down on my board in exhaustion.

  “Why do you have to go?” asked Nixie, with a babyish pout.

  “I live on land,” I told her, adding, “But I can visit.”

  As the scenery sped by, I thought about everything I’d just learned, and tried to assimilate it all. Nerissa would have died if she hadn’t returned to the sea, but she wouldn’t have had the baby anywhere near as soon. I remembered how weak the mermaids were on land, and how strong they became when they were returned to the life-giving waters of the ocean. The water must somehow have accelerated Nixie’s growth.

  Wow, I thought, I would have been a full-fledged mermaid if my mother had returned to the sea to have me. Being born in the water must be the key, or being born to a strong mermaid mother. It was strange to consider– could a baby transform if it was forced onto land? Could Nixie? Could my mother have returned to the sea to have me and brought me back to live with my father? Did she know she was going to die by staying?

  I was more confused than ever when Lorelei dropped me off at Aptos beach, tired and weak from thirst. I felt like I couldn’t think straight; there was too much new and confusing information whirling around inside my head. I’d forgotten to eat again, and I was dizzy and lightheaded when I paddled the last hundred yards into shore.

  Ethan was waiting on the beach, and I could see him pacing nervo
usly as I approached. I felt bad about worrying him, but I had to find a way to make him understand it was what I needed to do. I don’t think he fully grasped exactly how dangerous my anger could be, or how much it frightened me.

  “Hey,” I said as I staggered ashore, trying to smile reassuringly. Then I tripped over my rubber booted feet and fell flat on my face.

  CHAPTER SIX

  STUDIO

  Ethan rushed over, lifting me to my feet, “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, yes,” I said, feeling foolish as I brushed the sand from my arms, “I’m just really tired.”

  I changed out of my wetsuit, trying to hide the fact that my hands were trembling with fatigue. Ethan picked up my board and stood watching, his face unreadable. We walked off the beach in an awkward silence, and when we reached the landing between the flights of stairs he stopped, putting my board down and turning to face me. He looked upset.

  “Why do you always have to do this?” he asked. His voice rose, “How are we ever going to be married if you run off everytime you get upset?”

  “I’m sorry… But you don’t understand. I had to get away from there…”

  “Away from me?”

  “Yes,” I squeezed my eyes shut, “I mean– No!” I looked up at him, “From me… from the way I was feeling.”

  Yeah, the way I was feeling about you, I thought.

  He sounded exasperated, “Marina, the accident wasn’t your fault!”

  “How do you know?”

  He didn’t answer, and looked out at the dark water, “Why do you have to go to them?”

  “Change of venue?” I said flippantly, but it wasn’t too far off the mark. He wasn’t amused.

  He sighed, “Are you mad at me?”

  “No.” I thought about him discussing me with his ex-girlfriend, “Well, maybe a little.” Our eyes met and I couldn’t help smiling ruefully. “Why didn’t you tell me she was back?”

  He sucked in his breath sharply, stepping forward to embrace me tightly, “Don’t let her come between us… She doesn’t have anything to do with me and you…”

  “Did you tell her about us?” I asked.

  He sighed, “I was about to, but I didn’t get a chance…”

  “A likely story,” I said jokingly, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he didn’t want anyone to know about our secret engagement. Maybe he was having second thoughts.

  “It’s true,” he squeezed me tighter and I couldn’t doubt him.

  I sighed and hugged him back, but I knew she was going to make as much trouble as she could, and she struck me as the kind of girl who liked a challenge. I had no idea what to do about it.

  “I’m always afraid you’re never going to come back to me,” he said gruffly, “I can’t stand the idea of you being out there… all alone in the dark.”

  “I’m not alone.”

  He walked me over to the bench and pulled me down to sit with him. “I want to be the one you run to,” he whispered in my ear. I didn’t know what to say. How could I describe how much I needed to be in the ocean without scaring him? Apparently, I came by it honestly, for I was behaving very much like my mother had. I looked down.

  “Where did you go today?” he asked.

  I paused, not quite sure I was ready to talk about seeing Nerissa with Nixie just yet. I wanted to get Evie’s take on the whole mermaid reproduction thing. It was just too weird for words. “We went up north,” I said, thinking about all the animals I’d seen.

  “Where?” he asked, stroking my cheek.

  “She took me past the Golden Gate, out to some islands.”

  “Islands?” he was alarmed.

  “More like rocks, out in the middle of nowhere,” I said calmly, “There were lots of different kinds of birds there, and seals with their pups… and Elephant seals too…”

  I could see the whites of his eyes in the dusky light, “You went all the way out to the Farralons? What for?”

  “Uhm, she swims really fast… and–”

  I was just about to tell him everything about Nerissa and Nixie when he started kissing me like it was his last chance. I was out of breath when we finally broke apart, and I laid my dizzy head on his chest, warming my hands under his shirt.

  He kissed the top of my head, “When we’re married,” he started in again, “We’ll go surfing together every morning.”

  “What about school?” I asked sleepily.

  “We’ll go before classes,” he said.

  “Won’t we be tired all day?” I yawned, warm and drowsy.

  “We’ll go to bed early every night,” his voice rumbled through me, “And some days, we’ll stay in bed all day.”

  I scoffed, for I could hardly imagine him skipping a day’s work, “I’ll believe that when I see it. All you ever want to do is work.”

  He shifted a little and looked away.

  I felt bad, realizing that I’d hurt his feelings, “I’m sorry, It’s just that I miss going surfing with you.”

  “It will be different when we’re married,” he said softly.

  I was beginning to realize that he was being completely unrealistic about how great things would suddenly be once we were living together. As much as I wanted to believe the pretty picture he painted, I knew there was still trouble on the horizon. I thought about meeting with the council and snuggled closer to him.

  “Let’s go,” he said, “Before Abby sends out a search party.”

  The next few days flew by. Every morning I picked up Shayla and we trudged up and down the fire escape, filling the dumpsters with garbage and soundproofing debris. Pretty soon the place started to look like a real artist’s loft, all exposed brick and high ceilings. We swept and scrubbed every square inch of floor, exposing handsome rough-hewn pine planks. The space really brightened up once the windows were washed clean, and Bill had the missing panes replaced so there’d be no more avian intruders.

  I bought a small refrigerator that I stocked with fruit and snacks to keep us going, and added a table with a microwave and coffee maker. Shayla helped me pick out a sound system, shaking her head in disbelief at my ignorance of the latest pop music. The place started to feel comfortable and familiar, and I imagined what it would be like to stay overnight. My father would probably hate it… I wondered what Ethan would think.

  The worst part of the clean-up was definitely the bathroom, but with some heavy duty rubber gloves and lots of bleach, even that was turning out to be a diamond in the rough. I hung an antique gilded mirror above the sink, and stocked a shelf with scented soaps and hand lotions. The quaint clawfoot tub actually looked inviting, emptied of all the beer bottles and scrubbed squeaky clean.

  Colorful Kilim rugs I’d found at an antique shop brightened up the floor, and I bought some tables and lamps from local thrift stores. I splurged on a giant sectional couch that was big enough to spread out on, upholstered in a velvety grey fabric. Shayla and I watched in horror as one of the deliverymen moving it inside nearly fell off the narrow stairs, miraculously recovering his balance at the last possible second.

  “That guy totally almost bought it!” said Shayla, testing out the plush furniture with her feet up on an ottoman. “I told ya’ that bird was bad luck!”

  “Oh come on!” I laughed at her superstition.

  We kicked back on the comfortable cushions, talking about what we would do in Paris. Shayla was eager to go, dreamily speculating about how much fun we would have shopping and sightseeing with Evie.

  “Yeah,” I sighed, “It should be interesting.”

  Shayla looked at me out of the corner of her eye, “We’ll keep you too busy to miss Ethan.”

  I thought about Amber and Ethan talking about me, maybe even hanging around together when I was out of town. An image of him smiling at her flashed into my mind.

  “Guess who’s back in town?” I said morosely, telling Shayla about meeting Amber and her friend. It felt good to let it out, and I complained bitterly about having to see her at college in the fall.
I described the scene at the farmer’s market to her and her eyes narrowed.

  “That bitch! I’ll kick her ass for you if you want!” she fumed.

  “Shayla!” I was shocked, for violence was the last thing I wanted to think about where Amber was concerned. Now it seemed as though I could inspire it in Shayla too… I needed to be extra careful where my feelings were concerned.

  When Shayla saw the shock on my face she looked contrite, “Sorry, I just hate her,” she said.

  “Don’t say that!” I moaned. I felt like I was being tempted.

  “Everybody hated her! She always thought she was so great just because her dad had money. She tried to get Ethan to give up surfing and go out for football cuz her dad was into it… She used to lead him around like a puppy…” her voice trailed off when her eyes met mine.

  “Wow,” I choked out, having a hard time imagining it.

  Shayla shrugged, “You got nothing to stress about… Ethan loves you.”

  I was quiet for a few seconds, “How serious were they?” I looked at her searchingly.

  “I dunno,” she seemed nervous, and I knew that I probably shouldn’t ask. Shayla shifted around uncomfortably, clearly afraid the truth was going to hurt my feelings. I changed the subject, asking her what her mother thought about her going to France.

  “She’s like, real happy for me,” she smiled with relief, “She wants me to do all the stuff she never had a chance to do.” She looked at me in wonder, “I never even been on a airplane!”

  “You’ll be on lots of airplanes when you’re a supermodel,” I said.

  She rolled her eyes at me, “Very funny. I haven’t even done my first fashion show yet!”

  I nodded, feeling better already, “There’s a first time for everything.”

  “That’s what she said!” Shayla cried, dissolving in a fit of laughter at her own joke. Her brows knit together when I didn’t join in, “Where’s Cruz when we need him?”

  “We should call him,” I said, digging into my purse to get my phone. When I retrieved it, a business card fluttered out to land on my lap.