03 The Fate Of The Muse - Marina's Tales

by Derrolyn Anderson

  “Sure,” I said, watching as she hurried off. I picked up the campaign literature and leafed through it. It was perfect, saying exactly the right things about promoting development that preserved farmland and encouraged green business. It was a little disconcerting how easily all the pieces were snapping into place. I straightened up the table and looked across the field to see Lue setting up a propane heater under a giant vat of his delicious fish soup. I walked over to greet him before it got too busy.

  “Water girl!” he smiled wide when he saw me. He looked excited and happy, a far cry from the defeated man I’d seen at the market two weeks ago. He introduced me to the farmers whose land bordered his, and they thanked me profusely for helping them in their fight against the developers.

  “Thank Abby,” I said, “She’s been tearing up the phone all week long!”

  Lue pressed a cup of his excellent soup into my hands with a smile, “The water spirits bless you,” he said.

  “If you say so,” I replied, happily taking his delicious offering.

  I excused myself to go eat at the information table as music started playing in the background. Soon the place was thick with crowds of people, laughing, eating and enjoying the beautiful weather.

  Megan’s voice rang out clearly over the massive speakers, welcoming everyone and urging them to bid generously on the items in the auction tent. She spoke a few words about how important it was to save local small farms, and introduced the next band. She sounded professional, as though she’d been speaking to crowds her whole life.

  Ethan was busy running around, helping man the grill, dealing with parking issues, and emptying out garbage cans. Every now and then he’d swing by, stroking his hand down my back, or kissing my neck in a sneak attack that made me giggle. I watched him hustle his way through the crowd, and I loved him with a sudden pang that almost hurt.

  Cruz’s head was on a swivel, anxiously on the lookout for Brad and Barbara. When he finally spotted them, his face lit up and he rushed over to me, asking me to give Megan a two minute warning to announce the speaker.

  “How do I look?” he asked, running his fingers through his shaggy bangs.

  “Adorable,” I said, “Now go!”

  Soon Barbara was on stage, telling the crowd all about her environmental stance.

  “Biodynamic,” she said, “local, sustainable, organic,” she seemed to keep repeating the same words and phrases over and over in her speech, tumbling them around and spitting them out to the crowd like some kind of green confetti. The people applauded, eating it up. If everyone here voted for her, she was as good as elected.

  When she finished, Megan took the stage, and the future Congresswoman Watson came over to greet me.

  “Thank you so much for letting me be a part of this wonderful event,” she flashed me a practiced smile.

  “Congratulations,” I said, looking at the people crowding around her for a handshake, adding, “We’ll be looking forward to your support when you get elected.”

  She smiled again, and I had the craziest feeling she was studying me. She turned to the crowd and announced in a loud voice, “Let’s all go bid on these wonderful auction items!”

  After her speech, my table was flooded with people wanting to register and sign our petition, keeping me busy as the afternoon flew by.

  I could hear Megan singing in the background, a catchy tune about a love affair gone wrong, “It’s not you, it’s me-e-e,” her beautiful voice rang out. People stopped in their tracks to listen, and a crowd gathered around the stage, swaying in time with the music.

  “Hi Marina,” a girl’s voice called out to me. I looked up to see Amber at the side of my table. Her friend Brittany was standing behind her, looking bored, “Where’s Ethan?” she asked with a smile.

  I was really hoping she wouldn’t come, but I half expected her, so I put on a placid mask and shrugged noncommittally. “Would you like to register to vote?” I asked them.

  “Naw,” Amber said, “I just can’t get into all this stuff.” She waved her hand dismissively at the papers on the table.

  “I thought you wanted to support our local farmers,” I replied, pointing to the banner behind me. I tried not to sound too sarcastic, but I’m sure it came out that way. Take it easy, I said to myself. Keep calm.

  She smiled suggestively, “There’s lots of other ways to do that.”

  I turned my back on her, willing her to leave. I answered an elderly woman’s question about the special election, and when I turned back around she was right in front of me, leaning towards me over the table.

  She looked at my neck and smiled, “I see you have a necklace too.” She touched a pendant, nearly the same as mine, only with a polished teardrop of Amber in place of the aquamarine. “He’s not very original… is he?”

  I looked at her, speechless. How could she know exactly where to stick the knife for maximum pain? I was always surprised by intentional cruelty, and it felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach.

  Just then, Shayla bounded up, smiling and happy, “There you are… this place is rocking!” She looked at my face and stopped, glancing over to see Amber and her friend.

  “Hey Shayla,” Brittany said mockingly, “How’s the weather up there?”

  Shayla’s eyes narrowed at Brittany, and she stepped over to stand by my side, “Amber. I heard you were back… What? Did you flunk out of your fancy school? Not quite as smart as you thought you were, huh?”

  Amber cast her a dirty look and turned to her friend, announcing in a loud voice, “Let’s go find Ethan. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see me.” They wandered off into the crowd.

  “Are you okay?” Shayla looked at me with alarm, “Do you need to sit down?”

  I shook my head no, still speechless. I could hear Megan’s sweet voice ringing out in the background, “You said you loved me, but it was a lie-ie-ie,”

  “Could you watch the table for a minute?” I asked in a thick voice.

  I wanted to be alone before the wave of emotion hit, but just as I rounded the corner of the auction tent Abby ran up to me, ecstatic, “I have great news! Barbara Watson just bid five thousand dollars for your painting! Everything else is fetching top dollar too– we’re on track to raise a lot of money for Lue’s defense fund… And we might not even need it if she gets elected!” She started thinking aloud, “I suppose we could find a good charity to donate the extra money to…”

  “Abby, I have to get going. Can you get a ride home with Dutch or Cruz?” I said in a monotone, afraid to think or feel anything. All I could think was, if I didn’t leave right away, I was going to kill someone. After my run-in with Peter, I knew I was capable of murder, and given the right set of circumstances, I didn’t even need to consciously wish for it to have someone end up dead.

  My hands were shaking, and I was scared, more afraid than I’d ever been before. I was scared of what my anger might do to Ethan.

  “Sure… Are you okay?” she asked. I looked over her shoulder. I was tempted to jump off the cliff into the sea.

  “Yes,” I forced a smile, “I’m afraid I really need to get going a little early…”

  She smiled and gave me a warm hug, “OK! I know you’ll have fun in Paris with Evie and Shayla… But we’re sure going to miss you!”

  I felt even worse, for I’d already lied to her earlier, telling her that I was going to the city tonight, planning on being alone with Ethan at my studio.

  “I’ll miss you too Aunt Abby, take care of yourself. And don’t work too hard... okay?”

  “I’m fine. I’ve never been better,” she patted her belly reassuringly, smiling with glee as she looked around, “We really pulled it off! Your father would be so proud.”

  I reminded her to look after the stray cat colony, and she assured me she wouldn’t forget them. Abby was an animal lover, and when I told her about the litter of kittens on the way, her heart melted, and she vowed to do something about their plight. Judging by what she’d accompl
ished today, I knew they were in good hands.

  Pushing back all thoughts of Ethan and Amber, I returned to Shayla, “Do you want to leave early?” I asked desperately, “Go up to San Francisco tonight?”

  “Totally!” Shayla cried enthusiastically, “I’m good to go!”

  The crowds were starting to thin out as we hurried out to the busy parking lot. Long and Ethan were directing the exiting traffic, trying to keep things flowing smoothly.

  Ethan saw us and trotted up, “Where are you going?” he asked, looking confused.

  “To Paris!” Shayla exclaimed excitedly.

  “Marina?” Ethan searched my face.

  Long interrupted us, walking up to ask if I’d have a word with him in private. I was surprised, but any distraction was welcome at the moment. I agreed, stepping aside to hear what he had to say.

  He cleared his throat, “I want to thank you for helping out my Grand-pop. I know… I mean, I never believed in all that old-school stuff… but I know, like, you can… do stuff… and I wanted to let you know that we’re all real glad, you know… that you did it.”

  I sighed, “Abby did most of the planning… and you guys are doing all the work.”

  I was surprised when he looked me squarely in the eyes, “Whatever,” he said, “Just… thanks, is all.”

  We walked back to Ethan and Shayla waiting by the Rover.

  Ethan looked upset, “What’s going on? I thought we had plans.”

  “I have to go,” I said, afraid to meet his eyes.

  “Why?” he raised his voice.

  “I just do.”

  “I thought we were going to stay together tonight…” he said, his voice lowered, pleading.

  I looked at him and wanted to cry. Long and Shayla were standing right there, and I was not going to get into it in front of them. I fought to keep control of my emotions before someone got seriously hurt. Someone like him. I dug my fingernails into my hands, focusing on the sharp pain.

  “I’ll call you later.” I turned to Shayla, “Let’s go now.” I tasted blood in my mouth and realized I was biting the inside of my cheek. We jumped in the Rover and sped off.

  After a few minutes she tentatively asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No,” was all I said.

  I spent that night in San Francisco, lying in my childhood bed, sleepless, listening to the foghorns blow and turning everything over and over in my mind. I chickened out and shut off my phone, unable to even begin to think of what to say to Ethan. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Amber’s smug face. In one split second she ruined the night I’d planned. Even worse, she’d tainted the necklace that had meant so much to me; it was the thing led him to me when I was lost, and I hadn’t taken it off since the night he’d returned it to my neck.

  Now it sat on my bedside table, mocking me every time I looked at it.

  How stupid could I be? It wasn’t his fault that he’d loved her before I came along. I felt insecure, wondering if I was simply an interchangeable girl he was going through the motions with. He probably would have married her, if she hadn’t broken up with him. If I disappeared into the sea, he’d probably pick right back up where he left off with her.

  The thought made me sick to my stomach, and I smothered my sobs in my pillow, overflowing with misery. It was as if all the anger I wouldn’t allow myself to feel was turned inward in the form of self-inflicted pain. I ached to forget everything, and for a minute I even jumped out of bed, wildly considering running out to the docks, plunging into the sea and trying to find Nerissa and Nixie.

  Evie had told me that I could inspire great or terrible things, and now I finally, truly believed her. My anger had caused the Congressman’s car to plummet from a cliff– that much I knew. The pain, envy and rage I felt when I thought about Amber and Ethan was vastly more powerful, and therefore, far more dangerous.

  I had to get a handle on myself, and find a way to cope with it before someone else ended up dead. I didn’t belong in Aptos; I should probably check myself into an Ashram somewhere until I could get control of my dangerous impulses. I needed to be in some remote place where the spiritual minded sat in contemplation, removed from society until they gained full command over their base animal instincts.

  Or I could go into the ocean and forget everything.

  I tossed and turned sleeplessly all night, alternately numb with confusion or burying my face in my pillow, overcome with sadness. Refusing to allow myself to feel the anger drained all the fight out of me, and I had turned tail and run away from Ethan once again. What was I thinking, leaving her alone with him? He was probably as good as hers. I finally sat up in bed, watching the sky outside my window brighten, illuminating another beautiful San Francisco morning.

  It would probably be best for Ethan if I left, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to have it all, and it was exactly that sort of thinking that ended up in disaster for my mother. The look on Ethan’s face as I ran away haunted me. I never wanted to do anything to hurt him, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

  I felt like I was morphing into some kind of freakish comic book character. As much as I wanted to suppress it, the effect I had on the people around me was undeniable. I had been born with superhuman powers I didn’t want, and now I had to learn how to rein them in before anyone else got hurt.

  Tragically for me, it was my love for Ethan that was making me weak and irrational. It was ironic that something that had started out so sweetly was turning out to be my own personal Kryptonite. He made me feel more emotion than I’d ever known before, but it was precisely those feelings that were threatening to consume me, and hurt him.

  And I had no idea what to do about it.

  CHAPTER NINE

  LEAVING

  When the morning light finally made trying to sleep pointless, I got up and puttered around in the kitchen, glad to see that Cruz had stocked it with fresh coffee. I heard the distant roar of the shower and looked up to see Cruz stumble in, bleary eyed and bathrobed.

  He saw me, and his eyes flew open, “What are you doing here?” he gasped.

  “Good morning to you, too.” I said.

  “It’s just… it’s just…” He sputtered, “I wasn’t expecting you until later this morning.”

  “Shayla and I came up right after the rally. How late did you stay there?”

  “Late,” he said, avoiding eye contact.

  “Oh, uhm, well, Shayla and I decided to get an early start.” I felt guilty for not staying longer and helping out more. I must have been crying too hard to hear him get in, I thought, glad he hadn’t mentioned it.

  “I gotta go get dressed,” he said, avoiding eye contact.

  Just then Shayla walked in, stretching her arms over her head. She wore an oversized tee shirt, sweat socks and a brilliant smile, “Good morning!”

  Cruz’s eyes flashed to mine desperately, and Shayla looked back and forth at the two of us, “Who’s that in the bathroom?” she asked.

  “Excuse me–” Cruz said, rushing out.

  I frowned and poured Shayla a cup of coffee, rummaging through the fridge for some milk.

  “You look all crapped out,” she said, as I slid her over a mug, “Why don’t you just call Ethan already?”

  “I will,” I said, wondering what I should say.

  A few minutes later Cruz came back in, followed by a freshly showered Bradley.

  “You remember Brad, right?” he said.

  Shayla and I exchanged a glance and smiled, wishing him a good morning. I offered him coffee, but he declined, saying he needed to get going to work. Cruz walked him out the door. After a few minutes he came back and sat down at the granite counter quietly.

  “Do you want some coffee?” I asked.

  He looked at me and Shayla apprehensively, “OK.” I poured him a cup that sat untouched while he nervously picked at the black polish on his fingernails.

  “Are you okay?” I asked gently.

  He pressed his lips together with det
ermination, “I have something to tell you guys…” There was a pregnant pause, “Me and Bradley are more than just friends.”

  “Uhm, okay,” I said, “He seems nice.”

  “Really?” he looked up incredulously, “Aren’t you shocked?”

  Shayla and I exchanged another glance, and I could see she was biting her lip to keep from laughing.

  “Not really,” I said, adding, “He does seem like a nice guy.”

  Cruz slumped with relief, taking a deep shaky breath. He looked like someone who had just put down a huge burden.

  “What will Megan say?” he fretted. This time Shayla couldn’t contain her laughter, snorting with mirth.

  “Cruz,” I said gently, “She’s happy if you’re happy.”

  He rolled his eyes at Shayla sarcastically, but couldn’t help smiling. A minute later his face darkened, “Yeah, I guess Megan won’t care. But what about mom? And Ethan… and Dutch… Oh God–” his voice cracked and he dropped his head into his hands.

  I came around the counter and put my arm around him, “Cruz, it’s okay… Don’t you know that? Abby just wants for you to be happy– that’s all! Who you love doesn’t matter… because we all love you.”

  He looked up at me with tears in his eyes, throwing his arms around me.

  “Totally!” Shayla chimed in, “Nobody’s gonna give a rip!”

  “I guess,” Cruz’s voice was shaking, “But mom’s been like a walking hormone lately… What if the shock is bad for the baby?”

  Shayla couldn’t help laughing again, but got up to join in our hug. “Don’t be stupid,” she told him, “Your mom is like, the best mom in the world!”

  Cruz wiped his eyes, nodding, “Yeah, I guess I really lucked out in the family department.”

  “Me too,” I said, instantly reminded of the mermaids. As bizarre as the last few months had been, I was still glad that I’d come to know them. They were part of me, part of the mother I had never gotten the chance to know, and at that moment I knew that I would never give them up… as long as I lived.