by Sarah Morgan
“I’ve told him he has to taste your honey, Mom.”
“Help yourself to pancakes, Adam, or if you prefer, I made a delicious warming porridge—”
“Oatmeal,” Hannah translated, and Adam raised an eyebrow.
“You think I don’t know what porridge is? I did my research before I came here. I know everything there is to know about Bonnie Prince Charlie and distilling a fine Scottish malt.”
“The Highlands is the biggest whiskey-producing area in Scotland,” Stewart said. “It’s a centuries-old tradition. The springwater here runs over volcanic mountain rock. If you’re sticking around for a while, I’ll take you to the distillery for a tour. I went to school with Tom Mackay, so we’ll be treated well.”
Adam put his hand on Hannah’s knee. “That sounds like a good enough reason to stay.”
The two men were soon deep in conversation, comparing bourbon to whiskey, and Suzanne rolled her eyes as they started planning a trip to Kentucky, where there were, according to Adam, more barrels of bourbon than there were people.
“We’re going to need more pancakes, Grandma,” Melly said, and Suzanne reached for the flour and the milk.
“We are. Are you going to help me?”
Ruby paused with her fork halfway to her mouth. “I hear bells. What are those bells?”
“I hear bells, too.” Jason picked her up and carried her to the window. “Well, look at that.”
“It’s Socks! And he’s pulling a sled.”
Suzanne smiled. That was one way of navigating the snowy path from the barn to the lodge.
The room descended into chaos as people left the table and Ruby begged to go for a ride in the “sleigh.”
Suzanne abandoned the pancake mixture as Posy walked through the door, trailing snow.
Her cheeks were pink and she looked frozen.
“Cold out there. Merry Christmas.”
Stewart half rose to his feet. “I wondered if I’d have to clear the snow before you could walk over here.”
“It’s soft.” Posy hung up her coat and dragged Luke into the room.
Ruby had forgotten about pancakes. “Can I go on the sled?”
“You certainly can.” Posy kissed her. “Has Santa been?”
“We opened our stockings,” Ruby said, “and he didn’t bring Bugsy.” Her lip wobbled. “But you can’t have every single thing you want.”
Suzanne felt a pressure under her ribs. That was the hardest lesson of all to learn.
You couldn’t have everything you wanted, but if you were lucky, you had the things that mattered.
Beth gave a determined smile. “But you have lots of other lovely presents.”
“I do. And I made pancakes with Grandma.” Ruby finished eating and the moment breakfast was over she shot into the living room to get ready for present opening.
“This is for Mommy.” She handed a present to Beth. “From Daddy.”
Everyone found somewhere to sit, squeezing onto the sofas, finding a space on the floor. The children sat by the tree, close together.
Sisters.
Suzanne watched as Beth sent Jason a curious glance and unwrapped her present. It was a laptop bag in soft leather.
“If you’re going back to work, then you need to look the part,” he said, and Suzanne saw Beth’s eyes grow shiny.
“I told Corinna I didn’t want the job.”
Posy rocked back on her heels. “Well, hallelujah.”
“I’m glad,” Jason said. “That was a good decision. But there will be other jobs.”
“There will definitely be other jobs. Hopefully ones that don’t require you to work for a psycho nutcase.” Hannah moved closer to Adam. “We’ll help you. As soon as we’re back in Manhattan, we’ll come over to the apartment and make a plan.”
Melly scrambled to her feet with another gift. “This one is for Adam, from Hannah.”
Adam raised his eyebrows. “You got me a gift, even though you didn’t know I was going to be here?” He opened the small box and grinned. “Is this what I think it is?”
“It’s the key to my apartment.” Hannah went from confident to unsure, and even a little shy. “I thought, maybe, you could move in. Because my place is a little bigger than yours, but—”
“No buts. I’m moving in.” Adam caught her face in his hands and kissed her.
Suzanne held her breath. She could feel the emotion flowing between them. No movie or book she’d ever read had affected her the way watching the two of them did. It wasn’t just the fact that Adam was kissing Hannah, it was the way he was kissing her, and the way she was kissing him back. In that moment, she’d lost her reserve.
This was what she’d wanted for Hannah. Love. A love she could trust. A love she believed in and felt she deserved.
She turned her head and looked at Stewart and he gave her a brief smile, reading her mind.
Melly put her hands over Ruby’s eyes.
“I’m okay with kissing,” Ruby said. “I don’t mind kissing. Kissing is a happy thing. Is it my turn to open a present now?”
“I think it is.” Hannah extracted herself from Adam so that she could search under the tree. “Here’s one with your name on it. It says it’s from Santa.”
“But I already opened my presents from Santa.”
“Maybe he dropped this one on his way to fill your stockings. Or maybe he forgot and came back a second time.”
“It’s wrapped differently from the others,” Ruby said. “Different paper.”
Smart girl, Suzanne thought, but Hannah was one step ahead of her niece.
“Maybe a different elf wrapped it.”
Beth and Posy exchanged glances. Suzanne could see them wondering what had happened to their sister, but she knew that the only thing that had happened to Hannah was that some of her confidence had returned.
Hopefully over time, she’d find more of it.
Ruby tugged at the ribbon and tore at the paper. “It’s a box.”
Hannah sat on the floor next to her. “The gift is probably inside the box. You need to open it.”
Bonnie loped over to her to nose at the gift and Posy half rose to pull the dog back, but Hannah slid her arm round her and stroked her absently, watching as Ruby pulled the lid off the box.
The little girl gasped. “Oh!” And then she burst into tears.
Beth looked alarmed and Melly leaned closer, investigating the source of all that emotion. “It’s Bugsy!”
“What?” Jason levered himself off the sofa and reached down into the box, but Ruby grabbed Bugsy and clutched it against her chest.
“He’s home. He’s mine.”
“He is yours.” Jason looked at the familiar rabbit in disbelief. “Where did he—”
“I wrote to Santa.” Ruby squeezed Bugsy hard, tears pouring down her cheeks. “Actually, Aunty Hannah wrote to Santa for me, but I told her what to say and I signed my name.”
There were tears in Beth’s eyes, too, as she looked at her sister.
“How... I don’t know...”
“It’s Christmas,” Hannah said softly. “Lots of good things happen at Christmas.”
That was true, Suzanne thought, looking at Adam and then at her three daughters.
She’d never thought she would see them this relaxed and happy together.
The next hour passed in a whirl of gifts and laughter.
Luke gave Posy a beautiful photographic book of the mountains of North America and Alaska.
Suzanne flicked through it quietly, pausing as she looked at the photographs of Mount Rainier. There was sunset and sunrise, sunshine and storm.
“You don’t have to look at that, Mom.” Posy tried to take it from her, but Suzanne shook her head.
“It’s a beautiful mountain.”
Her life h
ad changed that day, and for years she’d associated it with bad things. She’d punished herself with thoughts that were often irrational.
She’d imagined Cheryl watching from some dim and distant place, judging her.
I entrusted you with my girls.
She’d always thought that the responsibility for everyone’s emotional well-being was hers. That any discord between the girls was somehow a reflection on her.
Now she saw how absurd that was.
This wasn’t Cheryl’s family, it was hers.
And they were doing just fine.
Feeling ridiculously emotional, she went through to the kitchen to check on the turkey.
Posy followed her.
“Can I talk to you, Mom?”
“Of course.” Suzanne kept her back to her, and by the time she’d lifted the turkey out of the oven, she was back in control. “I need to start using the gym. This thing weighs a ton.”
“It smells amazing.” Posy leaned forward and sniffed. “You’re a fabulous cook.”
“You’re good, too. You’re doing a great job in the café. Your brownies are as good as mine.” Suzanne basted the turkey and then realized Posy hadn’t responded. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
Posy flashed her a smile. “Nothing. Forget it. Are you done? I’ll lift the turkey. Hauling yourself up a rock face builds muscles in the right places.” She lifted the turkey easily and slid it back into the oven. “If it’s all right with you, I’m going to take Ruby for a quick ride on my improvised sleigh. It’s pretty cold out there, so we won’t be long. And I’m going to make sure we don’t lose Bugsy.”
Suzanne leaned against the counter. “You followed me in here to say something. I want to know what it was.”
Posy shook her head. “It’s Christmas Day—it’s the wrong time to talk about this.”
“Does ‘this’ have anything to do with Luke?”
“Not really. Well, sort of, I suppose—” Posy paced to the window. “It’s pretty out there today.”
“Do you love him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. Probably.” She swallowed. “He’s asked me to climb Denali with him next summer.”
Suzanne felt her heart pound a little harder. It was a reflex reaction. She ignored it. “That sounds like a wonderful adventure. I’ve never climbed it, but Stewart has. You should talk to him.”
Posy turned, cautious. “It wouldn’t upset you if I went?”
It would scare her senseless, but she’d control it.
Hiding her response from her daughter, Suzanne walked across to her. “Is this what you wanted to talk to me about? You’ve been worried about telling me? How long have you been thinking about it?”
“Awhile. I didn’t know how to raise it. I didn’t want to worry you. And you need my help here, and summer is a crazily busy time and—” she spread her hands “—well, you’ve always assumed I was going to take over the café one day, and—”
“And you don’t want that.”
There was a long pause.
“I don’t think I do.” Posy looked so miserable it made Suzanne’s heart hurt.
“You’ve obviously felt this way for a while. Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“Because you need me here.”
“Oh, honey.” Suzanne pulled her in for a hug. “Do I love having you here? Of course. You’re my daughter and you also happen to be great company. But if you weren’t here, I’d find someone else to do the work. As it happens, Vicky wants to increase her hours, so that’s perfect timing.”
Posy sniffed. “She does?”
“Yes. And although this might come as a surprise to you, Stewart and I are capable of feeding Martha. We’ll even water Eric, although I can’t promise to talk to him the way you do.”
Posy gave a choked laugh. “I don’t want to make you unhappy. I never want that.”
“What I want is to see you happy and doing something you love. If there are things you want to do, you should do them.” Suzanne realized she should have said this long before. “Climb Denali. Travel with Luke. Take risks. Have adventures. Look forward and leave regrets behind. I don’t ever want you to wonder if you should have done something, or could have done something. Go and do it. Live a full life.”
“I’ve never gone far from home before. I’ve never left you.” There were tears on Posy’s cheeks and Suzanne brushed them away.
“Home will always be here. We’ll be right here whenever you want to come back. And the world is a small place now. We can talk on the phone, and Skype, and who knows—maybe it’s time Stewart and I became more adventurous in our traveling. We should take a few risks of our own. We can all meet up somewhere.” As she said it, she realized that it sounded good.
She and Stewart needed to look forward, too.
Posy kissed her on the cheek. “You’re amazing—do you know that?”
“She is amazing.” Stewart walked into the kitchen. “I hate to interrupt your heart-to-heart, but Ruby and Melly are desperate to ride on the sleigh if you’re ready. Beth has dressed them in so many layers I doubt they’ll be able to bend in the middle.”
“That sounds like my sister. No doubt they are also equipped with avalanche transceivers.” Posy blew her nose and went to fetch her coat. “Girls? Your carriage awaits.”
There was a flurry of activity—squeals, giggling, chatter, Bonnie barking.
One minute the kitchen was crowded with people and the next moment they’d gone in a flurry of cold air and laughter.
Beth and Hannah were the last to leave and Suzanne heard the two of them talking.
“Where did you find Bugsy?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I gave Ruby a firefighter outfit.” Hannah slid her feet into boots. “Santa found Bugsy.”
“Be serious.”
“I am serious.” Hannah batted her eyelashes at her sister. “Are you telling me you don’t believe in Santa? Bethany McBride Butler, I’m shocked.”
“Was it eBay? Because Jason and I searched everywhere. And how did you get him here in time?”
“I still don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m sure Santa has access to an excellent courier company when he needs one. Also, an excellent personal assistant who always manages to arrange the impossible and will most certainly receive a handsome bonus as a reward for her skills.”
“It must have cost you a fortune.”
“Still don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The two of them went outside, closing the door behind them.
She’d spent too much time worrying, Suzanne thought. Too much time trying to fix things that in time would fix themselves. Too much time trying to mold her family into the shape she thought it should be, rather than letting it find its own shape.
She didn’t know what would happen with Posy and Luke, but if what they shared was strong enough, then it would work. If it didn’t, they’d handle it.
Any one of the girls could have problems in the future and, knowing life, they probably would, but she believed they had the strength to weather those problems.
And they had each other.
They weren’t just the Christmas sisters. They were the McBride sisters.
Stewart put his arm round her. “What did Posy want to talk to you about?”
“She wants to climb Denali in the summer.” There was more, of course, but she’d tell him about that later.
Stewart thought about it. “She has good Alpine experience and she did that crevasse training last year. She’s qualified to do it. Which route? The West Buttress?”
“I don’t know. Haven’t talked details.”
“And you’re okay with it?”
“I’m going to find a way to be okay with it. I’m going to learn to be as brave as our girls.” She leane
d her head on his shoulder. “And on that subject, I thought, maybe, you could take me climbing with you one day.”
“Seriously? You’d like that?”
She’d been thinking about it since her conversation with Luke.
The accident hadn’t just killed her friends, it had killed her sense of adventure.
And she’d let that happen.
“I’d like it. Nothing too challenging, at least not to begin with. But I’d like to get back out there again.” If Hannah could face her fears, then so could she. “I used to feel guilty that these kids were mine. That this life was mine.”
“And now?”
“I don’t feel guilty. This has always been a tough time of year. I’ve always felt that I had to compensate, to make up for what was missing. But the things that make it perfect aren’t the turkey, or the decorations, or homemade cookies.”
“You’re telling me this after I hung a million sets of fairy lights?”
She smiled. “I haven’t done half the preparation I usually do, and yet I feel happier than I ever have. Merry Christmas. I love you, Stewart McBride.”
“I love you, too. Merry Christmas.” He pulled her against him, his arms strong and sheltering.
It occurred to her that the only thing that really mattered was having people you loved in your life. Even when those people were shrieking and stuffing snowballs down each other’s necks as Posy, Beth and Hannah were doing right now, family was what mattered.
She was grateful for hers.
* * * * *
Acknowledgments
The idea for this book came to me during a holiday in Greece, although I’m not sure what it says about my brain that I dream about a snowy Christmas while basking in sunshine.
Right from the start the story flowed for me. The characters seemed real and I felt part of the McBride family, but, as is always the way, the book in my head doesn’t make it onto the page without help. Fortunately, my editor Flo performed her usual magic, asking probing questions, untangling my thoughts and making suggestions that vastly improved the story. I think she knows how much I appreciate her, but I’m putting it in writing to make sure.
I’m grateful to my literary agent, Susan Ginsburg, for her insightful thoughts on the early version of this manuscript, and for being so generous with her time and advice.
