A Family to Be (Saddle Falls)

by De Vita, Sharon

  Josh paled at the mere thought, wondering how on earth Jared and his wife were going to handle another set of twins. Before marrying Natalie, Jared had adopted a set of twin boys, Timmy and Terry, and although Josh adored them, he had to admit they were more than a handful.

  “Hi, Josh,” Em said, lifting her head and flashing him a huge grin. “Did Doc Haggerty tell you?”

  “Tell me what?” he asked, stepping closer to her. Josh glanced around. He’d never been inside one of these examining rooms before and felt slightly out of place.

  “I’m going to do an ultrasound of the baby, Josh.” Doc Haggerty sat on a small stool next to Em. “Em thought you’d like to see it.”

  “An ultrasound?” Josh repeated with a bit of a frown.

  “It’s a picture of the baby, Josh. In the womb.”

  “You’re kidding?” His gaze went from the doc’s to Em’s to the machine that was now flashing a static picture like a black-and-white television out of focus.

  “Nope. Not kidding at all, Josh. Just watch the monitor.” Doc Haggerty pointed. “See that moving image there, the one that looks like it’s throbbing?”

  Frowning, Josh narrowed his gaze and stared harder. “Yeah, I see it.”

  “Oh, Josh,” Em’s voice was soft and dreamy as she reached for Josh’s hand and clung to it. “That’s Baby Cakes.”

  Josh’s stunned gaze went from the monitor to Em’s face, which shone with joy, back to the monitor again. “That’s…that’s…really the baby, Doc?” he asked, his voice full of awe.

  “Yep, it is, Josh.” Doc Haggerty laughed then pointed at the screen with his finger. “That’s the head, Josh, and here, see these two long things that look like twigs? That’s the baby’s legs.” Doc Haggerty scooted his stool closer. “And from the looks of it, Em, Baby Cakes, is going to be a big one.” Doc Haggerty grinned. “I’m going to take a picture for you and Josh, Em. That way you can look at it all you want.”

  Josh couldn’t stop staring at the image in the monitor. Although blurry and a bit out of focus, he could just make out the outline of a baby.

  Em’s baby.

  “Oh, Em,” he said, nearly overcome with emotion. He’d never imagined, never thought until this moment about Baby Cakes being a real living human being. Oh, he knew it on a conscious level, but it was always some kind of abstract thing, off in the distance, until this very moment. Before Baby Cakes had not been a real person to him. But now…now…Josh shook his head, unable to comprehend the absolute enormity of the miracle before him.

  “Isn’t she beautiful?” Em said with a sniffle, clinging to Josh’s hand.

  “Absolutely beautiful,” Josh agreed softly, lifting Em’s hands to his lips for a kiss. He couldn’t stop staring at the image. It was so hard to believe that it was an actual picture of Baby Cakes, right at this moment, in Em’s womb. The reality hit Josh like a sledgehammer and he glanced down at Em. “She’s as beautiful as her mother,” Josh said quietly, letting his gaze meet Em’s.

  Something quiet and strong passed between them, simmered in the air for a moment, and then they clung to one another’s hands and smiled.

  “It’s something, isn’t it?” Doc Haggerty asked, turning to Josh.

  “It’s…” Josh paused, then shook his head. “I’ve never imagined anything like it. Never felt anything like it.”

  “It really hits home, the miracle of life, of birth,” the doc said. “It’s the most miraculous experience two people can ever go through together,” he said softly. “Bringing a new life safely into this world.’

  In spite of his joy, Josh felt an unaccountable stab of pain, thinking of another child, another baby who hadn’t been so fortunate. The ache in his heart was so strong, so sharp, it felt as if someone had wedged a rusty knife there.

  “Josh?” Em’s voice was hushed and whisper soft. “Thank you for going through this with me.” She had to swallow back the lump in her throat. Her heart was filled with so much emotion, so many feelings for the baby, for Josh. “Thank you for being here for me and Baby Cakes.” Her smile was tremulous. “I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather be sharing this with.”

  “Josh?” Doc Haggerty said.

  “W-what?” He dragged his gaze reluctantly from Em’s. “I’m sorry, Doc, I didn’t hear you.”

  “Would you like to listen to the baby’s heartbeat?”

  Josh grinned, then glanced at Em. “Is it okay?”

  She nodded, still holding on to his hand. “Oh, Josh, wait until you hear it. After seeing the picture and now—now actually hearing her little heartbeat…” Em’s eyes swelled with tears again and she smiled at him, so grateful he was here to share this with her. She couldn’t imagine having to do this alone, couldn’t imagine how Jack could willingly walk away from this miracle they’d created. It was his loss, she thought firmly. His loss indeed.

  “Hear, Josh, listen through the stethoscope.” Doc Haggerty removed the instrument from around his neck, and place one rubberized end on Em’s belly, the other ends he handed to Josh to place in his ears. Josh concentrated, then he heard it, the faint thump-thumping sound.

  “I can hear it,” he said with a grin. “I can hear her heart beating.” He closed his eyes for a moment, just listening to the little life beating and growing inside of Em. It had been so hard to imagine, but now, seeing Baby Cakes’s picture, hearing her heartbeat, she had suddenly become very real to him.

  “Isn’t it incredible?” Em asked, as Josh frowned. “What’s wrong?” She gripped his hand harder.

  “I don’t know,” Josh admitted, handing the stethoscope back to Doc Haggerty. “It sounds…different now.”

  Doc Haggerty listened for a moment, then grinned. “Hiccups,” he said.

  “Hiccups?” Both Em and Josh caroled in unison.

  Doc Haggerty nodded, then chuckled. “The baby has the hiccups.” He slung the stethoscope back around his neck and reached for Josh’s hand, placing it on Em’s belly. “Here, Josh, you can feel them.”

  Josh held his hand perfectly still, terrified of hurting Em or the baby and then he felt it, a slight blip in Em’s belly. he couldn’t help it, he laughed. “There it goes again.” He glanced down at Em. “She’s really got the hiccups.” Instinctively, he gently began to rub Em’s belly in a slow, soothing motion. “Easy, Baby Cakes,” he whispered, causing Em and Doc Haggerty to exchange glances. “Everything’s fine, sweetheart,” Josh cooed, continuing to rub Em’s belly. He glanced up suddenly. “It stopped.”

  Doc Haggerty nodded. “I’m not surprised. Babies are very sensitive, even in the womb. Although clinical research hasn’t totally proven it, we believe that babies can sense stress, discomfort and all kinds of things the mother goes through. In addition, it’s a known fact that if the baby’s restless or has the hiccups, then soothing tones or soft music will calm her.”

  Josh shook his head. “That is unbelievable.”

  “Most things about the birth process are,” Doc Haggerty admitted, extending a hand to help Em sit up. “The further along you get, Em, the more things you’re going to be aware of. Pretty soon you’ll start feeling the baby kick, particularly considering her size,” he added. “I imagine she’s going to get a bit cranky being cramped in there. Now, I’m pleased with your weight and blood pressure, Em, but I have to admit I am a bit worried about how big the baby is already.”

  “Is that a problem?” Josh asked.

  “Well, not a problem, per se, Josh, but I’ll want to keep an eye on Em as she gets closer to delivery. If I think the baby’s too big, we may have to do a C-section.”

  Josh’s eyes widened in alarm, but then he remembered what Doc Haggerty had said about not alarming Em. “A C-section?” he asked, knowing only it wasn’t a normal delivery.

  The doctor nodded. “It’s a perfectly normal delivery procedure, Josh. It’s a lot less stressful on the baby and the mother when size is a factor in delivery.”

  “Is it…safe?” Josh asked worriedly, making the do
ctor smile.

  “Very,” he admitted.

  “And…uh…have you done one of these before?” Josh wondered.

  Trying to bank a smile, Doc Haggerty scratched his brow. “Well, Josh, I imagine in my thirty years of delivering babies I’ve done one or two—thousand,” he added with a grin, noting the way Josh’s shoulders slumped in relief. “But it’s not something you should concern yourself with now. It’s an option we have to leave open considering how big the baby is already and Em’s relative size.” He patted Em’s hand, noting the worry in her eyes now. “We’ll keep an eye on it, Em, and we still have time yet. A lot can happen in the last two to two and a half months.”

  Josh nodded. He’d try not to worry.

  “Here, Josh, why don’t you hang on to this for Em while she gets dressed?” Doc Haggerty handed him the small black-and-white photo of the baby and Josh stared at it again, unable to stop grinning.

  As he let himself out of the room to give Em some privacy, he gently ran his finger over the baby’s picture, his heart swelling with unbelievable emotion.

  “Oh, Baby Cakes,” he whispered. “You have no idea how much your mommy loves you. Or how much she wants you.” He couldn’t stop staring at the picture, feeling unaccountably connected to the helpless baby who was totally dependent on Em for every beat of her heart.

  He also felt an unbelievable swell of pride in Em for what she was doing; how she was handling herself and this pregnancy. With so many odds stacked against her, she’d never considered her own wants or needs, never considered what would be easiest on her. Instead, she always—always—put her baby’s welfare ahead of her own.

  Josh shook his head, wondering again why Melanie had been unable to love him or their child enough to do the same. He sighed, unwilling to let his own bad memories spoil this precious moment.

  “Well, Baby Cakes,” he said, walking back to the reception area with the picture cradled in his hand. “You are one lucky girl. And we’re going to take very good care of you, your mom and me. Promise.” He stopped in the hallway suddenly, wondering how and when it happened.

  He wasn’t certain, but he knew without a doubt, in one fraction of a second, when he wasn’t looking, one adorable little baby had stolen his heart.

  “Josh,” Em hissed, grabbing his arm and nearly dragging him away from the approaching salesclerk. “I cannot afford that crib or the bureau or anything else they’ve got in this nursery.” Tugging harder, she pulled him out of the decorated nursery room in the furniture warehouse.

  After leaving Doc Haggerty’s office, Josh had insisted they finally start window-shopping for baby furniture. She knew he was getting nervous because she hadn’t even started the nursery yet, but she was trying to be practical. She was concentrating on saving money at the moment, not spending it.

  “Afford?” Josh frowned, tugging her hand to take her back to the nursery. “We’re not buying, Em, you said so yourself. We’re just…looking.”

  “Yes,” she hissed again, giving in to a sigh as the grinning salesman approached, numerous dollar signs flashing in his eyes. “But I can’t even afford to look at that set. It’s far too expensive.” And it nearly broke her heart. The display nursery was breathtaking, absolutely the ideal dream room any mother could ever have for their newborn, but she couldn’t afford to spend more than she’d saved, especially right now.

  She’d managed to tuck away quite a bit of money during the past few months, money that she hoped would tide her over in an emergency. With babies, you never knew what could pop up, and she wanted to be prepared for every eventuality.

  “And don’t forget Josh, I just ordered all that paint and wallpaper for the rest of the house, and have to pay for that when it comes on Friday.” She wanted the house totally redone and ready before she actually had the baby. Since Josh and his brothers had offered to do the labor this weekend, she felt she could splurge and order some paint and wallpaper that she hoped would give the house a face-lift.

  “Em,” Josh said, scratching his brow, refusing to budge in spite of her nudging. “I told you before. I’ll be more than happy to lend you the money for the nursery furniture.” He shrugged. “I can afford it, and then you can pay me back…whenever.” He knew she’d been concerned about money as well as getting the nursery ready, and he wanted to relieve her of at least one thing—if she’d just let him.

  “Josh.” Em closed her eyes with a sigh, trying not to lose her patience. She’d finally come to understand that Josh was not trying to undermine her, nor was he trying to interfere, he was just being…Josh. The wonderful person she’d always known, who’d been raised to help someone—anyone in need. Her gaze searched his face. “Look, I know you just want to help, and I appreciate it, I truly do, but Josh, you know I can’t and won’t take money from you.” She softened her words with a smile. “Not now. Not ever.” She’d been absolutely adamant about it since the day she’d returned home.

  Josh rocked back on his heels and looked at her carefully. “Not even if it means Baby Cakes has to sleep in a dresser drawer?” The mere thought alarmed him. After what had happened in Doc Haggerty’s office this morning, feeling the intense, immense connection he felt to Baby Cakes, Josh wanted to make sure she had anything and everything she could ever want or need.

  “A dresser drawer?” Em laughed. “I think you’re being just a bit melodramatic, Josh,” she said, linking her arm through his and steering him out of reach of the salesman who was bearing down on them. “It’s not that bad. And anyway, do you remember last Sunday when we helped Mrs. O’Connor set up for her garage sale?”

  “Yeah,” he said with a frown, letting Em lead him out of the store and into the bright afternoon sunlight. “What about it?” He fished in his pocket for his car keys, knowing he’d have to open the doors to let the car cool a bit before she got in. The temperatures had soared into the high nineties and he worried about her being out in the heat for too long.

  “Well, she and I started talking about the baby. And she told me she had an antique cradle that had been her great-grandmother’s.”

  Josh stopped. “Great-grandmother’s?” he repeated with a frown, unlocking the car door for her. “Em, Mrs. O’Connor has to be…”

  “She’s eighty-two, Josh,” Em supplied with a grin.

  “Eighty-two?” Josh shook his head, calculating. “So that means the cradle had to be a couple of hundred years old.”

  “Yep.” Em grinned. “And it’s beautiful, Josh.” She signed dreamily. “Just beautiful.” She dragged herself from her thoughts and glanced up at him, surprised to find him watching her intently.

  Whenever he looked at her like that, whenever she was the sole focus of his attention, it made her nervous and weak-kneed.

  Deliberately averting his gaze, Em glanced back at the store entrance. “Anyway, she said since her children are all grown, and she has no family left, she’d like someone to be able to put it to good use.”

  Touched and delighted by the joy and excitement in her eyes, Josh stroked a hand down Em’s nose. “So she’s going to give it to you?” he said, pleased.

  “No,” Em corrected firmly. “She’s not going to give it to me, although she offered.”

  Josh sighed. “Wait, let me guess, you’re going to pay her for it?” he asked, his voice etching upward in surprise. Em could take this independent streak a tad too far, he decided, but thought better of saying that aloud.

  She grinned. “Well, I’m actually not paying money, Josh, what we agreed to is a sort of…barter.”

  “A barter?” Cocking his head, he looked at her carefully. “And exactly what did you barter, Em?”

  “Well,” she began carefully, knowing he was probably just going to start worrying again. “Mrs. O’Connor’s going to lend the cradle to me for Baby Cakes, and what I’m going to do in exchange is take over the daily luncheon special to her for a few months.”

  “A few months?” he repeated, wondering how she thought she was going to manage th
is new chore along with everything else she was doing. He wanted to shake his head in frustration. He’d been trying to get Em to slow down and not do so much work, not add to her workload.

  He had to admit that he did admire her ingenuity. Cocking his head, Josh looked at her thoughtfully. “And of course the fact that Mrs. O’Connor is all alone now and has a hard time getting around, and everyone in town worries about her has nothing to do with this deal you made with her, right, Em?” he asked, his eyes twinkling knowingly.

  “Well, it’s a fair deal, don’t you think?” Em declared indignantly, flushing and furious that he’d seen right through her. “I mean, I need a cradle for the baby, Josh, and Mrs. O’Connor needs someone to look in on her, to make sure she’s eating properly…and… What, Josh Ryan?” She wanted to whack him as she planted her hands on her hips and glared up at him. “What are you grinning about?”

  Touched, without thought, he bent down and brushed his lips over hers, sliding his arm around her waist to pull her close. “You, Em, are something else.” He kissed her again, setting off warning bells in his own ears. He was beginning to crave the taste of Em. Her scent. Her touch. Her…everything.

  He was no longer certain that his feelings for her were all that friendly right now, but seemed to be edging toward something far deeper and definitely more dangerous. And it scared the hell out of him.

  He’d been so busy protecting himself and his heart from other women for so long, that with Em, whom he considered merely a friend, he hadn’t considered the fact that one day his feelings of friendship might grow into something more. He hadn’t considered it, so he obviously hadn’t protected himself from it.

  Which might just have been a mistake, Josh realized now, watching Em and feeling something deep inside him stir.

  Something he was certain he wasn’t ready to acknowledge or handle. But still, it didn’t take away this ache he had to hold Em, to touch her, to protect her.

  Unable to resist, he bent his head and kissed her again, needing to taste her, to hold her close, to feel her pressed against him.