Protecting Her Heart

by Chance Carter

  “He died anyway.” The artificial noises faded, slow to disappear. “They all died. I was responsible for those men and their deaths, the losses their families incurred, all of it was my responsibility and my fault. I don’t expect you to understand that.” The last sentence whipped through the motel room.

  It was a hurtful thing to say to a man who got lost in the ranks while I shot ahead, even with the mistakes I’d made. Another crack of guilt. Shit, I could’ve handled all of this better, but the incident was still too close.

  “Fine,” Jack said. “Fine, Lieutenant.”

  An awkward silence was broken only by the rush of water against the roof and windows. A car sidled up the street and parked down below. The sky had darkened and lampposts clicked on up and down the street.

  Apparently, the residents of Meek Springs were accustomed to extreme weather. It didn’t stop them from leaving their homes and heading to the bar.

  Jack’s hand fell on my shoulder. “Sorry for bringing it up,” he said, and cleared his throat. “I – uh, I know you don’t want to talk about it. We good, Baker?”

  I swiveled and gave him the barest of nods, a slight smile twisted the corner of my lips. “We’re good,” I said.

  “Thank fuck for that. Listen, though, I’m starving, man. What’s say we head next door and grab a bite? Pizza sounds good right about now.”

  It beat army rations. Though, to be fair, the chef on the base did a fantastic job cooking for the men and women up there. I’d had plenty of great meals in the mess hall. “Yeah, let’s head out.”

  “Aw yeah! Let your hair down, Baker,” Jack said. He reached up and ruffled what was left of my hair – buzz cut – then chuckled. “Leggo!”

  “Contain yourself, Petty Officer.”

  He ignored me and practically sprinted for the door. It only hammered home the fact that the soldiers on base weren’t all that at home. If I were only able to improve the aesthetic… but no, it was too late for that now.

  I’d come up with another plan in the morning. For now, pizza and an early night’s sleep was the best I could do for myself and for Jack – the soldiers on base would have to wait for their upgrade.

  I headed into the hall, and the lights flickered. An ominous sign?

  I shook off the paranoia and followed Whitmore to the stairs.

  Chapter 3

  Chanel

  I sat on the bed in Paula’s room and massaged my temples. I hadn’t even changed out of my work clothes – jeans and a blouse – because going home meant seeing mom, and I just wasn’t in the mood for another day of ‘quiz Chanel about why business isn’t better.’

  Paula fluttered around the room, from the dresser to the mirror, then back again, and held a dress to her bosom. “What about this one?” she asked, and swayed from side-to-side on the spot. “Do you think it’s cute? Think it will land me one of those soldiers from the base.”

  “Uh – what?” I hadn’t told her about my run-in with the handsome albeit grumpy Lieutenant Baker. My cheeks burned in anticipation of relaying that particular tale.

  “What’s up with you? Your mind seems to be all over the place today. Is it, like, the weather getting you down?”

  Thunder rumbled outside as if on cue.

  “Maybe,” I replied. But no, that wasn’t it. For the first time ever I’d felt a real connection with a man, he just happened to be totally out of reach. No way, this had to be my hormones. God, the minute I told Paula about it she’d likely spout off more ‘cobwebbed pussy’ rhetoric, and that was the last thing I needed to hear.

  “Okay, you’re actually starting to creep me out a little. You’re just staring off into space. Is it your mother? Is she bothering you again?”

  “No,” I said. “Well, yeah, she’s always bothering me, but that’s not it.”

  “Then what’s up.”

  “A soldier came into the store this afternoon,” I said. “Before the storm, obviously.” Storms mattered in Meek Springs. The folks here measured everything by them. The weather could equal life or death when it brought blizzards that wiped out crops and livestock.

  “A soldier. Is that why you dropped me like a hot tamale?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Oh God , he heard me talking about cobwebs on, you know.”

  Paula screamed a laugh and dropped her dress in a puddle of fabric. “You’re kidding.” She dragged a chair out from behind her dressing table, turned it backward, then sat down wide-legged, her forearms balanced on the crossbar. “So? Did he ask you out or something?”

  “What? No, of course not. He wanted decorations for the base,” I said.

  “Okay, so no big deal.”

  “No.”

  Paula blinked. “You’re losing me here. Why are you as red as cranberry sauce? I mean, big deal, soldier came in and asked for stuff. Nothing happened, right?”

  “Nothing happened physically,” I said. “I just – I can’t get this guy off my mind.” I stood up and paced in front of her. “Which is really stupid since he’s almost twice my age and he was super rude at one point.”

  “Was he hot?”

  “Is it cold tonight?” I countered.

  “Freezing.”

  “Exactly. Muscles and those eyes.” I shuddered and rubbed my arms. What on earth had gotten into me? I’d never been one affected by looks. I preferred men who had a gentle spirit, not grumpy assholes who couldn’t see past their own ego. “He was a dick, though.”

  “Why?”

  “Just acted like one,” I said. “And he was super secretive. It’s just a soldier. And I guess, I know it’s stupid, but I guess I’m fixating on him for other reasons.”

  Paula narrowed her eyes. “Don’t start.”

  “Come on, you know it’s not –”

  “I just hate hearing about it, okay?” Paula rose from the chair and stomped over to her cupboard. Whenever I brought up this topic her mood changed. She was already temperamental, this just accentuated that side of her.

  “Fine,” I said. “Then we don’t have to talk about it.”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  Silence fell and Paula ripped hangers along the bar in her closet. One, two, three. She tore a dress out, snorted, then tossed it over her shoulder. I chewed the inside of my cheek and tried not to think of Ryan Baker and his muscles and his bad attitude.

  My dad died in combat a long time ago. Navy SEALs all the way. I respected him and loved him dearly, but the minute he was gone, mom took over and I couldn’t help feeling a little sour about that.

  “What kind of friend am I?” Paula asked, and spun on the spot. She grasped a red dress in one hand and a black in the other. “Huh? What kind?”

  “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about, what kind of friend am I if I can’t be supportive of you when you want to talk about – you know, that?” Paula shimmied her shoulders up and down. “So go ahead, talk.”

  “Paula –”

  “Talk!”

  “You already know how I feel about Meek Springs,” I said. “I just can’t help thinking that me fixating on this soldier guy is for a reason other than his mouthwatering physique.”

  “Damn, he must be hot if you’re calling him mouthwatering. You’re super picky.”

  “I’m serious. I think it’s my subconscious and it’s ridiculous. I’m so desperate for someone to whisk me away, out of this town, away from mom’s store and into a place I can call my own.”

  Paula sighed. “You know how I feel about this.”

  “I know,” I said. “I know you wouldn’t want me to leave, and that I should be grateful for what I have.”

  “A steady job. A roof over your head. The pick of any guy in this town.”

  “Talk about slim pickings,” I said.

  “Still, Timothy’s totally into you and he’s the most eligible bachelor in town,” she replied.

  I struggled to restrain an eye roll. “Great. Just what I wanted. That’s the thing, Paula, I don�
�t need some guy to sweep me off my feet. It’s wrong that I crush on some random soldier dude, but I know why it’s happening. I want out. I want away from this town. I want my own life.”

  “I want, I want, I want,” Paula said. She was a straight shooter and I trusted her to set me back on track when I strayed too far from the rails.

  “Selfish, I get it.” But that wasn’t entirely fair on me. Dad died when I was just 12 years old. I spent the next seven years under my mother’s wing, more like in her talon-like grip, and all I wanted was a little freedom. Something better than being told what to wear and where to go every single day.

  Shoot, she’d probably lose her shit at me the minute I got home.

  “Quit thinking about her,” Paula said. She had a knack for reading me. “She can’t reach you here, and unless she plans on marching down to the bar in this weather, she’s not going to find you.”

  “The bar?” I shook my head. “I’m not going to the bar. I thought we were having a slumber party.”

  “What are we, pre-teens? Get real. We’re going out.”

  “But –”

  “There’s nothing to eat here, anyway, and I know the Springs Bar ‘n Grill is serving pizzas all night,” Paula said. “We’re going. Hence the dresses. Pick one.”

  “It’s freezing out,” I said. “I’m not wearing a dress in this weather.”

  “Well, you’re not wearing work clothes to the bar.”

  I folded my arms and she mimicked me. A standoff ensued. If my mother found out I’d gone to the bar she’d lose her mind. She had me on a strict curfew and if I didn’t stick to it she took away whatever privileges I had.

  She owned the store. I worked in the store. If I didn’t do what she wanted, she refused to pay me, basically. I had no other home to go to, and I sure couldn’t move into Paula’s tiny apartment. She already had an annoying roommate.

  My cell burst to life in my pocket, and I wormed it out. Mom’s name flashed on the screen.

  “Right on cue,” I said, and flashed it at my friend.

  “How do you even have bars in this weather? Seriously.”

  “It’s my mother. She’s powering the cellphone towers with her will to dominate.” I swiped my thumb across the screen, then placed the smart phone to my ear. “Hello?”

  “Don’t hello me, Chanel. Where are you?”

  “What do you mean, mom? I told you I was coming over to Paula’s,” I said. “We’re having a slumber party, remember?” I grimaced at the term. It was kinda dinky, given that we were a pair of nineteen year olds.

  “Hold up the phone,” mom said. “I want to hear where you’re really at.”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “You’re at the bar, aren’t you? Hold up the phone!”

  I blushed and held up the phone. God, I wasn’t sixteen anymore, but I couldn’t say no to my mother. I hadn’t studied anything except interior design, and even that was from home. She hadn’t given me leeway in years.

  “Hello, Mrs. Scott!” Paula yelled. “Thanks for your call. We’re having a great time with all these fat co –”

  I kicked off my shoe and it hit my friend in the stomach. She broke into a bout of hysterical giggles.

  “Mom?” I placed the phone to my ear. “Do you hear there’s nothing going on? We’re just at Paula’s.”

  “Just at Paula’s. That girl is always up to something. I don’t want to catch wind of you two up to anything. All right? If I hear you were down at the Springs Bar n’ Grill, I’ll –”

  “I know, mom.” I sighed. “We’re just going to hang out here and watch movies. We’re heating up a pizza in the oven.”

  “A pizza. Girl, you know you need to watch your weight. Cholesterol is a big problem,” she said.

  I was tiny. It wasn’t vanity, thinking that, it was truth. I had my mother’s genes, apart from the height. “Cholesterol. Sheesh, mom, it’s not like it’s an egg pizza. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

  “No funny stuff, Chanel. I’m warning you.”

  “I know, mom. Bye.”

  “I love you, sweetheart. Bye, bye, now.” She hung up first. Even if I said goodbye first, my mom always made sure she hung up before I did. She had to have the last say, or that last vestige of control. It drove me fucking crazy.

  “Wow,” Paula said. “Have I ever told you your mother’s a total bitch?”

  “She’s just overprotective.”

  “She’s controlling your entire life. You could’ve been out of this town and living large in friggin’, I don’t know, Chicago or something. Shoot, you could’ve moved to Canada and hooked up with one of those mountain dudes. The rangers?”

  I rolled my eyes and didn’t answer. What could I say? I didn’t have a say in anything that went on in my own life. I’d done my best, I’d been a good daughter, and still I didn’t receive a modicum of respect.

  I put my cellphone on silent, then slipped it into my pocket. “Let’s do it,” I said.

  “Do what?”

  “Go out. Let’s get dressed up and go to that bar. I don’t care anymore. I want to get drunk. Or at least tipsy.” I’d never been big on drinking, but what the heck. If I couldn’t live it up away from Meek Springs, I’d live it up right here.

  I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, it appeared.

  “Yassss, bitch! That’s the spirit. Okay, so I think you should wear the red dress. I’ve got a fluffy coat that goes with it. Oh, and you have to do heels. I mean, this is not the big city but it’s, like, all we have.”

  “You don’t think it’s a bit much? I mean, it’s just a small town bar.” I’d been a couple times under similar circumstances. I wasn’t a prude, after all, but I’d never dressed up for the occasion.

  “Tonight, darling, we’re going to let our hair down,” Paula said, and flipped her bright, red locks to drive home the point.

  I couldn’t help the nerves that bubbled up in response.

  Chapter 4

  Ryan

  I positioned myself in the corner of the room and looked out on the locals from behind my beer bottle. I swigged some of the stuff back, then clunked the bottle down on the table. Most of the local folks had given us a wide berth.

  Jack’s enthusiasm for our little trip had worn off pretty damn fast when the chatter quieted upon our entrance.

  “At least the pizza’s good,” Jack said, and took a bite of his slice.

  “Chef probably spat on it,” I replied, just to piss on his parade a little. The beer had already lowered my inhibitions. I’d turned back to change into plain clothes back at the motel – I always brought a set of plain clothes with me, out of habit. Civilian wear had helped grease the wheel in countless stores in Meek Springs.

  Folks were more likely to sell to a buff guy in Levis than they were to a soldier with a buzz cut and a commanding presence.

  Jack chewed through another slice of pizza, then chased it down with more beer. Rain thundered on the roof, but it was a buzzing noise, barely audible over the twanging country music that blasted through the speakers.

  Smoke drifted from cigarettes at the bar. Men gathered around and laughed at each other’s lame jokes. Women gossiped or hung off their boyfriends.

  “She’s pretty,” Jack said, and nodded to one of them – a chick in a mini and high heels. I didn’t want to think how cold she’d get outside. “Looks like she’d be a good lay.”

  “Don’t be such a fucking sleaze, Whitmore,” I said.

  “Man, you really have changed. You never had a problem talking about this shit before. You drooled over bitches as much as I did,” he replied.

  It wasn’t the drooling that was the problem. It was that he lacked any form of respect, and that wasn’t something I could get on board with. “They’re women, not bitches.”

  “Sorry, Ellen,” he snorted. “I didn’t realize you’d gone all feminist on me.” He inhaled another slice of pizza. “Fuck it, I’m gonna get us another round. You keen?�
�

  I didn’t reply, but hey, it wasn’t as if we had anything better to do. This was infinitely better than the nightmares I’d be having back in the motel. Every night it was the same. Sand, and flashes of blood, and explosions. Screams. The weight of a dying man in my arms.

  Jack meandered off to the bar and the crowd separated around him. We weren’t in uniform, but the folks in here knew a soldier when they saw one. The buzz cut gave it away.

  I sighed and pressed the cold bottle to my forehead. I’d had enough shit to last me a lifetime.

  Fuck it, we shouldn’t have come here. If something did go down, I’d be directly responsible, and at the rate Jack imbibed alcohol it would be a miracle if we left this bar unscathed.

  Jack disappeared amongst the locals and I held my breath, waited for the first shout followed by the thwack of fist meeting jaw.

  Nothing. The soldier squished between two huge fellows with their ladies on their arms, both women admired Jack’s ass, then made his way back to the table with two brimming glasses.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “More beer,” he said. “It’s their micro-brew. Tastes pretty fucking awesome.”

  “Hey, we’re out of uniform but that doesn’t mean you get to lose your sense of –”

  The door swung inward and let in a gust of icy air and water, followed by a young redheaded woman, and a gorgeous, petite blonde, drowning in a fluffy coat.

  “What’s with you?” Jack asked, and nudged my elbow with the base of his glass. “You’ve lost your words. That never happens. Where’s the commanding Lieutenant I know so well?”

  That woman stripped off her coat and revealed a tight, curvy body. She said something to her friend.

  Turn around. Turn around. I had to see her face. It couldn’t be her. Chanel, that was her name, she wouldn’t come here, surely? Why would she when she had a home to get to and work in the morning?

  “Dude, what the fuck are you staring at?” Jack asked, just as the music dipped. His voice rang out and just about every human fucking being in the bar turned to stare. Including her.

  And it was her. Chanel.