The Bridge Tender

by Marybeth Whalen

  You wouldn’t do that to me, would you?

  She stopped moving around, her industriousness forgotten for a moment, her hand on the pitcher of lemonade she’d made. How she wished she really could talk to Ryan, that these internal conversations she had with him were not imagined. Sometimes the sadness ambushed her from behind the bushes, reducing her to tears she never saw coming. She allowed herself to cry for a moment, remembering her husband and missing him so much. She would trade this house for him, this beach haven for the humble abode they had shared, this new life for her old one in a minute. This new life didn’t suit her, and she was starting to doubt it ever would. Was there anything more hopeless than thinking your life—and your chance for happiness—was over at twenty-seven years old?

  “You left me,” she responded, aloud this time. But Ryan didn’t have the chance to say anything else because her guests arrived. So she went outside to greet them.

  The rock on Marta’s left hand caught the light almost as soon as she stepped out of the car, winking at Emily as if she was in on a joke. She watched Marta grab bags from inside the car, unaware that she had spotted the ring. Her heart fluttered and she was grateful she had a moment to collect herself before she had to face Marta. Be happy, she instructed herself. This is good news and she’s your best friend.

  After Marta and Phil had stowed their bags in their respective bedrooms, they convened in the kitchen, gathered around the cookies and lemonade. Marta looked around the house. “Where’s the girl?”

  “Oh, she left last night.” Emily tried to sound like it was no big deal, but a quiver crept into her voice.

  Marta stared at her, open-mouthed. “She left? Why?”

  “I got back early from babysitting and interrupted her and a visitor.” She raised her eyebrows. “When I tried to talk sense into her about how unwise that was, she balked. Said she should just leave if that’s the way I felt.” Emily sighed, shrugged. “I didn’t try very hard to stop her.”

  “And now you feel bad about it?”

  “I don’t know what I feel. She’s just . . . dumb about this guy. He’s taking advantage of her and she’s letting him. I’ve tiptoed around it long enough and last night I snapped. I finally said what I’ve been holding back.” She could read the disappointment in Marta’s face. “I know, I know, it wasn’t my finest hour. But it was not a good night and I wasn’t exactly firing on all cylinders.” She rolled her eyes skyward and exhaled. “I blew it. And now I don’t know how to make it up to her.”

  Marta reached out and patted her shoulder, the ring catching the overhead light as she did. “Em, this girl isn’t your responsibility. You couldn’t let her stay here and take advantage of you. You did what you could and you can’t go around second-guessing that.”

  “I thought about going by the motel today, see if she went back there. But I chickened out.” Anxious to change the subject, she pointed at Marta’s hand. “So let’s talk about something else. Like, for instance, when were you going to tell me about that?”

  Marta and Phil looked at each other and grinned like fools. “Now!” Marta said. She held out her hand so Emily could properly admire her ring.

  “Oh, Marta. It’s gorgeous,” Emily breathed, thinking of the ring she still wore, the one that had confused Kyle. Don’t think about him now, she coached herself. She turned to a beaming Phil. “You did good.”

  He nodded, running his hand along Marta’s back. “I did.” She knew he wasn’t talking about the ring and she let herself feel happy for her friend. Marta had gotten what she’d always dreamed of. And, Emily couldn’t help but realize, it had only come through Emily’s personal tragedy. Without Ryan’s death and insurance policy Phil would have been just another coworker at his firm, just another nameless suit filing by to pay respects. She glanced around the kitchen Ryan had never seen, the kitchen he bought her. She looked at the happy couple he had brought together and saw, for perhaps the first time, the good that had come out of the bad. Romans 8:28 ran through her mind. “All things,” she whispered.

  “What?” Marta asked. “Did you say something, Em?”

  “Nah,” she said. “It was nothing.” But that wasn’t true. It was something. In the wake of losing Ryan, it was the good she needed to find.

  That night she walked out on her deck after a nice meal with Phil and Marta. She had managed not to feel like a third wheel, thinking of all the times she and Ryan had been the couple at the table and Marta had been the single girl across from them. They had laughed and swapped stories. Less than twenty-four hours after the babysitting debacle she had already found some humor in it, her outlook considerably brighter than it had been when she’d been thrown up on. Marta and Phil had laughed hard at that story, but the mood became somber when he casually asked Marta if she was ready for all of that. Marta wasn’t just getting married, Emily noted. She was starting a family, a family that wouldn’t include her, no matter how nice Marta tried to be.

  Wanting some time alone to think, she shooed Marta and Phil outside to the dock where she had kept those two chairs she and Marta had first dragged down there. After dinner was cleaned up, she walked out onto her deck and saw them, their hands joined across the space between the chairs. She had intended to go down and join them but thought better of it. “I wish you well,” she whispered. And she did. She glanced over at the Connolly house, to the open windows of their kitchen. She’d meant to get over there and check on the kids but between cleaning for and entertaining her guests, she hadn’t had a moment. The four of them were gathered around the table, their heads bowed in prayer. Noah was fidgeting but Sara was dutiful. She turned away from the scene—from both scenes, really—and retreated inside to the safety of the house Ryan bought her, his last gift that sometimes didn’t feel like a gift at all.

  A knock at the door an hour later made her heart race. Could it be Amber returning? Or even Kyle? She raced to the front door and pulled it open so forcefully she scared Claire, who was standing on the other side. “Eager much?” Claire asked. She looked around. “Expecting someone else because I know you’re not that thrilled about me coming over.” She gave Emily a grin. “Kyle maybe?”

  “No, not Kyle. You don’t have to be worried about me and him anymore. I haven’t heard a word from him since our disastrous date.”

  Claire frowned. “I’m sure I should feel bad about that, but I just don’t. He’s not my favorite person, as I’m sure you’ve picked up on.”

  Emily nodded. “I did indeed. Wanna tell me about it?”

  Claire shook her head. “If you’re not seeing him anymore there’s no point in going into it. It’s old history. Best forgotten.” She shrugged. “I really don’t like to talk about it.”

  Emily nodded. She understood not wanting to talk about painful memories better than anyone. “No problem,” she said. She gestured for Claire to come inside. “I’d love for you to meet my best friend and her fiancé. They’re right outside on the dock but I’m sure they’ll be in soon.” She glanced outside at the sky turning pink and orange, threading the clouds with an array of colors. The island had come upon its name for good reason.

  “Sounds great. Anyway, I just mainly wanted you to know no hard feelings about what happened last night. It was a bad evening all the way around.” She gave a rueful grin. “You weren’t to blame in any way. I told you the kids can be little monsters.” She laughed. “You were just their latest victim.”

  Emily shook her head. “You told me about the lactose issue. I knew better than to make them grilled cheese, but to be honest I just never thought about the cheese being milk. I’m not used to thinking about anyone’s eating habits except my own.”

  “Well, you’re not a mother so you don’t have to.” Emily winced and Claire noticed, quickly adding, “I mean, you will be someday. And then you’ll get used to keeping track of every morsel of food that crosses another person’s lips. It’s so fun. And rewarding. You’ll see.” She made a face that made Emily laugh.

  �
��How are things with you and Rick? Did y’all make any decisions?”

  “No, not yet. There’s never a moment to talk. The kids are so demanding and by the time they finally collapse we’re too exhausted to talk.” She shook her head. “I know all you single girls make a big deal out of being married, having a family, but it’s not always a fairy tale.” Emily noticed Claire’s eyes travel to her ring. “But I guess you’ve already figured that out.”

  Emily pressed her lips together and gave a barely perceptible nod.

  “Divorced?” Claire asked. “You never talk about it so I figured it must’ve been a messy one.” She gestured to the house. “Figured you bought this with the settlement money or something.” She shrugged. “That was my theory, at least.” She pointed at the ring. “But sometimes it’s hard to let go.”

  Claire began to shift and shimmer before her as her eyes filled with tears. “It is,” she managed to say.

  “Sorry I guessed,” Claire said. “I mean, I didn’t want to be right but I’m pretty good at figuring stuff like that out. Rick says I’m just nosy but I call it intuitive.” She raised her eyebrows and gave a sly look that made Emily laugh, a welcome feeling.

  “Yeah, it’s still kind of hard to talk about.” She looked down at her finger and didn’t bother to correct Claire. “I keep forgetting I even have this on. I guess I need to take it off soon, but I’m just . . .”

  Claire reached out to squeeze her hand. “You’re not ready,” she said with an ease that relaxed Emily. “When you are, you’ll know. In the meantime, don’t stress about it.”

  “Thanks,” Emily said. She heard the footsteps of Marta and Phil coming back in. “I want you to meet my friends who are here visiting.” She made introductions all around once Marta and Phil got inside.

  “So you’re the one with the lactose-intolerant kids,” Phil said as Emily cringed.

  “I told them all about the fiasco last night. How I loaded your kids down with both grilled cheese and ice cream.”

  “Well, let’s not forget that they helped themselves to even more ice cream.”

  “Yes,” Emily added, “while their stellar sitter managed to fall asleep.” She felt the nagging memory of the dream she’d had during her nap at the Connollys’, the way that she had been waiting for Ryan even though she knew he would never come. She looked at Claire and felt bad for letting her believe the wrong thing. She had to start being honest with people about Ryan, to tell them how she came to own this house. If for no other reason, it was a tribute to him to tell the truth about his one last selfless act.

  But not today. She listened in as Claire and Phil and Marta exchanged small talk. Where were they all from? What did they do for a living? How long had they known Emily? When she realized that the next question might be how they met Emily, she interrupted before Phil could explain and contradict what she’d just let Claire believe.

  “Phil and Marta just got engaged!” she said, knowing that would redirect the conversation.

  Marta held up her shiny new diamond and Claire gave the obligatory approval noises. “When’s the big day?”

  The two of them looked at each other. “We were just talking about that, out on the dock. We’ve got a few potential dates. Let’s just say ASAP.” They both laughed.

  Claire nodded knowingly. “You want to have kids and need to get this show on the road, right?” She gave Emily a look that said she knew that was painful for her to hear. It made Emily like her new friend all the more. She was trying to be tactful and sensitive. Marta and Phil, bless their hearts, couldn’t see past their own bliss. Emily gave her a look back that told her not to worry about it. She was a big girl and this was her new life. People were allowed to be happy, to move forward, around her.

  “We do, very much,” Marta gushed.

  “And we just know we want to be together so why prolong that?” Phil added, wrapping his arm around Marta’s shoulders. Emily noticed that Marta looked thinner, already anticipating wearing that white beaded gown and looking her best, if she knew her friend. She hated that Marta hadn’t talked to her about her wedding plans, but guessed that Marta was afraid to bring it up. She wished she wasn’t someone people felt they had to tiptoe around.

  “Well, I better go before Rick sends out a search party. And by search party I mean my six-year-old daughter who can find me better than any bloodhound.” She laughed at her own joke. “But listen, Emily, I want you to come tomorrow night to the meeting about the old bridge. Word has it there’s going to be some surprise announcement. It helps to show community interest.” She gestured to Marta and Phil. “Heck, you guys come too. Bodies in seats is what it’s all about.”

  Marta and Phil looked confused so Emily explained. “The community is pretty divided over the state’s proposal to take out the old bridge and add a new one. They’re having information meetings about replacing the old bridge.”

  “And you’re in favor?” Phil asked, focusing on Emily. “Of replacing the old bridge? Or are you against it?”

  She gave a little laugh and looked over at Claire. “I’m new here. I don’t really have a dog in this fight. I’m just showing my community spirit by going, I guess.” She felt the little hitch inside that she always felt when she didn’t tell the whole truth.

  “So you’ll come?” Claire asked.

  She looked at Marta and Phil. “I’ll come. I’m not sure if these two will be all that interested, but you can count on me.”

  “No, we’ll come,” Phil said. “Why not? Maybe we’ll buy a house down here too and get involved ourselves!”

  Marta leaned against Phil, content and dreamy. Something simmered below the surface in Emily as she did. It wasn’t fair that Marta might get the husband, the kids, and the house at the beach. Not when she had only gotten one or the other. She looked away from the picture of contentment and focused on seeing Claire out. “See you tomorrow night,” Claire called brightly as she trekked back over to her own house to see her handsome husband and perfect children. Emily waved and smiled and did what she did best: acted as if everything was fine.

  Twenty-Two

  The restaurant dining area turned meeting room was full again. This time Claire didn’t have the kids in tow since Rick was able to stay with them. She seemed lighter as she buzzed over to welcome Emily and Marta and Phil, who had spent the better part of the day talking about both wedding plans and real estate in Sunset. Emily wished they hadn’t decided to come with her and was starting to hate the sound of Phil’s voice. She had learned that Phil considered himself an expert on many topics. And Marta thought he was brilliant. Emily couldn’t decide if she was truly put off by him or just jealous.

  Emily stuck by Claire’s side, observing the meeting as an outsider while Phil joined in conversations as if he’d lived there for years, Marta grinning and nodding by his side. There was an electricity in the air at this meeting that she hadn’t felt at the last one, a buzz generated by everyone’s speculations about what the surprise announcement was. Pockets of Sunset residents gathered to speculate, their guesses ranging from boring to outrageous. As they waited for the meeting to begin, Emily scanned the room for Kyle. She couldn’t help but wonder if he knew what the surprise was. And if he did, what he thought of it.

  Though they had only spent a handful of moments together, she missed talking to Kyle, hearing what he thought about things and sharing stories. She had been surprised to find that her teen crush went deeper. She actually liked the guy, found him interesting. Though they hadn’t talked about what his plans were beyond the bridge, she found she wanted to know. She wanted to know a lot of things about him that she hadn’t had the chance to know. Not since she’d ruined their date and he’d turned tail and run. She didn’t blame him but she had held out hope that he’d call and ask for them to try again. In one of their rare non-wedding conversations during her visit, Marta had said she should call him but she had steadfastly refused. “You weren’t there. I’m not into humiliating myself further. He’s not
interested. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  Marta had shrugged and gone back to talking about the color of her bridesmaid’s dresses and the many ideas she was gaining from the Internet. But Emily’s mind had stayed on Kyle as she half paid attention to what Marta was saying. If she had the chance again, would she take it? And why was she still wearing her wedding ring? Was she that intent on sabotaging herself? In some ways, she saw, it was the same thing as pacing in front of a window waiting for Ryan to return. That night as she got ready for the meeting she had slipped the ring from her finger and stared at the white ring of flesh where it had been. She had kept the ring off the whole time she was getting ready, then slipped it back on at the last minute, just before they left. Now, sitting in the room full of people, wondering if Kyle would be there and what she would say to him if he was, she twisted it around and around.

  From the corner of her eye she saw bright lights enter the room and a group of people moving through the doorway. A murmur started as those seated speculated on what was happening. It didn’t take long to see that the lights were clearly attached to cameras and the cameras were clearly trained on the entourage that was entering the room. “Do you think it’s someone famous?” Marta asked Phil.

  “Nah, probably just the local news,” he confidently assured her.

  Emily suppressed a smile when it became obvious that he was wrong. This wasn’t local news coverage. Her smile evaporated as she realized that it was someone famous attracting the cameras’ attention. But that someone famous was not someone she wanted to see. Not when she saw the very thin, very toned, very tan arm slip around the shoulders of the guy she had been thinking of moments earlier. She watched in pain as Xandra Noble, former costar and girlfriend of Brady Rutledge, gave him a kiss on the cheek and grinned at the crowd. Kyle blushed as he held out his hand and gestured for her to take the podium at the front of the room. Beside her Marta inhaled, starstruck. “That’s Brady Rutledge and Xandra Noble,” she hissed, squeezing Emily’s hand. Then she remembered herself. “Sorry,” she added and blanched.