Forgotten Sweethearts: A Romance Novel

by Bender, Melissa

  The desperation was now there and banging inside me like a drum, and I realised we were going to be separate. I would have to change my last name. We’d be raising our children in two different homes.

  Our children would spend Christmas in two different places, birthdays, and Easter. Oh God, I was going to have an anxiety attack. My hands were shaking, chest heaving and tears spilling out uncontrollably. Was it too late to take my words back? I had never regretted anything so much in my life.

  Brody, squeezing tighter, forced my eyes up to meet his. “I’m not going to throw you out. You’re the mother of my children. I’ll leave. I’ll get a hotel or go to mum’s.”

  Panic began to eat me alive. “What? No.” I didn’t want him to go. “What will people say?”

  “I don’t care what they say. This is our decision.”

  I heard him, but it wasn’t fully sinking in. My parents would be furious, disgusted that I was shaming the family with a divorce. It would all come back to our teenage years of rushing. I couldn’t bear to think about my papa’s reaction and his look of disappointment.

  I swallowed, licking my dry lips. “Stay,” I pleaded, not wanting to see him leave. The kids would be devastated beyond words and would want to go with him.

  “Gabby,” he pleaded. “We’re constantly fighting.”

  “This is your home. You bought this house. I’ll go. I don’t want you to leave here.” Being in this house without him would be a nightmare.

  His blue eyes were glassy as he smiled sadly. “Stay in the guest house. There’s no rush for you to leave, and the kids—” pausing, he let my left hand go and reached up to rub his temples. “— Fuck, the kids.”

  Divorce — it was one thing we never wanted them to go through.

  “I know. I feel terrible.”

  “Don’t. We can tell them together,” He suggested.

  “I don’t want to tell them just yet. Let’s just wait and figure some things out before we go telling anybody?” It needed it to sink in, and we had so much to discuss still. “We need to have the answers. People will ask, and right now, I don’t have any.”

  With a nod, he looked at me. “I agree.”

  We were silent for a moment, and then I broke the thick air. “When did you stop loving me?” I asked. I wasn’t mad, just sad to know I wasn’t what he wanted anymore. I never considered the man I married would fall out of love with me. I guess I hadn’t considered feeling this way about him either.

  With a sad smile, he shrugged. “I never stopped loving you. I just…”

  “You’re just not in love with me anymore,” I finished the answer for him.

  “I’m sorry. Things just became too tough,” he sighed, sniffing back his own tears.

  I nodded in agreement. “It’s okay, Brody. I know what you mean. We fought so much that I began to dread you coming home. I guess some things just aren’t meant to be.”

  He sat there looking as miserable as I felt. His red cheek faded from where I had hit him. “You dreaded me coming home?” He shook his head and took a breath in. “Jesus, hit me right where it hurts, don’t you?”

  “I’m not trying to hurt you.” I pulled my hands from his and set them in my lap. Fumbling with my sleeves, my fingers dug into my palms. My eyes watered even more. “You can’t say that you loved coming home. You didn’t like the fights that always came.”

  “It wasn’t all bad. I mean, we had some good days, though.” He reached forward again, rubbing my thigh with a gentle squeeze. “Didn’t we?”

  A soft smile pulled at the corners of my lips, and I nodded. “We did; then, I think we just began to have more bad than good. I don’t want that anymore, Brody. Our children deserve to grow up without their parents fighting so much. We never did anything as a family, the four of us. That’s not fair to them.”

  “I know,” he agreed, and slowly, his hand loosened. Soon, it was gone from my leg.

  There was no way that I would be able to fall asleep and Brody, the same, as he retired to his office to work or drink, probably both. Noah was fast asleep in Lila’s bed with his arms wrapped around her protectively, and I felt the guilt hitting me harder than ever. I don’t want them to live life this way. They deserve so much more than what we were giving them.

  Instead of sleeping, I went into our bedroom and began to pack a few of my things. It may have been a rash idea, but there was no way I would be able to sleep after tonight. I felt sick, nauseated. My head throbbed, and heart ached. This was for the best. I just had to keep telling myself that. Our son and daughter deserved better. They deserved parents who were in love with each other. I love him, but like he said… that intense, passionate love wasn’t there anymore.

  As I pulled out each item of clothing, I cried at the realisation of what was happening. I was going to move into the guest house we had for when my parents came to visit. It may not be ideal, but it was better than the alternative, moving to a hotel and being away from my children.

  By the time the sun began to rose, I was coming back from the guest house after putting away some clothing. My hair was still damp from the recent shower but eyes red-rimmed. I was emotionally exhausted. The tears hadn’t gone away, but they had died down from what they were. Walking inside quietly, I was surprised to see Brody staring into the fridge, wearing a pair of sweats that hung low, clinging to his ass.

  Looking away as he closed the door with a sigh, he seemed surprised to see me in here. “Did you get any sleep?”

  I shook my head. “Not really. You?”

  “The same, not able to sleep.” He walked inside the pantry, appearing seconds later with the waffle maker in his hand and plugging it in. “I’m going to stay home today,” he added as I began to prepare breakfast, mixing flour and water. “We need to talk to Noah and Lila about last night,” he said, guilt all over his pained expression.

  Nodding as I walked to the fridge, taking the eggs and adding them. “Thank you. I think that’s a good idea.”

  Brody didn’t leave as I kept whisking, probably harder than I ought to have done, but it distracted me for a moment. My eyes were blurry, chest heaving up and down when he reached over and placed his hand over mine, squeezing to urge me to stop.

  “You didn’t have to move out of the house through the night, Gab. You could have stayed in our room,” he said quietly as I set the bowl back on the bench.

  Wiping my eyes with the hem of my white t-shirt, I shook my head. “May as well rip the band-aid off quickly. I didn’t want to drag it out.” Otherwise, it’d probably never want to leave.

  “There is no rush, Gabriella. I mean that.” His tone caught my gaze. “I’m not as heartless as you assume.”

  He was staring right at me, and I couldn’t explain the feeling that brewed up inside of me. I’d had expected him to be in a rush to make me leave. I knew it would have to be done, but I was thankful he wasn’t pushing for it. I needed to find a job, to look for a new home and I couldn’t move out until I was earning money. There was so much to think about and organise. I wanted to be able to provide for our children, to be able to rely on myself and not him or my family.

  “I appreciate that, Brody. Thank you,” I said softly.

  Whispering back, he nodded. “I’ll always take care of you.”

  When the kids came downstairs, it was obvious that they were surprised to see their father standing in the kitchen, not dressed for work. “Daddy!” Lila squealed, running towards him and jumping up his legs.

  Brody chuckled and lifted her up. “Hey, pretty girl,” he said as he carried her towards the dining table where he set her down. “Mama’s making waffles. You want some or not feeling that hungry?” he asked with a wink.

  Giggling, she tried tickling him. “I’m very, very, hungry!”

  “Oh, like the hungry caterpillar?” I asked, smiling as I brought her a plate, and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. “Eat up. You’ve got to make room for burgers and ice-cream for dinner tonight.”

 
“We get to have that, really?” she asked.

  I nodded. “Of course, you do.” It was probably more me feeling guilty about everything we’d put them through. I just wanted to keep the smiles on their precious faces.

  “Me too, I want waffles too!” Noah said, rubbing his stomach and sliding in his chair across Lila. “I want waffles too. Big ones.”

  Chuckling, Brody looked up. “All right, Noah wants a big waffle.”

  “I think I can manage that. Are you having breakfast?” I asked, glancing at Brody nervously as I poured a drizzle of maple syrup all over Noah’s breakfast.

  He nodded, joining them at the table. “How can I say no to waffles when you’re making them?”

  I gave him a soft smile, unable to remember the last time we all sat and ate breakfast together. Why did it have to reach a mention of divorce for it to happen? Maybe, I hoped we would be able to remain friendly after this was done. I would hate to be on bad terms with him. Then again, this could just be like the other times. We would have a raging fight and then be nice to each other the next morning. As long as we weren’t fighting in front of the kids, I didn’t care.

  I sat, sipping my coffee as the kids and Brody ate breakfast. Afterwards, we took the kids into the living room for the dreaded talk we both needed to have with them both. Brody held Lila on his knee as I held Noah to my side. It broke my heart that they had no idea, oblivious to what we were really going through. Relationships are tough, and I prayed they would never have to experience this like Brody and I were going through. I would be crushed to know my babies were unhappy and felt trapped in life that they thought it was impossible to leave.

  Clearing his throat, Brody began talking first. “We want you to know that last night, we are extremely sorry that you both had to hear us fighting like that.”

  “Why do you fight?” Lila asked so innocently.

  “Sometimes, mama and daddy fight,” he said, looking at me with remorse.

  Noah spoke up, “Why?”

  “Like you and Lila, we sometimes don’t agree, or we get upset and end up yelling at each other,” I said trying to put it in a way that they would understand. “It doesn’t mean that we hate each other. We shouldn’t have yelled especially around you both. We’re so sorry that you had to hear it.”

  Lila looked upwards to her daddy. “Do you like yelling at Mama?”

  “No, I should never have spoken to your mama that way,” he smiled weakly, kissing the top of her head. “Are you okay, Noah?” he looked over, worried.

  “Will you stop fighting?” Noah asked. “I don’t like it.”

  “Yes,” he promised. “We’re going to work very hard at being nicer to each other.” It’s a shame that it took this to promise that.

  Noah seemed please, standing up and pointing outside. “Can we go outside now? I want to ride my bike.”

  Reaching over, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him close. “Of course, you can. Wear your helmet, okay?” I said, letting my arms loose from around his waist. “Only for a little bit. You have school soon.”

  “I’m going to get my dolly! She wants to ride my bike too,” Lila said, jumping down and running towards the stairs to go up to her bedroom. “Noah, don’t touch my bike!” she called out bossily.

  Brody and I both laughed as Noah yelled out to her. “Like I want to touch your pink bike! I don’t want girl germs.”

  “Doubt he’ll be saying that in ten or so years,” Brody grinned, shaking his head as he leant back on the couch.

  I made a groaning sound, shaking my head. “Please don’t remind me how fast they’re growing.” That was another thing I didn’t want to think about. Although this talk and the breakfast had taken my mind off our impending divorce, that was going to happen soon.

  The day passed slowly. The kids at school made this day painfully quiet. I barely moved from the couch, laying down and for once, just watching TV. I slept on and off, exhausted from being up all night. I tried cleaning the guest house up, making it feel more at home, but nothing could make it feel less depressing. I took another shower, trying to ease a headache as Brody worked in the office. We hadn’t seen each other much since speaking to the kids this morning even for lunch which I skipped to still focus on my shakes. The good thing was the treadmill was in the guest house, and he couldn’t see me running. It became my focus. I was more determined than ever to get fitter.

  Lila and I baked cookies while Noah and Brody played in the pool and were seeing who could do the biggest splashes. It was a relatively normal day, but I felt incredibly sick with dread for what was to come. When night time came, those nerves were only growing. I barely ate any dinner, and I noticed Brody hadn’t either. The kids thought everything was well and good between us.

  Almost 9 PM and I just stared out the glass door. Staring at the backyard, I tried talking myself into opening the door and walking across the garden, to the guest house.

  “Gabby?” Brody spoke up softly, startling me. I thought he’d gone to bed.

  I shook my head if he said anymore, then I’d break down again. “I’m fine.” I forced out, my voice strained. The first night would be the hardest. That’s what I kept telling myself. It’ll get easier.

  I could see his reflection standing behind me through the glass. He didn’t come near me, just keeping his distance and staring. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.” No, I wasn’t okay. “You should go to bed.”

  “I just… uh, good night,” he said quietly, making no intention of walking away.

  “Good night.” I couldn’t even muster a smile. “I’ll be up before they wake,” I said, referring to our children. I didn’t want them to know we were sleeping this far apart, just yet.

  He was still there, staring at me from behind. I felt anxious and nervous. “Gabriella.”

  “Yes?” I asked a mere whisper, afraid to know what he wanted.

  “I’ll go over there. You don’t need to do this. Stay in the house.” I felt his hand on my shoulder, squeezing with comfort.

  Momentarily, my eyes closed. Taking a steady breath, I reached up, covering his hand with mine. “I’m okay,” I promised again before I dropped my hand and took a step forward, away from him.

  I felt him still standing there in the darkness, watching me. My heart was booming. The sound filled my ears as I put my hand on the silver handle, turning the knob and opening the door. All I could do was walk out the kitchen doors and go to the guest house where I would spend my first night as a separated woman.

  And it sucked.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Crouching down low, I felt like a complete idiot as I walked like Pocahontas through the jungle. It’s just that I wasn’t actually walking through a jungle, just down the side of my parent’s home until I reached the barbed wire fence where I could stand, and then taking gigantic steps, I ran to the edge of the driveway.

  It hadn’t set off the sensor lights once, and I’d been doing this twice a week for the past three weeks to meet up with a certain boy.

  Giddiness set upon me as I came to the road and pulled my hooded jumper off my head. Thank goodness, we lived a little out of town. Otherwise, people may just think I was a freak… or tell my parents about my excursions, who in turn, would go bat shit crazy.

  Pulling my phone from my bra when I felt it vibrate, I read the text on the glowing screen. “Have you left yet? X”

  I replied as fast as I could. “Yes, I’ll be there soon. Xoxo”

  Soon, I was at the spot we always met up at and spotted him. Wearing a navy hooded jumper himself and a pair of black sweatpants, I smiled and tucked my phone back into my bra. I really should have worn trousers or a jumper with pockets.

  Brody stood up from the ground on a small bank down by the lake. We didn’t really have anywhere else to go, and this was within walking distance from his house and mine. If it were raining, then we’d have to cancel, and I hated that but we’d text all night long until I passed out. He always waited until I fel
l asleep.

  “Hey,” he whispered like someone would hear us.

  “Hi yourself,” I smiled, biting down on my lower lip as I came to a standstill in front of him.

  His arms were instantly wrapped around my lower back, and he pulled me in close. “I’m freaking out that you’ll get caught.”

  I grinned, nodding. “Me too.”

  “Why are you smiling about it?” he asked, matching my smile.

  I shrugged and softly giggled. “I don’t know. It’s not funny, but you just make me smile. If we get caught, I’m dead. They think I’m over my crush on you.”

  “Are you?” he asked, raising a brow as he leaned in closer.

  Shaking my head, I could never be over my crush on him. “Nope.”

  “Good, now, come here.” Pulling me in closer, his hands slid down to my ass, and he rested them there. “God, I’ve missed you.” Looking down, he raised a brow. “Are those sheep?”

  I blushed hard as I glanced down at my pink flannel PJ. “I had to wear them. If they catch me walking back to my room, at least, I’m in my jammies.”

  He laughed, a beautiful sound that always made me smile and heart pound harder and faster. “Oh god, I love you.” Hold on… what? My eyes widened, and he shrugged. “Don’t look so surprised. I’ve loved you since the moment you walked into class.”

  “You mean that?” I asked, unable to hide the happiness I felt. He nodded, and I could have just burst from excitement. “Oh Brody, I love you too! I’m so madly in love with you.”

  He smiled and squeezed me tighter. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you. I hate that we can’t see each other after school.”

  I ran my hands up his chest and let my arms slide around his neck. “Me too. Least we do get to see each other at school, though.”

  “Not the same, Gabby,” he groaned, slowly nearing his mouth to mine. “I hate that we have to sneak around, but I cannot not see you.”

  I nodded, knowing what he meant. “Me too.”

  Our mouths crashed over each other. We were hungry for kisses. I couldn’t get enough of him. Needing his skin on mine, our hands roamed all over each other and bodies slowly rubbing against one another’s. His tongue darted in my mouth, and he groaned as I matched his pace but still let him take control.