Arizona Pastor

by Jennifer Collins Johnson

  Once upon a time, Kristy had dreamed of a home like this, with a husband, a few kids… But there was no point in stewing over things that hadn’t happened. People made choices. As a teenager, Kristy had chosen to walk outside God’s plan. She’d faced the consequences, but God had still blessed her with Mel. She glanced at her grown child. Mel had the opportunity to do the things God had planned for her. Her whole life was an open slate, ready for God to fill it with His will. Thrill wrapped itself around Kristy as she thought of the potential her girl’s life encompassed.

  Mel spotted her and waved. “Mom, you’re here.” Her daughter made her way up the steps of the deck. “Hey, don’t leave early. I need to talk with you.”

  Before Kristy could respond, Mel nodded and waved at another guest who’d just arrived. Though Kristy hadn’t seen the woman in years, she appeared to be Tim’s mom. Kristy wanted to hide beneath the chair. His mother had never been fond of Kristy after she and Tim had discovered the pregnancy. If only her own parents could have come…or one of her sisters. But that was impossible. Her parents were missionaries in Brazil. Her middle sister was in the military, stationed in Japan, and her youngest sister had just given birth to her first child only three days before and couldn’t attend. Even though she missed having most of her family nearby, life had definitely been busy, which was nice. And it kept Kristy from thinking about her daughter’s new freedom.

  Taking a deep breath, Kristy settled deeper into her chair. She’d just patiently wait out this day. Mel wanted to talk with her. She probably wanted to be sure all her information had been sent to the college.

  Kristy watched as Joel walked up beside Mel. He placed his arm around her back. Ugh. Kristy hated how serious the two of them had become. Joel was a great kid, but he and Mel had such different goals. He would one day take over the family plumbing business, and she would one day possibly take over a courtroom. Once Mel went to college, she’d find a nice young man with similar likes and dislikes to hers, not someone so clearly opposite. She just needed to keep her good sense intact and not fall too hard for Joel.

  It seemed like forever, but at last the crowd started to dwindle, and soon only Tim, Leah, their children and Kristy remained. Then Kristy spied the new pastor and Joel still talking in the far corner of the yard. She shifted in her chair, antsy to head home, but Mel reminded her not to leave.

  “I think everyone’s gone.” Mel walked out onto the deck. Joel and Wade made their way to them. “It’s time to talk.”

  Kristy furrowed her brows. Why were Tim and Leah and their boys taking seats around the deck? Mel wanted to talk to Kristy. Why would that include everyone? And why were Joel and Wade still here?

  Something gripped Kristy’s stomach. She hadn’t eaten a bite since she’d arrived. Her nerves were in overdrive after spending an entire day at Tim’s house. But this feeling seemed to top the hunger and nerves. Oh, dear God, what is going on?

  Mel nestled closer to Joel, wrapping her arms around one of his. “Mom, Joel and I are getting married.” Mel looked at Kristy, then down at her feet. “I’m pregnant.”

  Kristy jumped out of the chair, causing it to fall backward. “You’re what?”

  Mel lowered her chin toward her chest, like a scolded puppy, and whispered, “Pregnant.”

  Shock and disbelief swirled through Kristy’s mind. This couldn’t be happening. Kristy gripped the deck’s post. No. There must be some mistake. Mel was second in her graduating class. She was the best debater on the academic team. She was a brilliant, beautiful young lady who would go to college and experience everything life had to offer. She could not be…

  Kristy dug her nails into the wood of the deck as her breathing grew labored. She closed her eyes, begging God to wake her up from this nightmare.

  Determined to regain control, Kristy released the death grip on the railing and turned to face her daughter and her boyfriend. “I think I misunderstood. How could it be possible…?”

  Mel’s courage seemed to return, and she straightened her shoulders and rolled her eyes. “Please, Mom. I think you know about the birds and the bees.”

  “I know it’s a shock, Kristy.” Leah’s voice sounded from the other end of the deck.

  Kristy glared at her daughter’s stepmother. Though Kristy strived to be Christian-like, prayed for blessings on the woman—sometimes, at least—she still couldn’t stand Leah. Short, choppy perfect-shade-of-blond hair. Complexion so clear and wrinkle-free, she made babes envious. A shape that even women who’d never carried children would die for. And Mel had always idolized her.

  Ha! What a joke. Adult life had played out far easier for Leah than anything Kristy had ever known. The woman had a husband who was crazy about her, who wanted her to spend time and money on haircuts and clothes. Leah’s only job was to care for her family, a monumental, honorable task, but Kristy had always been forced to hold a job, go to school and take care of her family.

  Why wouldn’t Leah’s house be perfect? Why wouldn’t she look great?

  Why wouldn’t Mel want the same thing?

  Bile rose in Kristy’s throat. She covered her mouth with her hand, willing her insides to stop churning. A sudden thought swept through her mind. She furrowed her brows. Why doesn’t Leah seem shocked by the news? She glanced at Tim, who stood ramrod straight and still, but whose only expression was to take in Kristy’s response. Why didn’t Tim seem shocked, either?

  She scanned the deck, searching the faces of Tim, Leah, Mel, Joel, the two boys. Even Wade. All of them stared at Kristy. All of them awaited her reaction.

  All of them already knew.

  Kristy scooped her purse off the floor. “I’ve got to go.”

  Before anyone could respond, she raced down the deck’s steps, through the gate and to her car. After finding her keys, Kristy unlocked the door and slipped inside. As she started the car, fury overtook the shock. Mel had told them before she’d told Kristy. She’d even told their brand-new pastor before she’d told her mother.

  Kristy shook her head. Bewilderment washed through her. When could this have happened? And where? A sick feeling swished through Kristy’s stomach. She’d taught a night class on Tuesdays last semester. Surely Mel and Joel weren’t… Mel knew she wasn’t allowed to have him over if Kristy wasn’t there. Kristy pounded the top of the steering wheel. Just like Tim and I weren't supposed to go to his house when his mom and dad were at work.

  “Dear Lord, my sins have come back to haunt me.” Kristy bit the inside of her lip. Afraid of the emotions that were beginning to overwhelm her, she turned the car. She wasn’t ready to go home. Pain and disappointment began to settle into her heart. As if of its own volition, the vehicle headed toward her youngest sister Carrie’s house. Maybe the full force of it all wouldn’t hurt so much if Kristy talked with her sister.

  Kristy pulled into the drive and slipped out of the car. Halfway up the sidewalk, she could hear the wails of a newborn. After hurrying the rest of the way, she knocked on the door. Carrie opened it with tears streaming down her face. The front of her shirt was soaked from her chest to her belly.

  Pushing her own troubles to the back of her mind, Kristy walked inside, wrapped her sister in a quick hug, then scooped up her wailing nephew from the bassinet. “How can I help?”

  Carrie’s body shook with sobs. “He’s hungry and my milk came in and I’m too full. He can’t latch on. And he won’t stop crying. And…”

  Kristy gently jostled Noah in her arms to calm him. “Where’s Michael?”

  Carrie pulled at the front of her shirt. “There was a double homicide and they called him into work and he said he’d hurry but…”

  Kristy touched her sister’s arm with her free hand. “It’s okay. I’m here now. Go change your shirt. Do you remember me showing you how to use the breast pump?”

  Carrie nodded. “I’ve been trying, but Noah’s crying has me crying and I can’t stop shaking long enough to…”

  “It’s okay. I’ve got Noah. Pump a bit.
Then I’ll help.”

  Carrie started down the hall, then turned back around. She wiped her swollen eyes with the back of her hand. “I was praying God would send you.”

  “And He did. Now hurry on back there so we can feed my little nephew.”

  Kristy turned her attention back to the baby. Noah squirmed in her arms. She grabbed the pacifier from the bassinet and held it in his mouth. Her little sister was twenty-six and had been praying and preparing for a baby for three years, but tonight it was just too much for Carrie to handle.

  How could Mel handle this?

  A memory Kristy hadn’t thought of in years flooded her mind. Mel was only five days old. Kristy had already nursed her, had already changed her diaper, had done everything she knew to do to make Mel content. But she would not stop crying. Exhaustion had made Kristy irrational. The baby would just not settle down. In an instant, less than a second, Kristy had hefted Mel into the air above her head and screamed, “Why won’t you stop crying?”

  A powerful urge to shake the tears out of Mel had washed in and out of her. The feeling had scared Kristy to her core. She’d gently brought Mel close to her chest as tears had spilled down her cheeks and onto Mel’s head. Kristy had never understood how someone could get so angry with a baby, and yet this wretched, horrible feeling had come over her. Kristy had almost shaken Mel…

  “But I didn’t,” she whispered to Noah, then looked up at the ceiling. “Oh, dear Jesus, Mel’s too young for this.”

  * * *

  With a heavy heart, Wade drove to the small two-bedroom home he’d leased for a year. He’d selected the residence because of the older neighborhood with its large backyards. After parking in the drive, he opened the front door. Bo, his eighty-pound dalmatian, greeted him with a playful bark and wagging tail. Wade bent down and scratched behind the dog’s ears, then petted his back. “How you doing, big guy?”

  Bo whined, then barked a response as he ran toward the back door. Wade tossed the car keys on the counter, grabbed a water bottle out of the refrigerator, then let him out. He sat on a lounge chair as Bo raced around the yard. Leaning back, he closed his eyes and allowed the sun to warm his face. He prayed for Mel and Joel, but especially for Kristy.

  Why had Mel and Joel told her that way? In front of Tim and Leah and their sons? Wade had thought that the couple might have wanted moral support as they told the whole family, but he’d soon discovered that Kristy alone had been the one to receive the graduation surprise.

  He scrunched his nose as he tried to imagine how he would feel. Ironically, his sermon the next day was about communication with our Christian brothers and sisters. He trailed his hand down the front of his face. He’d need to look over the scriptures once more before going to bed.

  Sitting forward in the chair, he released a long sigh. He’d forgotten to stop by the church and pick up his laptop after the graduation party. He stood and whistled to Bo. “You wanna go for a ride?”

  Bo barked and jumped. He loved to go anywhere Wade would take him. Once in the car, Wade rolled down the passenger window and Bo stuck out his head. The dog seemed to smile against the wind as Wade drove to the church. He powered up all the windows halfway, then raced into his office, grabbed his laptop and made it back to the car in less than a few minutes.

  Knowing Bo would enjoy a walk around the church’s extensive property, he hooked the leash to Bo’s collar and opened the car door. Between the early-morning sermon preparations, the graduation ceremony and the party, Wade needed a walk, as well.

  Shoving his keys into his pocket, he headed toward the bass pond at the edge of the church’s property. Having ministered for seventeen years to a smaller congregation in a house of worship with little land, in a metropolitan area, Wade found the several acres his new church owned not only inviting but spiritually stimulating.

  Though the land was dry, brown desert more than anything else, a man couldn’t take in the oversize sycamore tree or look at the rolling majesty of the White Tanks Mountains and not give credit to his Maker. At the pond, Bo barked, then lapped up a drink of water. Wade sat on one of the few benches dotted around the perimeter. He tried to shake off his concern for Kristy and bask in the closing of the day.

  “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty, the whole earth is full of his glory.’” Wade quoted from Isaiah the words of the seraphim who circle God’s throne. He gazed at the water, which had just an occasional bubble from the bouncing of some small insect. “How could anyone deny You, Lord?”

  Taking a deep breath, he felt his heartbeat slow at the natural peace and tranquility of the place. He closed his eyes, lifting his face toward the heavens. “Thank You for bringing me here. I’ve never felt more confirmed in Your calling.”

  As quickly as the praise slipped from his lips, he felt a twist in his heart. Loneliness. His relationship with the Lord was good. At least, he thought it was good, but his body, his mind and his heart yearned for more. For years, he’d been content to throw himself into the lives of his flock, but lately, maybe it was because he’d just turned the big four-oh, Wade yearned for more. An image of Kristy slipped through his mind, and he pushed it away.

  He thought he’d healed from the death of his father from congestive heart failure five years ago and his mom three years before that to cancer. He was faithful in visiting his sister and her family in Colorado whenever he had a chance, and though he wouldn’t consider them close in the sense they didn’t talk every night or even every week, he loved and prayed daily for his sibling and her family. Already, he’d been invited to dinner at several of the church members’ homes, and there were a few men he knew would be excellent accountability partners. But he felt discontent.

  He stood, stretching his arms over his head. Maybe he was just working too hard. Thinking too hard about young pregnant couples and beautiful single women. The land around him shouted of God’s glory, and his mind and heart nearly burst with the excitement and peace he felt for his new flock, but he hadn’t exercised as he should. He hadn’t allowed himself to sleep or even rest as much as a body needed. Maybe that was the only thing wrong with him.

  “With that in mind…” He picked up a small, smooth stone and skipped it across the top of the water. Bo barked and raced to the water’s edge. “Bo, I think it’s time we head home.”

  He turned and walked the trail back toward the church. He frowned when he noticed a car in the parking lot. The hour was late, and he didn’t feel comfortable leaving someone alone. No doubt one of the members was doing last-minute Sunday-school preparations or something of the sort. As long as more than one person was there, he’d feel okay about moving on.

  He hooked Bo’s leash to the front steps’ railing, then grabbed the doorknob and twisted. It was unlocked. He sighed, wishing people would be more careful. Possibly he was more paranoid than necessary, as the outskirts of Surprise were nothing like the heart of Phoenix, but crime still happened here. The fact that the church was a bit secluded, just under a mile from town, also made it an easy target.

  “Hello,” he called as he walked through the foyer. Opening the sanctuary door, he watched as a familiar-looking woman kneeling in front of the altar jumped up and turned to face him. Wade’s heart skipped as he stared at Kristy Phillips. He was a preacher, but he was still a man, a single man. The woman’s soft shoulder-length brown hair shone, and her light blue eyes seemed to follow him everywhere. “I’m…I’m so sorry,” she stammered, and pressed the front of her skirt. “I thought I was… I didn’t think anyone was here.”

  Her anxious gestures touched him, and he again fought the urge to wrap her in his arms and assure her all was well. He lifted his hand instead. “It’s not a problem. Tell you what. I’ll wait outside until you’re ready to go. I don’t want you to be alone.”

  Kristy gasped, and her entire countenance seemed to crumble. “I’ve never been so alone in my life.”

  Chapter 3

  Kristy inwardly chastised her wayward emotions. Her eyes a
nd lungs disobeyed her, and tears spilled down her cheeks and she heaved to catch her breath. It was too much. The day had been too much. And now, before the altar of her Heavenly Father and the pastor she’d spoken only a few words to, Kristy’s entire being crumbled. The guilt was too heavy. The sadness too deep. The disappointment too maddening.

  Hope had fled from her.

  Reaching for the front pew, Kristy attempted to control the onslaught of sobs. Her legs shook as she turned herself around and sat down on the padded seat. She wiped her eyes and cheeks. Trying to straighten her shoulders, she found the effort was too much, and she stayed slumped over, staring at the carpet. “I apologize,” she mumbled as more tears fell. “I’ll just be…a minute.”

  She didn’t look up, but she knew he was there. She could feel his closeness for several seconds before he sat beside her, placed a tissue in one of her hands and grabbed and held on to the other. “How can I help? I’ll pray.”

  His voice was soft and tender but a bit shaky and unsure. He probably wasn’t used to seeing grown women have complete meltdowns in front of him. But the comfort of his touch brought a new onset of emotion and renewed tears. Kristy shook her head, unable to say a word.

  Embarrassment mingled with the utter defeat and disappointment that overwhelmed her. Her eyes, nose and chest hurt from the physical display of her inner torment.

  But he never let go of her hand.

  When the tears could no longer flow and her body seemed void of all ability to show emotion, she looked up at the pastor. His deep blue eyes spoke of sincere compassion and concern, causing a new wave of mortification. Noting the stubbles along the strong line of his jaw and the slight cleft in his chin, Kristy wondered if she’d lost her senses completely. “I’m sorry. I’ll go now.”

  Before she could get up, he squeezed her hand. “Is there any way I can help?”