Arizona Pastor

by Jennifer Collins Johnson

After they parted ways, Wade gazed up at the clear blue sky. God, if they do come tomorrow, I gotta be ready to preach. Lift this negativity from my heart.

  Nothing. He pushed Bo to walk faster, and the canine happily complied. His mind whirled with thoughts of Kristy and how attracted he’d become to her. At first, he’d found her pretty. But after she’d prayed over their meeting, something more had been stirred within him.

  Memories of Zella washed over him more often. With them came guilt heavier and stronger than he’d felt two decades ago. The meeting with Mel and Joel had only added to his frustration. Their love, immature as it was, yanked at his heartstrings. Longing and loathing warred within him. He wanted that kind of emotion, but he didn’t deserve it.

  “How you doing, Pastor Wade? And what a fine animal you have there.”

  He blinked and turned to the woman he’d nearly barreled right past. “Wilma. I’m sorry. I was in such deep thought I didn’t see you.”

  She clicked her tongue. “Probably pondering your sermon for tomorrow, huh?” She leaned over and petted the top of Bo’s head.

  He twisted his mouth. “Sort of.”

  Wilma rested her hand on his forearm. “I’ve got to tell you, your sermon about forgiveness two weeks ago really touched my heart. I’ve felt guilty for so long that I didn’t realize I was still punishing myself.”

  She took a long breath, then looked back up at him. “You see, several years ago Ron had lung cancer.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “Of course you didn’t. He’s better now. Stage one. He had surgery, and then he was fine. Still goes for checkups every now and again.”

  “That’s good.” Wade frowned. “What does that have to do with you needing forgiveness?”

  Wilma pointed to herself. “I caused it.” She waved her hands. “The doctors would say that might not be the case, but in my heart, I believe I did. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day for the first twenty years of our marriage.” She shuffled her feet back and forth. “I’m fit as a fiddle, but Ron got cancer.”

  Wade’s heartbeat sped up, and a bead of sweat trickled down his temple and cheek. A vision of Zella flashed through his mind, and he gripped Bo’s leash tighter.

  Wilma continued, “You read from Mark that if a man is praying and has anything against a brother, then the man needs to forgive the brother so God can forgive him.” She chuckled as she clapped her hands together. “For some reason, it just hit me. I had a sister I needed to forgive. Myself.” She patted Wade’s arm again. “And you know what, I went home, got myself down on these old knees, and I did. I prayed to God, and I forgave myself.”

  She leaned over and scratched behind Bo’s ears. “I’m like a new woman.” She stood and lifted her fist toward the sky. “Free at last.”

  Wade wiped the mounting perspiration from his brow. His stomach churned, but he wrapped the older woman in a side hug. “That’s great to hear.”

  “I’ll be praying for you as you ponder the message for tomorrow. God’s got great things in store for our church.”

  Wade watched as Wilma continued her trek down the Waddell Trail. She had a spring in her step that spoke of more than just regular exercise. Wade knew the Lord. It was no coincidence that he’d run into Wilma today and that she’d shared her experience the very afternoon he was wrestling with God over the division and loneliness he felt in his heart.

  He needed to forgive himself for Zella’s death. Her parents had been able to forgive him, but he’d never even tried. Didn’t feel worthy. He simply didn’t know how.

  * * *

  “When is the big day?” The petite and peppy sales associate guided Mel toward a wall of wedding gowns.

  Kristy suppressed the urge to inform the woman that the real big day was January 13. She wanted to tell her that she’d tried to listen to her daughter’s ideas about marriage, the baby and her future, but that Mel’s rose-tinted glasses were going to land her in a heap of disappointment.

  Instead, Kristy sneaked a peek at the price tag of one of the gowns on a mannequin. She gasped and looked at another tag. Just as bad.

  “We have six weeks from today,” Leah announced.

  “Oh, my.” The sales associate—her silver-plated badge read Jess—gasped. “We’ll have to find something that either fits or needs only minor alterations that can be done here in the shop.” She wrinkled her nose. “That might limit us.”

  “I’m not worried.” Mel beamed. “We’re going to find the right dress today. I can feel it.”

  Kristy sighed at her daughter’s overenthusiastic attitude. The child was not living in reality. But then, her fiancé had practically been handed a business, and her stepmother’s parents were all but giving her a house. All good things, and she didn’t want Mel to have a hard start, but why wasn’t Mel interested in seeking something for herself, especially after all her years excelling in school? Higher education. A trade. No matter how in love the two of them were, many marriages didn’t last, and she and Joel were starting theirs under very stressful circumstances.

  She sat on a padded bench in front of a dressing room, with mirrors surrounding her from every angle. Remembering the argument at their committee meeting, she determined not to fight with Mel anymore about it. She prayed when the baby came, Mel would find the desire to attend college. Her daughter was too smart not to.

  “What style are we looking for?” asked Jess.

  “I like the long straight gowns with thin straps and a plunging neckline,” said Mel.

  “No strapless?” asked Kristy.

  “I’m not opposed to strapless.” Mel worried the inside of her lip.

  “I love pearls and lace.” Leah brushed the back of her hand against Mel’s cheek. “They would look beautiful against her perfect skin tone.”

  Jealousy swelled within Kristy. She wanted to smack Leah’s hand off her daughter’s face. That skin tone came from Kristy, and from her mom before her.

  “What do you think, Mom?”

  Kristy’s heart flipped because Mel had asked her opinion. “I saw a few dresses in the catalog that had waves or ruffles of fabric below the waistline. They were very pretty.”

  Mel and Leah both frowned. The sales associate rushed to Kristy’s side. “I know exactly what you’re talking about.” She turned to Mel and Leah. “Won’t hurt to try on one or two.” She looked back at Kristy. “What’s our price range?”

  “Around seven thousand,” Leah piped up.

  Kristy coughed, and the petite associate’s lips spread into a wide smile as she hustled off to pick out some gowns.

  “That’s too much,” said Mel.

  Leah shook her head. “My mother wants to pay for it, and that’s the price she said.”

  Mel looked at Kristy, her eyes wide and her mouth open. Kristy shrugged and tried to look excited for her daughter. Mel still hadn’t shared the news of her marriage and pregnancy with Kristy’s parents or either of her aunts, but in the meantime, Leah’s family had taken over the wedding.

  Frustration mingled with anger within Kristy. Tim and Leah and their families had been physical and emotional bystanders in Mel’s life. Kristy had been the one helping Mel study her spelling words, nursing her through childhood illnesses, comforting her when things had gone wrong.

  Financially, though, Tim and Leah had always had the upper hand. The best birthday and Christmas gifts. New clothes and electronics. Now they were taking over one of the most important moments in her daughter’s life. She should be the only mom helping Mel pick out her wedding gown. She shook the thought away. No. That wasn’t the only problem. They were spending thousands of dollars on Mel’s wedding when she shouldn’t be getting married in the first place. They should be at a department store picking out dorm sheets and closet cubbies.

  The sales associate returned, loaded down with dresses. “I’ve got a few to start with.” She shooed Mel into the fitting room.

  Leah sat beside Kristy. The tension between them was thick, and Kristy knew
she should say something to Mel’s stepmother, but she couldn’t get herself to do it. Her dreams for her daughter had been shattered. Even all she’d expected, whenever she’d pictured becoming a mother of the bride several years in the future, had been taken away. Mel poured over bridal magazines with Leah. They discussed colors and flowers and arrangements like friends. In contrast, every time Kristy opened her mouth, she and Mel ended up in a fight. The fault might not lie with Leah personally, but Kristy couldn’t help the jealousy that wrapped around her when the petite blonde stepmom was near.

  Mel stepped out of the fitting room wearing a strapless gown with a sweetheart neckline. A thick satin sash was tied in a large bow at her right hip. Lacy waves of material cascaded from the bow to the floor. She looked amazing, and the gown would be perfect for a growing belly.

  Kristy pressed her hand against her chest, and tears swelled in her eyes. “Mel, you look so beautiful.”

  Mel rolled her eyes. “I don’t like this at all.” She flipped the lace below the waistline. “I feel like Big Bird from Sesame Street.”

  Leah crinkled her nose. “It is a bit much. I think we should go with the original idea of a long straight gown.”

  Kristy nodded and blinked back tears that threatened to spill for an entirely different reason. “Let’s see the next dress.”

  For the first time in Mel’s life, Kristy was the bystander. For eighteen years, she’d placed all her hopes and dreams, every ounce of her physical and emotional being into her daughter. She’d been a fool. She could see that now. Mel wasn’t able to be all Kristy wanted. She was her own person, with her own dream. Kristy had no choice but to sit back and let her daughter live her own life. And somehow Kristy would have to find hers.

  Chapter 10

  At Kristy’s request, Wade finished grilling the hamburgers and hot dogs. Any minute, Joel and Mel and Michael, Carrie and Noah would arrive at her house for dinner. Mel planned to tell her aunt and call the rest of Kristy’s family tonight. When Kristy had phoned and asked for his moral support, as her pastor, he’d felt obligated to help out.

  Who was he kidding? Each passing day, he found himself more attracted to Kristy. Not just her physical beauty, but also her honest spirit and her love for her daughter and the church. Though he’d wrestled with his conversation with Wilma on Saturday, he’d made it through the sermon on Sunday and had spent a lot of one-on-one time with God on Monday. In his mind, he’d accepted God’s forgiveness and forgiven himself, as well. Convincing his heart was the challenge.

  Kristy stepped out onto the deck and handed him a plate to put the cooked meat on. She bit her bottom lip, her expression laced with hesitation. His protective instinct kicked in. Being near Kristy stirred his heart to accept forgiveness and move forward.

  “Everything will be fine,” he assured her.

  She bobbed her head. “I’ve got potato chips, plain and barbecue, potato salad, coleslaw, a jar of pickles and plenty of condiments.” She snapped her fingers. “And a fruit salad. I can’t think of anything else.”

  He longed to wrap his arms around her and kiss the top of her forehead. Instead, he stabbed a partially charred hot dog with a fork and then set it on the plate. “Sounds delicious.”

  “Mom.”

  Mel’s voice sounded from inside the house, and Kristy rushed back inside. Wade finished placing the meat on the plate and then turned off the grill and headed into the house. He set the hamburgers and hot dogs on the counter. Mel popped a grape in her mouth and waved. “Hey, Pastor Wade.”

  “Hello, Mel. How’s the homework coming along?”

  She ate a piece of pineapple. “We finished it. I can’t wait until Thursday to find out what he thinks about who’s doing the cooking.”

  “You haven’t discussed the questions I made you answer before leaving last week?”

  She shook her head. “Haven’t really had any time. He’s been working a ton. That’s why he’s not here tonight.”

  The front door opened. “Hey, sis. We’re here. I don’t recognize the truck...”

  Carrie looked up. “Well, hey, Pastor Wade. I didn’t know you’d be here tonight.”

  She was loaded down with a car seat in one hand and a purse and diaper bag draped over the opposite arm. “Let me help you.” He took the carrier. “Kristy asked me to come, and I learned a long time ago not to turn down dinner offers. Where’s Michael?”

  Carrie grimaced. “Got called out on a shooting. Just me and Noah tonight.”

  Wade held back a groan. He was the only man at this confession/dinner party. Him and Noah. And somehow he didn’t feel any male camaraderie with the three-week-old. He wished he could come up with a reason to book it out of there, but what would he say? He placed the car seat on the coffee table. He didn’t have an excuse. He’d just have to endure the evening.

  Kristy offered him a sheepish grin, and when Carrie and Mel picked up plates and filled them with food, she grabbed his hand, squeezed and whispered, “Thanks.”

  Wade’s heart drummed a steady beat. He cared about Kristy. A lot. And he’d gladly hang out with her and her daughter and sister and nephew and whomever else she wanted to invite, anytime she asked. His plate filled with everything Kristy had to offer, he sat at the square table, with women facing him from every angle.

  “You wanna bless our food?” asked Kristy.

  Wade nodded and offered a quick prayer. Silently, he added God’s blessing when the time came for Mel to share her big news.

  Carrie took a bite of her plain hamburger. “I’m so glad Noah’s sleeping. Car rides always put him right out, but I’ll guarantee you that, since I’m trying to put food in my mouth, the little guy’s gonna wake up any second.”

  Kristy chuckled. “That’s the way Mel was.”

  “Guess I’ll find out if my little one will be like that soon enough.”

  Wade swallowed a big bite of potato salad. He had assumed confession time would happen after dinner. Obviously, he was wrong.

  Carrie furrowed her brows, then swatted the air. “Mel, you’ve got plenty of time. You’ll go to college. Find you a husband—”

  “I’ve got seven months, and Joel and I are getting married in six weeks. Actually, forty days, to be exact.”

  Wade took a slow drink of his sweet tea as understanding wrapped Carrie’s face. Kristy tapped her fork in the coleslaw while Mel stared directly at her aunt.

  “Are you pregnant?” Carrie spit out the words.

  Mel lifted her chin in defiance. Wade had been impressed with her and Joel’s willingness to take responsibility for their actions, and he knew their desire was to make things right with God. But Mel maintained a defiant spirit when it came to chastisement regarding the situation. And he prayed for her and Kristy that God would heal the wedge between them.

  “Yes, I am.” Mel crossed her arms. “And Joel and I are getting married July 27.”

  Carrie’s jaw dropped, and she turned to Kristy. “And you’re allowing this?”

  Kristy grimaced, and Mel leaned closer to her aunt. “I’m almost eighteen, Aunt Carrie. I’m allowed to get married if I want.”

  Carrie scoffed. “Did you hear that, Kris? Guess she doesn’t remember the challenges you faced.” She glared back at Mel. “But then, why would she? She didn’t have to be the caretaker.”

  “I’m sorry I was such a burden,” Mel shot back.

  “You were always worth it,” said Kristy.

  Carrie threw her napkin on the table. “You know that we love you, but that doesn’t mean your mother didn’t have to make sacrifices. A lot of them.” Carrie’s eyes widened, and her voice raised an octave. “How could you do this to your mother?”

  Wade knew the discussion had the potential to get heated. One reason he’d hoped Michael and Joel would be here. As a lifelong bachelor, with only one sister whom he didn’t see all that often, he had no idea what to say or if he should say anything to try to mediate the situation. Noting Kristy’s anxious expression as her gaze boun
ced from her sister to her daughter, Wade reached across the table and placed his palm on hers. To his surprise and pleasure, she gripped his hand and held tight.

  * * *

  Finally! Someone with some reason. Kristy bit her tongue as Carrie and Mel argued back and forth about the upcoming wedding and pregnancy. The baby would be a blessing. God would take Mel and the baby’s life and do immeasurable good, but life wasn’t going to be easy for her daughter. And she didn’t necessarily need to jump into matrimony. Grandma Phillips had always said a person should make only one life-changing decision per year. Mel couldn’t take back the pregnancy, but they could pray a bit more about the nuptials.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” Mel bellowed. “I haven’t done anything to Mom.”

  Noah’s cries echoed through the room. Carrie pursed her lips as she turned to undo the car seat straps. Kristy hopped up and released Wade’s hand. “I’ll get him. You finish eating.”

  She flexed her fingers. She hadn’t realized she’d been holding Wade’s hand, and now she missed the comfort and strength of his grip. Unbuckling her nephew, she cooed at the boy, whose face was puckering. His bottom lip quivered, and she scooped his pacifier out of the seat and popped it in his mouth, then rocked the baby side to side.

  “I’m not sure I’m hungry anymore,” Carrie barked. “What about school, Mel?”

  Mel jutted out her chin again. “I’m not going. Going to college wasn’t my dream anyway.”

  Carrie narrowed her gaze. “Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of joke?” She turned to Wade and shook her head. “I’m sorry you have to witness this.” She pointed to Mel. “But my niece has lost her senses.” She stared back at Mel. “For years, this kid has practiced her arguing skills on me. Years.” She emphasized the word.

  Kristy pinched back a grin. She glanced at Wade and saw his eyes danced with merriment, as well. With less than a decade between them, Carrie and Mel had grown up acting more like sisters than aunt and niece. Only Carrie could get away with ranting at Kristy’s headstrong daughter like this. And maybe, when Mel settled down into bed and all was quiet, she’d think about some of the things Carrie was saying now.