by Ria Cantrell
“Why, Lass?”
“For hurting your feelings. I mean…well, you do have feelings, don’t you?”
He smiled, as some of his fears melted along with the final restraints around his heart. “Yes, I have feelings. And thank you, Lass, but ye’ were not wrong in yer’ surmisings. I earned yer’ disdain wholeheartedly. Only….”
“What?”
“I am not the same man I was in my time. I realize ye’ dunna’ think of me as a man at all, but I am, Kiera. Where it counts.”
As she raised an eyebrow saucily at that last comment, he grinned and said, “Wicked little wench. That is not what I meant…well not exactly.”
Two could play at that game, he thought, but he was glad for her bold little challenge. That meant she would be open to him coming to her dreams again, and if he could make love to her in her dreams, she would open her heart to him all the more. When he smiled at her, it was easy to forget he was, or at least, had been, a man who did deeds that would render him her worst nightmare. Instead, she could only think about him as the one who had given her the most passionate orgasm of her life--even it if was only in a dream.
Clearing her throat, Kiera said, “I did not mean to humiliate you. I am especially sorry for that.”
He shrugged, “No harm done. T’is not like those people would ever meet me. T’is of no import what they think of me and if they think I am a legendary foe, so be it. Besides, I am more concerned with what ye’ think of me.”
“Why? What does what I think of you matter at all?”
“It just does, Lass. It just does.”
“You can’t change who you are, Derek.”
“Nay, nor can ye’, but ye can change who ye’ can come to be.”
“But you--” Kiera stopped herself. She could not bring herself to say the words. He finished her thought for her.
“I know. Ye’ think I cannot become anything for I am stuck between the world of the living and the dead. But I just have to try, Kiera.” For yer’ sake…for both of our sakes. Derek thought the last part without speaking it.
“So, you forgive me?”
“Aye, Lassie. Of course I do. I mean, ye’ are my only friend. I dunna’ want ye’ to be angry with me.” And I love ye’. How could I not forgive ye? That realization hit him like a punch. He had never forgiven anyone in his life; least of all himself. The Spirit of Forgiveness and Love were foreign to him, but they offered him a healing he had not even known he needed. Derek watched as Kiera’s face softened in relief at his words.
She had not wanted to hurt him. There was hope after all. She would help him to go to the Light or to move on or whatever a spirit was supposed to do. That thought plagued her, though she did not want to admit it. She was getting quite fond of his presence. Kiera felt oddly protected when he was about, even if he had been a vile creature in his past. When she looked at him stretched so casually before her, Kiera only saw the man; or at the very least the image of the man. It was hard to wrap her brain-around the fact that he was not tactile or physically solid, because he seemed so hale and touchable. He was not the wisps of ectoplasm one expected when encountering someone of other-worldly realms. He certainly felt real in that dream. As Kiera could not contain herself from thinking about that, she felt warmth spread inside of her. She cursed silently that he wasn’t really a physical being because she would sure have liked to explore her sensuality with this man. Just her damn luck that the best lay she had ever had was only restricted to her dreams.
Derek watched her color rise before him. She had lost herself to some thought and he pretty much could guess just what thoughts she was having. A small victorious smile curved his mouth and he just could not wait to visit her again in the privacy of her dreams. She was beautiful in her release and he wanted to experience it again and again. He knew he had to be careful or she would catch on that his visits were not just mere conjurings of her sleeping mind. As she looked upon him she decided to broach the subject of helping him. She said softly, “Derek, I was wondering what I need … well, what I can do to help you.”
Ye’ can fall in love with me and make me a man again.
“Help me, Lass? What do ye’ mean?”
“You know, to move on. So you aren’t tied here anymore. I mean you must want to move on, don’t you?”
“Move on? I dunna’ understand. This is my home.”
“Right I know…but you have been trapped here a long time. Don’t you want to go…to where souls go…like heaven or something.”
“Heaven? Lass, I am afraid heaven is not welcoming to a man like me, else I would have gone there already. Nay, I have no wish to move on, as you say.”
Derek hid his disappointment. Kiera wanted him to go away. She wanted to help him leave. Was he that abhorrent to her that she could not bear his presence? For the first time in a long time, perhaps maybe in his entire life, Derek felt such deep sadness at the thought; he could scarcely breathe because for him, it still felt like he could breathe. Only now, it felt like he was dying all over again.
Dunna’ make me leave, lass, he pleaded silently. Kiera saw the way his stormy eyes seemed to sadden again.
“I have frightened ye’. I know ye’ wish me gone. Ye’ never wanted to share this place with someone like me, but…” His voice seemed tight, as if he was guarding his emotions. He looked so lost, that Kiera wished she could offer him some comfort, but she could not. They both knew she could not.
“You do not frighten me. I don’t mind sharing this place with you. I just thought that you have been here such a long time. I thought perhaps you wished to…cross over. I have heard that gho…I mean men, in your predicament, wish to cross over the plane between the mortal world to, you know, the other world. So you are not caught in the middle…so you don’t have to haunt…I mean…walk this…plane unfulfilled. Sometimes energies such as yourself are bound because of unfinished…or rather perceived unfinished business here.”
Derek’s eyes grew cold and stormier still. A brewing tempest seemed to be rising within the irises of his gaze, as the flames from the fire reflected in them. He said in a quite manner of fact way, “If I had finished my business here, I would not be caught here, would I? I would have been granted my immortal reward, good or bad, had it been deemed so at the time of my very untimely death.”
“Well you don’t have to get mad about it. Jeez, I was only trying to help.”
“Look, lass, I dunna’ know how or when I shall be allowed to leave this place, but I only know that if I could have I would have six centuries past.”
“I did not mean to upset you. I really only wanted--”
“Aye, ye’ want me gone. Ye’ dunna’ want me lurking around the only home I have ever really known. It is understood. I may have been many things in life, but daft was not one of them.”
Derek stood up to go. This was not going well, indeed. He suddenly needed to leave her again, because looking at her and wanting her as a man wanted a woman only made him all the more sick inside. She wanted him to go away and there was nothing he could do about it. He was better at being a mercenary rather than a love-sick swain. He knew that now that his heart opened to her, it would never beat for another, but he was still a man, albeit a spirit of one, who had his pride. He could not nor would not beg her to open her heart to him. He just wanted to get away from her as quickly as he could.
She stood before him and raised her hand to his cheek. He could almost feel it as it just hovered above his face and she said, “Wait, please don’t go.”
He stared at her, once again the hardened warrior. “Kiera, I’ve no wish to intrude upon ye’.”
“I only meant to help. I did not mean to anger you. I just thought…you would want to move on.”
“I did want to move on. That was a long time ago. For the first time I dunna’ want…never mind. It matters not.”
He looked so lost and sad, Kiera wished with all her heart she could give him a hug. She realized how silly that would seem to him
if he knew her thoughts. He was a warrior, after all, or rather had been. He would think she was a ninny to be so soft. Still, she had not wanted to upset him, yet again. Oh God, this was going nowhere. How was she supposed to help him if he did not want her help?
Only, he would not have thought it silly. He ached to hold her. He needed to feel her warm and soft in his arms. He wanted to experience the human contact all people needed to survive. She was reaching out to him, with her tiny hand hovering just before his jaw. She wanted to touch him, too. He saw her look of embarrassment as her hand dropped heavily to her side. She stammered, “I-I’m sorry. I am a very huggy person.”
“Huggy,” he repeated, not understanding this word or description.
“I tend to be mushy…hell, you wouldn’t understand that word either. I like to hug people. I keep forgetting that you are from a different time. Maybe hugging warriors would seem silly.”
At those words, a grin spread on his full lips. “Perhaps it would, but I live in yer’ world now, Kiera MacCollum.”
“What did you say? Why did you call me that?”
“Are ye’ not of the MacCollum clan?”
“I am known as Callum. I am descended from that line, I believe, but I have never been called MacCollum before.”
“Aye, ye’ are MacCollum. Surely I could not be wrong about that. It is undeniable. And in answer to yer’ want to be huggy with me, I too, wish ye’ could. It has been a long time since I felt the touch of another. Longer still since I felt the touch from a beautiful lass.”
As blush flooded her cheeks, Kiera said, “Now you are just flattering me. You are a cad.”
“Lass, one thing ye’ can be sure of--I dunna’ speak words to falsely flatter. I have never been a man to play into the wiles of a woman with honeyed words of fabricated truths.”
“Oh,” she said softly. She was pretty sure he was telling the truth about that. She could not see him filling a girl’s head with inane flattery just to get her into bed. Kiera was quite certain that he did not need to and if he did, he would not waste time doing so, but rather he would take what he wanted with or without the fawning of a woman. That made the blush stain her cheeks a brighter shade of crimson. Seeing the blush on the woman who had been so uninhibited with him in the dream encounter charmed him. There seemed to be many facets of this complex woman and Derek thought about how much he was going to enjoy exploring all of them.
His hand stroked over her cheek, or at least passed over her, only to slide right through and though she felt the cold chill of it, Kiera was grateful for the tenderness of the gesture.
He said, “Maybe the gods will smile upon me someday and let me taste the huggy side of ye’. I should leave ye’ to yer’ rest now, Lass.”
Kiera could not stay angry at him or piqued at him. She said honestly, “I really wish we could talk a little more.”
“Maybe tomorrow, love.” With a wink he said, “Besides, t’is time for me to walk my rounds.”
“I will be busy tomorrow. My friends…”
“Oh, aye…them.”
Once again, his visage seemed to turn cold. Maybe he did not like other visitors in his castle. Well, Kiera did not have a choice. Besides, many guests stayed in the guest quarters and Derek did not seem to mind. As Derek turned to go, there was a knock on Kiera’s door. She opened it, forgetting that Derek was still beside her and Gianni was standing there smiling.
“Oh Gianni, hi. Is everything alright?”
“Si, si… but I was going to get a drink and saw your light still on. Then I heard you talking…Am I disturbing you?”
Glancing at Derek who was now standing with his powerful arms crossed over his equally powerful chest, she murmured, “Oh, no…not at all. I was reading out loud to myself. I do that sometimes.”
Smirking, Gianni said, “I no see a book. Bella mia, do you talk to yourself? People who are… how do you say…pazzo…talk to themselves.”
“What is potso?” Derek asked, not liking the way the little man said it to his Kiera.
“Crazy.”
“Shall I pound him to the floor, Lass?” Derek sounded serious. Kiera glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
“No…” she said through gritted teeth. Giancarlo looked at Kiera quizzically.
“Si, crazy. Anyway, I thought we could have another drink of wine.”
Even though Kiera knew Giancarlo could not see Derek, it was an awkward situation.
“Oh, Gianni, I think I may call it a night. I am a little tired.”
“Aye go back to yer’ room, ye’ swarthy little shyte.”
Kiera’s head whipped to look at Derek and she said, “Stop that.”
“Stop what, Bella?”
Derek smiled with a self-satisfied grin. If he had any doubts before, he was certain he didn’t like the little dung pile. If he could pick him up by his scrawny neck, he would have tossed him over the castle wall to the rocks below.
“I’m sorry, Gianni. I am a little under the weather tonight. I am sure tomorrow would be a better day.”
“Alright, darling…buona notte.”
“Good night.”
As Giancarlo turned, Kiera was about to shut the door, but she saw him hastily look back at her. Derek once again felt like the little weasel was looking right at him. With a shrug, Giancarlo strolled down the corridor leading to the guest suites.
Kiera whirled on Derek who was standing there looking quite pleased with himself.
“These people are my guests, Derek. I know you don’t like them being in your castle, but .…”
“I dunna’ mind them being here. It is just that one. I dunna’ trust him.”
“You dunna’ know anything about him,” Kiera mimicked his accent. Good God, he was the most infuriating man she had ever met. One minute she wanted to hug him and the next she wanted to fight with him. He elicited such a myriad of emotions within her. She felt more deep emotions in a matter of minutes with Derek than she had in all the time with Jackson. Somehow even arguing with Derek was rather wonderful in its own way. It sure beat the complacency of the non-emotive existence she had with Jax.
“I know I dunna’ like him. I dunna’ like the way he looks at ye’. Why, he leers at ye’ with unabashed lust.” Derek’s words brought Kiera back to the present argument.
“Why should that bother you?”
“It just does,” Derek grumbled.
Oh my God, he is jealous. “You are jealous.”
“Nay. I just dunna’ like how he looks at ye’. I dunna’ trust him.”
Kiera laughed. “That’s a good one coming from you.”
Quite seriously, and with a deadly quieter tone to his voice, Derek said, “A man knows one like his own. Ye’ think I have no right to cast judgment, but I can because of who I was. Be careful of him, Kiera. A man like him will cause ye’ heartache.”
You are causing me heartache, she thought but she would not admit it. At least, not out loud.
When Derek said her name like that, it snapped her attention to his words. He was not just being jealous, he was worried about her. Not wanting to fight with him again, she said, “Thank you for your concern, but he is just a friend. I am perfectly safe with him. I mean now that he is staying here for a few days.”
Derek shrugged as if it mattered not to him, but he would see to it that the dark haired scoundrel kept his distance from his woman. He did not even discount the fact that he now thought of Kiera as his woman. It seemed as right as rain and Derek was going to be certain that it stayed that way. Kiera watched Derek’s expression change from fierce protective warrior to something else she could not quite put her finger on. If someone could have a look of possessive tenderness on his face, that would have been how she described Derek’s countenance. She was not sure she liked knowing that, but then again, she wasn’t certain she didn’t. Something about sensing his feelings made Kiera feel things she was not ready to admit; for if she admitted it, then she would also have to admit that the outcome w
ould be doomed to failure and heartache.
As Derek started to leave, he felt a sense of foreboding and he had an image of a man trying to harm Kiera. It stopped him cold as the malevolence of it shimmered over him. The evil of it did not radiate from the one Kiera called Gianni. Derek was not one to give in to feelings of fear, but something about this spectral warning struck fear in his heart that he was not aware he could experience. Kiera was looking at him suspiciously and she said, “Are you alright? You look…weird.”
“It’s nothing. I should leave ye’ to yer’ rest.”
Once again his hand raised as if to stroke her face and Kiera felt the familiar cool sensation as it passed over her cheek. It no longer was something that caused her to cringe. Oh, this is bad, she thought. Very bad. You have to help him whether he wants you to or not or you will both be in for a boat load of trouble.
Derek took his leave. Even though he felt danger from another, he was going to stand guard outside of that miscreant’s door all night if he had to, to make certain the puny shyte did not entertain thoughts of insinuating himself into Kiera’s chambers before the morning.
Chapter 28
Jackson Samms sat alone in his apartment staring at a picture of himself and Kiera Callum. He took another slug from the bottle of undetermined liquor, gazing at the image of his fiancé. How many months had it been since he had seen her? He had thought that after her little taste of freedom, she would come back to him like a puppy with her tail between her legs. They belonged together. It was time that she got over herself and came back to make good on their wedding plans. His family was none too pleased about the cancellation of the big event. It had caused talk to spread in the circles of the country clubs and elite “Hamptonites”. Even though she was not one of them, his family found her to be well-heeled enough to fit into their societal structure. There was even talk of disinheritance due to his indiscretions. So there had been other women, so what? Kiera was his and it was about time she remembered about agreeing to marry him. It was not her place to question his fidelity. Lots of men had affairs and their wives turned a blind eye to it. He could offer her wealth and security. She was his fiancé and even though she had insisted on giving him back his ring, she was still his.
