Heart Of The Outback, Volume 2

by Margaret Way

  She found it in a pile Jess had already apparently looked through and started to say something about looking properly—but what was the point? “Got everything else?”

  Jess patted her beach-bag. “Yup. Let’s go. Race you to the car.”

  Twenty minutes later, Steffi slowed down to turn into Matt’s street and started to look for the street numbers. Twenty-eight, thirty, thirty-two. This was it, an old doublefronted sandstone cottage, full of charm and character and in need of a good lick of paint. She turned into the driveway and parked behind Matt’s car, Jess jumping out and racing to the house even before Steffi had cut the engine.

  Jess had dumped her bag on the front verandah and was knocking on the door, only a notch down from hammering. At least she’d break the ice, if not the door knocker, for them both.

  The door flew open. “Come and see my new dog.” And Jess disappeared in a whirl of pink and purple. Steffi assumed the purple-wearing child had been Matt’s niece, Susie.

  Behind them, Matt was lounging against the doorframe, his hands in the pockets of his board shorts. “I don’t have a new dog, but would you like to come in anyway?” He unfolded himself and took a step towards Steffi, stretching a hand out, placing it at her elbow and welcoming her inside, taking her beach-bag in his other hand.

  She leant in towards him, feeling the strength of his body, liking the feel of his large hand on her elbow, breathing in the sandalwood scent of him as they walked down the cool hallway.

  “Does Susie really have a dog?”

  He laughed. “She wouldn’t know what to do with a real one, the novelty would wear off inside a week. It’s one of those battery-operated gizmos that ‘communicates’ with you.” Matt opened a door that took them into the family and kitchen area at the back of the house.

  “Great, now I’ll have Jess nagging me for one.” She stopped and looked about. “This is lovely.” The back wall was floor-to-ceiling glass with doors opening onto a shaded paved area, beyond which the pool glittered and sparkled in the sun. “Did you do the renovation?”

  “I managed the site and contracted all the workers, and I did a fair bit of it myself.”

  “Like what?”

  “The timberwork, windows, kitchen.”

  Steffi’s jaw dropped as she took in the kitchen, made of pale, limed wood, with gorgeous old tiles on the splashbacks, understated, simple, but one hundred per cent good taste. “I’m impressed.”

  “Don’t be, it’s something I’ve done for years. I like working with wood, enjoy making things. If I hadn’t done medicine I would probably have been a carpenter.” He slipped his hands into his pockets again, and half sat on the edge of the solid kitchen table. “And I couldn’t afford to have someone else make it for me.”

  “I know the feeling, but unfortunately my creative talents only stretch to sewing costumes for school plays, and even that I do badly.” She shuddered at the thought of Jess’s sulky face when she saw Steffi’s attempts at her costumes. “And unwillingly.”

  “Bad memories?”

  “Shocking.”

  “Then you enjoy sewing as much as I enjoy painting.” He waved a hand in the direction of the original front part of the house. “My sister’s always on at me to finish the job but …”

  “It doesn’t light your fire?”

  “Frankly, no.” They smiled, relaxing in each other’s company. “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Water would be great. I’d forgotten how much hotter it is here than Adelaide.”

  She followed Matt and perched at the breakfast bar. A framed photo, perched next to a collection of cookbooks, caught her eye.

  “Are they your parents?”

  Matt’s eyes flicked up from the glass he was filling. “Mmm.” He returned his attention to the task at hand. “Do they live nearby?”

  “No.” He continued to fill the second glass, not bothering to look up this time. Surely pouring water didn’t require his total concentration?

  “You’ve got your father’s eyes.”

  No comment at all this time.

  Not one that was relevant anyway.

  “How would you feel if we took the girls to the beach instead of staying here?” He gestured outside. “The Cove would be perfect today. There’s no wind and it might be the last day we get to use the sea this autumn.”

  “Fine by me. Jess will love it. Can we drag them away from that dog?”

  “Absolutely. If nothing else, Susie knows she can always wheedle an ice cream out of me after the beach.” “You’re telling me you’re a big old softy?” He raised one eyebrow. “My lips are sealed.” “A man of mystery. Intriguing.”

  “Last one in is a rotten egg,” squealed Susie, running for the water as fast as her little legs would take her, Jess in hot pursuit.

  Matt was standing next to Steffi, his feet apart and hands on his hips, bare above his board shorts. He looked at her with a twinkle in his eye. “It’s only fair to give them a head start,” he said, before he took off after them, kicking the white sand up with his heels as he ran, his smooth back rippling with muscles. The sight of him held Steffi transfixed.

  He caught up to the girls just as they reached the water and, barely slowing, picked one up under each arm and kept running into the water, great arcs of it splashing up around them, little girl-squeals of excitement ringing out and probably half deafening him.

  It was another side to him entirely, carefree, fun, spontaneous.

  She licked her lips and sank to the ground to sit on her beach towel. Get your breath back, get your breath back.

  At least this breathlessness wasn’t due to the panic attacks. She hadn’t had any since she’d averted the one at the wedding. She’d thought she’d been on to a quick cure then, but Nadine had explained that distraction wasn’t a method she could rely on. What had she said? Distraction would distract her from her anxiety but she’d also become distracted from everything else around her. She’d be switched off.

  She slipped her sunglasses off, the shade of her hat sufficient. Matt was now crouched down just beyond the breakers, out in deeper water, and each girl was taking a turn to climb onto him, putting one foot in his cupped hands, before he launched her to land with a splash.

  Steffi looked away from them at their surroundings, seeing the cliffs forming a natural enclosure to the beach at either end, the white sand ending against a jumble of reddish rocks heaped in piles, rising to blend with the walls of red rock. The water was a clear blue-green, and she knew from the clifftop it would be very clear and wouldn’t darken to deep blue until a good hundred metres out from shore. The waves were small, not even enough to body-surf in, but perfect for two little girls to enjoy.

  Her attention was caught by a bright pink suntop and she lifted her hat a little higher so she could watch Jess. Susie had just swum out of the way after being thrown by Matt and it was Jess’s turn now. She was climbing up, her face wreathed in smiles, twisting to wave at Steffi as if she didn’t have a care in the world. When had she last looked quite like that? Quite so happy?

  She flipped around again in Matt’s arms, calling over her shoulder, “Watch me, Mum.” Matt flexed his arms and sent her flying into the water, her head coming up seconds later. She was screaming with laughter. “Did you see? Did you see?”

  “I saw, sweetheart.” She was laughing, too, Jess’s gaiety infectious.

  “Come in, Mum!”

  “In a minute.”

  “Make her, Matt, go get her.” Susie and Jess were hanging off him like two little monkeys.

  Matt stood up in the water, the water and the girls slipping off him. “Do I need to take such drastic measures?” The mock seriousness of his voice had Jess and Susie clapping and screaming in expectation of an adult-sized dunking.

  Yes, please. But she said, “No, I think I can manage.” She stood up and slipped off her bright sarong and hat, revealing a fuschia-coloured swimsuit, cut low in front with thin straps. As she walked to the sea, she wondered whether
Matt thought he’d landed in a world where the only colour was pink. If men even noticed things like that. Did they?

  They did.

  “Pink suits you.”

  She was wading as elegantly as she could through the water.

  “Thanks.”

  “Water suits you.”

  Steffi had a single second to look bemused before, “Ah-h! It’s cold!” she spluttered as he brought her back above the water.

  He’d dunked her unceremoniously, without warning, given her a huge dunking, scooping her up and plunging them both under the water, his lean, well-defined arms wrapping around her almost naked flesh.

  And when he brought her back up, he didn’t let go, slipping his hands to her waist while cries of, “Do it again! Do it again,” floated around them.

  “Why don’t you two monkeys go get your beach-ball and we’ll play water-catch?”

  Four little legs scrambled out of the sea, thumping back up to their towels and the mounds of buckets and spades and balls.

  Steffi scraped her sodden hair back from her face—so much for actually making an effort with her appearance. Whereas Matt couldn’t possibly look any hotter than he did right now, wet hair, glistening, damp skin, making him seem even browner and sleeker, polished almost, like satin. He smiled, his white teeth a stark contrast to his tanned face and, with the sun shining directly on him, he squinted against the light, the lines around his mouth and eyes softening. He spun them both around so they could look at each other without fighting the sun, and her eyes flew straight to his mouth, remembering. She parted her lips, a tiny sigh coming from her, and reached her hands out to place them on his shoulders, feeling the rock-hard ridges of bone and muscle beneath her fingers.

  “You make it damnably hard not to kiss you, Steffi Harrison.”

  “You make it damnably hard not to let you.”

  He brought her closer, their bodies almost touching under the warm water, the salty tang in their mouths and filling their nostrils, fighting the urge to press against each other, skin against skin, mouth against mouth.

  She saw him swallow and heard a soft groan escape his lips. She knew that if she pressed closer she would feel his arousal, knew their feelings were in sync. But she stayed where she was, she couldn’t risk moving nearer. One of her bather straps had slipped down and he eased it back into place before taking a step away.

  “Later?” It was only one word but they both knew what it meant.

  “Yes.” Her answer shot back, surprising her with its huskiness and its speed.

  “Come and build something with us!”

  Steffi jumped at the plea and Matt waved at the girls, laden with beach gear, struggling towards the water.

  “Looks like we’re back on.” He chuckled as Jess dropped an armful and struggled to pick it up again. “They couldn’t possibly make two trips.”

  By the time an hour had passed, the side view of an enormous camper van had been constructed out of sand, complete with curtains of seaweed and a string of shells hanging from its rear-view mirror.

  Steffi dusted off her hands and sat back on her heels, pulling her sarong into place. “That’s nothing short of a miracle.”

  “Uncle Matt and I have made way better things. We even made a sculpture of ourselves this summer and it looked exactly like us.”

  “Cool!” Jess seemed to think that summed it up. “Let’s be dolphins.” And they were off again, back into the water. Matt and Steffi stood up, too, and walked to the water’s edge, where the tiny waves that had made it this far lapped about their ankles.

  “I’d forgotten how lovely it is here.”

  “The Cove?”

  She nodded. “And the town, the people, the lifestyle.”

  “Tired of the city lights?”

  “I think I was tired of them by the time I’d unpacked all those years ago.”

  “Then why stay? Especially when you’d just had a baby. Why make it so hard?”

  Something in his voice made her think he knew more than she’d told him before but, then, this was the country, and he worked with her sister and brother-in-law. “You’ve been talking to Lauren?”

  “Not specifically, but I do remember her and Jack having arguments about single mothers when he first got here and how angry she’d get with him. Ryan told me why it pushed her buttons, why she’s so involved in her teenage mothers” groups now.”

  “It made quite an impression on her, I know. She was only sixteen at the time, ready to right the wrongs of the world.

  Still is.”

  “So why go?” He wasn’t going to drop the subject, she could see that.

  Matt watched as she circled her toes in the sand, the patterns forming before disappearing in the water.

  “I had to prove I could make it on my own. I was stubborn. Naïve. I had no idea how hard it would be to relocate. And I didn’t really think I’d be left alone to raise a baby. I thought Jess’s father might stay around.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “Saudi Arabia, I think. We communicate via email so I haven’t really paid attention. It’s pointless trying to keep track of him, he’s a bit of a wanderer. I realised early on I’d have to support the two of us and I needed a career. I had to be in the city to study nursing. If I’d come home then I wouldn’t have my qualifications.”

  “Your family didn’t help?”

  “As much as they could. Mum and Lauren would come down for visits, Mum and Dad helped me out financially when they could, and they probably would have done more if I hadn’t been so bloody-minded about being independent. Jess’s dad sent a bit now and then, but he’s never been what you’d call a regular worker and at the time he was so young.” She paused for a moment and Matt sensed she was back in a past that didn’t include him. “Besides, at the end of the day, I’m glad I showed myself I could do it.”

  “And now?” He followed her gaze out to the girls, diving under the water over and over again, arms against their sides, feet and legs flipping madly under the water, still pretending to be dolphins.

  “Now?” She linked her hands and stretched her slender arms out in front of her. “Now I’m thinking it might be time to come home.”

  A knot appeared in his stomach. “Why?”

  “Lots of reasons. Not least of which is Jess.” She caught her sarong and held it against her thighs as a sudden gust of wind whipped up and died down just as quickly. “She’s the most important person in my life and I need to do what’s right for both of us. Remember I said she was being bullied? I didn’t find out about it until near the end of term. I need to reassess our lives in the city. I’m not prepared to sacrifice the relationship with my daughter for the sake of my job.”

  Peals of laughter floated towards them and a sudden smile swept across Steffi’s face. Matt saw it, and it was like the sun coming out. Her voice was bright as she said, “And it’s been a long time since she’s been this happy, being back here.”

  “You’re feeling guilty you didn’t know about it sooner?”

  “Of course. And angry at the school for not picking up on it and alerting me.”

  “Children are masters at hiding things. If Jess didn’t want you to know, chances are, you weren’t going to find out.”

  “She’s only eight!”

  “I know, I’m just saying you won’t always know everything, no matter how close you are.”

  “How would you know?” She must have seen his surprise as she dropped her voice immediately. “Sorry.”

  “It’s OK. You’re right, I’m not a parent but I do know that I kept a lot of things that happened at boarding school quiet. My folks certainly didn’t hear about everything that went on. Not half of it.”

  “What did you keep from them?”

  “Things they could do nothing about.”

  “But they’d have wanted to know about any problems you were having. I’d do anything for Jess.”

  “It doesn’t matter. What’s the point in complaining to people
about things that are out of their control, things no one can do anything about? Dad made that clear when I did try to tell him about a few things, and after that I didn’t try. He was right. I could see it was my battle.” He held up a hand to silence Steffi, who looked like she was about to protest that that hadn’t been the situation with Jess. “I’m not saying the two are the same, my point is how easy it is to keep things hidden.”

  “But you were at boarding school. I see Jess every day and I still didn’t know.”

  “Maybe she didn’t want to upset you. Kids are very perceptive. Perhaps she knew you had other worries.”

  “Are you saying an eight-year-old should be able to cope on their own?”

  “No, not that they should, just that they might feel they need to, that it’s their problem and no one else can help.”

  “You’re saying that’s how you felt, but you were a teenager, at high school, away from your parents.” He could almost hear the gears shift in her mind as she switched directions, focusing on the snippets of information he’d let slide. “What was it you were hiding anyway?”

  He wasn’t going down that path now, it was water under the bridge and wouldn’t help her with Jess, but he heard himself giving her more of an explanation than he’d ever given anyone. “I didn’t fit the private boys” school mould. I was hopeless at football, at anything requiring hand-eye co-ordination. Combined with a reputation for being a brain, not to mention being the tallest and gangliest in my year and coming from the opposite of a wealthy city-based family, I was a sitting duck for being singled out, bullied.” He stopped himself before he did exactly what he’d just said he never did—moan about his problems. Especially when the problems in question were in the past. They had no bearing on his life now.

  He was aware of her gaze on him and wondered what was going through her mind at his revelations. She was probably regretting coming out with him for the day, listening to him carry on like this. He changed the subject back to what they were meant to be talking about. “Do you think you’ve got to the bottom of it now? Does Jess understand? That’s the key issue.”

  “I think so but then an element of doubt creeps in. I’m wondering if I’ll ever really know what’s going on in Jess’s life now. This is when I find being a single parent really tough. There’s no one to talk things over with, work out the best approach.”