Mothers and Daughters

by Howard, Minna

  ‘Just checking. I don’t want to offer anything that might cause offence. I look forward to seeing you both then, about one.’

  ‘Thanks Mum and could we have your dark chocolate and orange mousse for pudding please?’

  ‘Of course.’ That was a small, safe request after the bombshell of a coming wedding. Please God she wasn’t pregnant too.

  ‘And Mum, Margot says she saw you driving a sports car with a young man – that’s not like you? Who was he?’

  ‘How do you know it’s not like me?’ Alice retorted. Not like her? It was like her, a person she’d carefully wrapped up and put on one side to please Julian. Now with him gone that person had resurfaced again. If she had to be a granny she’d be a granny who’d do exactly what she felt like.

  ‘I was test-driving a car. He was… the salesman or whatever.’

  ‘Test-driving? Are you going to buy a sports car? I mean… Dad would…’

  ‘Dad’s not here anymore, darling, and no, I can’t afford a new car, especially one like that, but I just felt like driving one.’

  ‘Well we’ll see you Sunday, Mum.’ There was a small silence before Laura rang off and Alice half expected her eldest daughter to tell her to behave as her children expected her to behave, but Laura said no more.

  It would be comforting to talk to Cecily about Laura’s surprising news but the old lady would be in bed by now, though she said she barely slept these days. But perhaps Cecily had been right, Evie and now Laura were so missing their father they’d got involved with unsuitable men, not that she knew if Douglas was unsuitable. But it was odd that this was the first time she’d heard of him.

  Laura lived in a bedsit in Battersea and was a legal secretary in a large, well known chambers. She often dropped round for supper and sometimes stayed the night, back in her old bedroom. She’d last stayed three weeks ago, strange she hadn’t mentioned Douglas at all, or had she tried and Alice had not picked it up? Well she’d soon meet Douglas; only four more days to go.

  *

  The table was laid and the lunch almost cooked on Sunday. Alice planned her cooking meticulously, allowing time for Alice and Douglas to be late and have a drink before lunch so the beef should be perfect and have its ‘rest’ before being carved. She’d roasted potatoes, parsnips and carrots with it and also cooked French beans and made Yorkshire pudding. The dark chocolate mousse flavoured with grated orange rind and Cointreau stood on the side and beside it a green fruit salad, grapes, kiwi, apples and melon. There was also cheese.

  She wished they weren’t coming now, or rather she wished Laura was coming alone – and Evie, both her girls without this baggage they’d laden on themselves and, by default, her.

  She heard the front door open, rasping over the too thick doormat, and Laura’s voice telling Douglas to come in and, pinning a smile on to her face, Alice went into the narrow hall to greet them.

  Douglas Greenwood was so nondescript that Alice feared she might fail to recognize him again. She continued to smile, welcoming him in, knowing that Laura was watching her intently to pick up every nuance of her behaviour and would catch any sign of disapproval.

  Surreptitiously, Alice studied him for some distinguishing mark that would single him out in a crowd. He was taller than Laura, with broad shoulders and mousy brown hair, grey, green eyes and a square, easily forgettable face. He shook her hand – at least his hand was cool and smooth, she hated wet, limp handshakes. He addressed her as Mrs Garnet; he was well spoken, though his voice had a deadening quality about it that even if he’d cried out ‘fire fire!’ or ‘murder murder!’ she doubted his tone would generate enough excitement for anyone to take action. However, would they get through a whole lunch together?

  Where was that spark that came with love, or at least lust? He was five years older than Laura and seemed so sensible. She knew – from the dysfunctional men some of her friends’ daughters had chosen, some, middle aged adolescents who seemed incapable of settling down, or another Nick – that she should be grateful for that.

  ‘I don’t know if Laura has told you, Mrs Garnet, but we’ve known each other quite a time.’

  ‘Do, please call me Alice,’ she said for the umpteenth time. ‘I must say I didn’t know that.’ Then seeing him throw Laura a fretful glance, she added quickly, ‘I’ve been a bit scatty since I lost my husband.’

  He blinked at her like a wise old owl. ‘I’m so sorry about that, I would have liked to have known him.’

  There was a lump in her throat but she ploughed on. ‘So, where did you meet?’

  ‘We met through work,’ Douglas said.

  Laura broke in impatiently. ‘Mum, it is not important where we met, we know each other now.’

  ‘But for how long have you know each other, darling?’ Alice attempted to throw out a silent warning that as Laura was only in her early twenties, she didn’t need to rush into marriage, especially with someone they didn’t know. She’d feel differently if she’d chosen the son of one of their friends, someone they’d known since childhood.

  Laura ignored her flashing eye signals and said, ‘We’ve known each other on and off for over a year and…’

  Douglas then stirred himself. ‘I feel very sorry that I can’t ask Laura’s late father for her hand in marriage,’ he said formally, ‘but I shall ask for yours instead. I have a good job and a house and…’

  ‘Do you love her? Love each other?’ Alice interjected. He reminded her of the Prince of Wales when asked the same question at his engagement saying ‘whatever in love means’. She would not have been at all surprised if Douglas had mimicked him.

  ‘Mum…’ Laura blazed as if she’d asked something more intimate.

  ‘That goes without saying,’ Douglas cut in. ‘We are very happy together and my children love her.’

  ‘Children!’ Alice burst out in dismay. ‘What children?’ She turned accusingly to Laura. ‘You never said that there were children involved.’

  ‘Mum… I was… going to explain, but you didn’t give me… us… a chance.’ Laura’s jaw was set in the ridged way she had when she was trying to justify herself.

  ‘Mrs Garnet,’ Douglas began cautiously as if fearful that she might erupt and deluge him with molten lava. ‘I’ll explain about myself and my circumstances.’ He paused, sat back in his chair, folding his hands carefully on his lap as if he were about to embark upon a fairy tale.

  Alice poured out more wine, gulping at it while thinking of Cecily’s advice. Perhaps she’d take a gap year. She’d recently read an article about ‘empty nesters’ setting off themselves to explore the world. What if she set off on one of those trips and left her daughters to sort themselves out?

  ‘My marriage went wrong very early on,’ Douglas started. ‘I hung on for my children’s sakes, but now it is over and I have custody of them.’

  ‘How old are they?’ Alice could see the picture now. Douglas needed a wife and mother for his children – this was a job offer and, for whatever reason, Laura was about to accept it.

  ‘Eight and six,’ Douglas said, ‘and they love Laura already. And for you,’ he smiled the warmest smile she’d seen from him so far, ‘you will have two instant grandchildren and I knew the minute I met you that they will love you.’

  But will I love them? Alice thought, poleaxed at the thought of having acquired three surprise grandchildren, in less than a week.

  3

  It must be all that digging and pruning in the open air that made Nick look so good for his age. Alice tried not to look at him as he sprawled elegantly in the cane chair in the garden, basking in the pale spring sun, a slight glaze of sweat on his face from his gardening activities, or perhaps… no, better not to go there. He wore a much worn, but once expensive pink and blue striped shirt, the sleeves rolled up, showing off his tanned arms, his legs too were on show from the knee down in his well-cut shorts. She didn’t want him to know she was covetously watching him, but he probably did, he probably expected it.

&nbs
p; Alice felt a squeeze of resentment at him being here even though she’d insisted on seeing him while she was in Suffolk. It was Nick’s attitude that annoyed her most. He was not the slightest bit contrite for impregnating her daughter and his smug arrogance made her feel that somehow she was the one at fault for being so judgemental.

  His presence, combined with her anxiety for Evie and the coming child, had spoilt her usual sense of tranquillity of being here in the peace of the countryside after the bustle of London. She loved it here. The house was a typical Suffolk cottage; its thick walls painted a soft yellow though a tiled roof had long since replaced the thatch. The small garden was mostly given over to flower beds filled with easy-to-care-for plants and a few trees dotted the lawn. She and Julian had planned it carefully so it did not need the likes of Nick to maintain it when no one was here.

  Alice hadn’t wanted to go to Suffolk so soon after Evie’s news, though she did want to discuss Laura’s impending marriage with her, and as she was in Suffolk on business it would be churlish not to visit her.

  When the girls started full time school, Alice and Margot Benson, an old friend, began a small interior decorating business. It had done quite well at the beginning, before people had the confidence to choose their own colour schemes, but life, changing fashions and various hiccups had slowed it down to half what it used to be. Two unmarried sisters, Edith and Amy, who were both wonderful needlewomen, made the curtains, cushions and bedheads here in Suffolk. She had an order from someone whose house they’d done up before and was now downsizing, so here she was having arrived with rolls of fabric to pass on to the sisters and staying the night with Evie.

  And here was Nick glowing with energy, his blond hair greying beautifully as if the grey streaks were expensive highlights – which perhaps they were. He was long and rangy, his nose rather misshapen – he said from an accident on the ‘rugger field’ while at school, while others joked that it was from punches from jealous husbands- either could be true. His main attraction was his love of women.

  Alice understood this. Many English men she knew – other people’s husbands – didn’t seem to bother giving their own long-term wives much warm attention, though they often stirred themselves with other people’s. It was as if once they’d got a wife they felt they could sink down into cosy apathy with them and seek their fun elsewhere.

  Nick overdid it; she’d watched him across the years affecting women like a ray of sunshine, making them glow. They’d gravitate towards him, stand a little taller, put on interesting, even seductive expressions. Even though Julian had been warm and loving to her, Alice too had felt Nick’s charm, though she’d ignored it. But this gift of his – or perhaps curse – did not bode well for any woman who expected his undivided attention and commitment, and it made her fear for Evie and the baby.

  Nick had arrived in his gardening van on his way back from a new client, who wanted the overgrown garden in the house he’d recently bought turned into an instant paradise.

  ‘They’ve come from London and bought a country house with his huge bonus, and have no idea how long a garden takes to establish,’ Nick said, as if to steer the conversation onto a safe subject.

  Evie drifted out into the garden and snuggled into his arms just as she used to with her father, touching Alice’s heart as she remembered how close Evie and Julian were. She looked away finding the sight of Evie in Nick’s arms slightly obscene. Cecily was probably right; Evie missed her father but that was no excuse to get so involved with Nick.

  ‘So, Alice, how are you really?’ Nick smiled fondly at her. ‘Julian was such a charming man and you must miss him dreadfully.’

  ‘I do.’ Nick was so direct, but she’d rather that than a sinister silence as if no one wanted to mention the departed and cause pain, when the one left behind could not help but think of them every waking moment.

  Nick’s voice was soft and smooth, soothing the pain inside her. She tried to ignore it, gear herself up to say what she wanted to say. Julian would have done it perfectly, man to man. She swallowed, took a deep breath. ‘You know why I asked to see you. I’m very unhappy about your relationship with Evie and…’

  ‘Mum,’ Evie whimpered.

  ‘Alice…’ Nick said softly, smiling at her as if she’d somehow missed the joke.

  ‘No, listen.’ Her voice sounded sharper than she intended. ‘You have a wonderful wife and I can’t bear to think how hurt and betrayed she will be over this. If you were my husband I’d have chucked you out long ago.’

  ‘But, Alice, I’m not your husband,’ he said gently. ‘Freya and I go way back and we have an understanding. She knows I’ll never leave her, or stop loving her.’

  ‘You have a very odd way of showing it, seducing other women and worse, having children with them. How do they deal with it? Do they know you are their father and what about your and Freya’s children? It must be dreadfully upsetting for them?’

  He shrugged as if none of this was his fault. ‘But you’ll be a granny, and I know you’ll be a wonderful one.’

  How crass he was, thinking he could flatter her into accepting his selfish behaviour.

  ‘I don’t want to be a grandmother this way,’ she retorted, ignoring Evie’s murderous expression. ‘I’d hoped Evie would be married – but not to you – to a loving, decent man her own age who’d put her first, love and care for her and their children, instead of having a sort of timeshare with a man who can’t keep his trousers on,’ she finished, surprised at her own vehemence.

  ‘I’m sorry you feel like that, Alice,’ Nick said defensively, glancing at Evie who’d grabbed his hand, holding tight to it, tethering him down as if her mother’s outspokenness would scare him away. ‘I won’t let her or our child down. We didn’t plan it this way but…’

  Evie, her expression like a sulky child, snapped, ‘Why are you so mean, Mum?’

  It was so hard and lonely sitting here taking the brunt of their guilt, but this is how it was going to be, Alice alone dealing with the family dramas, and she’d have to toughen up, get on with it.

  ‘I’m just telling the truth, just as your father would have done, Evie,’ she said as Evie flounced indoors saying she was tired of listening to them and had her drawing to do.

  ‘Have you told Freya?’ she challenged Nick when she had gone.

  ‘Not yet, I mean babies don’t always stay put do they? Lots of women miscarry before three months.’

  ‘And lots don’t, and that’s a pretty thoughtless remark to make, Nick, and I hope you haven’t said it in front of Evie,’ Alice retorted. ‘She must be at least three months pregnant now and you must tell Freya straight away. I like her very much and I feel really sorry for her.’ Alice was ashamed that her daughter was partly responsible for Freya’s pain.

  She could see it clearly now she was here. Pretty Evie living here alone in their weekend cottage. There were other houses and cottages dotted along the lane, close enough for comfort but not so close as to be spied upon, a perfect place for an illicit love affair. She would have seen Nick about, maybe told him she was here alone while she created her magical illustrations, and he’d come to call and no doubt taken advantage of her grief at losing her father, and worked his considerable charm on her. Alice understood it, might even have fallen for it herself in some lonely moment now Julian had gone.

  Nick said defiantly, ‘I am going to tell her; I know I behave badly, but I don’t desert the women and children I love. Because I do love them,’ he said as if he were confessing to a religious conversion, ‘but I love Freya the most and she and the others,’ he smiled at Evie, who’d come back into the garden and he held out his hand to her, ‘know that.’

  Evie bowed her head, hiding her feelings, but she went to him and stood by his side clutching his hand. Alice guessed that she hoped Nick would love her more than anyone else, and perhaps even move in when their baby was born. Cecily’s idea of Evie moving back to London with the child, where she wouldn’t be tormented by waiting f
or Nick to call, seemed a good one, but now was not the time to discuss it.

  ‘There’s so much psychobabble about raising children these days,’ Nick went on. ‘Children need love, masses of it. My old dad wasn’t one for sitting around at home and I was lucky enough to have a succession of beautiful women spoiling me, hoping that by doing so they’d get closer to Dad.’

  ‘Where was your mother in all this?’ Alice asked. Perhaps she’d died and so there might be some slim excuse for Nick’s behaviour.

  ‘They realized their marriage was a mistake at once. My mother and I lived happily together in the country when I wasn’t at boarding school, and I saw my father often. I didn’t know any different. In fact,’ he smiled disarmingly, ‘the other boys at school envied me. They just had two dull old parents struggling to pay the fees and being strict and difficult.’

  Alice was about to remark that he was lucky not to feel abandoned, when she glimpsed a flash of pain under his bravado and guessed that he too had suffered, which perhaps had a lot to do with him not being able to settle down with one woman, however loving she was. She said lamely, exhausted by it all, ‘I don’t want my daughter and grandchild hurt.’

  ‘No one is going to hurt your daughter. I certainly am not.’ Nick unlaced his hand from Evie’s and got up, saying he was late for his next appointment, but Alice was not to worry, he’d never let Evie and the baby down.

  ‘Make sure you tell Freya today,’ Alice said, moving away when he tried to kiss her goodbye.

  Evie was grumpy when he’d left. ‘Why did you have to be so rude, Mum? I wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to see you again.’

  ‘He needs to face up to his responsibilities; Dad would have been the same, worse even. I know you and Laura miss him terribly but I wish you hadn’t got mixed up with such… well, unsuitable men.’

  ‘So you didn’t like Douglas, then?’ Evie sat down in the place Nick had just left as if clinging to the last traces of him.

  ‘I didn’t mean that,’ Alice was afraid her displeasure would get back to Laura and cause trouble. ‘I just feel that a divorced man with two young, possibly traumatized children and an ex wife is a lot for anyone to take on and Laura is still young and has no experience with children.’