Mothers and Daughters

by Howard, Minna

  ‘Exactly,’ Laura giggled and things were easy between them again. Their conversation switched to clothes and possible wedding dates and whether they should wait for Evie’s baby to be born.

  ‘I think we should,’ Laura said, ‘or knowing her she’ll have it on the day and ruin it for everyone.’

  Alice ignored her remark; there’d always been rivalry between the two girls.

  ‘So do you want to be married in London or Suffolk?’ Alice steered onto more neutral waters.

  ‘It would be lovely to have the reception in the garden in Suffolk, if the weather’s good, so that means a summer wedding, perhaps next summer as it’s almost June already and the baby’s not due until near Christmas,’ Laura said.

  Next summer, Alice felt a dash of relief, perhaps in a year’s time Laura would have changed her mind over this union.

  ‘There’s no guarantee of good weather so we’d have to have a marquee and…’ With prices rising by the minute and the savings Julian left now dwindling, such expenses for a wedding added to her anxiety. ‘We’ll have to make sure the garden looks nice though in case the weather is lovely.’ Laura paused and looked away and Alice guessed they were both thinking of Nick. Nick, who in other circumstances, would be just the person to transform their garden into a wonderful, romantic setting.

  ‘Nick…’ Laura said her voice slightly wistful, bleakness in her eyes. Alice suddenly saw the truth as if it were flashed in neon lights across her face. Laura was in love with Nick, and Evie had nabbed him.

  The three of them had spent some time in the cottage after Julian’s death as he’d been buried in Suffolk. Their friends came round to offer comfort, as did Nick and Freya, but, now as she thought of it, she remembered that Nick came round more frequently, as Freya was busy with their children and her work. Alice had been too deep in the abyss of her own grief then to take much notice, but had Nick flirted with both the girls, played one off against the other until she and Laura had returned to London leaving Evie alone in Suffolk?

  Laura loved Nick, or more likely, had become infatuated with him. Had he seduced her too and then thrown her over her for Evie? No, surely that was too far-fetched even for Nick? He had probably waited until she and Laura had gone and pounced and Evie, broken without her father, was an easy victim.

  Had Laura become involved with Douglas because she couldn’t have Nick or because he was a substitute for her father? Or even to spite Nick or her sister?

  How could she voice all this to Laura? However she put it she’d take it the wrong way.

  It was all so complicated.

  6

  There was no way she could put it off. It worried her in the night, chewing at her like a puppy at a bone. Like it or not, Laura was going to be stepmother to Douglas’s children and she their grandmother, step-grandmother, Alice kept reminding herself, as if that somehow excused her from having much to do with them, not that she’d met them yet, but she would soon, for they were coming to tea at the weekend.

  The children lived – except for occasional weeks with their mother when she found the time from her high-powered job – with their father, so that meant that Laura would be their main carer. Douglas earned more money than she did and, in his own way, was climbing high in his profession. Up until now, Elspeth, his mother, this exceptionally tidy, organized woman and nutritional expert, and the maternal grandparents, of whom Alice knew nothing except that they lived in Surrey, and various babysitters helped out while he was at work. The arrangements sounded complicated and were no doubt expensive, so it was hardly surprising that when they married, Laura would be expected to take over, though Douglas’s mother would surely want to keep her beady eye on them in case her new daughter-in-law inadvertently poisoned them or brought too much excitement into their lives.

  Laura enjoyed her legal job, but she was not a high-flyer, happy to coast along while the more ambitious people scrabbled past her on their way to the top. She would still want to work and, no doubt, wanted her own money, so, as various friends had pointed out, if she were not careful, Alice –living near by – would be landed with the children, perhaps share their care with the real grandmother, who, by the sound of her, would disapprove of her. She’d better quickly find herself something more consuming to do than ferrying occasional bales of fabric to Suffolk to be transformed into curtains and cushions.

  Alice made a shopping list of the ingredients she needed for the tea party with Douglas’s children. She’d cook with the normal flour, eggs and butter she always used. After a quick read of Laura’s list of things the children were allergic to – strange additives she’d never heard of, which reminded her of chemistry lessons at school with all those initials and numbers she’d never got the hang of, she saw they were clear of those. She enjoyed making cakes, she hadn’t made any for ages and she looked forward to spending the afternoon surround by the warm, comforting smell of baking.

  Alice learnt to bake long before she left home. ‘Bought’ cakes and scones tasted stale and bland, and her mother thought it a sign of laziness to buy them. Julian used to tease with one of his twinkling smiles, saying he only married her for her baking skills.

  Concentrating on cooking for her first meeting with her future step-grandchildren, helped to soothe her nerves. She made fruit scones, cupcakes topped with whirls of pale coloured icing, shortbread biscuits and some chocolate crispies, which were Laura’s favourite. These were a sort of superior chocolate-covered cornflakes, with added butter and coconut and good, dark chocolate. She cut them into squares and put a thick layer of chocolate buttercream on top, she also made some cheese and ham sandwiches.

  She laid the table, tensing herself for this meeting, worried about the children now and how they would feel meeting her and what if she didn’t like them? That could be worse than them not liking her.

  There was a bustle of arrival and she heard Laura say, ‘Come on, come into the house,’ as if she were luring the children into a witch’s cottage. She went to greet them, wondering what she was going to see.

  Zara – who was forbidden Coca Cola and various other concoctions, as it made her hyper – was a pretty child with sparkling blue eyes and blonde hair and seemed very together. She probably took after her mother, Alice thought as, at her father’s request, Zara stuck her hand out in her direction for her to shake. Douglas, hovering in front of her, darted his head forward in a semblance of a kiss, somewhere in the air by her left ear, his arm propelling a small boy towards her.

  ‘Say hello, Johnny,’ he said.

  Alice smiled down at him; he was the child that Evie had implied had some sort of difficulties. At first sight, whatever it was didn’t show up. He was small, skinny like a sparrow, brown hair like his father and enormous dark eyes that gazed fearfully upon the world. He tentatively shook her hand with his left hand, while holding on to his father with his right.

  Zara walked straight into the living room and sat down on the biggest chair, glancing round as if she were looking for something to amuse her. Johnny scuttled in beside his father, dodging to keep in his shadow, using his bulk as protection, as if he were afraid of snipers. Douglas told him not to be silly in a weary way as if he said it often.

  ‘Hi Mum.’ Laura kissed her. Alice recognized her expression. Her ‘I forbid you to make any remarks, or dislike these people I’ve chosen,’ message flashing in her eyes.

  Julian would have told a joke, welcomed them in as if they were old friends, making it easy. No wonder Laura found it hard to bring her new family home, knowing her mother was prone to pointing out the complications of a situation that loomed like hazard lights before her.

  ‘It’s lovely to see you… all, darling.’ She hugged her, feeling detached from them as if she were in a play.

  ‘And you, Mum.’ Laura snuggled close a moment and Alice realized this was an ordeal for her too. If only they were alone, she’d try and explain that the void left by her beloved father could not be easily filled and surely taking on a divorc
ed man and his two children was going too far in trying to achieve it.

  Douglas, as if he guessed her thoughts said jovially, ‘We’ve almost decided on the wedding day. Venues for the summer, as you know, are always booked up way in advance, and anyway it’s nearly summer already, so what about Christmas? You can never rely on the weather in this country, so we might as well choose somewhere indoors from the start.’

  ‘This Christmas?’ Alice exclaimed. Hadn’t Laura said the wedding was to be next summer? Over a year away and by then she might have second thoughts.

  ‘Yes,’ Douglas said, ‘it’s over six months away and surely Evie’s baby will be born by then. Would that suit you?’

  Laura seemed rather quiet, standing by the table and idly flicking through a magazine that Alice had put down when she’d heard them arriving.

  ‘Is that all right with you, Laura?’ Alice said. She felt trapped, as if Douglas had spoken and no one would dare to argue with him.

  ‘Yes… if that’s… all right with you, Mum.’ Her voice was firm and she went on quickly, eyeing Douglas as if she needed his support. ‘We haven’t chosen where to have it, I thought Suffolk, but as Douglas said it will be difficult for people to get to. We’re not having a big thing and most of his friends, and his mother, live in London, as do you, and Evie can come up and…’

  ‘I’m going to be bridesmaid and have a pink, floaty dress,’ Zara piped up.

  Johnny crept even closer to his father, his eyes wide with horror as if he too might be pushed into some outlandish outfit.

  Douglas, perhaps guessing Alice’s feelings, said quietly, ‘We don’t want a big affair. I think too much is made from some of these do’s, so much planning and themes and expense and then people are left feeling rather flat after them. It is after all the marriage that is important, not the scale of the wedding day? Don’t you agree, Alice?’

  Alice, who’d had this conversation with friends, nodded. Some of the weddings she’d been too had been so elaborate it was hardly surprising that the couple couldn’t settle down to an ordinary life together when they returned from an equally over-the-top honeymoon and usually in serious debt. But she wanted Laura to have a day she could look back on with pleasure, but that didn’t mean it would have to be expensive.

  ‘I do, but it should be special,’ she said.

  Douglas went on talking about venues and numbers and she stopped listening, his voice droning on like a bee caught in a window. There was a huge question looming in the room and no one seemed to pick it up. With Julian gone and no brothers, who would give Laura away?

  Before she could think how best to mention this, Zara announced she was hungry and they all trooped into the kitchen/dining room for tea.

  It was Douglas who was the most appreciative. His eyes lit up when he saw the laden table. ‘I haven’t had a proper home-made tea in ages,’ he declared, smiling at Alice as though delighted, and perhaps surprised, she had this talent. Alice suspected that Elspeth would never do such a thing; she’d noticed that really tidy people didn’t cook much as cooking made so much mess and no doubt she’d think it dangerous to unleash so many additives into her space. Douglas turned to Laura. ‘How lucky you are to have a mother who bakes.’

  ‘Yes, I am. Thanks, Mum.’ She smiled at Alice and glanced at the children to see what they made of it.

  ‘Great cakes, I want that pink one with silver balls.’ Zara stretched for it and put it on her plate before sitting down.

  Douglas told her to wait until everyone else was sitting down and to have a sandwich first, but she took no notice of him and bit into the cake, wriggling on her chair and talking at the same time.

  ‘My friend Becky had cakes like this at her party. They were all piled up on a plate, oh, there were hundreds of them.’

  ‘Goodness,’ Alice said, ‘and did she have a birthday cake as well?’

  ‘Yes, of course, it was like a pink handbag with things inside,’ Zara went on then catching her father’s expression she said, ‘but these cakes are very nice.’

  ‘I’m glad you like them,’ Alice said not overly keen on this child but perhaps she was finding it difficult to cope with this new situation in her life, her mother gone, a new step mother and now a new step granny.

  Alice went over to the kettle to make the tea, urging Douglas, who hovered like an awkward heron, to sit down. While the kettle boiled she watched Johnny, who sat next to his father, regarding the cakes and biscuits warily as if one might jump off the plate and bite him. She ached to hug that fearful little boy, try and soothe away his fears. Couldn’t his parents have stayed married long enough for him to grow up a confident person? If two adults found they couldn’t live together that was one thing, but once you had children surely it was your duty in all but exceptional circumstances to make a secure home for them. As far as she could see Johnny’s only problem was not knowing how to deal with the drastic changes in his family.

  Laura came over to help her make the tea and pour out milk for the children.

  ‘Happy for me now?’ Laura said, her eyes hesitant, reminding Alice of when she was a child, yearning for approval, though why she craved it so much she never knew, as both of them, but especially Julian, was always praising ‘his girls’.

  ‘As long as you’re happy, I’m happy,’ Alice said, glancing across at the others at the table. Zara was holding forth about something and Douglas was listening dutifully to her.

  ‘They won’t be your real grandchildren, not like Evie’s baby.’ Laura’s voice was flat.

  They would not be the same, though she would try her best to care for them. Johnny had already touched her heart, with his insecurity. She felt closer to him than she did with Zara, who seemed very together, but then this was only their first meeting.

  ‘Grandmothers come in all shapes and sizes and have different names depending on their culture, we are just a part – I hope an important one, as your grandparents were to you and Evie – to bring more love to the children. We’ll all get used to each other,’ she said, hoping that in time they would.

  ‘Mum has plates like this,’ Zara said, running her finger round the rim of her plate. ‘Only they are green not blue. I think I like green best.’

  ‘OK, Zara, now eat your sandwich,’ Douglas glanced at Alice with embarrassment. ‘They are very pretty plates whatever colour they are.

  ‘I haven’t seen them in green or I might have chosen it,’ Alice said quickly to soothe his reaction.

  ‘They have them in pink too,’ Zara went on. ‘I like pink best but Mum didn’t.’

  Laura glanced at Douglas as if she hoped he’d put a stop to this. Zara was only a child and her mother is part of her life so it was natural she’d talk of her sometimes, Alice thought, and Laura would have to get on with it, difficult though it might be.

  Douglas cleared his throat and said, ‘Now Mrs… um… Alice, what should the children call you? I thought Granny Alice, if that suits you, or would you prefer Nana or Grandma?’ He smiled at her.

  She hadn’t thought about that, it was all becoming too intimate, but she smiled and said, ‘Granny Alice, or just Alice…’ – Granny still felt so old – ‘would be fine.’

  ‘Granny Alice, it is then,’ Douglas said firmly. ‘Now, what’s this I hear, Alice, about you test-driving a sports car? Are you thinking of buying one?’

  ‘Oh no, I…’ Glancing at him, she felt that he didn’t approve, no doubt his mother would never do such a thing. ‘It was just spur of the moment.’ She smiled at Laura. ‘It was wonderful, reminded me of Frank, your godfather. He, your father and I used to have such fun together.’

  Laura looked a little alarmed, ‘You’re not going back to your youth like poor Gina’s mother, she’s gone all peculiar since her divorce, so much Botox she looks petrified all the time and wearing skimpy clothes, you know…’ She stopped, glanced at the children, ‘Clothes that…’

  ‘Are not suitable for older people,’ Alice finished wearily. ‘But the th
ing is I… don’t feel old. Remember, I’m some years younger than your father, and I’ve some years to go yet.’

  ‘You were acting out of character, Mum,’ Laura said kindly, though there was a touch of steel under her tone as if she was warning her not to do so again.

  Alice understood her insecurity. Her beloved father was dead and now it seemed that her mother was in danger of making a fool of herself and, as a consequence, her, in the eyes of her new man whose own mother was so sensible and so house-proud, constipated with convention, as Alice thought it. But one thing Julian’s death had taught her and, Cecily had encouraged, was to live the life you wanted as near as possible without hurting anyone else.

  ‘It is a part of my character, a part you didn’t see, as you didn’t know me when I was young.’

  She turned impatiently to Douglas, struggling to hide her irritation with them both. They were young for goodness sake, yet where was their excitement, a splash of daring to step out of their comfort zone? ‘My husband was a wonderful man but he was also quite a cautious man and I didn’t want to upset him, but I like to drive in sports cars, not that I’ll ever be able to afford one and… to paraglide,’ she added for good measure.

  ‘I’d like to paraglide,’ Johnny, who’d been watching them anxiously, announced.

  ‘Would you, Johnny? Then perhaps we could do it together?’ Alice said, feeling elated that inadvertently she’d got through to him.

  ‘Mum,’ Laura said impatiently, glancing at Douglas, his face now tinged rosy pink, as if she’d said something indecent. He threw her a pained look.

  ‘Yes. I’d like to paraglide,’ Johnny said, looking animated for the first time since he’d arrived.

  ‘Now Johnny, Granny Alice was only joking,’ Douglas said hurriedly.

  ‘Were you?’ Johnny’s small face creased with disappointment.

  Alice couldn’t bear it. She did want to do it. It annoyed her that Douglas and Laura thought her too old or it was not suitable, whatever… for a grandmother to do. Her remark had perked up Johnny and she wouldn’t let him down by making him think she was only joking.