Mothers and Daughters

by Howard, Minna

  Laura turned up soon after she was ready and they had breakfast together.

  ‘Douglas says he’ll cover for me, we had a few things we should be doing this weekend but he understands,’ she said, buttering her toast.

  ‘But if he needs you…’ Alice felt torn, both her girls now had their own commitments and she couldn’t expect Laura to drop everything and come with her.

  ‘No, it will be all right,’ Laura said firmly. ‘I’ll come back on Sunday. Will Evie and the baby come here, do you think?’

  ‘I’ve no idea, we’ll see when we get there,’ Alice said, impatient now to be off.

  The baby was naturally their main source of conversation but Laura soon began to talk about Nick, wondering how much input he’d have as a father.

  ‘Not much I shouldn’t think.’ Alice was annoyed with him for causing so much distress to her family, and to his own, and afraid that Laura, who also seemed to love him, or thought that she did, would get hurt. Was her eagerness to come with her more in the hope of seeing him than her sister or the baby? Did she imagine that he’d spend the weekend at the cottage seeing his son and she, while her sister rested, would have access to him? Perhaps she needed to see him before she married Douglas, who was, Alice imagined, only second best.

  ‘We mustn’t forget that he is married to poor, long-suffering Freya and has children with her. He has behaved very badly,’ Alice said sternly, a feeling of helpless apathy creeping over her at the troubles ahead.

  ‘She might chuck him out, I know I would if Douglas behaved like that,’ Laura said firmly.

  Alice refrained from saying that Douglas was not the type of man to set female pulses racing. ‘But who would take him in?’ she said instead. ‘Does any self-respecting woman really want to be lumbered with a man like that?’ She meant her remark to be a warning to Laura not a criticism of Freya.

  ‘If they love him enough he might change,’ Laura said determinedly and Alice warned herself not to say that if Laura was thinking she could save him with her love she would be severely disappointed, after all no one could love him – or understand him – as well as Freya did. To change the subject and perhaps remind her that she’d already made her commitment to Douglas, Alice questioned her on her wedding, asking how their plans were going and had they had any answers yet to the invitations Laura had sent and their discussion lasted all the way to the hospital.

  They went inside and after asking the way were shown to the ward, having to pass a security check in case they were baby-snatchers, Alice assumed, remembering how friendly and free it all used to be when her girls were born. Evie was dressed, looking pale and fragile, sitting on her bed, waiting impatiently for them to arrive. The baby was in a plastic cot, asleep beside her.

  ‘I can hardly walk, I’m so sore,’ she greeted them. ‘It’s agony having a baby,’ she said to Laura. ‘If I ever have another I’ll insist to be knocked out.’

  ‘Let me look at him.’ Alice bent over the cot. The baby was sleeping on his back, his arms thrown out behind him. He was the image of Nick and she remembered how Freya said you never needed a paternity test where Nick’s babies were concerned. ‘He’s perfect’ she said, hugging Evie, who clung to her for a moment as if afraid of what she’d done. But it was too late now, the situation had to be faced and a baby cared for. Alice regarded him again; he was so small with pale fluffy hair, two tiny fists escaping from the blanket. She felt a rush of love, a yearning to hold him close to her.

  ‘Are you allowed home, darling?’ she asked Evie.

  ‘Yes, I’ve got all these papers, and they said I could go when you came.’ Evie said. ‘And Suzie lent me those,’ she gestured to her case and a car seat both under the bed. ‘You have to have them as soon as the baby’s born. I don’t know how you fit them in the car.’

  Laura was staring down at the baby, her face impassive. Was it making her feel broody or jealous, seeing he looked the image of his father and she was wishing Nick loved her or even that the baby was hers?

  ‘Right, if you’re ready let’s go,’ Alice said, handing Laura the car seat and picking up Evie’s bags. ‘Can you manage the baby, darling?’ She wondered if she felt safe carrying him along the corridor and down in the lift to the car park.

  ‘Fine, I’ve practised already,’ Evie said, picking him up and they followed her out of the ward.

  With difficultly, they got the car seat in the back of the car and the baby strapped in. Evie sat in the back with him. Alice wondered if there was any food in the house and was tempted to stop at the supermarket, but perhaps it was best to get Evie back home, she’d go out later if necessary.

  No one really talked on the way back to the cottage. Evie was obviously tired and sore and not a little shocked at suddenly becoming a mother, Alice too was exhausted and emotional, wishing Julian were here to see their beautiful grandchild. Laura was strangely quiet and Alice forbade herself to imagine what, or whom, she was thinking of.

  There was a lot to do when they reached the cottage. Evie had a shower and went to bed, complaining that she hadn’t slept at all since the night before. Alice held the baby, feeling him snuffling into her neck. How she’d dreaded his birth, but now he was here she loved him unconditionally.

  When Evie was in bed, Alice handed the baby to her, hoping she’d get over the shock at having him so soon. Laura wandered in and the two of them made up the Moses basket – lent by Suzie who’d also left a pile of stuff for Evie in the hall, including a well-used pram. While she sorted things out, Alice told them both about Margot and their new ideas for Amy and Edith to make nursery things, and said she’d get them to make a basket for the baby’s creams, wipes and such, for her.

  ‘What are you going to call him?’ Laura asked, sitting on the bed watching everything going on with a slight air of amazement. ‘Are you going to choose his name yourself or ask Nick?’

  Evie said, ‘It’s my baby, so I’ll choose his name. I thought I’d call him after Dad.’

  ‘Oh, ’Alice was surprised by a sudden rush of tears.

  ‘I thought you’d like it,’ Evie said, frowning.

  ‘What does Nick think?’ Laura asked.

  ‘I don’t know, we never talked of names.’

  ‘Has he seen him yet?’ Laura asked.

  Evie shook her head, ‘He’ll come by soon. But I can’t think of another name I like. I thought he’d be a girl, I’ve lots of names for girls.’

  She shouldn’t be surprised at Evie’s choice of name for her son but it had come as a shock. She didn’t want it, not as a first name to hear it all the time, but she wouldn’t say anything now knowing how fragile a new mother’s emotions were after birth, especially a first baby and it perhaps it would be worse in Evie’s circumstances.

  ‘It’s early days, darling and you’re tired. Try and sleep a little, you’ll feel better in a day or so.’

  There was a sound of a car pulling up outside in the lane and Laura made for the door. ‘I wonder who that is, I’ll go and see for you.’ She ran out of Evie’s bedroom and down the stairs.

  Alice braced herself for seeing Nick. Naturally he would come and see his child, but she didn’t feel like seeing him so soon and before Evie and the baby was settled. She heard a woman’s voice on the stairs and, going on to the landing, she saw a rosy-faced woman in a dark coat, with Laura following disconsolately behind.

  ‘Hello there, I’m Ruby Spence, come to see how mother and baby are settling in. I pass the cottage on my way home so I thought I’d pop in; see if everything is all right. I’ll be back in the morning as well.’

  ‘How kind, thank you.’ Alice was grateful to see this cheerful, confident woman. ‘I’ll leave you to it and be downstairs should you need me.’ She smiled and made her way downstairs. She was obviously one of the midwives looking after Evie and it was probably best to leave them alone.

  Laura stood listlessly by the door, staring out at the garden, obviously disappointed that the visitor was not Nick. He did not
come, or even telephone for the rest of the day, leaving all three of them anxious. His mobile was on call back and Evie left a message saying they’d been discharged and she was home, in case he’d gone to the hospital to see them. Her voice was sad and waif-like, breaking Alice’s heart.

  When they were together in the living room, out of Evie’s hearing, Laura wondered anxiously if he had had an accident ‘as surely he’d want to see his son?’

  ‘Nick is the accident,’ Alice retorted, her emotions muddled, relief that Evie and the baby were safe and love for the tiny boy, but anger too that both her daughters seemed to be so strongly under Nick’s spell.

  29

  The weekend was spent settling in the baby, who was still unnamed and so referred to as ‘the baby’. Laura protested that she didn’t want him called after their father as he’d remind her of him in a sad way and Evie got upset and said it was none of her business. Alice had to step in and take Laura aside and explain that having just given birth, and especially in such circumstances, Evie’s hormones were all over the place and it would be best not to say anything that might upset her for the moment.

  ‘Well Dad wouldn’t like this mess she’s in,’ Laura said petulantly, ‘and giving the baby his name won’t make it right.’

  ‘She’s not doing it for that reason.’ Alice was exhausted trying to keep both her daughters calm. Perhaps Laura should not have come, seeing Nick’s baby so soon.

  The baby, though, stole their hearts, but he too was unsettled and they all had a troubled night, disturbed by his cries. The feeding was not going well and he cried fretfully, obviously hungry, adding to the tension, and Alice was relieved when Ruby the cheerful midwife turned up again. It was so different from Alice’s own happy experience of having the girls, a loving home and, most important, a loving and supportive husband and father for the children.

  Ruby wasn’t at all phased by the baby’s parentage. ‘That’s nothing compared to some we have,’ she said when Alice went with her to her car, hoping for a few words of advice about how to cope with the situation. ‘Evie will be fine in a week or so. Becoming a mother for the first time, especially when the father is absent, is always a bit of a shock, but she has you and her sister to support her, and those lovely drawings,’ she smiled. ‘At least she can make a living at home.’

  ‘But his father, I don’t know…’ Alice tailed off.

  Ruby sighed, ‘He’s a bad boy; this baby is not the first of his I’ve delivered. If I was his wife I’d cut off his balls, but at least he does pay maintenance, although that’s about all he does. I hope Evie doesn’t expect more.’ She regarded Alice seriously as if to make sure she understood what she was saying.

  ‘I know Freya well and like her and I know she’ll never leave him. My husband died two years ago and Evie was here alone and missing him and Nick… well he can be so persuasive.’

  Ruby put her hand on her arm, her eyes soft with concern. ‘I know and I’m sorry. It will be difficult, but I’m sure she’ll be fine and you’ll all love him… I see you do already,’ she smiled. ‘He’s a beautiful baby. Well, I must go on to the next one, not such a happy story, I’m afraid, the baby was born with a serious stomach disorder and needed immediate surgery and many more operations to come. I or Stella, who Evie knows too, will come by tomorrow.’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ Alice said, thinking of the family of that baby. What agony to go through all that with any child but especially a new born baby. Despite their circumstances her family was lucky, luckier than most, Alice told herself firmly – Evie’s baby was healthy and he was loved, it was impossible not to love him, and Evie would keep on working, somehow, around him, after all the publisher had known she was pregnant soon after giving her the contract. The only problem was Nick.

  Everyone in the district knew what Nick was like and why would he change for Evie? Though sadly, like so many girls before her, Evie had convinced herself that he loved her that their child was living proof of that and Nick would stay with her. But he was Freya’s husband and father of her children, and even if Freya did chuck him out, she doubted he’d stick by Evie. Nick liked a varied love life without commitment, and it appeared that there was no shortage of women ready to jump into his bed, and Evie, having had his baby, was probably now banished from his playground.

  ‘Mum, phone, its Frank.’ Laura came out of the cottage holding out her mobile. ‘He wants to speak… to congratulate you, I think.’

  ‘Frank?’ He’d become a hazy memory in this new world of babies and keeping her daughters from going for each other. Laura did care for the baby, often held him and rocked him, though Alice felt she was sort of hoping Nick would suddenly appear and see her with him and… well she didn’t know what, it was all so confusing.

  She took Laura’s mobile and stood on the doorstep where the signal was strongest.

  ‘Hello Frank, it’s lovely to hear you. How are you? Are you back in London?’

  ‘Yes, I was hoping to see you all, but Laura’s told me you’re with Evie. Congratulations on being a granny, you’re far too young and glamorous for it, but lucky boy, you’ll be so good with him.’

  ‘I don’t know about that, it’s frightening how much I’ve forgotten about tiny babies and how exhausting it is to lose so much sleep.’ His praise warmed her and this time she was not annoyed by it. Frank meant it; he was not trying to seduce her to curry favour with her.

  ‘How long will you be there? Laura says she’s coming back tomorrow.’

  ‘I’m not sure, just until Evie’s settled, which shouldn’t be long. I might even bring them back to London for a while. I’ll see how it goes.’ She had a sudden yearning for Frank to arrive in one of his fast cars and whizz her away, to feel the wind in her hair and that wonderful exhilaration of being alive and free.

  ‘I was hoping to take you paragliding.’ She could hear the energy in his voice. ‘You said you wanted to try it and so, if you want to do it, I thought I would book a place, then later, if his parents agree, we could take Johnny.’

  ‘It sounds wonderful, Frank. I would love to do it when I get back.’ She looked up at the sky, there seemed to be so much more of it in Suffolk, wide and open, clear blue scattered with froths of cloud, what would it be like floating across it with Frank?

  They talked a little more about how the wedding preparations were going and she promised she’d contact him when she returned to London.

  She took Laura to the station on Sunday. ‘I think it so odd that Nick didn’t come to see his own child, don’t you, Mum? Has he finished with Evie? She hasn’t said they’ve split up. Surely he’ll still see her if only to see his child Freya would have to allow that.’ Laura turned towards her; Alice stared straight ahead at the road, not wanting to see Laura’s expression in case she saw hope there, hope that would never be realized, of Nick coming to her. It worried Alice, not just because of Nick’s despicable treatment of his wife and family, but because Laura was engaged to marry Douglas and it did not bode well for their marriage if she was lusting after someone else.

  ‘I’ve no idea,’ she said firmly, ‘and anyway, no one must forget that he is married to Freya and she loves him and despite his appalling behaviour she is determined to stay with him for their children’s sakes. He had dysfunctional parents apparently, and she thinks that’s one of the reasons he behaves as he does, but she doesn’t want their own children to go through a family break-up so, for the moment, she’ll stay with him.’

  ‘I can see Freya wants to keep their family together, but she’ll have to let him visit his own son,’ Laura said. ‘He’s a beautiful baby, do you think Evie is pleased she’s got him, she didn’t seem that interested to me,’

  ‘This is not the first time poor Freya has been through this and we must allow her to cope with it in her own way,’ Alice said firmly, relieved that Laura was returning to London and Douglas. ‘Evie will be fine, it’s all been a bit of a shock, giving birth earlier than she thought, but she’ll soon get the h
ang of being a mother.’

  The weekend had been a strange one, she was glad Laura had come with her and yet Alice sensed there were bad feelings simmering between the two sisters. Evie was too shell-shocked to do much about it and she had warned Laura not to pick any quarrels with her sister so soon after she’d been through childbirth, so both had kept their feelings in check, but she feared that when they met up again they would erupt. Did Evie know that Laura thought herself in love with Nick? She’d be surprised if she did as Laura usually kept her feelings close. She hoped Evie would never find out and tease her about it and what would Douglas think of such a thing?

  They arrived at the station and Alice said, ‘It’s been a stressful yet exciting weekend, so thank you for coming, darling, it’s much easier to cope with things as a family.’

  ‘That’s all right,’ Laura said, lingering as if she had something to say. There were a few minutes before the train was due and Alice felt she must voice her concerns, she wanted no more emotional accidents.

  ‘You are sure, darling, about the wedding? I mean, you could have it next year, next spring if it was easier, gives you more time to organize it?’ She hoped her voice was light and Laura wouldn’t imagine or, worse, hear the truth behind her question. Inferring that she didn’t think the wedding should go ahead until Laura had sorted out her feelings towards the two men.

  There was a long silence and Alice braced herself for Laura to say she wanted to get out of the wedding but with the children and everything she didn’t know how, but she gave a little laugh, ‘Of course, Mum, some of the invitations have gone out and we’ll get the rest done this week. Douglas is very efficient, we’ve booked the place and they have their own caterers and Beth from school will do the flowers. There’s just my dress, if I’d known the baby was coming now I’d have brought down my designs for Edith and Amy to see.’