Recovering Ivy

by Riley Edwards

  “She does.”

  “How the hell does she afford this neighborhood?” I pulled to a stop sign and shot Jaxon a text that we were pulling into the neighborhood. When my phone beeped with the all-clear, I continued.

  “Really? You need to ask?” He grimaced. “Not only is she worried about her daughter, but you think she wants to give up all this for an apartment and a nine-to-five as a check-out girl?”

  I thought about his question and tried to plan the best angle to approach Amy. He was right, her way of living would drastically change when we took down Forester.

  “She can’t enjoy being a whore.” The growl that came from Declan took me by surprise. I hoped like hell it was simply an aversion to the word whore and nothing more.

  “She doesn’t have a choice,” he ground out.

  “We always have a choice, Dec.”

  “Some people don’t,” he snapped.

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “It means sometimes we have to eat shit because there is no other option. Just because someone does something bad when their back is against a wall doesn’t make them a bad person.”

  “And you think I don’t fucking know that?”

  “Not everything is black and white,” he murmured.

  “I’m well acquainted with all the shades of gray. And if you’re talking about what Violet did, it’s in the past. Your sister did what she had to do.”

  “I’m not talking about my sister.”

  Shit. I didn’t make it a habit of prying into my team’s personal life, but something was obviously bothering Declan. He’d spent almost a year black, in deep cover. I knew from experience the way that could fuck with a man’s head. You’re expected to do and say things to blend in, most of which are morally incomprehensible.

  “We all had to do shit while we were under we’re not proud of,” I told him.

  “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  Jaxon’s car came into view nearing the conversation to an end.

  “I get that but…”

  “You wanna talk about why you keep a drawer full of folded flags and spent bullet cartridges in your desk?”

  My teeth started to ache my jaw was clenched so tight. “Copy. Loud and clear.”

  “Right.”

  I’d forgotten Declan saw the flags in my desk, my daily remember of the men I’d lost. Ten flags folded with military precision, all presented to me after I brought them home from places that would never make it in their service record. Each flag was used to drape the pine box I sat with during transport. Ten good men who would never come home.

  “We need her to give up Forester and Illusions. I prefer not to have to go bad cop on her again. I know Jasmin thinks I get off on being an asshole, but I don’t enjoy making women cry.”

  “I’ll talk to her,” Declan said and exited the car.

  I watched him jog across the street and Jaxon got in my Rover, occupying Declan’s vacated seat.

  “What did you guys find at the warehouse?” he asked.

  “A whole lotta nothing. Pallets of backpacks and tennis balls.” I reached in the back seat and grabbed the plastic sleeve and handed it to Jaxon.

  “What the hell?”

  “Exactly. He’s not manufacturing or packaging there. It was empty.”

  “Hopefully, Garrett will find something,” he said as he inspected the packaging. “You can buy these at any sporting goods store. Nothing special.”

  “Declan seem off to you?” I asked, regretting my words as soon as they left my mouth.

  “Look at you, all touchy-feely and shit. I don’t know what magical spell Ivy has you under, but it’s been hours since you’ve threatened to shoot someone. It must be working.”

  “We can change that,” I growled. I wasn’t particularly comfortable discussing feelings and Jaxon wasn’t making it any easier. “Declan,” I prompted.

  “He has nightmares. Still working through some shit. South America wasn’t pretty. He was under with a cartel that used human mules; he saw a lot of fucked-up shit and couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.”

  “Is he talking to you?”

  “About as much as he’s talking to you.”

  “Fuck.”

  “That about sums it up. He just needs time to readjust.”

  I thought about what Jaxon said and hoped he was right. I had been so wrapped up in my own shit I’d let Declan down and hadn’t noticed the signs. That needed to change.

  My phone beeped, and Garrett’s name flashed across the display.

  “Zane,” I answered the phone on speaker.

  “The only connection I can find between Forester and Barbara is they belong to the same country club. Forester’s not listed on Illusions client roster. Though I have to say, if this list ever came out, there would be plenty of pissed off power players both in Baltimore and D.C.,” Garrett said.

  “Goddamn. Anyone we know?”

  “Oh, yeah. You’re gonna shit a brick when you see the list.”

  “Mother….” I let my curse trail off. I wanted to ask Garrett to tell me now but neither of us were on a secure line and if the list was as bad as he’d made it sound, I wouldn’t risk it. “I’ll be in soon.”

  I disconnected the call and looked away from Amy’s house to Jaxon.

  “What are you thinking?” I inquired.

  “Backpacks, tennis balls, and country clubs. The answer is right in front of us,” he answered, popping the lid off the container, taking out the green balls. “Why the fuck would he need a pallet of tennis balls?”

  “Hell if I know. Hopefully, Amy gave Declan something. Here he comes now.”

  22

  Ivy

  “Alright, pleasantries are over. Spill,” Violet demanded.

  Olivia laughed and picked up the can of Dr. Pepper she’d been nursing for the last hour. I guess she was taking the one soda rule to heart.

  “There’s nothing to tell,” I told them, embarrassed by the turn of topic.

  Thankfully, neither had asked anything too personal. They’d both spent the time telling me about themselves and how they’d met their men. Both of their stories were straight out of a thriller movie. Leo had rescued Olivia after she’d been kidnapped and held prisoner by a man who was trying to take over a drug cartel. She was used as a pawn to blackmail her father - a man she never knew existed. I was amazed at what Zane and his team had done to save her. And, Leo, oh my God, the man was too much. He adored Olivia.

  Violet had struggled through her story. What happened to her was layers deep and hard to keep track of. She’d worked for the CIA and as did her twin brother, Declan. A top-secret list of names was being used to basically hold her hostage and she was being blackmailed. My heart was shattered for her and everything she’d gone through. From her story I gathered Zane and the rest of the guys, including Jasmin, were not very nice to her. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be on the receiving end of Zane’s ire. There was also her kidnapping and how Eric had died.

  What amazed me the most about these two women, above their bravery and resilience, was their trust and openness. I was a complete stranger to them, yet they’d both opened up like we’d been friends all of our lives. Was this the way girlfriends behaved? I’d never really had anyone I told my secrets to. All the people in my life were simply acquaintances. My past was too humiliating to talk about and my issues with abandonment and trust kept me from forming any real bonds. I didn’t know how to do this. Sitting around a table eating lunch with girlfriends gossiping was foreign to me.

  “I don’t believe that for one second,” Olivia started. “How long has he been secretly keeping you tucked away in his love dungeon?”

  “No, really. I met Zane in a bar, we umm… went home together. The next morning, I left before he woke up. Then he found out I was working for a company he was investigating and lost his mind. Now I’m here and working at Z Corps. But it’s only temporary.” My cheeks heated at my admission.

/>   “Temporary.” Olivia giggled. “Right. You keep telling yourself that.”

  “Sure it is. That’s why Jaxon is supposed to go to your old apartment and pack the rest of your stuff tonight,” Violet announced.

  “Pack my stuff?”

  “That’s what he said.”

  “Has Zane gone crazy?”

  “Well…” Olivia continued to laugh.

  “He is crazy! I’ve known him all of a hot minute and he’s ordering his men to pack my apartment. What the fuck? Who the hell does he think he is?”

  “Zane Lewis,” Olivia said as if that was an answer.

  “Why do you think this is temporary? Did Zane say it was?” Violet asked.

  What kind of question was that? Did she miss the part where I told them we’d only known each other for a New York minute?

  “I’ve known him under a week,” I reminded them. “A week.”

  “And?” Olivia asked and shrugged her shoulders. “Leo said he knew I was his when he found me handcuffed in a dirty room with vomit still in my hair.”

  “Jaxon told me he’d tried to fight what he was feeling but had given up by the second day and I belonged to him,” Violet helpfully added.

  “My mother is a junkie. My sister was murdered by her pimp slash dealer. I’m not the type of girl men fall for or keep for the long haul. Hell, my own parents didn’t want me. My dad bailed, my mother told me every day I was trash and a burden.” I stopped and covered my mouth with my hand.

  Shit, what had I done? Why was I blurting out secrets?

  “So? What does your mother have to do with you?” Violet cut her eyes at me. “You’re not her. And I’m sorry about your sister - that is horrible, but those were their life choices, not yours. I don’t mean to sound callous; it’s tragic what happened to her. But you shouldn’t be held accountable for either of them.”

  Olivia was being suspiciously quiet, and I was waiting for her condemnation. This was part of the reason I’d always kept my past to myself. The look of judgment and pity from others was more than I could bear. Violet was wrong; their behavior was a direct reflection of my upbringing and the type of person I was.

  “You say that, Violet, but my whole life I’ve been lumped in with them, and my mother made sure I never forgot.”

  “I’m sorry that happened to you,” Olivia whispered.

  Shit. Even worse than judgment – pity.

  “Nothing to be sorry for,” I clipped.

  “Zane doesn’t see your mother when he’s with you,” she continued.

  “What?”

  “He sees a smart and funny woman.”

  “Why would you think that? I was easy. A one-night stand he picked up at a bar. Trust me, he’ll get bored with me and when he does, I’ll have no place to live and no job.”

  “I wouldn’t recommend you calling yourself easy in front of him or the team,” Violet advised. “If there is one thing I’ve learned about this bunch, they don’t take kindly to the women they love talking bad about themselves.”

  Women they love? Zane didn’t love me. I’d been so stupid earlier thinking I could do this relationship thing with him. Seeing Violet and Olivia reminded me I was in a whole different universe than any of them. They didn’t need me dirtying up their group. I had to stop this before it went any further. I wanted to believe we could have fun and enjoy the time we had together, but I couldn’t do it.

  “I know what he sees because I know Zane. You wouldn’t be sitting here in his living room if he didn’t know with a hundred percent certainty he’d met his other half. Do you know how many women I’ve met that Zane’s been with?” Olivia stopped and waited for me to answer. I didn’t want to know. My heart hurt thinking about the other women he’d been with. I also know he told me he didn’t do second dates and what Olivia was about to tell me could prove Zane to be the liar he’d promised me he wasn’t. “None. I’ve never seen a single woman. Wanna know how many Leo has met? The same amount - a big fat whopping zero. Zane does not allow anyone into his life. He keeps himself separate even from his men. No one gets to come to his home or invade his personal life. Just you.”

  “I love him,” I admitted.

  “Then what’s the problem?” Violet asked, matter of fact.

  “He’ll leave me.”

  “Who will leave you?”

  My back shot straight and two sets of eyes nearly bugged out. Sweet mother of God, how had Zane walked in and us not hear him? Both Violet and Olivia got themselves under control and stopped looking over my shoulder and back to me. I pleaded with them to help me come up with a plausible answer but before I could formulate a lie, he spoke again.

  “Answer me, Ivy. Who will leave you?” Zane semi repeated.

  “You’re back early. We’re not done with lunch,” Violet tried.

  “Violet,” Jaxon warned.

  Perfect, he was behind me, too.

  “You know just us girls chatting and gossiping.” Olivia smiled.

  “Tesorino.”

  Now my humiliation was complete, and Leo and Jaxon were both here to witness my embarrassment.

  “What? We were just having girl talk,” she told them.

  “Girl talk that includes my woman talking about a man leaving her?”

  Violet opened her mouth to speak, but I shook my head. I didn’t want their men getting upset with them because they were trying to cover for me.

  It was time to face the music. I stood and turned toward the three men standing at the door. Before I could explain what I’d meant by my comment, I remembered something.

  “You’re planning on sending Jaxon over to my place to pack my stuff?” Jaxon’s eyes went over my shoulder and I felt bad for throwing Violet under the bus. “Don’t look at her. She didn’t do anything wrong. It was an innocent statement. She assumed I knew I was giving up my apartment. I mean, hello, that is normally how it works, right? The person moving usually knows beforehand.”

  “No, I’m not sending Jaxon. There was a change of plans,” Zane told me, and I felt stupid for bringing it up. “Linc already moved your furniture into storage and he’s bringing everything else over here tonight.”

  “Zane!” His answer was a lift of his brow. “Did you think to ask me?”

  “No.”

  Arrogant ass.

  “I told you I don’t like to be bossed around. You can’t just move my stuff without asking.”

  “And I told you, your safety is not negotiable.”

  “My safety? What the hell does moving my stuff have to do with my safety? We already agreed I’d stay here until Forester and my mother were taken care of.”

  “It took under a minute to pick your lock and break in. I was in your apartment waiting for you for fuck’s sake. There could’ve been a crazy person lying in wait.”

  “There was a crazy person lying in wait – you. You’re completely insane. I need a place to live.”

  “You have one.” Zane spread his arms wide, gesturing around the room.

  “I don’t want to have this conversation right now,” I announced, remembering our audience.

  “Great. Let’s talk about who is going to leave you.”

  Holy shit, not that again.

  “I don’t wanna talk about that either.”

  “I bet not.” He smirked.

  There was something in his smile that made me snap. He thought he’d won and got the best of me.

  “You’re gonna leave,” I ground out. “Just like everyone else in my life. You’ll get sick of my shit then where will I be? You’ve made me quit my job. You’ve moved me out of my apartment. When you’re gone, I’ll have nothing.”

  “Baby,” he said and took a step toward me.

  “Don’t baby me, Zane. This is too much. Every time I start to think I can do this, I’m reminded I can’t afford to…”

  “Don’t fucking say you can’t afford it.”

  “I can’t! You’ll break me. Five days in, and one minute I’m floating on cloud nine dreaming
like a stupid fucking teenager about how much I already love you, and the next minute I’m at DEFCON 1 ready to wring your neck.”

  When Jaxon chuckled, it pissed me off even more that we were having this conversation in front of people and I looked even crazier than I really was.

  “Ivy.”

  “I can’t do this,” I whispered, then turned to Violet and Olivia. “I’m sorry I ruined our lunch.”

  Without looking back at Zane, I made my way back to his room and gently clicked the door closed. As much as I wanted to slam the door, I refrained. I already looked like a lunatic. And with my luck, the door would break off the hinges and a painting would fall then they’d all think I belonged in the nut hut.

  I hated being stuck; I avoided the feeling at all costs. Yet there I was in Zane’s house with no way to leave. My stuff was in storage, some of my clothes were here, and apparently, Linc had some of my belongings as well. I felt like I did when I was first moving out of my mother’s house. No plan, no money, and nothing that was worth anything.

  The door opened, and I didn’t need to turn around to know Zane had followed me. The electricity that simmered between us when we first met was ever present.

  “Ivy.”

  “Please leave it alone,” I begged.

  “Not a chance.”

  “Seriously. Leave it alone. I need to think.”

  “That is the last thing you need to do. When I left, you were happy and smiling about our plans for this evening. Then I come home to a shit show and you telling the girls someone’s gonna leave you. What triggered it?”

  My body locked tight and I did what I always did when my back was pressed in a corner and I was trapped – I spewed venom.

  “Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe, just maybe, you don’t know what’s best for everyone around you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Perfect, then stop trying to manage my life. I don’t want you moving my shit. I don’t want you meddling in my relationship with my mother. You think because you’re Zane fucking Lewis you can tell me how to live my life and what to feel. I know what I know. There’s not a damn thing you’ll ever tell me that will change my mind. You’ll leave. And if you don’t, I will. Is that what you want? You want to waste your time knowing at the first sign of trouble I’ll leave you before you can leave me? That’s what I do, Zane. I bolt before I can feel the sting of rejection. My mother is right.”