Starting Over

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Don’t get me wrong, Eve. I love Alex. I think he’s a wonderful man, and I know he loves you, but that doesn’t mean he’s right for you. You can love someone with your whole heart whose life is just on a different path. I think that may be the case with you and Alex. He has his priorities, and I can respect that because my work was my top priority, with the exception of you, of course.”

  Eve smiled. Sharon had always made her feel like the most important person in her life. She could only hope she’d thanked her often enough while she had the chance.

  “You’re home now. This is the place I watched you come to life as an aimless pre-teen. You built a wonderful life for yourself here. You came into your own and developed a sense of strength and confidence that was a sight to behold.” Sharon smiled. “That’s the reason I did what I did, honey. I’m not trying to control your life or manipulate you. I just want you to find your way back to that beautiful, strong, fearless girl you used to be.”

  A tear slid down Eve’s cheek, and she caught it with the corner of the tissue. Her aunt was right. That girl was so far gone that sometimes the old Eve almost seemed like a figment of her imagination.

  “I’ve given you a lot of challenges—with the expansion project and the foundation—but I know you’re up to it…” Sharon looked into the camera as though she was looking into Eve’s eyes. “That’s if you choose to accept the challenge. I would never want you to do this because you feel obligated. You may feel you owe me, but the truth is, I owe you. You were too young to remember that I used to be where you are now. I was a shell of a woman with creativity locked inside of me that I couldn’t set free no matter how hard I tried. I attempted so many things: sculpting, painting, photography…” She laughed that robust laugh Eve loved so much. “It was one disaster after another, believe me. Once I learned to stop caring what other people thought and decided to be true to myself, I found my voice, and needless to say, I haven’t shut up since.”

  Eve smiled, wishing with all of her heart that she could hug Sharon just one more time.

  “You helped me with that, Eve. When you were born, I watched you all the time. I was fascinated by how uninhibited you were. That’s when I realized that’s how we’re supposed to be. Babies don’t care how loud they cry or whether their shorts match their shirts.” She grinned. “They don’t care if they fall on their ass time and again because they know eventually they’ll learn how to stand on their own two feet. It’s time for you to learn how to do that, sunshine. Learn how to stand on your own two feet because trust me, you are stronger than you ever dreamed you were.” Sharon blew a kiss toward the screen with both hands. “Wherever life takes you, follow your own path. Make your mark, and love with your whole heart. Until we meet again, just remember, I’m always with you, and I’ll always love you with my whole heart.”

  By the time the screen went black, Eve was sobbing into her hands.

  Alex peeked his head in the door. “Hey, are you okay? I was just walking by and…” He stopped speaking when he saw her. “What the hell happened?”

  Pointing at the screen, she whispered, “My aunt’s lawyer gave me a video message from her. I was just watching it.”

  Stepping into the room, Alex closed the door. “Maybe it was too soon for that, sweetheart.”

  “No, it was good for me.” She took a deep breath and braced her hands on the arms of the chair. “Aunt Sharon knew exactly what to say to help me find the clarity I needed.”

  His gray eyes were wide with hope or fear—she couldn’t tell—and he asked, “What does that mean?”

  “Sit down, Alex.” Eve knew it was going to be the most difficult conversation she’d ever had, but there was no doubt in her mind… it was time. She watched his jerky movements, fear displacing his easy confidence, and she realized she was doing him a favor by setting him free.

  “Jesus, don’t look at me like that.”

  “Like what?” she asked, shaking her head.

  “Like you’re about to read me my last rites.”

  Her news may feel that way, like an ending instead of a beginning, but in time, he would realize it was for the best. He would find someone wonderful who fit into his world. Her mind flipped through images from the past. The twelve years she’d spent with Alex were some of the happiest and saddest of her life, but she wouldn’t have traded a single day with him for a lifetime with anyone else. “You were the right man at the right time.”

  “I don’t want to hear you talking about me or our marriage in the past tense,” he said, shifting in his seat. “I want to figure out how we’re going to move forward… together.”

  She believed that’s what he wanted, but only because he felt guilty he hadn’t given her or their marriage the time and attention it deserved. But if she returned with him, she knew nothing would change. He would still be an absentee husband, and she would still be a miserable, lonely wife looking for fulfillment by peeing on a plastic stick once a month and praying for a miracle.

  “I’m afraid that’s not going to happen,” she said, praying her voice didn’t betray her. Alex was an indomitable businessman used to railroading people if necessary. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to stand up to him if he fought her decision. “I’ve decided to stay here. My aunt has left me the inn, and she’d like me to move forward with her expansion plans.”

  For the first time since he’d entered the office, Alex glanced at the papers Morris had left on the desk. “Surely your aunt didn’t suggest you leave me so you could move back here and—”

  “She suggested I do what makes me happy, and that’s what I intend to do.”

  His handsome face tightened as his brows drew closer. “You’re not leaving me.”

  It was a statement, not a question, and that set Eve on edge. She knew Alex would resist when she finally asked for a divorce, but she’d hoped he would agree it was for the best and decide to let her go without too much of a fight. Apparently he had other ideas. “Alex, I don’t want to hurt you. This doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out affair. We don’t share children, and I don’t want anything from the house or—”

  “You think this is about some settlement?” he asked, raising his voice. “After what we shared last night—”

  “I told you, that shouldn’t have happened.” She’d hoped he wouldn’t remind her of her moment of weakness last night, but apparently he was determined not to fight fair.

  “It happened because you wanted me as much as I wanted you.” He got up and came around the desk, his eyes dark and his fists at his sides. Turning her chair around, he braced his hands on the desk behind her, his eyes holding her captive. His face was mere inches from hers. “We didn’t just have sex last night, Eve. We made love. You admitted you’re still in love with me. As far as I’m concerned, that means we still have something worth fighting for.”

  “But I—” Eve licked her lips, wishing those memories weren’t still reeling thorough her mind, making it difficult for her to deny his claim.

  “I love you.”

  Those three little words still had the power to make her melt. The first time he’d said it, they were at a night club with friends, slow dancing to their favorite song, and he whispered those three little words in her ear. She practically floated home and told her college roommate she’d found the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

  His eyes traced her lips before he tore his gaze back to her eyes again. “You gave yourself to me last night. Not just your body, your heart too. You were all in, so don’t even try to deny it.”

  “I was grieving.” He didn’t seem willing to accept that response. “I was still in shock.”

  “You needed me. Not just some warm body to help you forget your grief for a while. You needed me. Your husband. Your lover. Your best friend.”

  Eve was stunned by the conviction in his voice. How could she argue with a man who seemed so certain he was right when she wasn’t so sure he was wrong? Last night, Alex had made her believ
e life could go on and she would find happiness again. No one else could have done that. “I want you to leave.” She prayed he wouldn’t argue with her. “I have to plan Aunt Sharon’s funeral, and I can’t do that if I have to worry about us. Please just let me do this alone.”

  He looked torn, but he finally pulled back. “Fine, but this isn’t over, Eve. Not even close.”

  Chapter Five

  Eve waited until she heard Alex rental car’s engine start before she gave in to the tears. She felt as if her heart was shattering. She’d lost the two most important people in her life in twenty-four hours, and she had to figure out how to rebuild her life without them.

  Dan’s boots fell heavily on the old pine floorboards. Eve didn’t have to look up to know he was standing in the office. He was the only person she could still count on, yet leaning on him felt like a betrayal to the man who owned her heart.

  “He’s gone?” Dan asked. His large, work-roughened hand moved over her hair, soothing her as one might soothe a distraught child.

  She was tempted to turn into his touch. She wasn’t attracted to him, but she valued his friendship, especially since the people she’d thought of as friends back in the city had proven to her that being out of sight meant she was out of their minds. The only friends she had were the ones surrounding her, and Dan seemed the best among them. She sniffled, trying to pull herself together. She didn’t want Dan’s pity. She wanted him to see her as the strong and capable woman she was before she lost her identity being the wife of the steel mogul. “He’s gone.”

  “I know this isn’t easy for you.” Dan pulled up a chair beside her. He held her chin and forced her to look him in the eye. “Your life is here, with us. This is where you belong, Evie. Sharon knew that, and so do I.”

  “She left me the inn.”

  “I know. She told me.”

  Gripping his wrist, Eve pulled his hand away from her face. “When?”

  “When she got the news from the doctor.” He sighed and pushed his chair back to give her a little breathing room. “I guess I was the first person she told about the cancer.”

  It hurt to know Sharon hadn’t shared that news with her first, but Eve understood. Dan was a part of her day-to-day life, and her niece wasn’t. “Why didn’t you tell me about her plans?”

  “It wasn’t my place.”

  Dan was a man of integrity. If Sharon had asked him to keep a secret, Eve knew he would take it to his grave. “She wants me to proceed with the renovations.”

  “I know.” Dan crossed one booted foot over his knee and folded his arms. “The expansion was important to her. Sharon wanted to see this project through. She thought she would have more time…”

  Eve understood of how precious time was, and she knew she would never again take another day for granted. She ran her fingertip over a shallow scratch in the desk’s smooth surface. “I know. It seems like kind of a departure, don’t you think?”

  The Lakeside Inn had always catered to families. Sharon’s expansion would turn it into more of a retreat, with a spa, yoga, meditation, a waterfall, and spectacular flower gardens. She even wanted to switch to an organic menu.

  “I think Sharon realized a lot of things toward the end.”

  “Such as?”

  “She worked hard all of her life. She did what she loved, but she gave so much to her career and everyone else, and she rarely took time for herself.”

  “What do you mean?” Eve knew her aunt was a hard-working woman. In fact, Eve had often chastised her for not taking better care of herself. Sharon always assured her she liked to keep busy.

  “She had her work, this inn, plus her work as the mayor for years. Even after that, she chaired so many of the events around town.”

  “You mean like the book drive to raise funds for the library?”

  “That, and the children’s toy drive at Christmas.” Dan smiled. “Not to mention her work with the Horticultural Society and the church. Oh, and the food bank they were trying to raise funds for. Sharon may not have officially been running this town anymore, but she still loved the people and wanted to do everything she could to make their lives better.”

  Sharon had always felt that way. The dozens of people who’d passed through her home mourning her were a testament to the fact that her efforts hadn’t gone unnoticed. “I know,” Eve said. Eve recalled all of the benefits she’d attended with her aunt. Sharon got so much joy out of giving, never expecting anything in return. As a teen, Eve wanted to be just like her. Somehow, she had gotten wrapped up in a meaningless life of society lunches after she married Alex. Her work as a freelance editor was set aside, and with that, she lost her sense of self.

  “It sounds like you’re going to have a lot on your plate over the next little while,” Dan said. “Sharon left big shoes to fill.”

  “She sure did,” Eve said, wondering again whether she was up to the task.

  “Think you’re up to it?” Eve didn’t respond. “Just know that I’ll be here to help you. Whatever you need.”

  “Thanks.” She had to tackle the challenge herself, but knowing she had his support if she needed it helped.

  “What does this mean for your marriage, Eve?”

  That was the last thing she wanted to talk about, but she knew everyone would wonder when she announced her plan to stay and run the inn. Dan deserved to be the first to know. “It’s over.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, lowering his head.

  “Are you?”

  “No.”

  They looked at each other a long time before Eve said, “Our friendship means the world to me, but if you think my divorce means you and I have a chance at a future together, we don’t.” She didn’t want to be so blunt, but she thought it was best to be honest with him.

  “You may feel that way now—”

  “I’m not going to change my mind, Dan.” She reached for his hand and curled her fingers around his. “I love you as a friend, but that’s all it will ever be. If you can’t live with that, maybe you should think about moving on.” Adding Dan to the list of people she’d lost would destroy her, but she was determined to do what she had to do to create the life she wanted for herself.

  “You really mean that?” He held her hand tighter, obviously trying to hold on to something he felt was slipping away.

  Eve knew what that felt like. She’d done the same thing with Alex. “I don’t want you to go, but if you have to, I’ll understand. I won’t hold it against you.”

  “I don’t want to go anywhere. This is my home.”

  “Good, I want you to stay. But I need you to understand—”

  “I do,” he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “But you need to understand that you’re not an easy woman to fall out of love with, Evie.” Pushing his chair back, he stood. “Just ask your soon-to-be ex-husband. That might be the only thing we’ll ever agree about.”

  ***

  Several days later, Eve was sitting at her aunt’s desk when the phone rang. She recognized the number. She had been half-expecting that call given the steps she’d taken earlier that day. “Hi, James. How are you?” James and his wife, Ani, were her husband’s best friends and two of her favorite people, but she knew it wasn’t a social call.

  “I should be asking you that. I was so sorry to hear about your aunt’s passing. How’re you holding up?”

  “I’m hanging in there.” She’d been so busy she’d barely had time to mourn, which she suspected was the way her aunt wanted it. Sharon’s service was scheduled for the following day, and she still had a million things left to do. With so many people coming in from out of town to pay their respects, their inn and every hotel, motel, and resort in the area was booked. “Keeping busy. How about you?”

  “I didn’t call to make small talk.”

  “I know,” she said, sighing. She’d asked Morris to call James before serving Alex the divorce papers. James had been Alex’s attorney ever since he graduated law school, so she knew he would handle th
eir divorce on Alex’s behalf. “I’m sorry if the call blindsided you, James. I would have called you myself, but…”

  “It’s okay. I understand, but Jesus, Eve, are you sure this is what you want?”

  She’d been asking herself that question all morning. She’d been making herself crazy since Alex left, wondering what he was thinking, how he was feeling, why he hadn’t called or reached out to her. That made her realize she was falling right back into the same hell she’d been living in for months, and she didn’t want to go there again. She had no choice but to sever ties once and for all. “This is the way it has to be.”

  “I know he still loves you. Maybe you guys could go into counseling or—”

  “I know you’re trying to help, but it’s too late to go back. I’m ready to move on, and I’d consider it a huge favor if you would try to convince Alex to let me do that.”

  James laughed. “You’re kidding, right? You really think he’ll listen to me on this?”

  “Will you at least try?” she asked. If her husband would listen to anyone, it would be his best friend. “I don’t want this to drag on any longer than it has to. I care about Alex, and the last thing I want is to see him get hurt by trying to hold on to a marriage that’s been over for a long time.”

  “This makes me so sad,” James said quietly. “We’ve known you guys since the beginning. You were so happy then. I really thought you were the perfect woman for him.”

  “So did I,” Eve said, letting her eyes travel to the framed wedding photo. “But people change. He’s not the same person he was back then, and neither am I. We want different things out of life. It happens.”