Starting Over

by Cheryl Douglas

  “And you always do what she asks you to do?” Marianne asked, raising an eyebrow. “Seems to me if you had, you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” he muttered. “You really know how to kick a guy when he’s down.”

  Marianne’s hand fell away from the door. She turned to give her son a hard stare that reminded him she had been the disciplinarian while he was growing up. “You expect sympathy from me?”

  “No, I just—”

  Her voice hardened. “You’re my son and I love you, but you screwed up, and I’m not going to let you off the hook.”

  Alex curled his hand around the steering wheel. If anyone else had called him out like that, he would have let them have it. But that wasn’t an option with his mother. He could still hear his father preaching about respecting his mother. “I’m not asking you to. I admit I screwed up. If I could fix things, I would.”

  “In so many ways, you are your father’s son. But in other ways, you’re nothing like him. Hugh was a remarkable man,” Marianne said, staring at a weeping willow hanging over the walkway to the lake. “I fell in love with him the first time I saw him, and with every day that passed, I loved him just a little more. For the husband and father he was, and the friend he was. He gave until he had nothing left to give. He expected a lot of the people around him, but he expected even more from himself.”

  “I know.” Alex had idolized his father growing up. He followed him everywhere, mimicking him and wanting to be just like him. Alex’s father had always encouraged him to be the best he could be at everything he did. Whether it was school or sports, he always told Alex to give it everything he had. Alex lived by that motto. In business and in life, he always strived to be the best, just to make the old man proud. His father had been the easy-going, jovial type. Everyone liked and respected him because he’d built an international company from nothing. Alex, on the other hand, had to work twice as hard, being as merciless as his father was gracious, to earn respect for his business acumen.

  “He did what he did because he loved it, not because he felt he had something to prove.”

  Alex sensed his mother was trying to tell him something in the words left unsaid. “Are you saying you think I have something to prove?”

  “Don’t you? Isn’t that why you work so hard?”

  “I’m working so hard because this company is Dad’s legacy. He started with nothing, and now we have hundreds of thousands of square feet of manufacturing space in three countries. We employ thousands of people. I’d like to think I was a part of that.” He didn’t mean to sound so defensive, but sometimes he felt his mother and sister had no idea how hard he worked.

  “You are a part of that,” Marianne said, smiling wistfully at her son. “I think your father hoped we would pass this company on to the next generation.”

  Alex felt that comment like a drop-kick to the stomach. It reminded him of the baby Eve wanted… the baby they would never have. His sister would surely marry and have children in the not-too-distant future. Her children might take an interest in the company their grandfather loved. “Maybe we will pass the torch someday.”

  “I don’t want that for my grandchildren. Not after seeing what the business has done to you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “It’s taken everything you love.” She tightened her hands into fists then loosened them. “I told Hugh so many times I didn’t think this was the right path for you, but you were so adamant, and he so wanted you to be a part of the business.”

  Alex thought about James’s comments. He’d said he wasn’t the same man Eve fell in love with, that his obsession with his work was the reason she wanted to divorce him. Alex knew he would have been home more if not for his determination to prove he could take their company to new heights. He would have been ready to start a family, knowing he’d be home for dinner every night, there to coach Little League on weekends. Instead, his life consisted of one hotel room and airport after another. He didn’t want to have a child who barely recognized him.

  “I should have spoken up sooner. I should have encouraged you to follow your own path,” Marianne said, looking forlorn. “I can’t help but feel I’m partially to blame for this.”

  “You’re not,” Alex said quickly, reaching for her hand. He hated to see her cry almost as much as he hated to see Eve cry. “Please don’t blame yourself. The only person responsible for the choices I’ve made is me.”

  With a heavy sigh, Marianne said, “I hope you figure this out, Alex.” She leaned in to kiss his cheek. “If you need any help, you know I’m always here.”

  Chapter Seven

  Eve had said good-bye to the last of their guests when Alex slipped an arm around her waist. He whispered in her ear, “Why don’t we go outside for a bit? There’s a beautiful sunset, and it looks like you could use a break.”

  Watching the sun set was one of Sharon’s favorite pastimes, and Eve couldn’t think of a better way to cap off the evening. The reception hadn’t been the solemn affair she’d feared it might be. Alex had captivated the group by telling amusing stories about Sharon. The crowd joined in, and it turned into a wonderful remembrance with tears of joy instead of tears of sadness.

  She allowed him to slide his hand into hers as they chose a meandering stone path that led to two pale yellow Adirondack chairs. Knowing it would likely be the last time they shared an intimate moment made her heart ache, but holding on to the past wouldn’t help her start a new life. It was time to let go so they could find their happily ever afters. She squeezed his hand and said, “Thank you for what you did today. It was exactly what Aunt Sharon would have wanted.”

  “I thought it would help you and everyone else to remember the good times.” He gave her a sidelong glance. “And there were a lot of good times, Eve. Don’t let yourself forget those.”

  “I won’t.”

  He gave her a long, lingering look, and she knew he was thinking about all the good times they’d shared too. As soon as they sat down, it was like being transported back in time. She knew he’d chosen that spot for a reason. After they’d been dating for a few months, she’d invited Alex to dinner at the inn. After a wonderful meal in the dining room, they excused themselves so Eve could show Alex the grounds. They got caught up kissing and forgot they weren’t alone until they heard Sharon clearing her throat behind them. Getting caught up in the magic with Alex was so easy back then, when he made her feel as if she was the most important person in his world.

  “I always loved this place,” Alex said, gazing out over the water. A fishing boat was tying up at a neighboring dock, and he watched intently as the group carried their gear away, laughing and no doubt embellishing stories about their catch of the day. “That’s why I wanted to get married here. I felt like this was where it all began for us. I knew I loved you before, but when I saw you in your element, with Sharon, that’s when I really started to imagine a future with you.”

  Eve closed her eyes, remembering how she’d felt that night. After she walked Alex to his car and kissed him good night, she went back inside to find out whether her aunt approved of her new boyfriend. She already knew he was the one, but she wanted to know that Sharon saw the same wonderful qualities in him that she did. Sharon told her the only thing that mattered was that Alex was clearly in love with her and her with him.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked, rolling his head to the side to look at her. He’d shed his jacket, taken off his tie, and rolled up his sleeves hours ago. He looked like a relaxed version of the GQ model who took her breath away when he stepped out of the car.

  “I was thinking about that night… the first time I brought you home.” She smiled. “Sharon loved you, just like I knew she would. I couldn’t wait for you two to meet.”

  “I felt like I’d known her forever,” Alex said, smiling at the memory. “You’d told me so many stories about her… I’d even read a few chapters of her books that you left lying around your apartment. T
hey were kind of like a glimpse into who she was. It’s great that you’ll always have that part of her to hold on to.”

  “I think so too.” Inhaling deeply, she appreciated the crisp evening air coupled with the beautiful perfume from Sharon’s prize-winning rose bushes. “She’s left me with so much. I just feel blessed to have been a part of her life.”

  “She felt the same way about you, Eve,” Alex said.

  Footsteps on the path behind them caught Eve’s attention, and she turned around to see her mother walking toward them with two wineglasses. “I thought you could use a drink after the day you had,” Jane said, smiling as she offered red wine to her daughter and son-in-law.

  “Thanks, Jane,” Alex said, accepting the wine. “That was nice of you.”

  Lifting a shoulder, she said, “It was the least I could do.” Looking uneasy, she shifted from one foot to the other as she spoke to Eve. “Um, Dan said that most of the people who’d checked in for the funeral have left already.”

  “That’s true,” Eve said warily. “Why?”

  “I was wondering if it would be okay if I stayed for a little while?” When Eve sighed, Jane said, “I don’t want to impose. I just thought you could use some help, you know, packing up Sharon’s things and…”

  Eve looked to Alex, as she often did, when she needed a second opinion. It had become a habit, one she would have to break since they were no longer a couple.

  As though Alex sensed his wife’s uncertainty, he said, “We’ve all had a long day. I’m sure you’re tired, Jane. Why don’t you spend the night, and you and Eve can talk in the morning, when she’s had a chance to sleep on your proposal?”

  “Of course,” Jane said quickly. “Whatever you decide is fine, Eve. I know you don’t owe me anything. I just thought it would be nice if you had someone to lean on.” She glanced at Alex. “Your sister told me you two are separating, Alex. I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear that.”

  ***

  Alex would deal with his sister and her big mouth later. “I appreciate that. I’m not too happy about it myself.” He hadn’t intended his comment as a dig, but when he saw Eve’s body tense, he suspected that’s how she’d perceived it.

  “I’ll leave you two alone,” Jane said quietly. “I’m sure you have a lot to talk about. Good night.”

  “Good night, Jane,” Alex said when Eve didn’t respond. He turned to her. “I’m sorry, are you upset that I told your mother the divorce is your idea?”

  A muscle in her jaw flexed. “You’re making it sound like I’m the one who initiated this. I wasn’t. I wanted our marriage to work. You were the one who checked out a long time ago.”

  “That’s not true. I’m as invested in this marriage now as I was the day we took our vows. Hell, maybe more so.”

  Raising her wine glass, she got a determined look in her eye. “Why don’t we agree to disagree and drink to starting over?”

  Touching his glass to hers, he said, “I’m all for starting over… with you.” He knew he was pushing his luck, but he had nothing left to lose.

  “Why are you making this so hard?” she asked, taking a sip of her wine.

  He turned to face her, tucking one leg under the other. “You don’t really expect me to make this easy for you, do you? You’re my wife. I love you. I want to be married to you. I don’t know how else to make you understand this divorce is the last thing I want.”

  She watched several guests enjoying drinks on the inn’s patio several hundred yards away. “Can’t you see this is an impossible situation? I need to build a life here. Your life is in New York. There’s no way to make that work. I tried to be happy in your world for years. I couldn’t do it.”

  Alex couldn’t deny her claim. He knew she’d made the effort to find a place in his world, especially in the beginning of their marriage. During the last couple of years, he’d sensed her unhappiness growing to epic proportions. He should have addressed their problems before it was too late, but he hadn’t known how. He wasn’t sure he was ready to be a father, and that was the only thing that would make her happy. They were at an impasse that would force them to take a long, hard look at their marriage, so he tried to pretend things would get better. “I kept telling myself what we were going through was normal. Relationships go through cycles, at least that’s what I’d always heard.”

  “I suppose that’s true,” Eve said. “But the downturns don’t last for years, do they?”

  “Were you unhappy for that long?” he asked. All he’d ever wanted was to make her happy, but he’d obviously failed miserably.

  “It’s not your fault,” Eve said, setting her glass down on the broad arm of her chair as she laced her hands over her flat stomach. She was wearing black dress pants, high-heeled sandals, and a black and white, silky tank top. She’d left her black blazer inside, complaining it was too hot inside with all of the people crowding the lounge and dining area. “We’re just two different people. We came from different places. This is my home. It’s where I belong.”

  Alex hated to admit he could see why she felt she belonged there. Lakeside Inn was a little piece of paradise on earth. He could imagine himself settling down in a place like it in twenty years, when he was ready to think about retiring. The community was filled with wonderful people who’d grown up, raised families, and grown old there. Like Eve, they felt they belonged and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. Alex, on the other hand, liked making deals, putting out fires, taking on new challenges, and meeting new people. He liked his career most days, and he could imagine running Bolton Enterprises for many more years. But without Eve to come home to, his business would be the only thing he had left in his life.

  “Why are you so quiet?” Eve asked. “It’s not like you.”

  “I want to give you a million reasons why you belong in New York with me, but I can’t.” He’d heard the saying about loving and letting go, but he couldn’t imagine Eve stepping back into his world if he let her go. That realization felt like a stake through his heart. If he gave her the divorce she was asking for… it would be over. He would have to figure out how to get through every day for the rest of his life without her.

  “You’re an amazing man, Alex,” she whispered, reaching for his hand. “That’s what makes this so hard. If you were a self-centered, egotistical pain in the ass, this decision would be easy.”

  “Thanks, I think.”

  She winked when he gave her a wry smile. “You’re going to find someone amazing someday. Someone who will love your life and you with everything she has.”

  “You used to love me that way.” Even if she was determined to let him go, he couldn’t walk away without reminding her of when she was his world and he was hers. “You still do, Eve. I see it when you look at me.” He licked his lips and let his eyes fall to her mouth. It was full and sensuous, outlined in a pale coral that enhanced her bright green eyes. “I felt it when you made love to me.”

  “I’ll always love you,” she whispered fiercely. Her eyes looked even more vivid when they brimmed with unshed tears. “No matter what happens or where life takes us, a part of my heart will always belong to you and only you.”

  Alex kissed her hand, wishing he still had the right to strip her and kiss every inch of her beautiful body. “My whole heart will always belong to you. No one could ever take your place.”

  She looked pained. “Please don’t say that. That’s not what I want for you. I want you to find happiness with someone else. I don’t want you to be alone.”

  He smirked even though his own pain burned him up. He was doing something he’d never thought he would: saying good-bye to the love of his life. “Then you’re a better person than I am. The thought of you falling in love with another man, sharing his bed, makes me want to beat the hell out of him.” His eyes fell to the swell of her breasts peeking out from beneath the lace edge on her tank top. “In my mind, you’ll always be mine. I can’t imagine anyone else having you. No one else could ever love you as m
uch as I do.”

  “Alex, please…” She sucked in a breath and her chin trembled. “Don’t do this.”

  “I have to. It may be my last chance to tell you how I feel.” He placed her right hand over his heart. “I love you too much to try to hold on to you. If you really want the divorce, I won’t fight you. Just know that I’ll never stop loving you. You may not be mine on paper anymore”—reaching for her left hand, he kissed the diamond rings he’d placed there a decade earlier—“but you’ll always be the very best part of me.”

  ***

  The inn was quiet after the breakfast rush when Jane claimed the stool beside her daughter at the breakfast bar. “How are you this morning?”

  “I’m okay,” Eve said, folding the local newspaper and setting it aside.

  “I don’t know how you could be. You just lost your aunt, and your marriage is falling apart.” Reaching for the teapot in front of Eve, Jane filled both of their cups.

  Eve couldn’t decide whether her mother was trying to instigate an argument, so she decided to wait for her to continue.

  “I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, Eve. I’ve been there.”

  “Really?” Eve raised an eyebrow as she sipped the camomile tea. Eve wasn’t in the mood to rehash ancient history about the breakdown of her parents’ marriage and how her mother was the innocent victim, wronged by the man she loved.

  “I thought I knew what love was when I married your father, but it wasn’t until I met Tim that I realized how toxic our relationship was. Your father had fallen out of love with me long before I learned of his affair, but I held on so hard because I was afraid to be alone.”

  “Who’s Tim?” Eve asked. She and her mother really were strangers. She knew so little about the life Jane had been living for the past twenty years.