Starting Over

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Ex-husband.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Morris said James told him that Alex was ready to sign the papers, right?”

  Flattening her hand over her stomach, Eve wondered whether Alex had signed. Had a judge granted their divorce? Was she a single woman with a baby to raise on her own? The prospect almost had her running to the bathroom for the second time that morning. “Yeah, that’s what Morris said. I guess I should call him, find out whether—”

  “It’s too late to stop him?” Dan glared at her. “You asked for that divorce because you knew it was the right thing to do. This baby doesn’t change anything.”

  “How can you say that?” she whispered. “It changes everything.”

  “Tell him it’s mine.”

  Eve’s mouth dropped open. “Are you out of your mind? I can’t do that.”

  “Why not?” Dan paced the room. “You have to admit, it would make things a hell of a lot simpler for you. You wouldn’t have to worry about shuffling the kid back and forth between here and New York for court-ordered visitation.”

  “I can’t keep this baby from Alex. That wouldn’t be fair to either one of them.”

  “How do you know he’ll even want it?” His gaze softened when he saw Eve’s expression. “I’m sorry, hon. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you said yourself he wasn’t too keen on getting pregnant when you were together. How do you think he’ll feel about the prospect of being saddled with a kid now that he’s about to be a free man again?”

  Eve still couldn’t accept the thought of Alex being a free man any more than she could think of herself as available to date other men. But of course, he was free, and as much as she hated to admit it, Dan might be right. “How would you feel if you were him?” Dan may not be able to be objective, but at the moment, he was the only person she could ask.

  “I’m not him, thank God.”

  “Just humor me.”

  “Are you sure you really want to know how I’d feel?”

  No. “Yes.”

  “I’d be mad as hell. You were the one who insisted on the divorce. He’s going to assume you used him to get pregnant so you could have the baby you wanted, then cut him out of the picture.”

  “That’s ridiculous. I didn’t go to him that night. He came to my room.”

  “I don’t need to hear the details,” Dan said, holding up his hand. “I’m just saying, if you didn’t use anything…”

  “He wasn’t exactly whipping out a condom,” she muttered, feeling bitter that her long-time friend was siding with a man he couldn’t stand. “If he was so concerned about getting me pregnant, don’t you think he would have?”

  Running his hands through his cropped, dirty-blond hair, Dan said, “God, I really don’t wanna have this conversation.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said, sighing. “I shouldn’t have dragged you into this.”

  “You didn’t. I walked into it, remember?”

  Before Eve could respond, someone knocked on the door. She gave Dan a look that warned him to act nonchalant. “Come in.”

  Jane poked her head inside the door. “Eve, someone’s here to see you.”

  “Tell them I’ll be right down.”

  Jane glanced at Dan, looking hesitant. “It’s Alex.”

  Eve’s stomach did a little flip-flop, threatening to dispel the crackers she’d choked down a couple of hours ago. “What’s he doing here?”

  “I don’t know,” Jane said. “What should I tell him?”

  “Tell him to come up.” Eve couldn’t imagine having that conversation in a public area, where anyone could walk in on them, when she was uncertain of how Alex would react. She decided her bedroom was as private as it could get at the inn.

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?” Dan asked, giving her a pointed look.

  “I think it’s Eve’s decision to make,” Jane said gently.

  Dan didn’t seem to care for her mother, and Eve sensed the feeling was mutual. She knew both of them loved her and wanted to protect her, but their underlying tension only hurt her.

  “Send him up, Mom.” Her mother had earned that title slowly as they built a healthier, mutually-supportive relationship. Eve had to admit she didn’t know if she would have gotten through the past month without Jane’s help. She wondered how Jane would feel when she found out she was going to be a grandmother. Eve would tell her soon, but first she had to figure out how to tell her baby’s daddy the news.

  “Sure thing,” Jane said, opening the door fully before she made her way down the hall.

  “This is a bad idea,” Dan said between clenched teeth. “It’s too soon to say anything to him about this. You haven’t even seen a doctor yet.”

  “It’s not like I have the luxury of time. Our divorce will be final in a matter of days.”

  “You can’t seriously be thinking about taking him back just because you’re pregnant.”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she said, reaching under the pillow to grip the plastic stick that had decided her fate. “I’m still in shock, to tell you the truth. But whatever happens, Alex and I are in this together.”

  “Fine,” Dan said, sighing. “But when this turns into a nightmare, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Either way, you lose. If you go back to New York, you’ll be miserable. If you stay here and try to share custody with him, you’ll be miserable. Think about how you’ll feel, shipping your kid off for weeks at a time. I know you. That’ll kill you.” Dan braced his hands on his hips. “Have you thought about what will happen if he fights you for custody?”

  “Alex wouldn’t do that.” She reached for the glass of flat ginger ale on her nightstand and took a tentative sip. “He’s a reasonable man. He would never want to hurt me that way.”

  “He may have been all sweet before because he was still trying to get you back, but do you think he’ll still wanna play fair when he knows that’s a lost cause?”

  “Shh,” Eve said when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

  Alex appeared in her doorway wearing designer jeans, black shoes, and a dark-gray, striped button-down shirt. He looked even more handsome than Eve remembered, and the intensity of his steel-gray stare reminded her that she would never be immune to him. “Am I interrupting something?” Alex asked, looking from Dan to Eve.

  “Would it matter if you were?” Dan asked, quirking an eyebrow.

  “Don’t start, Dan,” Eve warned, sliding her damp palms over her black jeans. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  “Sure, whatever.”

  ***

  Alex knew he would never get used to seeing Eve with another man. Even though their marriage was officially over, it killed him to think about her falling asleep in someone else’s arms. He took a tentative step into the room. His eyes landed on the bed where they’d made love a few weeks ago. He’d been trying to hold on to her that night, believing that some miracle would make her realize they still belonged together. “It’s good to see you.”

  “It’s good to see you too, Alex. You’re looking well.”

  He rolled his eyes. “You’re lying, but thanks. I know I look like shit. Sleep’s been pretty hard to come by lately.” Stepping farther into the room, he sat on the bench at the end of the bed. He was close enough to touch her, but he knew he didn’t have that right anymore.

  “What are you doing here?”

  He should give her the divorce papers, wish her well, and leave. But he hadn’t come all that way to torture himself with just a few minutes in her company. Knowing he may be using the last excuse he had to see her made him want to prolong their meeting as long as possible. “How’ve you been? I see you’ve already started working on the inn.”

  She tucked a leg under her, looking more relaxed. “Yeah, it’s a lot of work, but I’m really excited about it. By the time we’re finished, the inn should look exactly the way Aunt Sharon envisioned it.”


  “That’s great.” He loved to see her smile. She hadn’t been passionate about a project in so long, he’d almost forgotten the sound of that little hitch in her voice and the way her green eyes shined like polished emeralds when she was excited. He was glad she’d found that passion again… even though he wished it could have come with him. “Maybe you can invite me to the Grand Re-opening?” When she didn’t say anything, he knew he’d overstepped. He wanted to believe they could remain friends, but without marriage binding them together, maintaining a relationship with her ex-husband would probably seem strange to her. Ex-husband. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to that.

  “Do you, uh, want to take a walk?” she asked. “The construction workers are probably taking their break. I could show you around, explain where everything is going to go. That is, if you want to. I mean, if you have to get back…”

  He’d been holding the envelope the entire time they’d been talking. He was certain she’d seen it, probably even guessed what was in it, but neither one of them seemed ready to broach that subject. They could stick to a neutral topic, like the renovation project, until one or both of them couldn’t stand it any longer and decided to acknowledge the elephant in the room. “I haven’t even told you why I came. I’m in no hurry to leave though. Unless you’re anxious to get rid of me.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  She glanced at the hand he had splayed on the bench, supporting his weight. He was still wearing the wide gold wedding band she’d slipped on his finger the day they took their vows. He couldn’t imagine removing it, no matter how much time passed. A judge may have pronounced them divorced, but that judge didn’t know his love for her would never die.

  “Okay, so let’s take that walk,” he said, standing up. His first impulse was to reach for her hand, but that would only make things awkward. He gestured for her to precede him out of the room. “I see you let Jane stay. She told me she’s working in the kitchen?”

  “For now,” Eve said, making her way down the staircase. She smiled at one of the guests crossing the lobby to the front door. “Once the renovations are complete, I may ask her to manage the exercise facility and spa. We’re going to have yoga, tai chi, meditation…” She blushed when she caught him staring at her.

  “Things are going well with her then?” Alex asked, following her outside. Engaging in polite conversation with the love of his life felt wrong. More than anything, he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her until the bitter memory of their divorce escaped him.

  “They are.” Eve fell into step beside him as they walked across the lawn. “She seems like a different person. I wish she and Aunt Sharon could have mended their relationship before she passed on. I think Aunt Sharon would have been proud of the woman my mother has become.”

  Alex followed Eve’s eyes. She was watching a young mother help her toddler down the slide in the inn’s playground. A smile teased Eve’s lips. He knew sights like that always tugged at her heartstrings. Anxious to turn her attention away from a reminder of the reason their marriage fell apart, he said, “I’m glad Jane’s been here to support you. Pulling this off alone would’ve been tough.”

  “I haven’t been alone,” Eve said, her eyes never leaving the mother and child. “Dan’s been a big help.”

  “I’ll bet he has,” Alex muttered, unable to wipe the scowl off his face when he thought about the man who was so determined to take his place. When the father appeared, scooping up his baby girl and swinging her in the air until she giggled and kicked her chubby little legs, Alex felt it like a swift kick in the gut. That could have been them if he hadn’t taken the best thing that had ever happened to him for granted.

  “Please don’t do that,” she said. “I told you, Dan’s my friend. That’s all it will ever be.”

  “Things are different now.” They didn’t have to talk about the divorce to know it stood between them. The air around them was charged with tension. Their conversation marked the end of a chapter in their lives. They both knew it; it was just a question of who would acknowledge it first.

  Alex was surprised when Eve led him toward a small white bench in the playground. He didn’t understand why she wanted to torture herself by watching a family playing together, but as long as he could steal a few more minutes with her, he wouldn’t question the where or why.

  “They are different. I feel different,” she said, sitting down. “I have a goal now. I think that’s what was missing before.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” He was happy she’d finally found what she was looking for. He knew how important it was to live with purpose instead of just going through the motions. He was glad he still had a career that gave him reason to get out of bed. Without that, he couldn’t imagine what he would do.

  The toddler with the pink floppy hat ran toward them with a brightly colored ball almost too big for her to wrap her little arms around. She giggled the entire time as she threw it to Eve, trying to entice her into playing a game of catch. It didn’t take much convincing. Eve adored children and was happy to oblige while the smiling parents looked on.

  Alex watched, a lump in his throat, as he realized he would never get the opportunity to see Eve play with their own child. He could have had it all if he’d made different choices, tried harder to find a balance that would have made both of them happy. He’d faced facts too late to save his marriage, and he would live with that regret forever.

  “Sorry”—the young mother approached them with a smile—“we didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “No problem.” Eve smiled at the pretty little girl with blond ringlets. “I had fun. Are you enjoying your stay?”

  “We’re having a great time,” the young man said, scooping his daughter up as his wife retrieved the ball. “Beautiful place you’ve got here.”

  “Thanks.” Eve beamed with pride. “It belonged to my aunt. I hope the construction didn’t disturb you. We’re in the midst of an expansion project.”

  “Not at all,” the young woman said, squeezing her daughter’s hand. “They were kind enough to put us on the opposite side of the inn, so we haven’t heard a thing. Well, we should be on our way. We’re going to build a few sandcastles and go for a quick dip before we put this little one down for a nap.”

  “Have fun,” Eve said, grinning when the little one held out her arms. Eve pressed kisses to both of her hands while her daddy tried to rein in the wiggling toddler. “I can’t wait to see your sand castle, princess.”

  Watching them walk away, Alex didn’t know what to say. He knew he would never forgive himself if he let the opportunity slip past without voicing his sorrow. When they’d married, he promised to make all of his wife’s dreams come true, and he failed her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you, Eve.”

  She watched the family pick up the plastic toys they’d left on the beach earlier. “What do you mean?”

  “I wasn’t ready to be a father. I should have told you that when you started talking to me about trying to have a baby.”

  She looked up at him, suddenly pale. “Why didn’t you?”

  “I was afraid of losing you.” With nothing left to lose, honesty came easily.

  “So you were willing to have a baby you didn’t want just to make me happy?”

  Sighing, he laced his hands behind his head. “I wanted to have a family someday, but my business took me away so often, it never felt like the right time.”

  “You could have just told me how you felt.”

  “You were so excited about having a baby. How was I supposed to tell you I didn’t feel the same way?”

  “I don’t know,” she said.

  “I guess it’s a moot point now. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for the mistakes I made.” He set the envelope in her lap. “Here are the divorce papers. James called in a favor, so it’s official. You’re a free woman.”

  “I am?” She licked her lips, looking at the envelope as though she was afraid to open it.

  �
��That’s what you wanted, right? To move this along as quickly as possible?” Alex got a sinking feeling he may have rushed things. Perhaps he should have given it more time in case she changed her mind. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” She gave him a fake smile he recognized right away. “I guess I’m just a little surprised, that’s all. You, uh, didn’t have to come all this way to give me these. Our lawyers could’ve taken care of it.”

  “I know.” He stared at the waves, jealous of the boaters wasting away the day while he tried to redefine a life that didn’t make sense anymore. “I felt I owed it to you, to us, to see this through to the end.” The end. That’s what it was, and no matter how much he may wish things could be different, he had to accept the reality of their situation.

  “I appreciate that.”

  He faced her, sketching her exquisite face with his eyes, so he wouldn’t forget a single feature. Pulling her into his arms one last time was bittersweet. Holding her again felt so good, but knowing it would be the last time ripped him apart. “I love you. Just remember that. If you ever need anything, call me, and I’ll be here.”

  A sob escaped as she buried her face in his neck and clung to him, but she didn’t respond.

  Chapter Nine

  Alex was on his way out the door the following Monday morning when his mother and sister appeared on his doorstep. He’d buried himself in work ever since he returned from the inn a few days ago and he hoped to be able to do the same again that day. It was the only thing that helped him forget. “Hey, I was just on my way into the office. Can this wait?” He hoped they would give him the benefit of cutting their visit short.

  “We need to talk,” Marianne said. “This is important.”

  Tonya looked uneasy, barely able to look him in the eye as she crossed the threshold.

  “Fine, but we have to make it quick. I have a mountain of work to plow through today.” He looked at the pot of coffee his housekeeper had left on the kitchen table when she’d served his breakfast. He’d barely had a bite and hoped she didn’t notice him shifting the scrambled eggs around on his plate. He would sell the house soon. Living with Eve’s ghost around every corner was killing him. “Would you like some coffee?”