Because It's Not Love

by Kitty Parker

  He took a deep breath before continuing again. "Well I had the thought of liking you more than my sexual needs, and it really surprised the hell out of me, but...but the thought of not having you in my arms scared me even more."

  I stayed silent, too surprised to form any words, as I lied back down and also stared up the ceiling as his voice filled the room again.

  "I know I've changed a lot these past couple of days. And I have to admit, I feel like a better person. I don't know...I think I feel happier." He chuckled lowly. "Look at me, I feel like a grown up, admitting all my feelings. And I'm embarrassed. I don't know why I'm so embarrassed...I mean, I've done a confession for you in front of school. And now when there's the two of us, I feel more nervous. It's funny isn't it?"

  I didn't join him as he laughed at himself, I was too shock to do anything. It was the same feeling when I found him holding a bouquet of lilies in front of school. But somehow this felt more intense...maybe because we just had sex last night, I don't know.

  He turned his head to look at me but I didn't dare to move any muscle. I could feel his eyes on me as I kept on staring at the ceiling. And suddenly, I felt his fingers through mine, slowly grasping my hand so softly. I bit my lip to stop myself smiling like a fool.

  "I like you, Maggie. I...uh, really do. Like...really, really like you. Really, really. Really." He squeezed my hand slightly. "Really."

  Well that's so many 'really' in one sentence.

  He took a sharp breath before saying the words I never thought he would say in a very shaky and nervous voice. "I think...no, I know...I-uh I...well I-" He stopped suddenly before he continued with a more steady voice in a rush. "I'minlovewithyou."

  Oh...my...god...

  Was I hearing things?

  I finally braved myself to look at him, and when I did, I couldn't help but to brake into a grin. He was watching me with scared eyes, a small smile and a face of a lost puppy. He looked so cute and...so not him. And that's why I laughed, very loud might I add.

  It started as a soft giggle, and when he frowned at me, I began to bark out a huge laugh at his expression. I didn't know exactly why I was laughing. I might be laughing at him because he was acting like this, or maybe I was laughing because I was so happy that the only thing I could do was to laugh it off.

  Carson looked at me as if I was crazy, and I wouldn't blame him, because technically we both were naked under the blanket and he just confessed his love for me.

  Oh my god! He actually said it? He did, didn't he?

  Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

  I couldn't stop grinning and laughing that I had to close my mouth with my hand.

  Flying to cloud nine was nothing.

  This was a huge free fall.

  "Uh, Maggie..." There was doubt in his voice and I couldn't help but to laugh louder than necessary. And when my laughter finally died down a little, I glanced at him, he was still looking at me with a huge frown on his face. He still looked like a scared puppy though, which was why I grinned really wide. I was the one who made him like this. Me!

  Of all people!

  "Carson, you have no idea how happy I feel right now." I practically jumped him, I threw myself on top of him, cupped his face and kissed him with all my might. He was tensed at first, too shocked to process my sudden interest to maul him, but he accepted it after a while. He reached around my waist and kissed me back with so much strength and power. His kisses were always like this, but now I finally realized why they were so intense and wonderful.

  It was always full of love.

  Maybe I never realized this, or maybe even himself never realized this, but the moment the thought of him loving me, those kisses seemed to be the cherries on the top. I now know why I loved kissing him. I now understand why kissing him was the greatest feeling.

  It was because it was always full of love.

  Never have I thought this was going to happen, and it felt pure bliss.

  I finally pulled away but kept my hands around his face, looking into his deep gaze as he looked up at me like he was proud of me, like he was happy I was in his arms.

  "You're in love with me?" I managed to whisper.

  He nodded shyly with a small smile and squeezed my hips lightly. "I am."

  My grin grew wider. I knew my cheeks were going to be sore by my nonstop smiling, but I didn't care. I was too happy to contain this very beautiful information.

  "Do you remember that I slipped in 'I love you' the night of the Christmas party?" He frowned for a while before nodding. "I mean it. I love you, Carson. Like...really, really. Really."

  He broke into a foolish grin as I giggled. This felt so unreal...so unlike Carson. I never thought he could...change...wow, this was very overwhelming to me. After all that we've been through…

  Sensing that I was suddenly silent, he rubbed my back and stared into my eyes with worry. "What are you thinking?"

  I softly smiled. "How everything turned out. How we're now a cheesy couple. How...how happy I feel right now. It just seems like a dream."

  He flipped me over and was now hovering on top of me with a sly grin. "I'm happy too, and believe me this is real. I can show how real it is."

  And he proceeded to do so. He dipped down his head and captured my lips with his, sending me thrills of excitement and giddiness, a sudden shock of electric that showed me how realistic being in his arms was. I sighed happily when we finally pulled away. Oh this was real alright.

  "This is the best Christmas present ever...and the best birthday present." I added dreamily.

  "Christmas was yesterday, and your birthday's not in another week." He looked at me amusingly.

  I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing can top this."

  "Oh really?" He raised his eyebrows with his trademark smirk. I smiled to myself, I guess his usual self was back again. I answered him with a nod before he grinned and asked me by my ear with his husky voice. "What do you say if we go and get some delicious and expensive chocolate?"

  My eyes widened in excitement and I was practically cheering even though his lips was starting to kiss my neck. Chocolate, I forgot about my sweet pleasure for too long.

  I was about to say what a wonderful idea that was when he suddenly sucked my skin on a very sensitive area bellow my ear. I moaned and arched my back, feeling very dazed so suddenly by his sudden touch. I sighed again.

  "Can we melt some chocolate and lick it off of each other's body?" I asked in a dazed tone as my eyelids started to drop.

  Carson suddenly stopped and pulled away. Confused to this, I opened my eyes and found him looking at me with a serious expression.

  "I knew I loved you for a reason."

  He said it with such ease now that I felt the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I bit my lip as he gave me a charming smile before he started giving me kisses. I received them happily, because I knew, I was going to receive them for a long time.