Even more than all that, he was talking to me — maybe more than he ever had.
By all counts, he was giving me what I’d always wanted.
But there was still one thing we hadn’t discussed.
Her.
I shook off the thought as my phone buzzed in my hand, just as I slid my key card against the entry pad and slipped inside my room. I dropped my bag on the chair by the desk before sliding the message open.
- I know you’re busy with the conference. Just wanted to check in on you. Hope you’re having fun. -
I sighed, flopping down on the bed and kicking my heels off.
- It’s very fun, but lots of people-ing. You know that’s my favorite. -
- Oh boy. Forced conversation. Sounds like a blast. -
I smiled at his text, watching the little bubbles bounce beneath it as he typed out another.
- Well, I’ll leave you to it. Was just thinking of you. I miss you. -
My heart twisted, one hand moving to press against that spot in my chest where the ache was most present. It seemed to be almost a permanent ache now, between Cameron and Reese.
- I miss you, too. Talk soon. -
My stomach growled as I tossed my phone face down on the comforter, and I frowned, debating my options for sustenance. Reese would be joining a big group for dinner, no doubt, networking the way I should have been. But now that I was in my room after a full day of talking and listening to presentations, the last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone else.
So, I flopped on my stomach, reaching for the phone to dial room service. Once I’d ordered, I stripped out of my dress, ran the hottest shower I could manage, and pulled out my laptop to go through my notes from the day.
When I opened the first document, my computer warned me of low battery, so I hopped up to dig through my bag for my charger. It was at the very bottom, the head of it stuck under my books. I yanked, and when I pulled it free, I cringed at the sight of wires poking through the white protective tubing.
“Shit.”
I plugged it in, anyway, finagling the wire after it was connected to my computer to see if I could get it in a spot to charge. I twisted the wires left and right, pinched them together at different areas, and even tried using a Band-Aid to fuse the tubing back together, but it was no use.
A frustrated huff left my lips as I debated my options.
Some would have taken it as a sign to go out after dinner, to be social, but even the thought of being around people made me want to shove my head in an oven.
I could run out to the store, I thought, but that would require putting on pants — and that sounded even worse than talking to people.
There was one easy way to get a charger, though “easy” was a relative term. I knew Reese had the same laptop, and his room was just next door. He’d definitely be out for the night, the charger of no use to him. All I had to do was ask.
And my pride hated that.
“Ugh,” I groaned, but I rolled myself out of bed, anyway, not even bothering to put on shoes before I slung my door open. I propped it open with the lock at the top, blowing out a long breath as I knocked on Reese’s door next.
It didn’t occur to me that I maybe should have stopped to put on clothes — not until the exact moment Reese opened his door.
The cool air from inside his room rushed through my still-damp hair, and Reese just stood there, his eyes hard on mine before they slowly made their way down to my robe. He focused on the knot I’d tied at my waist, the one at the bottom of the V the robe left between my breasts, before his gaze drifted down again, to my bare legs. The ends of my robe didn’t quite connect at the bottom, and that left him a view of my thigh, still glistening as it dried from my shower.
I pulled those ends together, clearing my throat as my cheeks heated. “Can I borrow your laptop charger?”
Reese’s eyes were still stuck on the point where I held my robe together. His jaw clenched, and he tightened his hold on the door knob before finally finding my gaze.
“For tomorrow?”
“No, for tonight. I just wanted to go through my notes for the day, and my charger broke. Can I borrow yours?”
He didn’t answer, his eyes taking in my wet hair now — hair that was down and hanging over my shoulders.
“I’ll give it back,” I added. “The charge should be enough to get me through the day tomorrow and I’ll go to the store when we get home.”
Reese still stared at me, a small smirk climbing on his face as he pushed the door open wider and stepped aside for me to come in.
I opened my mouth to argue, to say I could just wait there while he got the charger, but the way he lifted one brow told me that wasn’t an option. So, I stepped inside, staying close to the door once it had closed behind us.
“You’re not going out for dinner?” he asked, crossing the room to where his backpack rested on the desk. He was already changed for the night, sporting casual, baby blue shorts and a white dress shirt that had the top three buttons undone. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and a beige blazer was thrown over the edge of his bed — an accessory I assumed would top off his look.
“I ordered room service.”
Reese glanced at me, that same smirk on his stupid face as he shook his head and dug through his bag. “You should come out.”
“I’m okay. Thanks.”
The entire room smelled like him. He was freshly showered, his long hair a little damp at the ends, too, and he wore the same cologne I remembered him wearing the night we went up the Incline. I remembered that scent enveloping me as I broke in his arms, as I showed him my scars, and that same scent dusted the sheets of the fort we built in his home.
“What about after?” he asked, crossing the room to where I stood. He held the charger in his hand, but he made no attempt to give it to me. “You coming down to the beach?”
“I told you,” I said, swallowing at his nearness. “The beach isn’t really my thing.”
Reese stepped into my space even more. “Okay.”
He offered me the charger, his eyes watching me over the bridge of his nose. I swallowed, reaching for the white cord, but before I could pull away, his hand tightened over mine.
“So, is this it?”
My eyes flicked to where his hand gripped mine before I found his gaze again.
“This is the end? You’re staying with Cameron, and I can just fuck off?”
“Reese…” I shook my head, eyes dropping to the floor between us.
“Just answer me.”
“I don’t have an answer,” I said honestly, my voice squeaking at the top of the confession. “And I didn’t say it was over. I just… I told you I slept with him. I wanted to be honest.”
Reese’s jaw flexed at the reminder of what I’d done, and he took another step, just centimeters between us now.
“You slept with him,” he repeated. “Knowing that… hearing you say those words… it kills me, Charlie. It makes me want to murder him.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I never said it was,” he answered quickly. “But it’s the truth.”
Tears pricked the edges of my eyes, but I forced a breath, keeping them inside.
“I still love him,” I whispered.
Reese swallowed. “So, does that mean you don’t want me?”
My eyes traveled up until they met his chest, and I watched his breaths enter and leave, the speed of them matching that of my heart.
“You don’t care about me?” he pushed further, his hand letting go of where it held the charger and mine. He moved it to frame my jaw instead, thumb tracing the skin there, his breath hot on my lips. “And everything we had, everything you felt with me…” he said. “You don’t feel that anymore?”
“I…”
I couldn’t answer, the words stuck like feathers in honey somewhere inside my throat. My head spun, the smell of him too much, the feel of his hand on me making me weak.
“And this…
” he continued, his free hand trailing up the edges of my robe that lined the middle of my body. He pushed them aside gently, his finger just barely grazing the bottom of my breast as I inhaled a stiff breath. “This doesn’t make you feel anything at all?”
“Reese…”
“Say my name one more time, and this robe will be on the floor.”
I bit my lip, squeezing my eyes as my body screamed under his touch. He’d barely even brushed my skin and I was already on fire, writhing for oxygen.
“Yes.”
“Yes, what?” he probed, and this time, his finger trailed up just enough to graze my pebbled nipple.
“Yes, I still want you,” I panted. “But I’m just… I’m confused. I need some space, some time.”
“I don’t want space.” He rolled the pad of his thumb over my nipple, his hand slipping all the way under my robe to grip my breast firmly. “And we don’t have time.”
“Reese…”
And just as he promised, my robe was on the floor in a snap.
He tugged one end of the loose knot I’d tied under my breasts, and the moment the robe wasn’t between us any longer, he pulled me flush against him, his lips finding mine in a heated frenzy.
I gasped into his open mouth, but his tongue snuck inside in the next breath, and before I could register what had happened, my feet were off the ground. Reese pushed me against the wall, his hands pinning my hips against it as he kissed down my neck, sucking the skin between his teeth hard enough to leave marks.
Hissing, I arched off the wall and into his touch, the overwhelming feel of him taking me under like a tidal wave. I didn’t gasp for air, didn’t beg for oxygen — I simply let the wave take me down, down to hell, down to where my favorite sinner waited with open arms.
“You drive me absolutely crazy, you know that?” Reese growled, pressing the hard-on straining through his shorts against my naked core. The friction sparked a fire, and I whimpered, rolling my hips against him.
Reese hadn’t touched me since the night of the spring concert, since he’d made me come for him in the costume closet. I’d had to be quiet then, but as Reese slipped a finger inside me, the loudest moan ripped from my throat. He groaned, withdrawing his finger before sliding it in again.
“So tight.” He murmured against my lips, and he kissed me harder as he slid another finger in to join the first.
My hands pressed hard into the wall, trying to find something to grip as he pinned me there. Every sound was muted other than his breaths, his eyes all I could see, his hands all I could feel. Just like the first time he’d touched me, Reese overwhelmed every sense, demanding all of me.
Memories of the fort flashed behind my eyes, the feel of him touching me on his piano, the way he’d stretched me open more than once that night. And I wished it was only lust. I wished it was only his body that made me feel this way.
But it was him.
It was the lost boy I wanted to save when I was younger, the man I wanted to find home in now. It was the way he listened to me, the way he knew exactly what to say, the way he understood what I never had to explain.
Reese was my jagged little pill, one I wanted to swallow eagerly.
But unlike that first night Reese had touched me, Cameron still lived within my heart tonight, too. And it was the flash of his smile in the car on the way to Garrick that zapped me back to reality.
“Stop,” I said, eyes popping open as I pressed my hands into Reese’s chest.
He pulled back, smirking before his lips found mine again. He thought it was a game, a sexy round of cat and mouse. But I had to get out. I had to get air.
I had to get space.
“NO!”
This time, I pushed hard enough for his grip to weaken, and he dropped me gently to the floor with his face screwed up in confusion.
“Are you okay? I was just—”
“I have to go.”
“Charlie.”
I scrambled for my robe at his feet, tucking it haphazardly around me and fumbling with the door knob until I finally yanked it open.
“Charlie, wait!”
But I was already in the hall, and in the next instant, I pushed through my room door, slapping the lock stopper out of the way and shutting the door firmly behind me. I fell against it, my breaths erratic, and I jumped when Reese knocked.
“Come on, Charlie. Let me in,” he begged, his voice muffled through the door. “Talk to me, for Christ’s sake.”
I backed away, still watching the door like he’d somehow find a way inside.
“He doesn’t love you,” he said after a moment. “Not the way I do. I know you know that. He’s inside your head, your heart, but only because he lost you. It took that — losing you — for him to wake up and try to be what you deserve, Charlie.”
He paused, and I stared at the peep hole on the door, wondering what he looked like in that moment.
“He’s giving you everything right now, and I’m sure he’s making you feel more than you have in years. But he’s only making you feel that way because he wants you to stay. The question is, will he still make you feel this way, will he still treat you the same once he has you again?”
An ache surged through me, and I closed my eyes tight against the tears that threatened to fall.
I thought he was done, but Reese lowered his voice a little more before he asked just one final question.
“If you stay, and he goes back to the husband you’ve had for the past five years, will it be enough?”
My face warped, fighting against the emotion building in me. I felt Reese on the other end of the door, begging me to open it for him, but after a moment, I heard a sigh before his door opened and closed with a soft latch.
I cried, falling to the floor with my hands still clutching my robe as I tried to catch my breath. My heart thumped loudly in my ears where my head hung between my shoulders, each beat separating another thought as they ripped through me.
Thump.
What is wrong with me?
Thump.
Who have I become?
Thump.
What the hell do I do now?
And between those thoughts, I asked myself the same question as Reese.
“If you stay, and he goes back to the husband you’ve had for the past five years, will it be enough?”
It was the only question I knew the answer to.
Charlie
The rest of the conference dragged by, each minute feeling like a day. By the time we ended the Saturday afternoon session, it was all I could do to haul myself upstairs, change, and make my way to the bar. I knew everyone would be at the final mixer being held in the ballroom next to where we’d had the conference, so I found my safe haven in the relatively empty beach bar out back.
I chose a seat at the bar, my sandy feet dangling off the tall stool as I ordered my first drink of the weekend. That drink quickly turned to two, and two to three, and before I knew it, the sun had set, the beach growing dark behind me as dusk settled in.
My fingers trailed the sugary rim of my fifth fruity margarita as a cool breeze swept into the bar. At least, I thought it was my fifth. I hadn’t kept an accurate count, and I didn’t really care as I lifted it to my lips, hoping the alcohol would burn away everything else that stung — like the fact that I was killing my husband, that I didn’t know if I could stay with him, and that I still loved Reese, even when I wished I could stay away from him.
It’d been almost a month now since Cameron asked me to give him another chance, and the thought of enduring the pain I felt in my chest for another month made my stomach lurch. To make matters worse, I knew I wasn’t the only one feeling that pain. Cameron had to be sick, knowing I was away with Reese, and Reese had agreed to wait for me — to respect the time I’d promised Cameron.
I didn’t deserve either one of them.
Why did I think my happiness mattered anymore? The truth was they’d both be better off without me, and I should have to endure life alo
ne. At least, that’s what I wanted to believe.
But inside my heart, I didn’t.
Under the bad decisions I’d made in the past few months, I knew my heart was pure and true. I had loved Cameron with every ounce of love and care I possessed. I had tried to wait for him, to let him come back to me on his own time. I had suffered through lonely nights, cold rejection, empty promises.
I may not have been perfect, but he’d hurt me, too.
And in the back of my mind, Reese’s question played over and over. If I stayed and Cameron went back to the way he’d been the past five years, would it be enough?
No.
Not even close.
Thunder rolled quiet and low off in the distance, and I took another sip of my drink, head fuzzy as I tried to imagine my life. With Cameron, it was hard to picture anything other than what we’d lived since the boys died.
I could faintly remember a time before, when we were happy, when we were blissfully happy. He’d given me a glimpse of that the previous weekend, when he’d taken me back to Garrick, and back to a room we made memories in. And Cameron was opening up to me, he was letting me in, he was giving me a piece of himself he was never able to give before.
I loved him. I missed him. I didn’t even want to leave for the conference because we were having so much fun at home. I wanted to stay in his arms, in that house where he was beginning to peel back his layers and let me inside.
Still, Reese had a point, and it stuck with me long after I left his room last night.
If I stayed, would Cameron be the old Cameron, the one I fell in love with, or would he go back to being the one who’d hurt me and let me feel like I didn’t matter at all to him?
What He Always Knew (What He Doesn't Know Duet Book 2) Page 11
