What He Always Knew (What He Doesn't Know Duet Book 2)

by Kandi Steiner

  I cocked one brow, honestly curious. It was the first time Cameron had talked about what happened, other than the night he simply apologized and asked me to forgive him. He hadn’t stuck up for himself, hadn’t offered any excuses or lies.

  Why now?

  Cameron took a long breath, scrubbing his hands back through his hair before he clasped them together between his knees again. His eyes were on those hands as he began to speak.

  “Natalia and I have worked together for a long time… for years.”

  “I know,” I deadpanned.

  Cameron’s lips pressed together, a frustrated breath sounding through his nose, but he continued.

  “I respect her. She’s intelligent, driven, and she always balanced me out well. When we worked on projects, I was the numbers guy, and she was the presentation. She was the closer.”

  Another flash of her in his lap, her long blonde hair, her skirt around her hips.

  “Everything between us was strictly professional, Charlie. I need you to understand and believe that. There were never any lines crossed, not even so much as an innocent flirt between us. Not until the boys died.”

  My emotions were too sensitive, like an exposed nerve, and just that sentence leaving his mouth pricked my eyes. I sniffed, crossing my arms tighter and looking away.

  “Something changed in her, then. It felt almost like I was her… her prey. She hunted me, looking for opportunities to get inside my head, to comfort me, to make me happy when I wasn’t. She tried to find a way in. And I’m ashamed to say that sometimes, on the weak days,” he said, his voice trailing. “I let her.”

  I shook my head. “Yeah. I caught that.”

  “I’m so sorry I did that,” Cameron said, reaching for my hands again. I let him peel them away from my middle, but they were limp in his grasp. “I’m sorry I let her comfort me, that I let her be the one I leaned on. I know I’ve told you before that I thought I was doing the right thing by giving you space, by letting you heal on your own time, but I was wrong. I see that now. I should have been there for you, and I should have opened up to you about how I was feeling, too. I failed you in that,” he admitted, voice breaking as he squeezed my hands tighter. “But I swear to you, on everything that I am, I did not sleep with her, Charlie. Not once.”

  My heart leapt into my throat, the beat of it strong enough to block my next breath.

  “You didn’t?”

  He shook his head. “I never even kissed her.”

  My mouth fell open, heart dropping back into my chest before it took off in a full gallop. I shook my head, searching his eyes for a sign of him lying, but I came up empty.

  “No,” I said, still shaking my head. “No, I saw her. I saw her skirt… and she was straddling you, and…” I tried to remember if his hands were on her. Were they grabbing her hips? Were they in her hair? But I couldn’t remember.

  Maybe they were on the chair. Maybe he wasn’t touching her at all.

  “You saw her sitting on me,” he agreed. “She had come into my office right before you, and she straddled me like that before I could even register what she was doing. It was late, we were the only ones there, and I guess she thought it was the right time to pounce. She told me she was looking for trouble,” Cameron said, shrugging. “And I told her to get off me. But it was too late, because before she could even argue with me, you walked in.”

  Suddenly, his hands were too warm, the aviary too small, and I ripped away from his grasp before jumping up to stand. Cameron remained seated as I paced, waking Scarlett and Rhett with my quick movements.

  “This doesn’t make any sense,” I said, running a hand through my hair. “Why didn’t you tell me this? Why wouldn’t you say anything until now?”

  “I didn’t think it mattered.”

  “You didn’t think it mattered?” I repeated. “You didn’t think it was worth it to mention to me that what I’ve thought for the past four years was completely wrong? That you never cheated on me like I thought you did?”

  “But I did,” he said. “In a way, in the only way that matters. Sex is just that — sex. To me, that was never true intimacy. At least, not until I met you. Sex has only been more with you. So, no, I didn’t have sex with her.” Cameron swallowed. “But what I did do was worse. I leaned on her. I let her in, I gave her access to my thoughts and feelings. So when I chased you down that night to plead my case, and I saw your tears, I knew there was nothing I could say that could make you feel any better. I couldn’t defend my actions, because I’d hurt you. I’d betrayed you. You looked at me like a piece of shit that night, Charlie, and I was.”

  “But that was because I thought you slept with her!”

  “I know,” Cameron said, finally standing, too. “I see that now. Talking to Patrick, he helped me see that even if I still feel guilty for what I’ve done, even if I feel like there is no difference in what I did and what you thought, that I still owed you the truth.” Cameron shook his head. “He said you needed to have all the facts, and that it was your decision whether it was the same or not.”

  Black invaded my vision, the same nauseous feeling from Wednesday’s food poisoning stint creeping up on me. I moved back to the hammock, flopping down in it as I tried to steady my breaths.

  “I can’t believe this,” I whispered, shaking my head. “You never slept with her.”

  Cameron dropped to his knees in front of me, taking my hand in his. He pressed a kiss to my knuckle before holding my gaze.

  “Charlie, you are the only woman I have ever loved, and I would never dream of touching another woman the way I touch you. You are my wife,” he reminded me, and my heart cracked with the word. “I made vows to you, and though I may have broken some of those along the way, I would never break the most sacred one. I am yours and only yours,” he promised. “And I’m sorry I ever made you doubt that.”

  I couldn’t cry, couldn’t scream, couldn’t do anything but sit there in his grasp and stare at the man I thought I knew. Shame seeped through me like dark ink, tattooing me with the truth.

  Cameron had never cheated on me.

  He stared at me, lifting my fingers to his lips every now and then, and all I could do was stare back. The guilt I’d felt over Reese before was nothing compared to the kind I felt now. Because before, at least a little bit anyway, I felt justified. An eye for an eye, a heart for a heart. I wasn’t doing anything to Cameron that he hadn’t done to me.

  But I had been wrong.

  My husband had never betrayed me, not the way I had him, and now that the truth was laid out in front of me, I felt more lost than I ever had before.

  “We should try to get some sleep,” Cameron said after a while. “I know this is a lot to process. Just… let me hold you tonight, okay? And if you have any questions for me in the morning, I’ll answer them. No matter what they are.”

  His words were muffled, like we were on an airplane or like I was half asleep. I think I nodded, though I couldn’t be sure, and the next thing I knew, we were climbing the stairs together.

  We both crawled into bed, and Cameron leaned over to turn out the light before he pulled me into his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair, his other hand resting easily on my hip, and I could already sense how much lighter he felt now that he’d gotten everything off his chest.

  But it was the law of physics. That weight had been transferred, landing on my shoulders instead. And thought it didn’t make any sense whatsoever, it was under that pressure where I finally drifted off to the best sleep I’d had in months.

  Cameron

  I held Charlie close all that night, listening to her sleep, knowing I would not. But for once, I wasn’t scared of being alone with my thoughts.

  I could distinctly recall the chapter breaks in my life.

  I knew where each one began, where each one ended, and what each new chapter had held for me. There was the chapter that ended when my father killed my mother, when he went to jail, and the one that began next as I moved in wit
h my grandparents. There was the chapter that ended with me getting the scholarship to Garrick, and the one that began that first day of orientation.

  There was the chapter that ended my sophomore year on a night I slept with one of five girls I’d had that week. I left her room early in the morning, swearing to myself that I was done with that lifestyle. I couldn’t even see another chapter in sight, I just knew this was the end of one for me. I knew the meaningless sex wasn’t what I wanted — not anymore.

  The next chapter brought me Charlie, and nothing was the same again.

  The chapters with her were my favorite.

  There was the one where we said we loved each other, and the one where I asked and she said yes. There was the one where we bought a house together, and the one where she started her dream job. There was the one where she became pregnant with our children, and sadly, the one when we lost them.

  And even though the chapters after that were the hardest ones I’d lived, they were still some of my favorites — because Charlie was in them.

  I realized during my time talking with Patrick that my life had been split into two — before Charlie, and after Charlie. I was a different man in each part, and I knew that if there were to be a third section where I existed without her again, I’d be a different man then, too.

  It was the absolute last thing I wanted, to live life without her as my wife, but I had to come to terms with the fact that it might be reality soon. The next chapter in my life could be the worst one, and I had to prepare.

  After tonight, all my cards were on the table.

  I’d laid everything out — my heart, my truth, my vows. She knew how I felt, she’d seen inside my heart, and now, finally, she knew the truth about what happened.

  But, was it enough?

  I didn’t know.

  I was fighting against a rip tide, clinging to survival, but I was growing weary. Time was running out, and I knew I was down to my last chance to prove I was the man she loved.

  And the man she deserved, too.

  Next Friday was the end-of-the-year gala at Westchester, and the following day was when we would break ground on the house we were building for Jeremiah’s family.

  That day would also mark two months.

  So, I held Charlie a little tighter that night, kissing her as softly as I could so as not to wake her. In my heart, I couldn’t imagine a life where she wasn’t mine, but in my mind, I had to paint the picture, anyway.

  Prepare for the worst, fight for the best. That was my motto.

  Because I would fight for her — until the very end, I would fight. But if her happiness laid in the arms of another man in the end, I would lay down my gloves, and I would walk away for her. I loved her enough to do that, even if it would kill me in the process.

  With one last, long breath, I pushed out the negative thoughts haunting me just for one night. For that one night, I would hold her, and listen to her heart beats, and feel her skin against mine.

  For that one night, I would cherish my wife as if I wouldn’t get to keep her.

  And before I fell asleep, I’d pray that I actually would.

  Reese

  Every song sounded wrong.

  It was all I could focus on, though I tried hard not to, as the night I’d waited for all week spread out like a missed opportunity before my very eyes. It seemed like everything had been working against me — Blake, the first part of the conference, and just when I’d brought her back to me, the hospital ordeal.

  I’d been counting down the days until the gala, knowing it would be a chance for me to get Charlie alone again — except it hadn’t. She’d been with Cameron all night, since the very first moment they walked in together, and I was going mad watching them.

  I couldn’t win, and time wasn’t on my side, either.

  Tomorrow marked two months.

  Two months since she’d promised that time to Cameron, two months since I’d agreed to wait on the sideline, to give him a chance to fight. But I was done waiting.

  And every song sounded wrong.

  The one that played when I walked inside the beautifully decorated gala hall, Blake hanging on my arm, had been too fast and shrill. The one that filtered through the speakers when I excused myself to the bathroom to splash my face with water had been too low and ominous. The notes were all wrong, no matter what played, or who played it, and I realized music wasn’t the same when I wasn’t with Charlie.

  Not anymore.

  It was the end-of-the-year gala, a time for celebration, and a night when I would likely receive my first award as a teacher. And yet, I couldn’t find it in me to even pretend to smile. Because all night long, I’d had to watch from a distance as Charlie danced with Cameron, as she swayed in his arms to the awful music that had no rhythm.

  She was more stunning than usual that night, her long hair pinned up in a delicate bun of braids, with soft tendrils hanging down to frame her jaw. Her eyes were dark and shimmery like stardust, playing off the midnight blue of her long dress. I needed her in my arms like I needed my next breath, but Cameron had her — he held my oxygen in his hands.

  I was going to pass out if I didn’t get a gulp of air soon.

  “They should be announcing award winners within the next half hour or so,” Blake said, flipping through the program for the evening. “It says it’s right after dessert, and they’re cutting up the cake now.”

  I took a sip of my scotch, inhaling a stiff breath through my teeth at the burn. “Okay.”

  Blake frowned, dropping the program to squeeze my shoulder, instead. “You okay over there?”

  “Just nervous,” I lied.

  I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Charlie. She and Cameron were dancing near the stage, and at that precise moment, her head was thrown back in laughter, and Cameron was smirking like he’d just shared the dirtiest secret with her.

  My fist tightened around my glass.

  “Oh, don’t be,” Blake said, leaning in to kiss my cheek. “You’re going to get it, and then we can celebrate tonight.”

  She smiled suggestively at me, rubbing my neck, but I just took another drink with my eyes on the dance floor.

  “I’m going to run to the ladies’ room,” she said, standing. “Freshen up before the awards start. Need anything? Another drink?”

  “I’m good,” I told her, and as soon as she disappeared in the crowd, I pushed my way through it in the opposite direction — toward Charlie.

  I drained the rest of my scotch on the way toward her, dropping my empty glass on a server’s tray just as she noticed me heading her way. She shook her head almost imperceptibly, warning me to stop, but it wasn’t physically possible now. My feet were moving too fast, my heart beating steady along with them, and I wouldn’t stop until I had her in my arms.

  Cameron followed her gaze just as I reached them, and his eyes hardened at the sight of me, his arms tightening around Charlie.

  “Mind if I cut in?” I asked him, forcing my most charming smile as I held my hand out.

  There were others around us watching, including Mr. Henderson and his wife, and Cameron glanced at them with a forced smile of his own as he took a step back from Charlie, offering me her hand.

  “Of course not,” he said, loud enough for those around us to hear. “I’ll refresh our drinks.”

  But before he stepped away, Cameron clapped his hand hard on my shoulder, squeezing with enough force to make me wince as he leaned in.

  “Keep your fucking hands to yourself, Walker.”

  “Well, I’ve got to put my hands on her to dance with her, don’t I, Cam?”

  I smiled even wider, clapping his shoulder in return before I ripped away from his hold and pulled Charlie into my arms. I watched as she and Cameron exchanged a look, and once he’d gone, her eyes found mine.

  “Hi,” I said, the first real smile of the evening settling on my lips.

  Her brows pinched together at first, but then they smoothed, and she shook her head with a sm
all smile of her own.

  “Hi.”

  “You look incredible tonight,” I said, shaking my head slowly as I took her in. She was even more glammed up than I’d realized from afar, from her makeup to the pearls that rested around her neck. “I mean seriously, how can you blame me for going crazy wanting to hold you in my arms when you look like that?”

  “I’m with Cam tonight,” she reminded me, as if I didn’t already know. “Everyone here knows us, Reese. It’s… we have to be careful.”

  “What does it matter?” I asked. “Tomorrow marks two months. Everyone is about to know, anyway.”

  Charlie’s eyes fell to my tie, and she swallowed.

  “Right?” I asked her, tilting her chin up.

  She didn’t answer.

  “Charlie. Tomorrow is—”

  “I know what tomorrow is,” she hissed, glancing over my shoulder. “Okay? I know. But everything is just… complicated right now.”

  “What does that mean? What’s complicated now that wasn’t exactly that same way last time I held you?”

  “Oh, you mean two nights before you brought Blake to my sister-in-law’s hospital room?”

  I pressed my lips flat. “I didn’t have a choice. And you left as soon as we got there, anyway.”

  “I wonder why,” she snapped back.

  “I’m sorry, okay?” I said, wanting so badly to pull her into me. But there were eyes everywhere, and I had to settle for enough room for Jesus between us as we swayed. “I didn’t want her to come, but she invited herself, and I couldn’t tell her not to come. She had just come home from seeing her dad in the hospital, and he’s dying, Charlie. He’s dying. I’m the only thing she has to hold onto and I just couldn’t tell her to sit home alone that day we came to the hospital.”

  Words were flying out my mouth, but none of them seemed to make Charlie any happier.

  “I know you’re mad at me, but she’s temporary — just like your situation with Cameron. We’re going to get past this,” I told her. “All we have to do is make it through tomorrow, and everything will be different.”