Soulmates

by Nadine Nightingale

  A shaky laugh escapes the depths of my tortured soul. Dangerously sexy, maybe. Dangerous as in criminal? No way.

  “I’m serious,” JJ insists, not a trace of humor in her voice.

  I draw a deep breath. “Okay,” I murmur, frustrated. “I’ll bite. What makes a Texas bartender, here to see his sister, dangerous?”

  JJ reaches over, tugging a strand of lose hair behind my ear. It’s such a sweet gesture, I almost hug her. Almost. “You should really ask Alex.”

  I’m too tired to argue. Too vexed to just sit here. “I need some fresh air,” I murmur, forcing myself away from the comfy sofa. “Get jerk-face. We’ll do the ritual as soon as I’m back.”

  Chapter 30

  I’ve been standing outside Bobby’s Bar for a while, staring at the silvery moonlight slicing through heavy clouds. It’s dark, cold, and wonderfully peaceful out here. No jerk-face trying to break me. No JJ determined to defend me. Only me, myself, and the night.

  I won’t let anything happen to you…I’ll only feel sorry for a guy stupid enough to fall for you…This is how I want to spend the last night of my life. Correction. Only me, myself, the night, and the fucking voice in my head, reminding me of Alex’s dissociative personality disorder. One minute, I’m high off his love. The next, I’m drowning in his hate. I keep asking myself what’s wrong with him. How he can be so loving and protective, yet so mean and abusive? What I should ask myself, though, is what the fuck is wrong with me? How can I watch him throw me in the flames over and over? How can I risk everything to protect someone whose hate burns me so fiercely? I can’t say what it really is that makes me so pathetic when it comes to jerk-face. I only know what it feels like and, right now, there’s a carving fork in my airway, a throwing star in my heart, and blazing fire all over my skin.

  I wipe my damp cheeks, hug my jacket tighter to my chest, and think of all the things I’ve compromised to feel another high. Honor. Dignity. Self-respect. And for what? A guy who loathes my very existence? Someone who thinks he’s better because he puts the lives of others before his? Someone who’s stupid enough to sell his soul out of false nobility?

  No more! I’ve spent too much time dreaming of him calling my name. It’s not worth the price. Hell, I’m a dark queen under the control of a white freaking knight, and somewhere along the way, I allowed myself to be foolish enough to believe in heaven and Alex. No more! I will not compromise who I am to climb the stairway of heaven and find a locked gate. I will not.

  I lean against the brick wall of the bar and draw a long, pained breath. No matter what Alex did or said to me, he doesn’t deserve hell. I know that. Yet, I’m no longer willing to pay for his ticket out with my heart.

  “Are you sure, love?” a sinister voice calls.

  I straighten and stare into the night. The trees across from me are still, but the sound of rattling leaves echoes through the darkness. “Who’s there?” I shout, heart exploding in my chest.

  A terrifying howl rings through the night. The neon sign above the bar starts flickering. I’m not alone. Someone’s watching me. Chills roll over my spine. I see nothing, no one.

  Turn around and run.

  I walk toward the trees. “Who the fuck is there?”

  The light of the moon breaks through the branches, falling onto a gigantic shadow. At first, I think it’s the shadow of the aspen, but as I step closer, I see the shape is human.

  I freeze.

  Electricity charges the cold air. The shadow moves closer. “You really think you can let him die, love?” The creepy voice raises the hair on my neck. I recognize it from my nightmares. It has tortured me for weeks.

  Every bone in my body says it’s the demon from Rick’s Cabaret. The one who rode my best friend. The one who killed six of his kind without mercy. But I need to be sure. “Who. Are. You?”

  The shadow cocks its head. “Wrong question. Again.”

  In my peripheral vision, I watch the light of the neon sign go out. I’m on high alert. “Yeah?” I spit out. “What’s the right question, then?”

  The thing takes another step in my direction. I get a glimpse of its otherworldly amber eyes. “The right question?” It laughs and draws closer. “I’ll give you a little hint. What’s your deepest desire? What do you want most in this world, love?”

  “None of your fuckin’ business,” I snap.

  It laughs harder. “You truly are one of a kind,” it says, looking me in the eye. “Which is why I offer you my help.”

  “With what?”

  “Your greatest fear, love.”

  I want to run, but I can’t move. I open my mouth to scream, but nothing comes out.

  An arctic finger touches my third-eye. It feels like death. I’m dizzy. Nauseous. The parking lot fades away. I’m somewhere else entirely.

  ****

  Alex sat next to Anna. He was fixated on the black smoke coming from the candle that just burned the spell. He was lost. So was his soul. Not that he hadn’t known it deep down, but getting confirmation still sucked.

  “I’m so sorry,” Anna said, her hand on Alex’s shoulder.

  He managed a smile he didn’t feel. “Don’t be. I made my bed, now I have to lie in it.”

  Bonnie let go of the burning spell and looked at Jesse. “It’s over.” Her voice filled with pain and sorrow.

  The color drained from Jesse’s face. “There must be another way. We could fight the demon. Or—”

  “No.” Alex faced his little brother. “It’s done, and you have to accept it.” Alex walked toward Jesse. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.”

  Jesse’s whole body was tense. “You mean selling my fucking soul like you did?”

  Bonnie stood up and reached for Jesse’s hand, squeezing it gently. “You don’t want to fight with him.”

  “Why not? He’s a selfish asshole.”

  Bonnie cupped his cheeks. “That might be true,” she said with soul-shattering softness. “But he’s still your brother, and this is going to be the last conversation you have with him.”

  Jesse looked from Bonnie to Alex. The rage blowing through him turned into desperation. “Alex, please.” Tears streamed over his pale cheeks. “Please don’t leave me, man. I’m lost without you.”

  Alex glared at the old clock hanging on the wall. He only had a little more than five minutes. Determined to make the best of it, he pulled his brother into a bear hug. “You’re not lost without me, man. Between the two of us, you’ve always been the stronger one. The one with the heart. It’s time you live the life you always wanted. Travel the world. Be whoever you want to be. Don’t cry for me. Don’t grieve for me. Live.”

  Jesse sobbed uncontrollably. He wrapped his arms around Alex. “I love you, man.”

  Somewhere outside a dog howled. Alex knew what it meant. He pulled back. “I love you, too, little bro. Always remember that.”

  Jesse refused to look at his brother.

  Alex drew a deep breath and approached Bonnie. “Will you tell her that—” He couldn’t say the words. He’d never had the guts to tell her. Now that it was too late, it made him a hypocrite to do so.

  Bonnie pulled Alex into a tight embrace. “I will. I promise.”

  He smiled and stepped back. Then, as the howling grew louder, he walked out of the house right into hell.

  The clock struck midnight as unbearable pain pierced through Alex’s chest. Sharp teeth sank into his skin. Claws dug into his chest, ripping him apart as if made of cotton. He never saw his assailant coming, but seconds before he closed his eyes forever, he heard a voice. “I hope it was worth it.”

  ****

  When the vision fades, the thing is behind me, breathing in my ear. “The thought of losing him terrifies you, doesn’t it? More so, because you already know you won’t find his soulmate in time.” I stand still. So does my heart. “Don’t worry, love.” It traces a shadowy finger down my neck. “I’m here. I can help you save him.”

  “H-how?” I stammer, not sure why
I even speak to the creature.

  “Amanda?” JJ’s voice sounds distant. “Where are you?”

  Damn.

  The thing moves nearer. “I’m afraid I have to go. Find me when you’re ready, and we can discuss terms and conditions.”

  No, he can’t go yet. “Find you where?” I spin, looking for the shadow. It’s not there. It was, though. I’m not crazy. Seconds ago, it spoke to me. Showed me what it believes to be my greatest fear. Taunted me by offering its help to save Alex.

  From the corner of my eye, I see JJ running toward me. She scans the area like a hawk. “What in God’s name are you doing here by the woods?”

  I say nothing.

  “Damn, girl.” JJ sounds worried. “What’s the matter with you? You’re paler than my go-go boots.”

  She’s a hunter. Why does she care?

  “Seriously, what’s up? You look like you’ve seen an evil unicorn.”

  I gotta pull it together. “Nothing.” I can hardly tell her the truth. Chances are she’d tell Alex, which would result in a shadow hunt.

  She cocks a brow. “Are you sure?”

  I nod. “Let’s go back inside and do the ritual, okay?”

  Chapter 31

  Alex stares at the ashes of the spell. “Guess we all knew this would be the result,” he says, trying to sound cool about the fact the smoke stayed black. He isn’t. I smell his fear. See his disappointment.

  JJ pushes the heels of her palms against her eyebrows. “There’s still one more name on the list, right?”

  There is one more name, but she isn’t his soulmate either.

  “Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Alex sounds casual. “I’m not dead yet.”

  But you will be. Soon.

  I think of what the thing said. You already know you won’t find his soulmate in time… I can help you save him, love…Find me when you’re ready, and we can discuss terms and conditions. Terms and conditions sounds one helluva lot like a deal. And find it where? It’s not like there’s a shadow map on Google. Fuck, why am I even thinking about this? There’s no way I’ll strike a deal with it.

  “Amanda.” JJ’s sitting on the floor, cross-legged. “You don’t look so good.”

  I force a smile. “Just tired.” Of Alex. Of hope. Of life.

  Suspicion flickers through her eyes, but she keeps her thoughts to herself and faces Alex. “What’s next? Are you heading to the other chick?”

  His eyes grow darker. “Jesse texted. They’re on their way.” He sounds miserable. Not only did the outcome of the spell bring him a step closer to eternal torture, but despite his efforts, Jesse will be present when he takes his last breath. “In the meantime,” Alex continues, “we could work on George’s case.”

  My shoulders stiffen. Work George’s case? He’s going to hell, for Christ’s sake, and all he cares about is solving the murder of a drunkard? Obnoxious, arrogant asshole. What does he think hell is, a freaking cakewalk?

  JJ’s phone rings. She pulls it out of her pocket and glares at the screen. “Shit,” she mutters under her breath. “I gotta go. Will you be okay?” The question is directed at me.

  Alex answers. “We’re not going to kill each other, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  JJ waits for my confirmation. I nod. He’s a walking corpse. Why waste time and energy killing him?

  “I’ll see you first thing in the morning.”

  “Okay,” Alex says the moment JJ shuts the door behind her. “What’s the deal with you and your silent act?”

  Ignoring the question and him, I amble to my bag to grab a change of clothes.

  “Manda?” He strolls toward me, hands in his pockets.

  I keep my eyes on the bag, searching for yoga pants.

  “Oh, c’mon…” He grins. “Talk dirty to me. I know you want to.”

  What I want is for him to shut his goddamn mouth and leave me the hell alone. I throw the yoga pants over my shoulder and make my way to the bathroom.

  “Amanda.” He seizes hold of my arm. “Are you seriously still mad at me because of that Bay dude?”

  “Hands off me. Now,” I command, voice sharp.

  He works up a magical smile and scrubs his fingers through his hair. “Don’t be like that. I did you a favor. The guy just wanted in your panties, or worse, to kill you.”

  No more! The chains of self-restraint break. The beast is unleashed. “You mean like you wanted in my panties before you pointed your Beretta at me?”

  He intensifies that smug smile. “You have nice panties.”

  I wrench out of his grip. “And that’s all you ever cared about, huh?” He’s startled. Sorry, buddy, I’m just getting started. “Maybe Bay is dangerous. And maybe all he cares about is screwing me.” I look him in the eye. “But unlike you, he doesn’t treat me like a supernatural abomination. He treats me like a fuckin’ human being.”

  “Human being?” He laughs. “You have no idea who that guy is, Amanda.”

  I grin. “Funny. Been thinking the same about you lately.” Anger claws my gut. He’s going to die. I might as well get the shit that’s been bothering me off my chest while I still can. “Once upon a time, Alex, I thought you were good, and caring, and honest. Turns out I was wrong. You’re just as bad as I am. A selfish liar.”

  His jaw clenches. “You’re calling me a liar? Hilarious. Last time I checked, you were the one who lied to me.”

  “What was I supposed to do?” I bark, emotions getting the best of me. “Tell you I’m a witch so you could shoot me right away?”

  With one long stride, he closes the distance between us. “You’ve never given me a real chance, Amanda. First, you lied and then, you walked away, pretending we never existed.”

  “What did you expect me to do? Wait till you changed your mind and pulled that damn trigger?”

  “You honestly believe I would have killed you?”

  We both know if it wasn’t for Jesse, I’d be dead now. “You hated me, Alex. God”—I throw my hands in the air—“you still do. What was it you said again? Ah, yes. ‘I’ll only feel sorry for a guy stupid enough to fall for you.’ “

  Throwing his own words back at him makes him flinch. “I was mad when I said that.”

  A bitter taste crawls up my throat. “You’re always mad or drunk when you say stuff like that. But it doesn’t change the fact you did.” I fold my arms. “The tongue might not have bones, Alex, but it sure as hell knows how to break ’em.” I step back. “Know what? It doesn’t matter. You don’t matter. Because as you said, we’re done.”

  I turn and head to the bathroom, ready to lock myself inside if it means I don’t have to see his face anymore.

  Too bad Alex corners me and pushes me against the door. “What do you want me to say, Amanda? I’m sorry I was looking out for you? Sorry you have the rare ability to make me lose my shit and say stuff I’ll later regret?” His malachite eyes lock with mine. “Is that it?”

  “No,” I spit out. “I don’t need your false apologizes, Alex. You’ve been treating me like shit ever since we met.” I straighten. “Guess what? I’m done putting up with your fuckin’ mood swings. I’m done putting up with you.”

  A hand lands on either side of my head. “Is that so? Then tell me this: why are you still here? Why don’t you just go back to Pony-Boy and your new life? I mean, it’s not like you really care about what happens to me.”

  “Fuck you,” I snap as my palm connects with his cheek, leaving the mark of five angry fingers on his face.

  For the longest time, he just stares at me. I try to shove him away, but jerk-face stands his ground. Doesn’t move a freaking inch.

  “Get outta my way, Alex.” It’s less an order and more a desperate plea.

  Jerk-face wouldn’t be jerk-face if he listened. Hell, he moves closer. His lips almost touch my cheek. “Did you ever care about me, Manda?” He pauses, exhaling sharply. “Did you ever love me?”

  “Love is for children,” I shoot back, heart thundering in my chest.<
br />
  His breathing is shallow, eyes squinted. “That’s not an answer.”

  I bite my lip, hardly able to control the million emotions overwriting my system. “I didn’t.” I look away. “I don’t.”

  “Liar,” he whispers.

  I ball my hands, ready to punch him again. “You’re a hunter, Alex. I was born to hate you.” I barely recognize the coldness of my own voice.

  He looks me in the eye and grins.

  Seriously, he grins. What’s the matter with him?

  His gaze roams my face. “But you don’t. You never did. Wanna know why?”

  I tilt my head to the side, trying to escape his eyes. “No.”

  There it is, the cocky-as-hell grin I’ve grown to hate. He brushes his thumb across my chin. “Beneath all this attitude, Amanda, you’re just a normal girl who wants to be loved. Sure, you pretend to be strong and selfish, but deep down you know damn well this strength you cling to so desperately is weakness.” He draws a deep breath. “You’re weak, Amanda Bishop. You’re a weak little girl who never got over her mommy issues.”

  My chest tightens. He couldn’t have inflicted more pain on me if he’d hit me. “I hate you, Alex.” I push him hard. “I fuckin’ hate you,” I scream, slamming my hands against his chest over and over. “Falling for you was the biggest mistake of my life.” Tears break free. “I wish I’d never met you. Wish I’d never gotten in that car with you. But above all this, I wish I didn’t still care about you.”

  He lets me hit him. Doesn’t stop me. I keep assaulting him until I drop my hands from exhaustion. “I hate you,” I whisper, choking back salty drops. “I fuckin’ hate you, Alex.”

  He cups my chin, looking me deep in the eyes. Then his mouth crashes down on mine. In that fraction of a second, he claims ownership of me, body and soul, and I’m too tired to fight him off. Too exhausted to keep the walls around my heart from crumbling. Too broken to refuse his healing lips. Because he’s going to hell, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

  He dives inside, swirling the tip of his tongue against mine.