by Sky Corgan
Matt led me purposefully through the museum, his knowledge of the place more extensive than even my devoted own, and I could feel his pulse beating against my skin. When we arrived at a set of bathrooms, he marched me into the one in the middle with the word “family” emblazoned across its door.
“What do you think you’re doing?!”
“What you wanted,” he said in an oddly calm voice, his previous emotion evaporating as quickly as it had arrived. “This is what you wanted, right?”
“A trip to the bathroom with you?” I scoffed, trying desperately to keep hold of whatever leg up I had. “No, I don’t think so. I’m going. There’s nothing—”
I never finished the sentence. Before I could even figure out what it was that I wanted to say, Matt’s hand was locking the bathroom door, his other arm darting towards me and drawing me in close. He held me so that our faces were only inches apart, so close that I couldn’t tell which breath belonged to him and which belonged to me.
“Matt, I don’t—”
“No. No more, Bella. I’m done listening to you. I told you. I’m going to give you what you want. I’m going to give it to you right here, right now.”
Before I had time to open my big mouth and say something sarcastic, he kissed me, the kind of kiss that made me feel like all of the strength had gone out of my knees. His tongue moved past my confused lips easily, and his taste filled me to the brim. It was a kiss that made time standstill, and I immediately forgot where I was and what I was doing there. There was nothing in the world beside him and me and the feeling of his hands moving up my white tee shirt insistently.
“Matt.”
“Turn around.”
“I don’t know about this. We’re in a public place. Is this the place for this?”
“We’ve always been in a public place. We weren’t out of the way of prying eyes in that alleyway, sugar. If you want this, turn around so I can give it to you. Or maybe you didn’t really want it, after all.”
I spun around, the growl in his voice making my blood run hotter than ever. I was still pissed at him for confusing me over and over again, and I could tell that he was pissed at me, too. I’d never been the type to look for angry sex, but with Matt’s hands pulling my jeans down roughly, I could more than understand what all the hype was about.
I bit my lip, unable to keep from uttering a moan of pleasure when his fingers tore my thong aside and inserted inside of me. I reached behind me, searching blindly for the buckle of his belt, and he swatted my hand away dismissively.
“No, ma’am. I’m calling the shots here. Do you understand me? We on the same page? I’m going to give you what you’ve been looking for. This is what you’ve wanted, right?”
“Yes,” I whispered, so wet I could hardly understand. He was right, I wanted this. My entire body was aching to feel his full length inside of me. To feel him take me.
“Yes. Right. That’s what I thought. So then, take hold of the countertop, sugar. You’re gonna want to hold on.”
His fingers moved inside of me faster, his thumb coming up to rub my clit and send a jolt of ecstasy through me that made me cry out. Without thinking, I did as I was told. I took hold of the counter because if I didn’t, I wasn’t going to be able to support my own weight for much longer. My legs were made of rubber, my knees buckling and jumping with each new wave of feeling. When I heard the faint but distinct sound of his zipper coming down, I gasped in anticipation, shutting my eyes tightly.
“Last chance, Bella. You want me to stop, you better say so now. Another second and I won’t be able to control myself.”
“No, don’t. Don’t stop now, Matt. I swear to God if you stop now, I’ll kill you!”
He chuckled. It was a brief, low sound that didn’t sound all that amused. If anything, it sounded kind of sad, and I almost asked him what was troubling him despite my resolution not to get emotionally involved in any way. Then his massively hard cock was sliding into me, and nothing else mattered anymore.
My jeans were around my ankles so that I could hardly move; my thong still slung to one side, forgotten. His hands grabbed hold of my hips as he thrust into me, grunting in a way that sent shivers from the tips of my toes all the way up to the roots of my hair. I looked down at my fingers and saw that they had gone white from how hard I was holding onto the countertop. I arched my back into him, twisted some to look at his face, maybe to kiss him, and was rebuffed.
“No, Bella. Don’t. Don’t do that.”
And so, I turned away from him again, the question as to why he wouldn’t want me facing him forgotten when his long fingers moved around the front of me and started working on me once more.
“Oh! Oh, my God! Matt!”
“Don’t scream,” he reminded me, his breath catching in his throat, becoming more ragged, “unless you want to get us caught.”
“God!”
My hair hung in my face, my thighs hitting the counter with each thrust of his perfect cock. His fingers moved in time with his thrusts, and I rocked my hips enthusiastically. My skin started to tingle, a feeling that ran through me at lightning speed and settled into the part of me Matt occupied. My eyes flew open in surprise. This was going to be the most insane orgasm of my life. I knew it, I could more than feel it, and I wanted to see him. If he wouldn’t let me face him, the mirror would have to do. I drank up the image of his hands on me, his face buried into my neck as his heavy breathing turned into animal sounding grunts. He wasn’t looking at me, and it was as if he wanted it that way. Matt pumped inside of me until my vision exploded with little flowers of white light. One of my hands flew up to my mouth, and I bit down on it hard, muffling my cry of exquisite pleasure. At the same time, Matt bit down savagely on my shirt, grazing my neck, and let out his own strangled moan. For a moment, the two of us just hung there together, our bodies slick with sweat and all our energy utterly spent. Then his cock was pulling out of me, leaving me empty and in shock over the feeling.
“Matt?”
“I hope it was everything you were looking for,” he said in a conversational tone, almost bored, as he buckled his belt. “I could have lasted longer, but it’s been a while for me. I guess shit happens.”
“No, Matt, it was...amazing. It was totally amazing.”
“Glad you thought so. Now, wait for a couple of beats after I leave to make your way out.”
He had the lock undone and was out the door before I had the chance to say anything. I reached out after he had gone and, with a hand that felt completely numb, locked the door again. I didn’t need somebody trying to come in with their little kid and finding me standing there with my sex-damp thong and my pants down on the floor. Once that was done, all I could do was stand there.
I had done it. I had finally done what I had set out to do. Matt and I had had sex, and it had been because I wanted it, not because I was head over heels. We’d had sex, and it was for nothing other than the sex itself, no emotion whatsoever.
So then why did I feel so damn strange?
CHAPTER NINE
BELLA
I lay on my stomach on the thick mattress, grinning into my pillow and giggling a little as Matt made his way up the length of my body. He spoke between the trail of kisses he planted on every inch of my skin.
“This is perfect skin; you know that?”
“You’re so silly, Matt.”
“No ma’am, not me. You’re beautiful. Every part of you.”
“Don’t get all sentimental, okay? This doesn’t really mean anything. You know it doesn’t. We’re just playing around, right? Just having a good time.”
He was up by my neck now, and he kissed and sucked along the base of it and moved his way up to the lobe of my ear. Just the feeling of his breath on the places where he had dampened my skin made me tremble all over, and when he rolled me over, I offered zero protests.
“Hi.” Matt grinned at me, his twinkling eyes and perfect smile so beautiful it was borderline heartbreaking. “Fancy seeing y
ou here.”
“Hi.” I laughed, the giddy feeling this man always gave me washing over me all at once.
“You know that’s bullshit, right?”
“What’s bullshit? I’m kind of always right, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“Believe me, I’ve noticed. And I have no problem agreeing with you. That being said, this particular stance of yours is still bullshit.”
“What do you mean?”
“This whole no feelings thing.”
“Matt—”
“Nope. Hear me out. You’ve been burned before. I get it. So have I. But I can’t pretend I’m not falling for you. I don’t want to pretend, Bella.”
“Okay,” I whispered, so close to crying that I couldn’t manage to get anything else out. All my big talk, and hearing those words come out of his mouth was still like magic come to life. This man was it. He was the one for me, and I couldn’t deny it any longer.
“Okay.” He grinned, kissing each of my hardened nipples. “Glad we’ve got that settled. Now I want to go down on you, so hold onto your hat, sugar. This is going to be good.”
Matt slithered down the length of my body, pushing my legs open gently. His face settled into the V at the top of my thighs, his tongue lapping against me, warm and rough. I gasped, my hands moving to my breasts as my hips rose and fell slowly, rising to meet every movement of his tongue. Every time he did this, every time he so much as touched me, my body felt like it was going to explode. This time was no different, and as my fingers wove into his hair, my eyes shut tightly, my whole body ready and waiting. Close, so close, and then…
“Oh! Jesus!”
I bolted upright in bed, my eyes wild and still full of sleep. I looked around frantically, sure that Matt was there beside me. The dream had been so real. My sheets were sweat-soaked and twisted up so badly that it was easy to imagine that Matt really was here, in the bathroom or somewhere. He would come back into my bedroom in just a second, grin that grin again and tell me how hard he was falling for me and how he wanted us to be together. Just a dream, but so convincing that him not being here felt like a loss.
I reached for my phone, hoping against hope that I would have a message and it would be from him, but saw that nobody had tried to contact me at all. I sighed, a deeply morose sound that made me both annoyed and sorry for myself at the same time, and dialed the only number I could think of.
“What up, bitch?”
“Ugh. Hey, Maggie. What are you doing tonight?”
“Um, nothing? I was thinking about maybe Netflix, but I’m always open to suggestions. You know this better than anyone.”
“Well, I’m very glad to hear it, girl, because I need to talk. I need to talk, and I need a cocktail, and not necessarily in that order.”
***
“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on or what? I’ve gotta say, any news that requires you to take a shot before you tell it makes me nervous. I don’t like being nervous.”
I laughed, even though I was feeling pretty glum and the laughter didn’t come naturally. Maggie wasn’t kidding about the nervous thing. I could see the truth of it in the way she kept twisting her vodka soda in her hands.
My already consumed shot of cinnamon whiskey sat beside me with its feeling of fire still low in my belly. In my own hands, I held an Old Fashioned, the drink I went to any time I needed to feel more like a grown-up. It was also the drink I drank on nights when I was most likely to get too drunk, and Maggie knew that. I half expected her to say something, and when she didn’t, I internally sighed.
I sipped my drink, gritted my teeth, and took the conversational plunge. “I had a dream.”
“Um, okay? I mean, that’s not nearly as bad as what I was expecting you to say, so this is a good start, as far as I’m concerned.”
“But it’s not a good start. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“I don’t think I’m following you. What’s wrong with a dream?”
“It was about Matt.”
“Oh! Oh really? Please, do tell more.”
“Yes, it was a sexy dream, but that’s not the point. In the dream, Matt was telling me all about how he didn’t want things to be just casual between us. He told me he was really falling for me.”
“Okay, and what did you say?”
“That’s one of the worst parts!”
“Bella, I’m not going to be able to help you if you don’t tell me what happened. That’s kind of why you called me, isn’t it?”
“I guess so.”
“So then tell me already!”
“I said okay. That was it. I just said okay, like I was like, agreeing with him or something.”
“That’s fantastic! I mean that’s totally awesome, Bella!”
“No, it’s not!”
Maggie rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, and I slammed back my whole Old Fashioned. I made a gesture towards the bartender, and he brought me another of not only the drink but the shot I’d taken, too. Maggie watched this silently, with one eyebrow raised, but still kept herself from admonishing me for my behavior, which was just one of the many reasons why I loved her.
“Maybe this guy deserves a real chance, Bella.”
“That doesn’t matter. It’s not the point. I know you want me to have some kind of fairytale ending, but that’s not what I’m looking for anymore.”
“Does your heart know that? Because it sounds like you’re not completely convinced of that anymore, at least not in your dreams.”
Because I didn’t have a retort for her that wouldn’t be an outright lie, I settled for glaring at her while I rapidly drank my new round. I hadn’t had a ton to eat that day, and I was already basically drunk, but I couldn’t make myself settle down.
Really, I couldn’t convince myself that Maggie wasn’t right. That strange feeling I’d had when Matt had left me in that bathroom, his demeanor cold and distant. Now the dream. My level of confusion was worse than ever, and so instead of thinking, I resolved myself to drink. Even after Maggie was gone, I drank, and when I was good and plastered, I started to text.
CHAPTER TEN
MATT
Bella Marrow. I haven’t been able to resist her the way I’d wanted to. I wasn’t strong enough—wanted her too badly. Seeing her in the museum so unexpectedly had sapped any bit of resolve I’d had left, and her clear anger at me hadn’t helped any.
After I’d taken her from behind like the asshole that I knew she wanted me to be, I’d left feeling like a steaming pile of shit. I had already known that I wanted to have more of her than just the sex, but now the sex was there, too, and it was the best fucking sex of my life. I was sure that I wouldn’t hear from her again—that I was just some kind of studhorse for her, something to use for sex to work out whatever messed up issues she had. I had been so sure that my feelings on this were right that when I’d seen her text message asking to see me again, I almost couldn’t force myself to believe it.
“I’m glad you contacted me, Bella. I want to see you again, too. Tonight. A real date.” I sent the text and waited, trying to ignore the sick feeling of anticipation in my gut.
I was happy to hear from her, but not happy enough to become delusional. I knew she had most likely been drinking when she’d texted me. I understood that in the cold light of morning and with a hangover beating against the walls of her head, she might be right back to trying to keep as far away from me as she could manage. Still, she’d given me some hope, and when I saw the symbol indicating that she was texting me back, my heart stopped beating in my chest.
“I can do tonight. When? Where?”
“My house. Eight o’clock. Don’t worry about bringing anything but yourself.”
She sent a smiley face in reply, and I was so over the moon that I almost chucked my phone across the room. I was so happy that I barely registered my annoyance when my secretary called to tell me my cousin was at the front desk and wanted to see me.
“Tell him I’m busy right now, wi
ll you?” I said.
“Yes sir, but he doesn’t seem to want to take no for an answer.”
I cringed, hearing him in the background making it very clear that no wasn’t an answer he was interested in at all. I could tell just from the muffled sound of his voice that he was flying high, drunk, drugged up, or both. I had put in more than my share of hours with my cousin when he was like this, and I would undoubtedly continue to do so in the future. But today?
“He’s going to have to,” I said calmly, hoping he could hear me, so he’d take his anger out on me and not her. “I’m busy. And I won’t be here for long. It’s a no for today. Besides, it’s Saturday morning. Tell him to go find some after-party somewhere. One of his fucked-up friends has got to still be up partying somewhere.”
"Yes sir," she answered, the amusement barely contained as she clicked off the line.
I could hear my cousin's indignant, slurred yelling coming from down the hallway a moment later, but it didn't last for long. That was good. He'd probably liked my idea of finding a party somewhere, which meant he would be out of my hair for a day, at least. Maybe I should have felt bad for exploiting his messed-up nature, but I didn't. I didn't feel bad at all.
“Not today,” I muttered to myself, the grin starting to feel like a permanent thing at this point. “Nobody’s going to mess with this day for me.”
It was a stupid thing to say. It was the kind of thing people said in movies right before the crazy serial killer popped out from somewhere and hacked them into pieces. When my office door banged open so hard the glass inlays rattled precariously, it wasn’t a serial killer that stalked in, but it might as well have been. I might actually have preferred seeing Jason standing there instead of Leslie. Leslie, whose visit I hadn’t thought about at all since seeing Bella in the museum, looked every bit as pissed off as Noah had sounded. She stood there with her hands on her hips and her mouth set in a grimace that seemed like it could easily turn into a growl at the drop of a hat. I hadn’t remembered before, but I remembered now. Her claim of pregnancy. All of it.
