by Sky Corgan
“What the fuck, Matt? Are you going to take care of this or not?”
“Hey, Leslie. Nice to see you again, too.”
“Don’t fucking give me that. I told you I’m carrying your baby, and you have nothing to say? Nothing but nice to see you? What the hell is the matter with you?”
“Nothing. You’re right, I should have something better to say.”
“Good. Great. And?”
“I guess we need to talk about how you know the baby is mine.”
“Seriously?! That’s the worst kind of thing to say!”
“It’s a fair question, Leslie. You and I were never serious. We only slept together once recently enough for me to be the father. I’m just asking.”
“You listen to me, Matt Brinks, and make sure you’re listening good. If you make this hard for me, I’m going to make your life a living hell. I can do it, too. I have plenty of resources at my disposal, and we both know it.”
She was right about that. Leslie wasn’t only a terrible, vapid woman I wished I’d never hooked up with. She was also a socialite with just as much money as I had. Leslie couldn’t actually ruin my life the way she was claiming, but she would definitely try. She would do everything she could to suck me back into her bullshit, but only if I let her. On another day, I might have let her, too, but on this day, there was no way I was going to allow it to happen.
I stood up and walked towards the door, smiling a little when she took a half-step back from me. “I’m not going to hurt you, Leslie, if that’s what you think.”
“Then what the hell are you going to do?”
“Nothing. Nothing until you give me a DNA test.”
“Are you kidding me?!”
“Nope, not in the slightest. If this baby turns out to be mine, I will absolutely take responsibility. If you think I’m doing that without proof, though, you’re sadly mistaken. If you think I’m going to stand here all day and debate this with you after you’ve barged into my office unannounced and uninvited, you’re mistaken about that, too. I trust you can find your own way out.”
I could hear her shrieking in the lobby of the building. I imagined that I could even hear her in the elevator, although imagination was probably really all that was. Every fiber inside of me, all my instincts, told me that what Leslie was telling me was a lie. If it weren’t, that would be another story, a story that scared the hell out of me just to think about. For now, however, I couldn’t think about it at all. I could think about one thing and one thing only. Bella. Bella was coming to me, and I wanted to be ready.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
BELLA
Standing on Matt’s doorstep, there were a thousand things running through my head. Over and over again, I reminded myself of my resolution and why I had felt compelled to make it in the first place. I reminded myself of all of the pain I had been through, all of the humiliation, and the men who had made me feel those things. I had given them power that they hadn’t ever earned. I had given it freely and with no regard as to how it would make me feel, and finally, I had decided that enough was enough. I reminded myself of all of these things, and yet here I was, taking breathes that were too shallow and hoping I looked good enough to be on this date. I had half a mind to turn around and go, to hope I made it back to my car before Matt had a chance to get to the front door so I could haul ass home and never look back. Instead, I stood there, stock-still, and when the door opened, my face broke into a smile I couldn’t keep to myself.
“What’s that face?” He smiled with a boyish mischievousness that was painfully endearing. “You laughing at me before you even make it inside of my house?”
“I’m sorry,” I giggled, some of my nerves instantly vanishing, “but you’re wearing an apron. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“It’s 2020, right? Real men can wear aprons.”
“That’s true. You know yours has ruffles on it, right?”
"I do indeed, sugar. It was a gag gift from a buddy of mine. I figured I might as well put it to good use. Now come on inside, will you? It's cold, and I can't have you getting sick. That doesn't go with my perfect date."
He ushered me inside, and I did my best not to think about what his idea of a perfect date might be. As Matt led me through his home to the kitchen, I was dimly aware that my mouth was hanging ajar. His house was more than a house; it was a mansion and the kind of place I had always dreamed of living in. I had expected it to be cold, like a museum, but it was the opposite. Inside was full of warmth, the kind of home that made you want to stay for days. When we reached the kitchen, I let out a little gasp, and he turned to look at me, curiosity and maybe the mildest concern on his face.
“Everything okay?”
“Okay? Are you serious? This place is insane! Your kitchen is beautiful. And the food! Where’d you get this? It looks totally amazing.”
“I didn’t get it anywhere,” he said with genuine amusement that made me blush. “I cooked. Haven’t you ever had anyone cook for you before?”
“No,” I said in what I hoped was a nonchalant voice as Matt handed me a glass of wine, “can’t say I ever have.”
“You haven’t been dining with the right guys, then. This is nothing. Just a pasta dish I threw together. I don’t know what kind of meats you’re okay with eating, so I didn’t want to go there. You can expect plenty more of this, Bella. I plan on making you a lot more meals.”
It was perfect—exactly the kind of thing a girl wanted to hear from a guy she was dating, and therein lay the problem. We weren’t dating, or at least, we weren’t supposed to be.
I took a gulp of my wine, then set my glass on the dining table, all set up for the two of us to share a lovely meal. “Matt, this is all great.”
“I’m glad. That was kind of the idea.”
“But I think we need to talk.”
“We need to talk? About what, Bella? I thought we were having a good time. And we’ve barely started.”
"That's the thing. I don't want you to have barely started. This is too much. I'm not in the same place as you, I don't think. I didn't come here for a date. I came here to break things off."
I'd had no idea those words were coming out of my mouth, but once they were out there in the universe, there was no way for me to take them back. They hung in the air between us like an invisible poison for which I had no antidote. My eyes started to water, and I realized with alarm that I might actually cry.
I took one step away from Matt, my eyes wide and my chest heavy with impending panic. One second ago, I had been full of butterflies and the kind of hope Maggie had been trying to push upon me. Now, everything had gone to hell in a handbasket. The best I could do now was to make a hasty exit.
“Bullshit.”
“What?” I asked in a hoarse whisper, convinced I couldn’t have heard him right.
“I said bullshit. I’m sorry, Bella, I’m not trying to offend you, but that’s the biggest crock of shit I’ve heard in a long time. And bullshit comes across my desk on the regular.”
“I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.” I turned to go, the tears an imminent threat now. I had no idea what I had come here for, but it definitely wasn’t this awful scene. “I should really be going.”
“No, you aren’t doing this. You can’t do this. You don’t even want to.”
He grabbed my upper arm and spun me back around to face him. It was a movement that could have been scary, but when Matt did it, there was something somehow gentle about it. I expected him to be angry, but his face was full of concern and something else it took me a second to place. Once I put my finger on it, I knew I wouldn’t be leaving. Resolution or not, I wouldn’t be leaving. On his face was a kind of earnest conviction I had never before seen in my adult life.
“Bella, I don’t know all of your story yet. I don’t need to. I can tell that you’ve been badly hurt. Probably by guys a lot like me, or like the way I used to be.”
“Is this your selling point?”
“No. My selling point is that I know there’s something here. You’re scared. I get it. I’m scared, too. I choose not to be a coward about it, to see where this thing could go. That’s what I’m hoping for from you. I’m hoping that you’ll choose not to be a coward tonight.”
We were so close, but there was still a chasm between us, and it was one only I had the ability to do something about. It was up to me to either make the distance between us grow into something neither of us would be able to traverse or to close the gap forever. There was a moment of such complete silence that it was like a physical thing, and the tension between us was pure electricity. This was it. It was the moment when I would either stick to my resolution or take the plunge, and both options made me afraid. I took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and took the plunge. Chasm closed.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” he asked with a childlike hope that made my heart lurch towards him. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean okay. No more being a coward. Let’s really give this a try.”
Although dinner looked lovely from where I stood, smelled lovely, too, it remained uneaten. I gave my answer, and Matt let out a whoop of victory, then wrapped his arms around me tightly. His mouth found mine, his tongue exploring as if he’d never been allowed in there before. In a way, he hadn’t. This time, I was fully present with him, fully open to whatever he wanted to give. I kissed him back with a fervor I’d never expressed before, and when he moaned into my mouth, I smiled against him.
“Bella, I need you. I need you right now.”
“Then take me,” I said, already wet with anticipation. “Can I ask a small favor, though?”
“Of course, you can. Anything.”
“Can we do it in a bed this time? I want to feel like we’re normal people if we’re really going to give this a try.”
Matt laughed heartily and nodded, never loosening his grip on me. He kissed me again and then lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, my hands plunging into his hair as he carried me through his home and to his master bedroom.
Matt laid me down on the largest bed I had ever seen, then took my dress gently in his powerful hands and pulled it up over my head. My body trembled as I watched him slowly unbutton his shirt, his eyes never leaving mine in the semi-darkness. Next was his pants, and when his shaft came loose of its prison, it popped up to meet me like it had been waiting for me for much too long. “Bella—”
“I know. I want you, too. Come here, will you? I want to feel you inside of me. I’ve never told anyone that and meant it the way I do now.”
And so, he did. He came to me and stood between my open, shaking legs, his fingers finding the slick folds of my body and moving slowly, almost dreamily. Matt guided himself into me, my legs wrapping around him again, pulling me closer to where he stood at the foot of the bed. He plunged into me repeatedly, and my eyes were full of him standing before me in the dark, his face beautiful with his desire for me.
“Jesus, Bella, not long. I can’t hold off for long!”
“Don’t!” I gasped, my hands flung up over my head and gripping the soft sheets. “Then don’t, Matt. I want you to come. I want you to!”
He let out a strangled cry, his hips thrusting faster and faster now. I shut my eyes and rode the wave crashing into me. The feeling moved up and up, my body filling with a weightless light. I cried out, and from someplace that seemed like it was very far away, I heard Matt yell out his own pleasure. Then my legs were dropping, and he was climbing up onto the bed beside me, pulling the two of us up. He wrapped one arm around me while my head rested on his heart. It was beating wildly as if he’d just run a marathon, and I laughed softly to myself even as I felt the drowsiness begin to take hold of me.
“What’s funny, sugar?”
“Nothing. I was just thinking that our hearts make it seem like we’ve been running for our lives or something.”
“Kind of feels like we have been. Was it okay? I have trouble keeping myself going with you. I swear to God, I’m not always so fast.”
“It wasn’t too fast. It was just right.”
“So, we’re going to do this.” His voice was easy, and the words brought me right back from the brink of sleep where I’d been hovering.
It had been terrifying to make the decision to toss my resolution out the window, but at the moment, I hadn’t had much time to think about it. My mind had been too consumed with the wanting. Now, that wanting was satiated, at least for a while, and I could really think about what he was saying.
When I had made the choice to close the chasm, I had thrown myself all in. I couldn’t help but wonder if Matt was all in, too. Was it possible that I had fallen for the same game that had driven me to my resolution in the first place?
“I...I don’t know. I thought so. Maybe not. It’s cool if you don’t want to. Seriously, I can be gone in five minutes flat.”
“No.” He laughed, his grip tightening reflexively. “No, sugar, don’t you even try it. I’m not letting you go anywhere. We’re going to do this. I want to do this.”
The adrenaline left my body as quickly as it had come, and I settled back into the warmth of Matt’s body. For the first time in a long time, I fell asleep warm, content, and utterly sure.
EPILOGUE
BELLA
Waking up after that first night spent at Matt’s house, I had been sure that he would take it all back. My first thought was that he’d be gone while I was sleeping. That’s why, when I turned to look at Matt’s pillow and found that he wasn’t there, I wasn’t in the least surprised.
After pulling my dress on over my head and peering into his bathroom mirror, trying my best to clean up the remnants of last night’s makeup, I had left his room with a dull ache radiating inside of me. If I hadn’t left my purse in the kitchen, I would never have gone back there, just made a beeline through the house to the front door to see myself out. But I had left it there, which is where I found Matt.
He was back in his apron and had almost finished preparing the kind of lavish breakfast one would only expect from a super nice restaurant. His eyebrow raised, and I saw understanding on his face. I didn’t have to say anything. He could tell what I had been thinking. He could see that I had believed he’d left me on my own just the way all of the assholes from my past had done.
When he smiled and told me to come and eat my breakfast, I knew that things were real between us.
Our relationship was definitely not without strife. My emotional baggage aside, Matt had his own problems.
A few weeks later, a woman named Leslie showed up at my work. She told me that I was a homewrecker, that she and Matt belonged together and that I had come between them. Leslie said that she was pregnant with Matt's baby, and I would have to get out of the way, or else I would be responsible for breaking up a legitimate family. She had gotten so loud that my manager had to come over and ask her to leave.
When I'd shown up on Matt's doorstep, I had been in tears. He'd brought me inside and poured me a glass of red wine, then asked if I trusted him. If I trusted him, I would believe that Leslie was a liar. I would believe that he hadn't been with her in a long time and that there had never been anything real between them in the first place.
It had taken me no time at all to make that leap. The question of whether to trust him was hardly a question at all. I loved him. I had loved him from almost the beginning, whether I had wanted to or not, and it was that love that drove me to trust him.
It soon came to light that Leslie had never been pregnant at all. Telling him that had just been a ploy to make him come back to her. Needless to say, it hadn't worked.
“Hey, babe, what are you thinking about, hm?”
I opened my eyes in time to see Matt’s warm arm crossing over my body, encircling me with his strength and comfort. I felt his face nuzzling into my hair and the small amount of stubble on his cheeks tickling the back of my neck. Even though we had been waking up this way together almost every morning for
a year, it still floored me that the two of us were really together. I still got butterflies in my stomach, not only when I saw him, but even when I conjured up pictures of him in my mind.
“Nothing much. Did I wake you up?”
“Nope, I’ve been awake. Been listening to you breathing.”
“Creepy much?”
“No.” He laughed, tickling my sides until I could hardly breathe as he rolled me to face him. “Not creepy. I think it’s what we call sweet. I’m very sweet, in case you didn’t know that already.”
“I guess I kind of knew.”
“Good. That’s good. Now seriously, babe, what’s going on?”
“What makes you think something is going on?”
“The look on your face. You’ve been thinking about something, and I don’t think it’s something nice. You look worried. I don’t like seeing you that way.”
“Not worried, just sort of contemplative. I was thinking about all of the things we’ve been through together. A year isn’t all that long in the grand scheme of things, you know?”
“No, I guess it isn’t.”
“I was just thinking that I love you, I guess.”
His face grew serious and very still, still enough that my body was immediately flooded with adrenaline. I hadn’t meant to let that slip, but now that I had, I was terrified. For the first time in a long time, I was worried that maybe I had finally managed to scare Matt Brinks off for good.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m just tired, okay? Please, forget I said anything. I’m going to hop in the shower, and then maybe we can get breakfast.”
“No.” His voice was soft, almost too soft to hear.
“No?” The fear inside of me grew, and in the time that it would take to snap your fingers, I had gone from feeling delicious to being right on the verge of utter, blind panic.
