Blood, Sweat and Demon Tears (The Grateful Undead series Book 3)

by Susan Stec

  Zaire took a tulle-heavy swing at him, and complained to Betty, "You owe me big time, bitch. First time I wore a dress since the third grade and you fuckin' better not whip out a camera or you're dead meat."

  "Too much cleavage?" Betty ignored her, adjusting breasts that almost touched her chin while she stood in front of a door labeled, Justice of the Peace. "That better? How do I look?"

  Warren pulled on his black cummerbund and barked a laugh.

  Zaire ground out, "Has Dorius seen that dress?"

  "No!" Betty replied. "The groom can't see the dress before the wedding day!"

  "I don't think that would apply in this case," Zaire said.

  Betty puffed out her chest. "Dorius said lilies were his favorite flower. Do I look like a lily?"

  Warren sucked in a laugh. "Yep, you both look flowery, alright."

  "Let's get our asses inside," Zaire said, pulling the door open.

  The office went dead quiet. Then everyone immediately found something to do.

  Betty tiptoed toward the counter. "Is our wedding room ready?"

  After about three minutes of struggling with quivering lips, the young lady behind the counter answered, "I'm Lorraine, and judging by the color of those lovely dresses, you're the soon to be Mrs. Morizzio. Right this way, everyone." She lifted a section of the counter and ushered them down a long hall.

  Pointing at a door, Lorraine said, "Go right in. I'll send Richard along with Mr. Morizzio when he arrives. Richard will be officiating the nuptials."

  "Huh?" Betty said.

  "Richard will be performing the wedding ceremony," Lorraine tried again, opening the door.

  "Oh, I knew that," Betty said.

  Warren sucked in a breath.

  Zaire dropped the tulle train and cringed. "Could it be any pinker?"

  The cream-colored carpet was layered with a pink satin runner. Four chairs at the other end of the room were draped with pink tulle, netted with pink lilies, decked with pink balloons, and topped off with pink bows. Long runners of pink silk danced all the way to the floor, circling the two ceiling fans. The pulpit on the other side of the chairs was covered with pink silk; a huge bouquet of pink lilies standing in a black vase in front of it. Black pole lamps were scattered around the room, sending streams of pink light all over the place, imbuing the walls, carpet, and ceiling with a pink glow.

  Warren said, "Dang, looks right womanly."

  "Yeah, a real in-body experience," Zaire said.

  "I ain't never been in this deep, you?" Warren twanged as he shot an obnoxious grin at Zaire's crotch.

  Zaire's mouth turned into all fangs and snarled lips, but before she could bark out an answer, Dorius walked through the door, dressed in a leather tux, accompanied by a man in a dark business suit.

  Richard's mouth fell open in awe. "My God..."

  "Looks like an orgasm waitin' ta happen, right?" Warren said.

  "Can we get on with the ceremony, please?" Dorius groaned.

  "Yeah," Betty said, grabbing Dorius' arm, "'cause I get ta go shopping fer my diamond after this is over with."

  "I'm sure it will be as ostentatious as that dress, darling," Dorius said, kicking tulle out of the way as he dragged her toward the front of the room.

  * * * *

  "Yep, this is the one I want," Betty said, arm outstretched, her hand rocking as she eyed a diamond the size of a grape that was weighing heavily against her wedding band.

  "Twenty-thousand bucks and change—you sure? Man, you could buy a car for that," Zaire said.

  The man standing behind the glass counter dressed in a black suit, cautiously kept his eyes on the ring. He adjusted his black tie, his head wobbling on his neck; and then pulled at each sleeve of the white dress shirt under his jacket, showing off gold and onyx cufflinks. Raising a brow, and sucking in a long breath through his nose, he asked, "How do you wish to pay for this Ms., um…"

  "It's Mrs., darlin'—Mrs. Morizzio, an' you can put it on this," Betty said, drumming long, red fingernails on the glass. She slid the new American Express card toward the salesman with the other hand.

  "Would that be Morizzio as in the BAMVC’s Morizzio?" The clerk asked, turning the card over with his well-manicured fingers.

  "Yeah, as in Mrs. Bad-Ass-Dorius Morizzio," Zaire answered with a snicker, flexing her arms as she placed both hands on the counter, and leaned toward the salesman.

  He looked Betty up and down, eyebrows still reaching for his hairline, every hair in place. "Would you excuse me for one moment, ah… Mrs. Morizzio, while I ring up the transaction? And I'll just take that ring with me and polish it up for you." He held out his hand as Betty slid the ring off and handed it to him.

  "Yeah, sure, honey," Betty hiked up her fuchsia tube-top, the tips of her fangs fighting with her tongue. "I wanted ta check out the necklaces over there, anyway. Got my eye on the ruby one—that's my birthstone, ya know. I may just have ta have it." She adjusted the waistband on her gray shorts that barely covered her ass, tossed her blonde curls with some attitude, and walked her four-inch stilettos over to the necklace section in the expansive showroom of Mayors Jewelers in the Dadeland Mall. The fuchsia words, "Bite Me" jiggled with her butt cheeks.

  "Jesus, Betty, keep your damn fangs in your gums," Zaire said as a door in back of the counter closed behind the salesman.

  "I'm tryin'; the bastard is pissin' me off!" Betty said, as she turned to the assortment of necklaces in front of her. "An' if he don't get his ass out here pretty damn quick, he's gonna be lunch! I'm gettin' thirsty."

  "Don't even think about it. Does Dorius know you're buying the whole friggin' town?" Zaire's eyes shifted to a large grandfather clock on the other side of the lobby as it began to chime. "It's frickin' one thirty, and you only been married for four hours. For Christ's sake, the driver's getting tired of making trips inside to pick up packages. And the damn limo has to be crammed solid by now."

  "Dorius said I could buy whatever I want, an' since we ain't goin' on no honeymoon—his job an' all—he also said I could use the jet when his brother-in-law, Camillio, gets back from seein' his wife in Italy. I wanna redo our bedroom. The man has no taste in decoratin'. I'm thinkin' boo-scoo leopard. Ya wanna come shoppin' with me in Italy? I'll buy ya stuff."

  "I'd rather eat a bug. And if I knew you'd be dragging me shopping all over friggin' Miami, I'd have sat this one out too. We got a meeting in, oh," Zaire pointedly glanced at the grandfather clock again, "three and a half hours. Get a move on. I wanna hit the gym before the meeting. Christ, I hate shopping—I use the Net."

  Betty stood up from where she was bending over the necklaces, a big smile on her face. "Now that's one hell of an idea! Is there an electronics shop 'round here? I need ta buy me one o' them tablet computers, a Nook, and an iPhone."

  Zaire groaned, as she leaned back and placed one elbow on the glass. Her boot clunked loudly when she brought her foot up, crossing it in front of the other one.

  The salesman walked out of a back room looking all chipper, a huge smile on his face. He wiggled his fingers, motioning to Betty's ring finger, and slid the diamond on when she dramatically placed her hand in his palm. "Did you find anything else you would like me to take out of the display case, Mrs. Morizzio?" he asked, giving her hand a pat and letting her have it back.

  "Called BAMVC, didn't ya?" Zaire asked with a cocky grin as she smacked the glass, leaving a handprint smudge. "We know the drill—been all over the friggin' place, today. That damn card is gettin' a workout."

  The man cleared his throat, embarrassment painting his pallid complexion. "Yes, well, I'm sure you understand, Mrs. Morizzio. I didn't feel comfortable asking Dorius' new wife for identification before making a call to my good friend, Dennis. He described you perfectly, Betty. May I call you Betty?" he asked as he reached under the counter, pulling out a pristine cloth, and giving the glass a swipe. He put the receipt on the counter and handed Betty a gold pen.

  "You can call me whatever ya want, sweetie, jus
t as long as ya add that ruby necklace ta my bill," Betty said as she slid the sales ticket back toward the man, but not the gold pen. "This real gold?"

  "Yes, well, it's gold-plated," the salesman said, searching his inside pocket for another pen.

  "Well, thank ya, honey. I'll be sure ta tell my hubby how well ya took care o' us," Betty said, sliding the pen into the macramé purse hanging from her bare shoulder.

  ~~~~

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  ~~~~

  "I can't get ahold of JoAnn." I was sitting in the passenger seat of the Suburban, and I slapped the pink phone shut for the eighth time since we'd hit the road, a little over ten hours ago.

  We'd been driving down I-10 toward Tallahassee for about nine hours, counting the two pee breaks for Jeni. Marcus was in the driver's seat. Jake was stretched out on the bench seat behind us, little puffs of smoke floating from his mouth every time he exhaled a snore.

  Gibbie was hovering in front of the rear window, keeping an eye on the Suburban behind us. Paul was at the wheel. Jeni was manning the computer, doing her surveillance thing, probably giving Dorius updates on our progress. Resi and Lily, dragging Tootles along, opted to ride with them.

  "Why don't you see if Chick has contacted her," Gibbie squawked with a flutter of wings as he passed my left ear. I stuck my pinky finger in my ear, giving it a good shake while I worked my jaw.

  "I think that's an excellent idea," Marcus agreed. "You can inform her we will be arriving in about two hours, give or take thirty minutes."

  Gibbie hovered and darted around in front of my face like a tipsy humming bird, wings invisible fast, red glitter falling on my lap. "Yeah, and ask her if she's set up the meeting."

  Jake expelled two loud farts and abruptly sat up straight. "Gibbie! Your voice gives me nightmares. It sounds like a bunch of tweaked-out mice."

  Jake has a mouse phobia; hell, he has a shitload of phobias, any one of which could fire him up like a blowtorch. Last time Jake went off like an oversized Bic lighter in the Suburban, I had to take off my shirt to smother the flaming headliner.

  "Calm down, Jake, lie back on the seat and relax. If Gibbie doesn't start whispering, I'll flip my Bic and save you the trouble, unless you really want to torch him. You have my permission, sweetie. I smiled at Gibbie, pulling out my cell and punched in Christopher's number. My eyes bounced off the dash clock as I hit the "speaker" button. It was almost one in the afternoon.

  Christopher answered on the second ring. "Hey, how long 'til you guys get here? Chick is driving me nuts."

  "About an hour, hour and a half," I said. "Have you guys talked to JoAnn?"

  "Chick tried to call her, but she's not answering," Christopher said.

  I sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly. "Have you set up the meeting?"

  "Yep, two a.m. We got about thirteen hours to come up with a plan," Christopher said. "Gotta go! Chick's getting out of the shower. I'll tell her you guys will be here in about an hour."

  I stared at the phone for about two human heartbeats after he hung up, then punched in Jeni's cell and hit the "speaker" button.

  "Did you need something, Mother?" Jeni answered with a smile in her voice.

  I huffed, "Put Lily on the phone."

  A few seconds later, Lily's sweet voice flowed softly from the phone. "Hello, Aunt Susan. I assume you wish to know the status of my mother's incarceration."

  How the hell does she do that? "Are you in my head again, young lady?"

  "No, Aunt Susan, I have not disobeyed you," Lily stated calmly. "I have been monitoring Christopher and Grandmother. Because of your recent conversation, I assumed that you tried to contact Mother. Uncle Quelis has taken her communication device away for the moment. Although Mother is quite angry with Uncle Quelis, he just brought her a big glass of fresh blood with one of her favorite bendy-straws. She has a comfortable cot to rest on and a lovely embroidered chair, which she is sitting on while she takes nourishment and watches a Dark Shadows DVD. Daddy is on his way home with Lord Rahovart, tormentor of the affluent and companion of Satan, and they will be giving mother the device back so she can contact you. They wish to negotiate a deal. "

  Marcus took his eyes off the road and locked them on me.

  My damn head was spinning. "What kind of deal?"

  "Daddy is willing to send Mother back to Earth," Lily said, hesitating before adding, "but the existence of happiness implies its negation."

  My body began to vibrate. What the hell is a negation? Christ, I needed to start carrying a friggin' dictionary.

  Gibbie flew off the dash, landed on my shoulder, tugged my earlobe, and whispered, "Stay cool, and just ask her specifically..."

  Marcus interrupted. "Lily, do you know the details of the deal they wish to negotiate?"

  "I would rather not go into the details at the moment," Lily answered. "I think it would be counterproductive."

  "Don't yell—don't yell—don't yell," Jake whimpered, peeking over the seat, hands covering his ears.

  "Lily!" I shouted, "I command you to tell me exactly what your father has in mind!" There was a long pause, during which we all stared at the phone until Lily answered, "Lord Rahovart, tormentor of the affluent and companion of Satan has suggested that Father trade me for Mother."

  "Oh, can you stop the car?" Jake squealed. "I feel a burp coming on."

  "Oh, hell no!" Gibbie said, diving for the floorboard by my feet. "I didn't do a thing!"

  Jake hammered the window button, his purple dragon scales popping out on his cheeks.

  "Shut up, the both of you!" I covered my ears, like that was going to help.

  Jake hung halfway out the window, blowing a stream of fire in our wake. In the car behind us, Paul laid on the horn. Marcus swerved into the right lane.

  I grabbed for the handle above my window so I wouldn't end up in Marcus' lap."We are not sending you back just to get my sister home!"

  "I don't think Mother will allow that," Lily calmly said. "But I do believe this can all be solved in a diplomatic manner. Might I suggest we wait until Mother calls you, Aunt Susan?"

  * * * *

  Chick stared at Christopher from her side of the room. "You didn't tell her, did you?"

  "Why you always gotta be such a bitch?" Christopher spat, shoving dirty clothes into his duffel bag.

  "I'm not a bitch," Chick answered, picking up plastic cups and empty blood bags to cram into an already full trash can. "I'm just not as sweet as I used to be. And answer me, did you screw me over again?"

  "No," Christopher said, kicking the duffel bag against the wall beside his bed. "But you're friggin' pissing me off!"

  "Yeah? Big deal. I've been in a very bad mood for eighty-five years." She scooped up a pile of towels, walked over to the door, and tossed them out in the hall.

  "No shit! 'Cause your bark is definitely worse than your bite," Christopher said with a fangy smile.

  "Don't be a smart ass. Can we have an adult conversation?"

  Christopher climbed on his bed, fluffed the pillows against the headboard, leaned back and put his hands behind his head. "Yeah, sure we could... if there was more than one adult in this room."

  She gave him a set of Italian eyes, the kind that say, "You're about to get your ass kicked if you don't shut up." "I came here to see if I could find a demon to help with JoAnn, and damn it, I'm gonna be the first one to talk to this vamp," Chick said, tossing clothes around on the bed. "Either you're with me, or I head out before everyone gets here!"

  "I said I'd be there for you," Christopher whined, "and I meant it. But meeting this guy an hour before the rest of the team shows up is just plain stupid. How the hell are you going to pull that off?"

  "I got it all figured out," Chick said, a bit more animated now that he was onboard. "I'm gonna recommend they divide into teams, each covering a section of town. We'll all leave an hour and a half early. I'm gonna tell them Eric said he had to meet the shifter in town at two in the morning before heading out to
the swamp. They surf the streets in the French Quarter to see what we're up against; then follow him to the swamp. We can all communicate with the earpieces and mikes."

  "Why do I think you're forgetting something?" Christopher asked, slapping a bag of blood to his fangs.

  "Because you're an idiot," Chick said, tucking her bedspread over the pillows.

  ~~~~

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  ~~~~

  "They should be arriving soon," Dorius said, pacing in front of a laptop sitting on the office desk with an image of Chick on the screen. "I assume you've come up with a possible plan."

  Chick was off and running. "Before they get together with us, Eric's meeting up with the shifter somewhere in the French Quarter. He wouldn't be specific, so I thought I'd divide the group up into pairs—except for Paul, Jake and Gibbie—and do a little surveillance in town. The vamp wants to hook up with us in a wooded area near a swamp, but I'm hoping we can spot him before the meeting to see if there are others involved. Christopher and I checked out the swamp. There are plenty of places for the team to hide when they get there. I've taken a few shots with the digital camera to show the others the terrain."

  "So let me get this straight," Dorius said, moving closer to the laptop. "The vamp's meeting his friend in town, and together, they will be heading for the swamp to meet with you and Christopher, alone?"

  "Yep, he has no idea that the rest of the team will be in town, and I don't want to spook him. Since the others will be instructed to follow them and send communications our way, we should know when they're coming. Chris and I intend on being there about an hour before the rest of the team, and by then, I'm hoping we'll all know what to expect."

  "So you and Christopher will not be scouting the French Quarter at all?"

  "No, but we'll be listening. Jeni will be in the communications van and she'll keep us posted."