The Forgiving Heart (The Heart of Minnesota Book 1)

by Riker, Becky

  The doctor cleared his throat, “If I may be permitted to speak.”

  John glared down at him.

  “From my experience, it is better to let them do as they wish. The baby will come faster and the mother will be happier.”

  John moved out of the way, “So I should sit back and do nothing?”

  “When my wife gave birth to our first child she told me to get out of the room and not come back until she called me.”

  “Why?”

  Dr. Hoff laughed, “She said I didn't know what I was doing. I had been delivering babies for five years by then.”

  John laughed weakly.

  “She still doesn't think I know what I'm doing, and I've been doing it for twenty.”

  The men followed the women to the kitchen.

  “Did you get supper before you left home?” Karlijna was preparing to serve him a bowl of stew before putting it away.

  “I did. Mrs. Hoff told me to eat quickly and get out here.”

  Louisa breathed in sharply. Karlijna looked at the clock.

  “That was only three minutes,” she spoke to nobody in particular.

  The doctor looked up at John, “This may be faster than I expected. Do you have all the supplies we talked about?”

  John was glad for something to do, “They’re in here next to the bed,” he led the way from the room, “she's had them ready for a couple weeks.”

  Louisa turned to Karlijna, “Pray for me. I'm scared.”

  “Jesus, comfort Louisa and bring the baby safely out. Calm Louisa so she is able to enjoy the birth of her little one. Heal any pain she is having. Give her strength when she needs to push. In your name we pray this, Amen.”

  Louisa leaned over a chair, panting, “I need to lie down.”

  Karlijna tried to help, but Louisa could not move herself.

  “John,” Karlijna moved toward the bedroom and spoke as calmly as possible, “could you come give us a hand with something?”

  John was still detailing the equipment to the doctor. He stopped and looked up, “What do you need?”

  Karlijna didn't answer but walked back to the kitchen. He followed.

  “Please help your wife to bed. She would like to lie down now.”

  John really looked at his wife then. He didn't bother asking Louisa to lean on him, but swept her off her feet and carried her to the bed.

  The doctor was sitting in a chair, “Are things moving faster?”

  Louisa was unable to answer so Karlijna did.

  “Yes. They seem to be coming one on top of another now.”

  The doctor did a quick check, “You may push now, Louisa, if you like.”

  Louisa looked at him like he had lost his mind.

  The doctor sat back in his chair, “Some mothers want to and some don't.”

  Louisa cried out. John stood beside, holding her hand, a look of terror mixed with concern.

  Karlijna went into the kitchen to heat some water on the back of the stove.

  She hurried back into the room when a loud cry erupted.

  “Now, Louisa,” the doctor spoke softly, “some women find it actually hurts less when they push a little.”

  “They’re crazy.” she spat, “It will hurt more.”

  Karlijna hurried to the bedside, “If it hurts more you can stop. Just try a little push.”

  Louisa looked dubious, but she stopped crying.

  Doctor Hoff scooted to the bed, “Next time you feel the pressure, give a good push.”

  Louisa did as she was told.

  “Good,” the doctor said, “that was good. Did it feel better?”

  “Yes,” Louisa sounded surprised, “it did.”

  That was all John needed to hear, “Good. Then let's do it again.”

  Karlijna nearly laughed at his enthusiasm. She supported Louisa's back as the woman prepared to push again.

  Forty minutes later, Karlijna was exhausted.

  Louisa's hair was matted with perspiration, “I. can. not. do. this.”

  “You have no choice,” the doctor looked tired too, “but I guarantee one or two more good pushes will do it.”

  Louisa was strengthened by the words. She pushed hard and was rewarded by the doctor's laugh and a baby's cry.

  “You have a girl,” he announced. “A perfect girl.”

  Karlijna left to get a basin of water and start some coffee. She returned and set the water on the bedside table.

  “Very good,” the doctor said as he began washing the screaming little girl, “you could be a nurse.”

  Karlijna laughed, “No, thank you. This all makes me feel a little sick.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Doctor Hoff checked the baby, washed her, and handed her off to the new mother, “She's a big one.”

  Louisa accepted the bundle, “Look at her, John.”

  John sat on the edge of the bed, “What will we call her? You wouldn't discuss girl's names.”

  “I don't know how I could have wanted a boy,” Louisa breathed. “How could any boy be this precious?”

  Karlijna left to check on the coffee. The doctor followed her.

  “Have you heard from your husband lately?”

  Karlijna wasn't used to people referring to him as her husband. She knew he was, but it seemed strange.

  “Not in a few days, but I haven't had the chance to get the mail today,” she admitted as she handed the doctor a cup of coffee. “I was too busy worrying about Louisa, then trying to keep John from seeing it.”

  The doctor took a sip, “This is good coffee.”

  Karlijna thanked him and offered him some cookies from a tin.

  “Will you be able to stay here for a while? It would be good for Louisa to have some help for a couple weeks.”

  Karlijna sat down with her own cup of coffee, “I hadn't thought of leaving. Ellie is hoping I will go back to Red Wing when she gets back from school in June, but I don't plan to go anywhere before then.”

  The doctor stayed for another hour, checked again on the mother and baby, then left with a promise to return in the morning.

  Despite the lateness of the hour, Karlijna grabbed a coat and ran to the mailbox.

  Michael had written again.

  Dear Karlijna, April 2, 1944

  I have been doing as you instructed. I have worked hard here, and I am now able to walk with the aid of only one crutch. A year ago this would have seemed terrible, but a month ago, it seemed impossible.

  My doctor has decided I no longer need to be in the hospital, so I am back to work. I will not be flying anymore. At one time that may have been heartbreaking to me, but I have had my fill of that kind of excitement.

  You can see by my return address that I have moved, but in case that is illegible, I have written it down below. I am assigned to a desk. Paperwork is no fun, but it is ten times better than sitting in a hospital bed.

  I am still to do therapy everyday which consists of walking as far as I can with as little leaning as possible. I also have to lie on my back and have a nurse stretch my leg as far over my head as possible. This is wretched as it hurts, and I feel like an idiot. However, Sam assures me it is necessary to my recovery. Have I told you that he was studying to be a doctor before he left for war? He trained to be a pilot, though, instead of something in the medical field because he thought he could make a bigger difference.

  Now comes the point I feel I must confess something to you. I do not want to give you all the details because I feel they may repulse you or hurt you, but I am afraid you will have to know eventually. At one point, while getting you out of Europe, I did something that was slightly underhanded. You asked me then and I avoided telling you the truth by asking you to trust me. I fear you will not trust me again when you know what it is I have done.

  I have been told I will get furloughed in a month or two. I hope to confess everything to you then, praying your heart will be prepared to hear what I have to say.

  I love you.

  Michael


  Karlijna knew she had to answer the letter right away. She had not wanted to mention it before because she did not want to hold him to his vows, but it was clearly causing him guilt and pain.

  Before heading up to her bedroom she peeked in on the new family. To her surprise, everyone was awake.

  “Is there anything I can do for you?” she spoke quietly.

  Louisa shook her head, “Would you like to hold her, though?”

  Karlijna came forward and sat in the chair next to the bed, “I would.”

  She took the precious bundle, amazed at the perfection of each detail in the tiny form.

  “Have you come up with any names?”

  John cleared his throat, “We wanted to honor the president somehow since she was born the day he died.”

  “I thought of Frankie,” Louisa laughed, “but John didn't like it.”

  John laughed too, “I have an uncle named Frank. It wouldn't work. Then all my uncles would expect us to use their names.”

  Louisa laughed, “So we decided on Rosie.”

  Karlijna brushed a kiss to the nose of the infant, “Hello, Rosie. I am so glad to meet you.”

  The tiny face balled up as though she didn’t want her nose touched.

  Karlijna didn't stay long because she didn't want to intrude, and she wanted to get Michael's letter written.

  Dear Michael, April 12, 1945

  Before I get into the reason for this particular letter I want to remember to tell you about our new little Rosie Porter. Louisa had her tonight at about nine o'clock. They named her in honor of President Roosevelt whom we are sad to have lost today.

  You have given me no reason to distrust you. Your behavior has been consistently honorable to me. I believe the thing you refer to is our marriage in Scotland.

  I wonder if you are surprised that I know. I certainly did not realize what was happening at the time. I think you chose a man with such an accent as to confuse me. Maybe some would think I would be angry with you for that, but I would not have consented to a marriage under those circumstances, and you were right to just ask me to trust you. It was for the best.

  You should also know that everybody around here knows as well. We were having a party for Ellie and Sara when the telegram came to the house and the men asked for Mrs. Michael Gunderson. There was no small amount of confusion connected to this, but the point eventually got across.

  I never mentioned the fact because you never did. At first, it was because I did not want to mention it and make you feel obligated to me. Later, it was because I hardly thought of it. I hadn't thought you were feeling guilty about it or I would have attempted to set your mind at ease.

  I do not know how you feel about marriage at this time. I have prepared myself for the chance that you will need some time to adjust. I will honestly confess – and perhaps frighten you into skipping your furlough and volunteering for more paperwork – that I hope you want me to be your wife for real.

  I love you and am praying you can return soon.

  Karlijna

  London

  Michael could feel the sweat beading on his forehead. Walking around the outside of his office building was an exercise he forced on himself. The cane that had replaced the crutch was still heavily used, but he hoped to lessen the need for it.

  “Captain,” the private who approached saluted him.

  “Private Scott,” Michael tried to stand more upright. “You have the mail?”

  The private handed him a stack.

  “Thank you, Scott,” he tried to look at the man, but was having trouble drawing his attention from the familiar handwriting on the top envelope.

  Rather than returning to his stuffy office, Michael sat down on a hard bench.

  By the time he was finished reading he felt he could nearly jump for joy. Karlijna had known about the marriage for months. She wanted to be married to him. It was more than he could take in.

  “Good news?”

  Michael looked up, “Sam. When did you get in?”

  Sam sat down, “About an hour ago,” he held up a letter.

  Michael eyed his friend, “Anything interesting in yours?”

  Sam knew he was being goaded, “I'll let you read mine of you let me read yours.”

  Michael tucked his letter into his pocket, “I get my own letters from Ellie,” he joked. “I'm not all that interested.”

  Sam leaned back and folded his arms behind his head, “I'm pretty sure she writes the same stuff to both of us anyway.”

  “Any news I haven't heard?” Michael knew Sam would be discreet with missions to come, but sometimes information spread more quickly and more true in person.

  “We aren't sure where Hitler is,” Sam gave him a morsel.

  Michael shot a look of disbelief at his friend.

  “We think he is somewhere in Berlin, but nobody knows where. The Soviets are looking for him.”

  “Do you think they'll tell us if they find him?”

  Sam grunted.

  Michael stood up, “I've got to get back to work.”

  “Have you heard about your furlough?”

  “It's been postponed indefinitely.”

  “That figures about right,” Sam slapped him on the shoulder, “I'll get back to you later.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Karlijna had not believed John, but it was May first and she was staring out the window at piles of snow still on the ground.

  Louisa came into the room with the baby in a sling, “I was thinking of taking Rosie to church this Sunday. What do you think?”

  “It will be good for you to get out,” Karlijna tore her eyes from the window. “Do you think John will be okay with that?”

  “He wanted me to go yesterday,” Louisa laughed.

  “Are we going to get more snow this spring or are we finished?”

  Louisa patted the younger woman's shoulder, “Wait and see.”

  Karlijna stood up and sighed, “I see the mail has come. I'm going to go see if there is anything from Michael.”

  There was nothing from Michael, but Ingrid had written. Karlijna came in and handed the stack to Louisa. She was about to open Ingrid's letter when she looked at Louisa's face.

  “What is wrong, Louisa? Are you okay?”

  Louisa didn't answer.

  “You had better sit down,” Karlijna pulled out a chair. “I'll go get John.”

  Louisa did not sit. She laughed softly, “Yes. Do go get John.”

  Karlijna started for the door, but Louisa stopped her.

  “Wait! I want to tell you first. Sig called while you were getting the mail.”

  Karlijna turned back slowly, apprehensive.

  “Hitler is dead.”

  Karlijna blinked, “Hitler?”

  “Yes,” Louisa laughed. “Is it horrible to be so happy that someone has died? I am happy. I am nearly beside myself with happiness.”

  Karlijna lay her letter down on the table, “I'll go tell John.”

  Karlijna wanted to feel some sorrow at the man's death, but she could not. She wanted to feel some shame for this, but even that was impossible for her. She found she could not be happy either.

  John took the news with as much pleasure and more energy than his wife.

  Karlijna smiled and started for the house. On the way, she changed course and decided on a walk instead. Heading across the snow-dotted, uneven ground, she began to pray.

  “Father, forgive me,” she whispered. “I cannot be sorry such a man is gone from the earth. He has caused such pain and suffering.”

  Shall I forgive one of my children who will not forgive another?

  It occurred to Karlijna for the first time that she was still harboring hatred and unforgiveness in her heart.

  “How can you say he was your child, Father? You cannot love him. He wanted nothing to do with you.”

  I am not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

  “But, God,” she reasoned with her M
aker, though she knew she could not change the truth. “He was my enemy – everybody's enemy.”

  Your battle is not against flesh and blood.

  “It feels like I'm battling flesh and blood,” she put her hands to her face. “His treatment of me and of those I love hurt and killed my flesh and blood.”

  Forgive.

  “I don’t think I can, God,” she admitted.

  With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.

  Karlijna knelt down in the field where she had been standing, “I know, Father, that you loved even him. I know my sins are great – they are sins against you. Yet you took them and put them on your Son. I am sorry for keeping this hate inside. Forgive me and,” she paused for a long while, “please help me forgive Hitler. Help me forgive the men who did evil to me and to my family. Please, Lord, help me forgive because I can't do it on my own.”

  John had seen Karlijna walk off. He watched her standing still, then watched her kneel. He knew what the young woman was doing. The man sighed heavily and went in to speak to his wife.

  “I know you're right,” Louisa admitted to Karlijna later that evening, “but I can't wrap my mind around it.”

  Karlijna stood up and began clearing the table, “I am not in the position to tell you what is right. I know God called me to forgive.”

  “And were you able to?” Louisa took a cloth to wipe the table.

  “I am sure this is not going to end with today. I will have to come to God often to confess my unforgiving heart. I will need to forgive every time I think of them.”

  “What did Aunt Ingrid have to say in her letter?” Louisa had apparently had enough of that conversation.

  Karlijna wasn't sorry for the change of topics, “It was strange. She said a man came to visit her because he had been told she would know where I was.”

  Louisa stopped cleaning, “Who was it?”

  Karlijna put the leftover food in the ice box, “He wouldn't say, but he did say he got the information from Mr. Beauchamp.”

  “Did Aunt Ingrid tell him where to find you?”

  Karlijna shook her head, “She said she didn't think it was safe – even if I was half a world away. He went away angry.”