Broken Man

by Christopher Scott

  Did I really do that?

  The night had started out well enough, she remembered as she thought of him standing at the bar, smiling nervously as she approached. Jack was just so handsome and polite, and it was adorable to see him so nervous. He had ordered champagne and arranged for a private table in the corner of the restaurant, a perfect setting for a romantic dinner, a wonderful start to the evening.

  Why would I have ruined the entire night by talking about my mother?

  I guess it was the champagne, Amanda thought to herself, but once I got started, I couldn’t stop. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest, but couldn’t I have picked a better time than a first date with a man I barely know. He must think I am crazy, some kind if needy girl looking for a father figure to take care of her. Maybe I really do have Daddy issues.

  But, he seemed to take it well enough, Amanda remembered the look on his face as he listened to her. He hadn’t looked at her like she was crazy and he had asked all the right questions and shown all the proper concern. The night had actually seemed to be going pretty well despite her choice of conversation, and they had eventually moved on to other subjects, their verbal exchange stimulating as always.

  And then they had wine with dinner. A great bottle of red wine, Amanda’s drug of choice when she was feeling emotional. A fine selection when she was in the safety of her apartment talking with Sue, but not on a first date. Not on a first date with Jack.

  “Oh, no,” Amanda whispered to herself as she remembered the rest of the night and reached for the glass of water. “I can’t believe I did that.”

  She had practically thrown herself at Jack during the cab ride home and then dragged him into her apartment when they reached the door. She remembered the blur of trying to kiss him and pull him onto the bed, her emotions and feelings for him heightened by their conversation and her blood alcohol level. The things she would have done to him in that state. Fortunately, he had been such a gentleman, the night so different than a couple of similar experiences in the past, her waking up naked next to a unfamiliar man, regretting what she had done.

  Thank God that hadn’t happened, Amanda smiled as she thought of Jack. He had been so sweet, bringing her a big glass of water and a couple Tylenol, getting her settled down into bed, holding her hand and making sure she was okay as she fell asleep. I hope I haven’t blown it with him, Amanda thought to herself as she got out of bed to refill her water.

  As she stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the light, Amanda was suddenly reminded of his presence by the scent of his jacket and a note tucked into the corner of the vanity. As she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she smiled as she thought of him, and realized as she read his note that maybe the night hadn’t been such a disaster after all.

  Amanda,

  I had a nice time tonight. Be sure to take a couple more Tylenol and drink plenty of water when you wake up. I’ll see you tonight.

  Jack

  Chapter Ten

  That wasn’t so bad, Jack thought to himself as he ran down the beach, enjoying an unseasonably warm mid-March morning along with an unexpectedly beautiful sunrise. They had actually had a good time.

  A single night with Amanda had run the gamut of emotions, from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. Her story was almost unbelievable, but knowing her as he now did, it all made sense. A woman as beautiful as her just doesn’t develop that kind of character, strength, intelligence, and personality, at least not without some extenuating circumstances. Beautiful women simply don’t have to, everything freely given to them, all doors open because of their appearance.

  She would be hard for most people to understand, Jack thought to himself, unless someone had also grown up surrounded by the same difficult circumstances that she had endured. Amanda had basically been alone since she was twelve, left to figure things out on her own, neglected and unloved. It was definitely a story Jack could empathize with, both of them having been abandoned by emotionally challenged mothers and absentee fathers.

  It’s hard to describe the feeling, but when you grow up under trying circumstances, it becomes difficult to connect with others, especially with those who have experienced a more favorable childhood environment. You have nothing in common with many people, and the frivolities of others’ lives are almost foreign and unrecognizable, the struggle to survive all consuming. Jack recognized this feeling all too well in Amanda, and understood her inability to truly connect with many people, particularly men. Growing up as she had, she would naturally associate privilege with entitlement, happiness with shallowness, love with neediness, wrongly or not.

  Somehow, like him, she had figured things out, she had persevered, she had survived, and Jack respected her for it. Sure, she still had to fight through some leftover issues and insecurities resulting from her upbringing. But, everything considered, she was doing fine, and he wouldn’t want her any other way.

  Jack smiled as he dodged a horseshoe crab crawling through the sand and remembered arriving back at her apartment the night before. He probably shouldn’t have ordered the second bottle of wine, he thought to himself, she is such a lightweight. The wine and talking about her mother had understandably made her emotional, and he knew she would regret her actions this morning, especially if she remembered what she had said.

  “I love you, Jack,” he remembered her teasing him playfully as she pulled him onto her bed, his landing on top of her. “Let’s make love.”

  “Honey, I think you have had a little much to drink,” he smiled as she kissed his neck. “It is probably best that you just go to sleep.”

  “Come on, Jack. Let’s take off our clothes,” she pleaded as she tried to kiss him and moved his hand to her breast.

  “Amanda, I would love to, but we are not going to do that tonight,” he resisted temptation and let her down easily as he got up from the bed. “I don’t want you to regret anything in the morning, and you have had a little too much to drink.”

  “Jack, you are so sweet,” she said as he went into the bathroom to get her some water and aspirin. “Are you going to stay with me tonight?”

  “That’s probably not a good idea, Amanda,” he replied as he re-entered the bedroom and handed her two Tylenol and a glass if water. “Now take this, it will make you feel better in the morning.”

  “Yes sir, Dr. Jack,” she purred as she took the Tylenol, drank the water and continued her inebriated seduction of him. “Are you sure you don’t want to give me a physical.”

  “I’m sure, Amanda,” he laughed as he took the glass away from her and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Now, go to sleep.”

  He had watched as she had fallen asleep rather quickly, and spent a few minutes just making sure she was okay. This really is a special woman, he had thought to himself as he wrote her a note and made sure she was comfortable.

  She truly is something else, Jack smiled as he thought of Amanda and approached the jetty that marked the midpoint of his run. Quirky, funny, confident, insecure, stubborn, smart, and absolutely gorgeous. A complicated mess of a woman, exactly the kind of woman he found interesting. I can’t believe it, Jack thought to himself as he turned around and headed back toward the hotel.

  She reminds me so much of Brittany.

  * * *

  Amanda was still feeling regret from the night before as she arrived at the break table for her shift, her head pounding, one question on her mind.

  What am I going to say to him?

  She had thought about the answer to that question all day, her response changing multiple times as she gradually remembered snippets from her evening with Jack. The memories just got worse and worse by the hour, until eventually, she considered calling in sick, too embarrassed to see him, her hangover too much to overcome.

  But, she had finally done the brave thing and decided to face her fears. I just hope I didn’t do anything else I can’t remember, she chastised herself. How much worse can it really be, she smiled sarcastically. I already told him
that I loved him and tried to seduce him. All in a night’s work.

  Her wait was thankfully short as she watched Jack approach the table, looking so fresh and sharp in a royal blue shirt, smiling mischievously, ready to pounce on his victim.

  “Hi, Amanda, how are you feeling?”

  “I have been better,” she smiled sheepishly. “How are you?”

  “I am doing great,” he couldn’t resist teasing her a little. “So, you seemed to have a big night last night.”

  “Very funny, Jack,” she appreciated him making it easy for her. “I’m really sorry if I said or did anything too stupid. I usually don’t drink like that.”

  “You were fine,” he reassured her. “You were actually very funny. I really had a great time.”

  “That’s very nice of you to say,” she felt better already. “I just get really affectionate when I drink, especially red wine. Is there any way you will give me another chance.”

  “Any time, Amanda,” he smiled. “Maybe next time we will do something that doesn’t involve drinking.”

  “That sounds good, especially with the way I feel right now,” she rolled her eyes at her carelessness. “I feel like someone is hitting me in the head with a hammer.”

  “Oh, that reminds me, I picked up a couple of aspirin for you in the gift shop,” he said as he handed her a tiny packet of Tylenol. “I figured you could use it.”

  “Thanks, Jack,” she replied as she tore open the package. “That was very thoughtful of you.”

  “Do you need some water,” he asked as he handed her his bottle.

  “That would be great,” she replied as she slipped the Tylenol into her mouth and washed it down with a swallow from his water bottle. “Is there anything you don’t do well.”

  “Well, I figured out last night that I am not a very good Doctor,” he smiled as he arched his left eyebrow and teased her about the night before. “And, I don’t give a very good physical.”

  “Very funny,” Amanda cringed as she remembered her pathetic patient act and realized he couldn’t let her off scot free. “Do you want to get all of this out of your system so we never have to talk about it again.”

  “No, I’m good now,” he laughed. “Seriously, I promise not to bring it up again.”

  “It’s a deal,” she smiled as she realized she still didn’t know anything about him. “So, do you have anything exciting planned for this week?”

  “Just more of the same. How about you?”

  “I have school all week and work every night,” she replied as she tried to provide him with an opening. “But, I do have off on Sunday.”

  “Maybe we can do something then,” he asked casually. “How about we hit the boardwalk that you love so much, maybe get something to eat and play a little poker.”

  “That sounds good, Jack,” she replied, pleased to be given another chance. “I promise not to get drunk this time.”

  “I’m not worried about it,” he responded politely. “I’m just looking forward to seeing how you play poker.”

  “Well, don’t expect too much,” she downplayed his expectations as she looked forward to spending the day with him. “I really haven’t played much, and like I said, I am not very good.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that,” he replied as the table started to fill. “Have a good night, Amanda.”

  “You too, Jack,” she smiled at him one more time. “And, thank you.”

  * * *

  “That was unbelievable,” Jack smiled at Amanda across the table as the waiter delivered their drinks. “I have never seen so many men check down the best hand just because you flash them a pretty smile. If I were you, I would be a millionaire.”

  “It wasn’t quite that easy,” she laughed, pleased with her play at the poker table and the way their second date was going. “I was also very nice to them.”

  “I was nice to them as well, but no one checks down the nuts to me,” he responded incredulously. “So, how much did you make.”

  “I made two hundred dollars, not bad for a couple hours work. How did you do,” she teased him, already knowing the answer.

  “I lost a hundred dollars, but you already know that,” he anticipated where she was going with her line of questioning. “Now, am I going to have to hear about how you are a better poker player than me for the rest of the day.”

  “I wouldn’t do that to you, Jack,” she smiled. “I don’t think your ego could take it. But, if you are interested, I am available for lessons.”

  “Very funny, Amanda,” he smiled back at her as she stood up from the table and he did the same. “Are you headed back to the poker room to break some more hearts.”

  “No, just to the ladies room, I’ll be back in a second.”

  I would probably check down the best hand with her as well, he thought to himself as he watched her walk away, casual yet beautiful in jeans and a sweater, her hair pulled up from her shoulders. Jack smiled as he thought of the way she had controlled the table all day, not so much with her play, but with her charm. By the end of the session, easily swayed men were literally telling her what they had, the game not so challenging when you know what your opponent holds.

  He looked out the window as their appetizer arrived, the ocean an endless murky black backdrop framed by a dark gray sky in the background and the boardwalk and dirty sand of Atlantic City in the foreground. I shouldn’t feel this way about her, he thought to himself as he watched a solitary old man walk along the beach, likely the possessor of a broken heart, destined to spend the rest of his life by himself, alone with his memories.

  “Thinking of going somewhere,” Amanda interrupted his thoughts as she sat back down at the table.

  “No, just enjoying the beach,” he fibbed as he opened his napkin. “Kind of a gray day outside.”

  “Welcome to Atlantic City in the winter time,” she brightened the day with her smile. “Better get used to it.”

  “It’s almost spring,” he replied absentmindedly as he considered whether he was ready to take the next step with her. “Just a couple more weeks and baseball season starts.”

  “Do you think the Phillies will be good this year,” Amanda sensed his mind wasn’t quite present in the conversation.

  “They should be, they have a great pitching staff,” he replied, for once not interested in talking about baseball. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure, Jack,” she answered slowly as she sensed his uneasiness. “Is everything okay.”

  “Everything is fine,” he smiled nervously and took a sip of his beer and decided that, yes, he was ready. “I am going to my Brother’s house next weekend, up in the mountains of Pennsylvania. My nephew and I have to draft our fantasy baseball team, and I always head up there this time of year. Anyway, I was thinking that it would be a nice change of scenery for you, and was wondering if you might want to go.”

  “I would love to,” she answered without hesitation. “It will be great to get out if town, and I know I can get Saturday night off from work. When do you want to leave?”

  “We can leave early Saturday morning, and I can get you back in time for work on Sunday night,” he looked at her to see if she understood the implications of an overnight stay.

  “That works for me,” Amanda smiled. “I can’t wait to get out of this town for a day and enjoy some cool mountain air.”

  “Might be a little too cold for me,” he replied, able to relax again. “Might just spend a lot of time inside.”

  “Whatever you want to do, Jack,” she left the details of their weekend to him. “It’s fine with me.”

  * * *

  They arrived back at her apartment building at midnight, Amanda in complete control this time, their date an unqualified success.

  They had spent the entire day together, playing poker, walking the deserted boardwalk, having dinner, and just talking. She felt so secure with him, able to say anything she wanted without having to worry about being judged or criticized. He really seemed to under
stand her, and she had even finally gotten him to open up a little, talking about his childhood in Philadelphia and his college years in North Carolina.

  Don’t do anything stupid, Amanda, she thought to herself as she walked just ahead of him up the flight of stairs. You will have plenty of time with him next weekend, and it would probably be best not to remind him of the apartment disaster. I still can’t believe I did that, she cringed one last time at the memory of the weekend before.

  But, you got another chance, she smiled to herself as he opened the stairwell door for her and she left that embarrassing night behind. He still likes you, and you are going to have an entire weekend together, plenty of time to get to know each other better, hopefully even some time to spend alone together. Don’t blow it, Amanda, she gave herself one last reminder as they arrived at her door.

  “I had a great time today, Jack,” she smiled as she turned to him and retrieved the keys from her purse. “Thanks for dinner.”

  “You are welcome, Amanda. Just in case we don’t get a chance to talk, I’ll pick you up at 8:00 next Saturday.”

  “That sounds good, Jack,” she replied as she unlocked her door and made the final decision to wait until next weekend. “But, I do hope to see you this week.”

  “You will,” he promised as he took her hand in his and looked into her eyes. “I had a really good time today.”

  “I did too,” she smiled nervously as her body responded to his touch and she reconsidered her choice not to invite him in. “I wish I didn’t have school tomorrow.”

  “Me, too,” he smiled as he took took the gentle hint and gave her a kiss on the cheek before letting go of her hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  “Sounds good, drive safely, Jack,” she replied as she gave him a hug.

  And then it happened. He held her for just a second too long. Long enough to let her know they were more than just friends, long enough to let her know how he felt about her, long enough to give them time to respond to each other.

  His hands moved to her waist and she felt him trace the curves of her hips as his mouth finally moved to hers. They kissed, their lips touching softly, their minds fully engaged, and she responded to each touch, their bodies drawing closer.