Rafferty: Cowboy Trail Boss: Christian Historical Western Romance (The Kavanagh Brothers Book 9)

by Kathleen Ball

  “Yes, I did, but she is still mine.”

  “Ten steers, food, shirts, and tobacco.” The tone of the Kiowa’s voice brooked no more bargaining.

  Rafferty nodded. “Hank help them cut ten from the herd. Cookie get the tobacco.” He tilted his head. “Get behind me and don’t even glance at them,” he whispered.

  She quickly did as told. She hung onto the back of Rafferty’s shirt, convinced she was going to fall over. Her heart threatened to pound out of her chest. She should have more faith in her husband. Much more faith. But he hadn’t exactly earned her trust. Closing her eyes, she avoided looking at the Kiowas. A slave? Her hands shook and soon her entire body followed.

  They rode off and her hand dropped from Rafferty’s shirt. She wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to keep herself together, but it didn’t help. Walking away from Rafferty, she started for the wagon.

  A gasp escaped her lips when a hand touched her shoulder. The next thing she knew, she’d been turned around and Rafferty’s arms were around her. Putting her head over his heart, she could feel hard thumping. Her arms went around him. Finally, her limbs stopped quaking.

  He put a bit of space between them and cupped her chin, moving it until she was gazing at him.

  “A filthy dog?” Her lips twitched.

  He grinned. “It worked, didn’t it?”

  Tears filled her eyes. “Yes, yes it did. Thank you. I wasn’t sure what would happen when I had to leave the wagon.” A tear rolled down her face. “I’m sorry. I feel so emotional right now. I should be able to stand strong with you, but I’m not as brave as you think I am. Closing the gap between them, she listened to his heart again.

  “You are brave and strong. You came out of the wagon, and they didn’t raise their weapons to us or tried to drag you out. It took courage, Mae. Tears and fear are not weaknesses. You’re an asset to this outfit.”

  “What about you? Am I an asset to you?” If she could have swallowed back her words, she would have. “You need not answer that. I know there is something amiss between us. I just don’t know what I did wrong.”

  He sighed heavily. “You did nothing wrong. We need to get back on the trail. We’ll talk tonight.” He gave her a slight smile before he went.

  The trembling returned, though not nearly as badly. They didn’t need to talk. She already knew and her heart cracked.

  “We need to make tracks.” Cookie’s voice interrupted her musing. “We’ll probably stop midday so I can boil up some coffee. We have pancakes to hand out this morning if anyone comes looking for food.”

  Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “I’ll get everything ready. We can leave in a few minutes.” It didn’t matter how much she hurt, she needed to do what she needed to do.

  Rafferty guarded the wagon as they pulled out. He was close enough to protect Mae, but not so close they could talk. What was he supposed to say to her? That there was a misunderstanding, and he hadn’t really married her? He watched and guarded, but his mind was on her all day. The sadness in her eyes was almost more than he could bear to see. She was in a heap of pain, and it was his fault.

  He started to talk to God and ask what he should do, but he stopped; Rafferty already knew the right thing to do. They did say vows before God. God wouldn’t expect him to be selfish. The right thing to do at the time was to marry her to protect, but he was selfish in not wanting to be tied down. He couldn’t even persuade himself the denial was right anymore. Did she hate him now? He wouldn’t blame her. Getting married was supposed to be very special, and he disregarded it. At least he’d finally realized what a fool he’d been, a hard fool.

  He’d become less than honorable. How did the men view him now? They probably weren’t as proud to have him lead him. He’d do his best to make them see he’d made a mistake and was willing to correct it.

  It had scared him when the Kiowa wanted to take her. If they had really wanted her, they would have killed everybody and taken her. He could hardly breathe until he saw them ride away. And Mae, oh what a brave woman, didn’t run or scream.

  He’d wanted to comfort her, and it felt right to have her in his arms. The harder he sought not to feel anything for her, the harder he was falling. When she had returned his embrace, his heart had soared. Perhaps they could make a go of the marriage.

  Lord, I now understand how much being selfish can harm another. I want to be a better man. A calm comes over me when I talk to You. The marriage wasn’t real, and I didn’t take it seriously. I truthfully thought Mae understood the situation. I have a lot of thinking to do. Please forgive me, Lord.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The cattle were restless and bawling. They were thirsty and Mae thought it cruel to travel where this was no water for days. It had been three days, and they hadn’t hit the North Canadian River. Cookie told her that herds were driven on this trail all the time.

  “If you know there isn’t any water then why does Rafferty keep riding off in search of it each day?” She kneaded the biscuit dough. She was making extra. Tomorrow, Cookie had told her, they’d push straight through without stopping. It was dark, but the firelight was a help, as was the oil lamp sitting on the tailgate.

  “Phil is busy looking for Indians, and that leaves Rafferty with searching for water. If there is any to be had before we get to the river it would be a blessing.” Cookie patted her shoulder.

  A few times Rafferty looked as though he wanted to talk to her, but he’d just turn and walk away from her. She already knew what he had to say. She’d overheard the O’Reilly brothers talk about it. Rafferty didn’t want to be married. They said Rafferty was crazy and wrong. Marriage vows meant a lot. After she’d heard them, she walked from the wagon and was promptly sick.

  It had been the hardest thing to smile and pretend it didn’t matter. Glancing up from the dough, she realized there were too many eyes on her. It made her uncomfortable. The center of attention wasn’t where she wanted to be. She didn’t want them to feel sorry for her either.

  She turned away from their prying eyes and cut out the biscuits. All men were on duty tonight so they could stop any stampede. She and Cookie had done a good job of rationing their water, or so Cookie had told her. A bath would be so wonderful. She didn’t need to rub mud on herself anymore, but it was all over her and her hair. She still wore the trousers. Her dress was clean, and she wasn’t about to get it muddy.

  Her shoulders tensed at the sound of a rider coming. There was no need to look up, she already knew who it was. Quickly she filled a plate and filled a cup with coffee. It took a lot to summon a smile for him, but she managed.

  “Thank you, Mae.” Rafferty took the plate and cup from her.

  “You’ve been working long days,” she commented.

  “We all are.” He sat by the fire and ate.

  Her face hurt from her smiling, but she refused to stop until he was out of sight. At least they could converse, even if it was about mundane things. Her traitorous heart always beat quicker when he was near. She thought often of how comforting it had felt when he’d hugged her. It was a remembrance she relived over and over. She thought of the good times when they were friends. She also felt God’s love all around her.

  She’d been so lost in thought she didn’t realize Rafferty was waiting to hand her the plate and cup back.

  “Oh, here I’ll take it. Cookie said we’d get to the North Canadian tomorrow.”

  He handed her the dirty dishes. Their hands touched briefly, and she saw surprise flicker in his eyes. He must have felt the same spark she had.

  “I’m counting on getting there. I hope to spend more time with you after we cross. I know things aren’t right between us and they won’t be right until we are together for more than a quick meal. I never meant to hurt you. I have to go.” He stared into her eyes.

  There wasn’t anything to say, so she nodded and watched as he got on his horse and rode away. It wouldn’t do any good to get her hopes up. There was only one way this would end and didn
’t bode well for her.

  Late the next day, Mae wanted to do a dance. There it was, the North Canadian River. The water was higher than the last river and excitement rushed through her. They stopped out of the way of the cattle and watched as they crossed. It was an amazing sight. There were scarcely a few inches between each.

  Donald handled the horses expertly and had them all crossed without incident. All the livestock were trying to get their turn to drink the water. Watching the horses delighted her. Some were bossy and made others go to a different spot. Her pretty mare, Prairie, was one of the horses that moved downriver to drink. Hopefully, she’d be allowed to ride her soon.

  “Are you ready to cross? Ya!”

  Cookie didn’t wait for her to answer, and she hardly had time to clutch the seat. Water splashed up on her, and she smiled. She was going to be clean! No more mud.

  They went up the bank and made camp close to the river. She grabbed the fishing pole and headed out to fish. She just might have some luck. Beans and biscuits were wearing on her. The sun was still sunny as she found a quiet spot where she could still see the wagon. For once, she wasn’t apprehensive about getting dirty from the worms.

  They were still in Indian Territory, and if she went by what Cookie said, it could be roughly three more weeks before they would get to Kansas. For now, she had this moment alone, and she enjoyed it. She’d caught five fine fish when she heard someone from the camp walking toward her. She didn’t turn around; it didn’t matter much who it was.

  “Mind if I join you?” She turned her head and there stood Rafferty, looking so very handsome. He had a fishing pole in his hand.

  “You must dig your own worms,” she warned.

  He sat down. “I can do that. Looks like you’re catching plenty.”

  “Have you seen your men eat? I need at least double this amount.” A smile slid over her face, but she promptly put an end to it. He wasn’t here for anything to smile about.

  “I never even asked but was there someone you’d been promised to?” he asked.

  “No, sorry, there’s no one to take me off your hands yet.” She didn’t like her bitter tone. “It was just me and my father.” Her voice was gentler. Was he promised? Was that why he asked? She didn’t want to know. She needed to know.

  “How about you? I don’t remember you mentioning a sweetheart. Is there one?” Her hands tensed around the pole.

  “No, not at home. Our ranch is plenty big, and many of the women in town liked me for what I could give them.”

  She furrowed her brow. “They didn’t want your kindness or your bravery? What about your heart?”

  “No. They wanted things money could buy them.”

  “Like a man wanting a wife because she’s beautiful.” She nodded. “I’ve met men like that. I understand what you mean. There is more to me than my big brown eyes.” She pulled on her pole; she’d caught another fish.

  “Yes, there is. You’re good at many things, plus you are giving and sweet. You’re smart and brave. You’re not reluctant to get your hands dirty.” He smiled at the last one.

  She chuckled. “I don’t care what I have to do, but I’m going to be washed so spotless before I get into bed. So much dried mud falls off me, I need to sweep out the wagon. You wouldn’t believe the amount of dirt clods on the floor.”

  “It never crossed my mind.”

  “I think I’ll wash in the river fully dressed so my clothes get somewhat clean, and then Cookie said he’d use every pot he had to warm water so I could wash. He said he’d hang blankets so no one would see me.” She sighed.

  “I must remember the best gift you could want is a bath.” He had a fish at the end of his pole and quickly pulled it in. “It’s big.” He eyed her fish.

  “Rafferty, this is not a competition. We are providing food for the outfit,” she scolded him.

  He caught her gaze and stared at her, his lips pulled up in a one-sided smile. “You’re talking to me as if I were a child.”

  She laughed and her heart lifted as he laughed too.

  “You’ll make a splendid mother someday.”

  She stiffened, and all laughter stopped. She couldn’t look at him, her emotions were in her eyes, she just knew it. The ensuing quiet grew awkward.

  “Are we married or not? I don’t understand you claiming it was not a real wedding. Maybe if you explained it to me, I’d be able to feel a bit of serenity. It seems we are only married when someone wants to take me. If that is what’s going on, I have to say I appreciate your protection, but mostly you ignore me.” She didn’t mean to sound so pathetic.

  “I married you as a rouse to have those men leave without you. I thought I made it clear, but I guess I didn’t. I’m sorry. I…”

  She couldn’t listen to him continue. Her pride and heart were in shreds. Rising, she hurried off, leaving her fish. There wasn’t anywhere to go to have a bit of privacy. She climbed into the wagon and wept into her pillow.

  How foolish of her to hang on to hope. She hadn’t realized it, but her grasp had been empty. Why did he think he made it clear? There was nothing to do about it now. He hadn’t intended to marry her. She knew when to cut her losses.

  Her pillow was so wet, she turned it over and fell asleep.

  Chapter Sixteen

  She awoke with a jolt. How long had she slept? It was dark out now. She missed her swim, but did it really matter? Why couldn’t she just stay in the wagon? She couldn’t face anyone. Her heart hurt beyond anything she’d ever felt. There would be someone who would take his place in her heart eventually, wouldn’t there? People often say that time helps.

  She climbed out of the wagon and every pot was filled with steaming water. Reaching back in the wagon, she grabbed her dress and a towel.

  “Cookie? I’m going to bathe.”

  “Wait, I have soap you can use.” Cookie hurried inside her private area. He reached into the wagon and then handed her a pretty smelling soap.

  She lifted it to her nose, and it smelled like flowers.

  “I had it in case I needed to add to the trading. I don’t use it, mind you.”

  Nodding, she watched him go back out and rearrange the blankets a bit. Everyone had already learned she wasn’t really married. Being the last to know mortified her. She stripped down and took a clean cloth and washed. It took a couple times before her body was mud free. Her hair took forever, but she was pleased at the outcome.

  Tears still rolled down her face. Her troubled mind wouldn’t rest. She put her dress on and washed her face again.

  “Cookie, we can take the blankets down now.”

  The first one came down, and she threw herself into Cookie’s arms. “Thank you so much, you sweet man!” She quickly stepped back. Cookie wasn’t the hugging type of man, but he wore the proudest smile.

  She took all the blankets down and folded them while Cookie cleaned out the pots.

  “Goodness, there must have been three layers on you.” He laughed and dumped the murky water out in the river.

  She sat on the tailgate and Cookie handed her a plate.

  “Saved you some supper. You slept good and hard.”

  “Thank you. I am hungry.” She ate and soon the men not on guard duty sat around the fire.

  “Hoo Wee! I almost forgot just how lovely you are, Mae.” Phil said from his seat at the fire.

  Her face heated and not trusting her voice, she gave him a curt nod. Her eyes were bound to be red and puffy. She pretended to be studying her nails. They were short and broken, but they were clean. Too bad she wasn’t a bit tired; she needed to be alone. She couldn’t concentrate on the men’s conversation. Willing her sadness to leave didn’t help.

  “Would you do me the honor of a walk this evening?” Phil asked.

  She exhaled and then lifted her chin. “I’ll need to ask Rafferty. I now know the wedding wasn’t real, but I’m not sure exactly about if it is real in the eyes of the Lord. I’m having a hard time knowing what is right and if I am marri
ed, it wouldn’t be right for me to walk with you.”

  “That’s no way to live. Just a short walk?” Phil rose and extended his hand to her.

  “I—”

  “She said no. Leave her be,” Rafferty growled from the edge of the clearing. Everyone at the fire turned and stared at him.

  Her face felt as though the flames were running over it. She didn’t like Phil, yet Rafferty seemed to consider it was his business. She stared at her hands. Just the sight of Rafferty saddened her.

  “How far is Fort Supply from here?” she inquired, still not glancing up.

  “Four, maybe five days. Why?” Rafferty asked.

  “I guessed it was closer. Never mind.” The feel of his stare irritated her. The less she was around him, the better. She walked to the other side of the wagon, leaning against the wheel. Maybe there were jobs at the fort. It would be selfish to request to be taken there. Shifting her weight from one leg to the other, she stared out into the dark.

  Would she ever have a place to call home? Was that so much to wish for? She’d never lived anywhere for any length of time. It would have to be a home where she’d live alone. Maybe after she spoke with a man of God, she could find a husband, or perhaps not. Rafferty… She needed to get him out of her heart. It hurt too much. Rafferty had called her brave earlier. She wasn’t brave at all.

  Oh Pa, I wish you were here. I don’t know how to act around men. I allowed one to use me, and not in that way. I’m a good girl, Pa. I miss you something awful.

  After she swallowed hard, she straightened her spine and squared her shoulders. False courage was what she’d have to show. The weak always got preyed upon, and she would not allow that to happen again.

  Rafferty kept Maverick at a slow walk as he checked on his men. The cattle weren’t restless since they were near water and no longer struggling with intense thirst. Being near Mae was worse than being away from her. He thought he knew the answer to her marriage question, but he had a notion she was right, and they were married. His heart had been in his throat when Phil asked her to take a walk.