by Donna Alward
Tanner chuckled, down low. She closed her eyes momentarily, completely embarrassed. She’d made it sound as if she was too tired for sex. Which she usually was, although when Tanner looked at her a certain way she didn’t suppose she’d be too hard to convince. And it wasn’t that she actually wanted his parents to think they were sleeping together. She couldn’t think of a graceful out to save herself.
Not for the first time since arriving, she wished she could become invisible.
It was a blessed relief when Ellen shifted the subject slightly. “But, Tanner, I thought you were apartment-hunting.”
Laura hadn’t expected a warm reception to their news, but somehow Ellen’s response made her feel small and unwanted. Her fingers tightened on Tanner’s, too, like holding on to a lifeline. They didn’t have to do this—he’d said so. And here he was, facing his parents head-on. She felt like she should be the one to give him the out—only he’d been the one to do the asking in the first place. What a jumble.
“I was, but then I realized it was stupid to sign a lease, when...” He looked at Laura. She couldn’t help the moisture that gathered in her eyes at his warm expression. What had she done to deserve such a champion? When Tanner smiled reassuringly, she gathered strength and faced his parents.
“Mr. and Mrs. Hudson, I know this is a surprise. And I know I’m probably your last choice for a daughter-in-law. I also know what people say about me here in Gibson.”
“Laura,” Tanner said in a low voice, but she shook her head.
“It’s okay, Tanner. People think Rowan is Gavin Wallace’s baby. I know that. I’ve always known that.”
“Are you saying she’s not? If Gavin’s not the father, who is?” Ellen leaned forward, her gaze intent on Laura.
Laura hesitated, and then looked at Ellen evenly. “Frankly, it’s nobody’s business.”
“Tanner?” Ellen stared at him next. “Are you saying you don’t know and you don’t care?”
“I do know,” he said quietly. “And it doesn’t matter to me, truly. It’s Laura’s business, and hers to share if she wishes. She’s shared the truth with me, and I respect her for that.”
Laura peered at Tanner’s father. Mercy, the two of them looked alike. Thick dark hair, though the elder Hudson’s was sprinkled with gray. Deep blue eyes, strong jaw. Tanner’s expressions were more roguish than his dad’s, but now, when the discussion was serious, she could see so much of his father in him. John Hudson was the kind of man who, when he spoke, people listened. Not so much with Tanner, and she wondered if that was behind his need to break away and do his own thing. He was the younger son and Cole was popular in Gibson. Maybe Tanner was tired of always being in the shadows and wanted to get out and be his own man.
“Are you ready to be a father, son? Because when you marry a woman with a child, that’s what you are. A father. In all but blood.”
Laura held her breath. They hadn’t really talked about his role with Rowan.
“Yes, sir,” he replied, still holding her child close in his arms. Rowan’s little fingers wrapped around his index one. “I’m going to be there, for Laura and for Rowan, and whatever they need.”
Oh God, she wasn’t sure she could do this. It was all such a big lie. And Tanner was making it sound like undeniable, unimpeachable truth. Guilt and fear crowded in on her. How had she ever agreed to go through with this? So much could go wrong!
Remorse stuck in her throat and she swallowed around the lump of it. Maybe she should just come clean. But then she looked at Tanner and couldn’t say anything. The words wouldn’t come. The truth of it hit her then. Deep down, she wanted this. Even if he never felt anything romantic for her, even if they ended up divorcing after a year or two, she wanted this now. She wanted him not for his protection, but for his companionship. She wanted to feel she wasn’t so alone in the world, as though she mattered to someone, as though someone mattered to her. Oh sure, there was Rowan, and having her had made her experience a love far deeper than she’d ever known. But this was different.
She wanted a kind of fairy tale—even if it was all pretend. For however long, there’d be someone there with her at the end of the day, across the table, someone to share a morning coffee with or laugh at a movie or TV show.
It wasn’t as if there was a lineup of candidates anxious to fill the position. Tanner would also give her the protection of his name. Ironically, it was binding herself in marriage that would free her.
She looked first at his father, then his mother, and this time there was no hesitation in her voice when she spoke.
“Tanner is the kindest, gentlest, most generous person I’ve ever known. I’m aware that the honor of this is entirely mine, and I’m crazy lucky that he asked me to marry him. I’ll try every day to make sure he doesn’t regret it. He’s a good man and he’s...he’s my best friend.”
Tanner was looking at her now with something like admiration and surprise. “Best friends, huh?” he asked, and her heart gave a solid whump at the tender look in his eyes.
She knew how pathetic it probably sounded. She didn’t really have friends here. The few she’d met with after she’d moved home quickly distanced themselves from her when the rumors started.
She nodded a little, and stared down at her lap. And was surprised when he scooched over and slid his free arm around her, so they made a unit: her, Tanner and Rowan, who had turned on his lap and now played with one of the buttons on his shirt.
Ellen’s expression had softened, but Laura still sensed a certain amount of reserve. “Tanner, what about Maddy? You know she and Cole are probably going to announce their engagement any time. I don’t mean to be crass, Laura, but it could make for some tense situations in the family.”
This one Laura could field with a little confidence. “As I said, we’ve made our peace. Cole, too. We’ll probably never be close friends, but we have an understanding. That’s not to say it won’t be awkward, I guess. Which is another reason to keep the wedding small.”
“You don’t want a regular wedding? In a church with the dress and flowers and so on?”
Oh, she had wanted that, once upon a time. But her choices had led her to this moment, and a big wedding would be highly inappropriate. Even if it had been the real McCoy, based on love and everything...making a wedding a big production would be tactless given the situation, and a bigger expense than either of them could justify.
“I’d like something small. Just the two of us...” She looked at Rowan and corrected herself. “...the three of us, and a few witnesses, and maybe a few little flowers. A bride should have flowers.”
The words came out and it was all she could do to keep her emotions in check. She wouldn’t cry. Not here, not in front of Tanner’s parents...not ever.
Quiet fell over the room for several long moments. Finally, Ellen sighed. “I don’t mean to be a Negative Nelly. It’s just a shock. We didn’t even know you were involved. And now marriage... What’s the rush? Surely, you can wait. Plan a proper wedding, say six months from now or so. It just seems so fast.”
How could Laura possibly explain the necessity for expediency? In six months Spence would be eligible to apply for parole. Not to mention her employment situation. While she fumbled with words, Tanner once again stepped in.
“Because this is what we want, Mom. We’ve talked it over.”
“But, Tanner—”
“Ellen, leave the boy alone,” his father said firmly. “He’s a grown man, able to make his own decisions and learn from his own mistakes.”
Laura’s already low spirits plummeted. That was all she was—a mistake. A bad decision. It could be the sweetness from the cinnamon buns at her grandparents’ or the coffee she hadn’t had for months, but she doubted that was behind the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
“Maybe we should go,” she suggested on a whis
per, avoiding Tanner’s gaze. “And give them a chance to get used to the news.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” Tanner agreed, and the smile he’d kept on his face for the last hour had faded. “Plus, Rowan didn’t have much of a nap.” The baby was rubbing a fist against her eyes, a sure sign she was tired and ready for sleep. Laura knew Rowan could sleep like an angel in her arms, but it was as good an excuse to leave as any.
“You’re not staying for dinner?”
“I don’t think so, Mom. Thanks anyway. We’d better get Rowan home.”
It only took a few seconds for them to gather their things, but it was long enough for Laura to understand that Tanner had made a stand today. He’d stood for her and for her daughter. It still befuzzled her why he’d do that, but he had his reasons.
“Tanner, are you... Will you be home tonight?” They’d stopped at the door, preparing to say their goodbyes, when Ellen’s hesitant question halted them.
“Yes, I’ll be home,” he said, patting her shoulder. “Besides, I want to talk to Cole.”
“Of course you do.”
They didn’t say anything to Laura. She tried not to be hurt by it, but she was just the same. After months of suffering sidelong looks and whispers, she thought she’d have a tougher skin by now. Not so, it seemed. She’d felt small and, well, a bit like someone’s dirty laundry. Worst of all, she’d wanted it to go well for Tanner’s sake. Now he was caught in the middle.
He didn’t say anything the whole way back to her place. But when they arrived, he hopped out of the truck and rushed around to open her door for her, then reached in for the car seat and carried Rowan to the front door.
Once inside, Laura released the breath she’d been holding. This was her house. It wasn’t much, but it was hers, and it was a little oasis where she didn’t feel she had to prove anything. It was such a relief to be under her own roof again.
Tanner shut the door, put down the car seat with a slumbering Rowan inside and placed his hands on Laura’s shoulders.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Despite her earlier determination, she took one look at him and started to cry.
Chapter Nine
Tanner was not used to dealing with crying women.
He made it a policy to keep things light and noncommittal. A few dates and he moved on before any serious attachments could be made. But this was different. For one thing, he and Laura weren’t in love. And for another, she was about to become his wife and she’d called him her best friend.
It had been a hard afternoon and she’d borne the brunt of it. So he gathered her against his chest, put his arms around her and let her cry it out.
“I’m sorry,” she wailed softly after a few minutes of gulping and sobbing. “I don’t usually cry. I just...” She stopped midsentence and sniffed again.
“You just what?” he asked gently, stroking her back with his hand.
After a few moments, he heard the words muffled against his shirt. “I felt so small. So...dirty.”
“Oh, honey.” His heart went out to her. Letting everyone think Gavin was the father of her baby had cost her plenty. Telling them the truth wouldn’t help, either—this was a small town where a baby fathered by a felon was pretty much on par with an extramarital affair.
“I should never have come back here. I should have gone to a city somewhere. Gotten lost in the crowds, been anonymous.”
“Except you wanted to come home,” he supplied, still rubbing her back.
She nodded and snuffled. “I did. I needed somewhere familiar. I needed what little family I have. I know I’m undesirable. I know it. But it still hurts when it’s pointed out.”
He was treading on treacherous ground. How much did he want to tell her about his feelings? About how he felt this unexplainable need to make sure that Rowan—and Laura—were cared for? Getting to know her better only proved he was right. She was a kind, sweet person who was scared and misunderstood.
“You’re not undesirable,” he said gently, pressing his lips against her hair. “I promise you, Laura. People see the mistakes, but they don’t see the wonderful things about you. Human nature is always that way, though it shouldn’t be.”
“Look at me,” she contradicted. “I’m a single mom who...well, I’m living in fear, aren’t I?” She pushed against his chest and peered up at him, and his heart ached at the sight of her red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. “I’ve made so many mistakes, and now all I know how to do is run. Do you know how much I hate that about myself? That instead of standing up and fighting, I’m making decisions on how to hide better?”
He raised his hand and ran his thumb over her cheek. “You’re a mom. Moms do what they need to do to protect their children. No one can blame you for being mama bear.”
She shook her head. “Tanner, you’re wasting your time with me. Why tie yourself down for a year or two when you could be out looking for Miss Right? Someone far more suitable than me? Someone your family will approve of and welcome with open arms?” To his dismay, her tears welled again and she dropped her chin. “Someone worthy of the kind of man you are.”
“I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.” Tanner’s heart pounded painfully, hating how negative she was about herself. “You are not unworthy. You are definitely not undesirable, Laura. If you could see you the way I see you...”
She bit down on her lip.
He sighed, lifted her chin with his finger. “You are a tigress. I watched you bring that sweet baby girl into the world with a ferocity that was mind-blowing. You have endured the looks and the gossip for months in order to protect yourself and your baby, even though it cost you a lot personally. You are one of the strongest women I’ve ever met, and if people can’t see that, then that’s their problem.”
He knew he shouldn’t, but he ran his hand through her hair, the thick coppery strands slipping over his fingers like silk. She had a few pale freckles on her cheeks, just on either side of her nose, and they made her look young and artless. Her bottom lip was swollen and plump from where she’d bitten down on it. She was so damn beautiful.
“Tanner?” she whispered, her voice unsure. And it was that question that moved him forward, so close that their bodies brushed as his hand cradled her head and he kissed her.
He meant for it to be a kiss of reassurance, something gentle and affirming, to let her know that she was, indeed, desirable. He failed utterly, because the moment his mouth was on hers, there was nothing gentle or reassuring about it. Her breath caught deliciously as her lips opened beneath his, as instinctive as a flower turning toward the sun. His body felt super-charged and he pulled her closer, losing himself in the sweet taste of her. When she made a little sound in her throat, he nearly lost his mind. He threaded his other hand through her hair and tilted her head back, sliding his lips from hers and trailing them down the soft skin of her neck.
She cried out, a thin impassioned sound that only fired him up further. When her hips rubbed against his, he ground back, loving the feel of her. She fit against him just right, and he licked a path from the hollow of her throat up to her earlobe, and she spread her hands on his back, holding him close.
He disentangled one hand and slid it down to cup her full breast. The tip was hard and pebbled against his hand, but that was when Laura suddenly backed off, pressing her fingers on his wrist, pushing him away. He let her; he wasn’t into coercion or force. Instead he listened to their breathing echoing through the kitchen, marveling that a few minutes ago she’d been crying against him and now his brain was a complete fog, filled with the haze of wanting her.
“Oh God,” she said, leaning back against the wall and resting her head against the firm surface. “That was...oh, dammit.”
“Dammit? Was it that bad?” He tried a little joke, anything to lighten the tension. She wanted to stop.
He needed to stop thinking what it would be like to carry her into her bedroom and finish this properly.
“We can’t... We shouldn’t... This would complicate everything.” Her wary eyes watched him, but he could only see her lips, so obviously freshly kissed.
“We have an agreement,” she reminded him. “Platonic. In name only. Tanner, if we do this—get married, I mean—you can’t be kissing me in the kitchen.”
He didn’t realize that he’d rubbed his hand over his zipper until he saw her eyes widen and her cheeks turn hot pink. “Can I kiss you in the living room, then? In your bedroom?” He smiled at her, teasing, but deep down he was just as confused as she was. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Not that fast. Not that hot and demanding.
“Be serious,” she said. And then she looked down at herself and cursed softly, not quite under her breath.
It took a moment, but he saw what caused her consternation when he dropped his gaze to her chest.
“Sexy, isn’t it?” At least it was a distraction and a good “deflating” change of topic. “Gotta love oxytocin.”
Tanner was a rancher. He knew enough about animals to know what happened when females nursed. What he hadn’t realized was that arousal caused the same chemical reaction. He wasn’t sure if he was horrified or terribly intrigued.
“It’s probably for the best,” she continued, sliding away from him and rolling her shoulders. “We needed to stop.”
He wasn’t so sure of that, but he could tell she was, and that was all that mattered. “I didn’t expect it to be so...well. Explosive.”
She was a good five, six feet away now, a safe distance. It didn’t feel very safe, though, when she looked up and met his gaze. The fire was still there, just waiting for a puff of oxygen to fan the flames. “I guess it’s been a big dry spell for me,” she countered.
For him, too. Longer than most people would believe, given his reputation. But that wasn’t it. Dry spells were mere convenient excuses. It was probably better to agree with her, though, than to point out that they had incendiary chemistry.
