Blissful Tragedy

by Amy L. Gale

  “Look, I’m fully aware that I’m an outsider on your turf but I’m not a groupie or a punching bag.”

  Jenna stops, turns her chin toward me, and raises her eyebrows. “You’re clueless. I want to spend some time with you to talk. I owe you an apology for acting like such a bitch. I just figured you were another one of Van’s one night stands. Imagine my surprise when I saw you here with him. I’m honestly stunned.”

  Can she be any more insulting? “I’m sure it’s shocking to you that Van would want to spend time with someone like me. I can imagine he meets women who look like they stepped off of a runway. Honestly, I’m still surprised by it myself.” I scowl.

  She pulls her shoulders back, returning her body to its natural perfect posture, and continues to walk. “That’s not what I mean at all. When I said I’ve never met one of you twice, I meant I’ve never met a girl Van was with more than one time. I’ve known him since he was twelve years old. I don’t mean anything about you personally.”

  What is she talking about? I’m sure Van dated during school. My head flinches back as I stroll. “He must’ve had girls chasing after him since high school. He’s gorgeous. You can’t tell me he’s never dated.”

  She smirks. “Well, if you want to call his relations with the girls in school ‘dating’. He was basically with them for a one night only show, if you know what I mean. I kind of thought he was an asshole for treating girls like that but they were much worse. They knew exactly what he was all about and did it anyway.”

  I’m not sure why Jenna is confiding in me. She’s either trying to be my friend or trying to scare me away. Van has really never been in a relationship? That’s a hard concept to grasp.

  I narrow my eyes. “Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to let me know that I’m basically just being used and I shouldn’t expect much?”

  She shakes her head. “You’re the first girl Van’s taken to breakfast and that means something.”

  I smirk. “Well breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I can understand your excitement.”

  “You’re a smart ass. I think we will get along just fine.”

  As we continue walking down the street the big shops are replaced with small boutiques. Large windows display distinctive merchandise, from handmade fudge to intricately designed Christmas ornaments. Everything’s so unique. We pause at a vintage lingerie store called Betty’s Boutique. Beautiful lace garments grace the glass store front, emanating old-school charm. The contents in this store can fill a pin-up girl’s closet.

  “Let’s stop in here. We can get something for our men to enjoy,” Jenna says with a wink.

  I pull open the heavy wooden door. “I‘ve only been on one date with Van. I don’t have a man.”

  “You just don’t realize it yet,” she replies.

  I smile at the thought of being Van’s girl. Jenna obviously sees something that I don’t. I can’t imagine Van has been talking about me to Jenna; that’s not his style.

  The smooth sheer fabric caresses my hands as I rummage through the racks. I stop and examine an emerald green silk and lace nightie. Perfect. It’s extremely sexy, yet tasteful. The beautiful deep green color mirrors Van’s eyes.

  “Looks like we both found something.” Jenna comes up behind me holding a red camisole and panties.

  “You guys are hitting the road in a few hours. I may never even get the chance to wear it for him.” My eyes start to water. I quickly blink to suppress the danger of falling tears.

  “Buy it, I promise you will get a chance to wear it. Besides, the color looks great on you.”

  I buy the vintage French lingerie, hoping I’ll get a chance to model it soon. I’m not exactly sure what happens now. I’m going home and Van will be continuing on his tour. He’ll be traveling from town to town, state to state, and meeting girls at every stop. He’ll probably forget all about me. A wave of nausea flows through me as I think about never being with Van again. His voice, his soft touch, just the thought of him causes my skin to tingle. No one else will ever breathe such life into my body.

  Jenna stares at me as if she knows exactly what I’m thinking. “There’s a cute little café across the street. Let’s get a drink and relax.”

  We sit down at a table overlooking the beach with our raspberry lemonades and cookies. It’s a shame I can’t admire the view from the café’s prime seating. My mind is pure chaos. What will the future hold?

  “Stop frowning,” Jenna says. “He really cares about you; I’ve never seen him act this way. He’s going to make sure he sees you however and whenever he can. You’re basically his first date.” She sips her lemonade.

  I touch the back of my neck. “He didn’t say any of this to me. I hope you’re right.”

  “He’s probably going to screw up and do idiotic things because he’s clueless about women. Just be patient with him. It’ll be worth it.”

  I hate to tell her but Van Sinclair is definitely not clueless about women. He knows exactly what to do and how to do it. She must be one of the few that doesn’t know about his abilities. I blush at the thought.

  I bite my cookie. “Thanks Jenna. I really am glad we had the chance to get to know each other better.”

  Jenna isn’t the evil, ruthless creature I imagined her to be. She’s a woman who loves her husband, in a world where he’s sought after and tempted by other women all the time. Her tough exterior is a necessity. Underneath it all she’s a sweet, caring person who can only let her vulnerable side be seen by those in her inner circle, which I’m gradually becoming a part of.

  Marcus and Van are waiting for us outside the radio station. Van leans against the brick building and flashes a sexy grin as I walk around the corner toward him.

  “So how was shopping?” Marcus asks as he kisses Jenna.

  “I think you’ll approve of my fashion choices,” Jenna says with a seductive smile. “We had a really good time. It’s nice to finally have a girlfriend. You guys are terrible fashionistas.”

  I turn toward Van. “So how did the interview go?”

  “They let us take some calls and answer a few questions from the fans,” Van replies.

  “I told them everyone was married,” Marcus says laughing uncontrollably, “Chaz almost had a stroke.”

  Van walks over to me and reaches for my hand. “I’ve got time for one more walk on the beach before we have to leave.”

  My body’s in turmoil. My heart races as the electricity flows through me when our skin makes contact, but it’s challenged by the hollowness in my chest. He’ll be leaving shortly. I breathe deeply. Oh well, there’s plenty of time to be depressed later. I’ll enjoy the little time we have left together in Atlantic City.

  “It’s a date,” I say. That phrase means so much more since my talk with Jenna.

  Van and I walk down to the beach and along the water. The sun glistens off the waves, forming tiny sparkles throughout the vast sea. The light ocean breeze cools my skin. I take a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the salt water and Van Sinclair.

  Van plays with my fingers as we walk down the beach. Jenna is right. He’s different, a little nervous and unsure, not the same confident rock god I originally met backstage. Maybe he really is stepping into a realm where he’s never been before. I want to snap him out of his trance, so I try small talk.

  “Where to after New York?”

  “A few more stops on the east coast. We have shows in Connecticut, Massachusetts, and Ohio. Then we make our way out west.”

  An ache forms in my chest. “Are you looking forward to having down time after your tour ends?” I ask, hoping to find out something about what the future will bring.

  He grimaces. “Yes and no. I love to perform but it’ll be great to be able to rest my head on my own pillow for more than a few nights. Are you excited to start work?”

  I shrug. “I guess. It’ll give me the experience and opportunity I need to eventually get to where I want to be.”

  “And where is it tha
t you want to be?”

  My heart races. Right now I want to be anywhere Van Sinclair is, but that’s not an answer I’m ready to share. “I want to be happy with my career and my life. I’m not sure exactly where that’ll be just yet.”

  “That’s funny, I feel exactly the same way.” He rubs the back of his neck, then lets his hand fall down to his side.

  As I turn toward him, his emerald eyes lock with mine. The intense need to hold onto him and never let go overcomes me. I take a deep breath and hold it in. Does willpower exist in the presence of Van?

  He raises an eyebrow. “You know, there are beaches we can go for walks on in Connecticut and Massachusetts. Our tour takes us there the end of next week.”

  My heart skips a beat. I’m giddy, like a school girl being asked to the prom. I want so badly to be with him again. A huge smile erupts.

  I bite softly on my bottom lip. “My sister’s wedding shower is this coming weekend but after that my schedule is wide open.”

  Van pulls me close to him, wrapping his arms around my waist. He presses his forehead against mine. “Will you stay with me again? Since your schedule is wide open.”

  I creep my hands up to his shoulders and slightly moan. “I would love to.”

  He lifts my chin and places his lips against mine. My stomach flip-flops and my heart smacks the walls of my chest. The intense energy and passion in this deep sensual kiss is nuclear. I put my arms around his neck, entwining my hands in the soft strands of his hair. We kiss deeply and passionately for several minutes, neither of us wanting to pull back. He finally breaks away.

  “Just so you know, I’m looking up all of the mud pits in the New England region. Don’t think I forgot,” he says as he tilts his head and winks.

  “Are you trying to make me a dirty girl?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

  He rolls his eyes at me. “I want you exactly the way you are. This time you’re not driving by yourself. I’ll figure something else out.”

  “We’ll figure it out,” I say to him with a sweet smile, not just referring to next week.

  He seems to understand what I mean. We walk back to my car at the hotel parking garage.

  “Be careful driving, and let me know when you get home.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  He pulls me close, wedging me in between his perfect body and my car. I get chills as he brushes some loose strands of hair away from my face and speaks softly.

  “I had an awesome time.”

  “Me too, the time of my life.” I run my hands down his back and stop at the waist of his jeans. “See you soon.”

  He brushes his lips across mine and gives me a sweet kiss. Hesitantly, he steps away from my car and we wave to each other as I pull away.

  As soon as I make it to the main highway, tears start to form in my eyes. What’s wrong with me? I had a great trip, followed by a happy goodbye, and a plan to see each other again. Maybe I’m going crazy, or maybe my subconscious realizes something my rational mind does not want to comprehend.

  How will a relationship with Van work? I guess I’ll meet up with him at various hotels across the country until his tour is over. Then, I’ll be back at my apartment and he’ll be in Kansas. I sigh. Besides the long-distance issue, he’ll be constantly enticed by half-naked woman, offering to please him in any way he can imagine. Plus, I’ll be starting at Global Inc. before I know it. I’m certainly not going to jeopardize my career, I’ve worked hard for my degree.

  I grip the wheel harder as more tears run down my cheeks. How did I end up in this position? What happened to my plan of steering clear of guys and focusing on my career? One concert and my whole life turns upside down.

  It’s almost as if we are doomed to fail, even before we start. On the positive side, he wants to try. He’s never wanted to try with anyone else, but he wants to try with me. Warmth radiates through my body.

  This drive is taking forever. The rational part of my brain is telling me this relationship will most definitely turn out to be a train wreck, but my heart doesn’t care. From the day we met, a fire ignited inside of me. My body quivers and I become breathless every time he’s near me. It’s a unique experience, probably something I’ll never encounter again. It’s an undying passion flowing through every pore in my body.

  Unfortunately, passion has the tendency to fade. How can I be sure I won’t be betrayed? Can I handle that again? I just don’t know if the pleasure will be worth the pain that may come. So here I am facing the extreme likelihood that I will once again be replaced by a blond fling. Is it possible to harden my heart and enjoy the ride?

  CHAPTER 5—HOME

  Finally! The infinite ride home is over. Thank God I didn’t fall asleep driving. I plop my head against the headrest and shift the car into park. Please let my mind prevail over the internal battle that’s been waging these last few hours. I need to clear my head and concentrate on Sydney’s bridal shower. It’s going to be great to see my sister again, especially in Cherry Falls. It feels like I haven’t been home in years, even though I was just there a few months ago for spring break.

  I turn off the engine and stretch my arms over my head and yawn. Uh, driving can be exhausting. I pull out my cell phone to text Van as promised.

  Made it home in one piece. Have a great night.

  He doesn’t need to know how conflicted I am about our future, telling him will only complicate things. I’ll have that discussion with him when I’m sure of what I want. My phone chimes.

  Glad you’re home safe but I can’t have a great night unless you’re with me.

  Oh. If I could only just clear my head! How am I supposed to get Van Sinclair off my mind, especially with him sending me such sweet messages? He’s so different than all of the other guys I’ve dated. There are no witty lines or cheesy gestures to impress me. He’s a ‘what you see is what you get’ kind of guy. I exhale deeply as a smile creeps over my face. How refreshing! He really means everything he says, and he’s saying he wishes I was with him. There’s no way I can resist his charm.

  Believe me, I wish I was there….except I’d probably fall asleep.

  I yawn again and start gathering my belongings to take inside. My phone chimes again.

  Get some sleep. Sweet dreams.

  I walk into the apartment to find Brooke sitting at the table with her arms crossed, tapping her foot and glaring at me. Oh no, I forgot about Brooke. Well, it’s not the first time I’ve stayed out all night; she’s guilty of this as well.

  “Hey, how was your slumber party with Dean?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

  “Are you serious? You, young lady, have a lot of explaining to do!” she scolds, waving her finger at me.

  “Ok Mom,” I joke. “Right now I’m exhausted. How about we talk while I’m trapped in a car with you for four hours on our way to Cherry Falls tomorrow?”

  She unfolds her arms and walks over to me. “Are you ok? You don’t look so good. Late night or something?”

  “I promise I’ll give you all the gory details in the morning. Please, just let me get some sleep.”

  Luckily, I packed everything for Sydney’s shower last week. I’ll just have to get up and go. I pull my new Devil’s Garden T-shirt from my bag and close my eyes, holding it against my face. It still smells like Van. My body comes alive as I inhale its fibers and relive the highlights of our glorious night together in my mind. The tingling sensation continues to electrify my skin as I crawl into my bed and drift off to sleep.

  I wake to the beautiful fragrance of Van Sinclair. Reality sets in. Damn! It’s just his T-shirt. Despite my best efforts, I can’t stop thinking about him, not even for a minute. He has managed to engrave his essence into my brain.

  Time to start our journey to Cherry Falls. Brooke and I pack the car and get on the road.

  I’m sure she can give me some advice. She’s been in a relationship with Dean for the past three years and they’re still going strong. If anyone knows how to make a relationship work, it’s B
rooke. I give her a run down on my beach retreat.

  “You should follow your heart. No relationship is perfect and there’s always some type of obstacle.”

  I tap my fingers on the steering wheel. “Believe me, I want to run to him and never look back, but life doesn’t work like that. There’s not always a happy ending and I can’t take another tragic one.”

  “Stop over-thinking everything or you’re going to miss out. There’s more to it than tragedy or bliss. You’re forgetting everything in between.” She fidgets with the knob on the radio.

  Brooke’s right. I’m trying to make my decision based on two ends of the spectrum, ending up either overjoyed or devastated. There is a place somewhere in between where I can be content, the infamous happy medium.

  She sits back in her seat. “Just go for it. Give it a shot. If it doesn’t work out you’ll be in the same place you are now.”

  Van is irreplaceable. Can pure passionate bliss even exist with someone else? “That’s the thing. I won’t be in the same place.”

  She places her hand on my shoulder. “You’re just scared. Nothing great comes easy. Plus, I’ll kick his ass if he even thinks about hurting you!”

  I put my hand over my forehead and rub my eyes. She’s right, especially about my fears. I just want to stop thinking about it.

  Is it even remotely possible to stop thinking about me and Van? I sigh. “Let’s focus on Sydney’s bridal shower.”

  “I’m sure it’s going to be way over the top.”

  Mom insists on hosting, planning, and executing Sydney’s shower on her own. The only decision Sydney and I are responsible for making is what dresses we will be wearing, and I am honestly surprised she didn’t make that choice as well.