by Pamela Ann
It took her, what, less than thirty minutes to cheat on me—her now husband—with Carter? It was a battle I was done fighting.
“He kissed me goodbye.” She fed me the information as I pulled out of the gutter, not looking at her betraying face.
Right, goodbye kiss… “I’m sure that’s all that happened.”
“It was,” she confirmed, but I wasn’t convinced.
Liar, Emma was definitely one. If I knew better, I’m sure they did more than light goodbye kisses. I was about to ponder more about what the hell happened with them when my ringing phone got my attention, indicating that it was my lawyer. Answering the call, I tried to ignore Emma as much as possible, concentrating on driving while I listened to what was going on.
Nikki’s DNA testing was scheduled for tomorrow. Apparently, the other guy, who remained unknown and only contacted me through my lawyer, had paid her off, not with monetary value, but something worth more to get things going. It was a blessing I didn’t see coming.
Given the crazy situation, it was in everyone’s best interest to know who the father of her child was. Nikki was going to have the best for her procedure. We were assured that the baby was going to be in safe, good hands. For me, that’s what counted the most.
He also gave me an update about my parents’ case, which was still pending.
It took Emma about ten minutes to speak again after I ended my call, prying into what had happened in Paris. “How did you escape the fire?”
Thinking about all those dead people, my female friends amongst them, still evoked strong feelings from me. I somehow felt guilty for not being there—for not trying to help—and lastly, sometimes I think I should’ve died with them in there… maybe I was supposed to, but luck pulled me away in the nick of time. “I was taking a call. I was talking to Taylor a few feet away from the club when it happened.” That night was forever going to haunt me. “And when it did, the idea of running away from it all popped in my mind.”
“Taylor knew this whole time.”
Of course he did. He was my guy, my best friend. “He was the only person that wouldn’t break my confidence. I knew I could trust him.”
She stared outside the window, bracing herself. “I begged him—when I was dying inside, I begged him if he knew something I didn’t.”
I asked him not to say anything to Emma. She was the one thing I was avoiding. She was the main thing that drove me…to go spiraling down, and still was, but now I had to be the responsible adult. I supposed it was time to stop hiding and go face the rest of the world.
There was nothing left to say to each other, so we kept an uncomfortable silence. While I concentrated driving, Emma would stare out the window. Once in a while, she would express a melancholy sigh. At times, she would glance at me and give me lingering glances before sighing again. I could only guess what was running through her thoughts, but honestly, we had caused each other so much grief, it was time to just let bygones be bygones and look into the future, which was our unborn child.
Since my house was being put on the market, I had recently purchased a new one, a beachfront one on the coast of Malibu. It was a little further in, so not a lot of people could locate it so easily, but most of all, I needed the privacy. Quiet and peace were what I sought in a home, and I hoped this one turned out how the pictures made it appear. You see, I hadn’t really seen it.
I basically had Barbara check it out and when it got her approval, I had my lawyer deal with the rest.
Once the navigation got us right outside the house, Emma started to become frantic.
“Oh, God!” she gasped, dropping her phone on her lap, as if it had burnt her. “Oh, God!” she started crying.
I looked over at her, worried. Was she being hormonal? Or was it serious? Or was the house not to her liking? I wasn’t all that sure, but I think I didn’t mention that I had bought a new place. “Emma?”
“Angela’s dead,” she choked out, hysterical, crying.
Angela… “The little girl?”
She nodded just as I pressed the remote key that was already programmed to my vehicle, thanks to Lou, before we pulled up right outside the five-car garage. “I had neglected her after everything—I had forgotten all about her.”
Damn. I could only imagine the guilt that was consuming her. She was quite close to Angela, and for her to neglect her because she was going through so much, would truly make it difficult for her to make excuses for herself. Knowing Emma, she would stress about it—until she was past exhausted. “I’m sorry; I know you were so close to her.”
“I know this might not be so important now after Angela’s passing, but this is our new home.” I saw her nod, looking about for the first time. Coming out of the vehicle, I rounded her corner and opened the door for her. If I had much choice, I’d rather not touch her at all, but she was pregnant and distraught, so I made sure I helped her out of the seat, hands touching and all. “Is there something I could get you?” Ideas ran through my mind. “Do you want me to run you a bath?”
She shook her head. “No,” she sniffed, pulling a tissue from her purse. “I just need to cry this one out.”
I’m sure she did. I just hoped that she wouldn’t go overkill with crying and forget to take care of herself. Guiding her toward the front door, I took the keys out and glanced at her sullen state. “I’ll go make some breakfast.”
“I don’t feel like eating.”
I sighed, hoping that this situation was a tad different. Things were strained as it is. “You need to, Emma…the baby needs to stay healthy.”
“I’ll eat later, but for now, I just want to sleep,” she mumbled, not looking at me. She didn’t even check out the new surroundings. “Are we sharing a bed or are you going to stick me in a guest room so you can boot me out the second I give birth?”
I stilled, looking at her fully. “You can stay in the Master and I’ll take the guestroom.” That made sense, well to me anyway. This wasn’t a real marriage after all. “I’m going to call Barbara and check if they found a replacement for the film I recently backed out of. If they haven’t yet, I might sign up again.” The idea had just blossomed out of the blue… but since I wasn’t planning to seclude myself any longer, I could get back on my projects again—well, whoever wants to take me back, I suppose.
Emma snorted, eyeing me with hate. “Right, you’re going to just up and leave me in this house. Is that your plan? Great, well, in case you’ve forgotten, we’re newly married. Don’t I get a honeymoon at all?”
Honeymoon? Was she attempting a joke? “This marriage isn’t real, Emma. I hope you don’t forget that. That’s what we agreed upon, don’t twist my words now.”
“Yeah, you hate me. I get it. But can’t you give me a chance? I’ve missed you…Angela’s death just made me realize how important it is to spend time with the people you love. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
This was what I was afraid of. Before we had the quick wedding, I emphasized with grave detail that this was how it was going to be. Why was she changing her tune now? It wasn’t fair to either of us. “Let’s stick to what we agreed on, Emma.”
She fumed, wiping her tears away. “What about sex? We didn’t talk about that.”
Which part of no intimacy did she not understand? “I’m not fucking you again,” I stated. That last time, as phenomenal as it was, was like stepping on a landmine for me. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—let myself get attached to her. It was just not going to happen.
“What about me, Bass? I know I’m pregnant, but I do have needs too.”
What was she implying? That she would let another man touch her again? I didn’t have a smart retort. I knew she was a highly sexual woman. And since I wasn’t going to satiate her appetite, I knew she was going to seek out the very man who would cater to her needs, Carter Mason. “You’re a grown woman. I’m sure you could figure it out for yourself,” I muttered, walking away toward the view ahead of me. With the vast scene of the beach and
the massive pool on the tip of the property, the scenery was utterly breathtaking. This—serenity—was what I needed.
I could hear her walk toward me, stopping right behind me, so close against my ear, whispering sadly, “What about your needs? Are you…are you going to—” she paused, breathing raggedly. “Are you going to have a mistress?”
It was insulting, truly. Without looking at her, I strode toward the stairs, needing to get away from her barbed tongue.
She never knew me at all. Even though I wasn’t planning to resume our sex life, that didn’t mean I was going to run around town looking for the next woman to fulfill my sexual needs. That just wasn’t in the cards; not until I was a divorced man. But for the moment, I was willing to try celibacy. Again—whenever Emma was concerned.
Chapter 32
Emma
One Month Later
According to new developments, Bass was apparently “in love” with his new co-star Kim Payne. And since I wasn’t having a relationship with my husband, I believed what these papers printed. Last week, they were pictured laughing as they talked in between takes. There was also a photo of them kissing while they filmed a scene. I even saw pictures of them along with the other co-stars dancing and dining out.
The hormonal me was obviously mystified that he was having the time of his life while filming and flirting with Kim, but did he not know that I always had to explain his actions to my mom? She wasn’t a tabloid follower, but she was aghast when she saw a magazine while she was at the gas station last time. It was horrifying to explain to someone so close to me that this was all a stunt to gain more fans, but what did I know? Bass and I blossomed during filming… it could be the same with them, too.
After Angela’s death, I made a silent promise to name my child after her if it turned out to be a girl. Next week, we were scheduled to know if the baby was a boy or a girl. The baby was the only thing that was making me sane. I was depressed, but I tried to crawl out of it because I wanted and needed our baby to be healthy. Our child was the only thing I had that could possibly make Bass come back to me.
It was a depressing thought, to use your own baby to make your husband love you again, but I didn’t have anything else. When he was home, he catered to me, making sure that I was well fed, not bored and exercised tons. But even though he was attentive in that aspect, Bass hadn’t touched me in any romantic way. I think he looks at me now as the woman who was going to bear him a child. Those loving looks I once took for granted were now gone. That’s why it was so easy for me to believe that he was falling for another woman, his co-star and sidekick, Kim.
The sad thing too, and I believed this was why he never consummated our marriage, was because he didn’t want it to be real. He meant those words…when he told me he was done with me. It kills me to see him so distant, but I still held hope, that maybe our baby was the only thing that could save us both. I needed Bass to see me—not as the mother of his baby—but as the woman he once loved… and I really do hope that it wasn’t too late to save us.
Carter and I hadn’t spoken after that visit, but Lindsey and the girls keep me updated. They meant well, but I didn’t visit them much. I didn’t want people to see how depressed I was. Most of all, I didn’t want them to see how sad I was because Bass wasn’t in love with me anymore. People thought that he was the same man—the man that worshipped me all day long—and I still wanted them to think that. It was what I was hoping for…deep inside, I hoped he realized that I’m so crazy about him.
I made mistakes…we both did. But why wouldn’t he just talk to me and give me another chance? I was suffering without his love.
The pains started right after I had my late afternoon snack of biscuits and fruits. The pains had become so unbearable that I had been soaking myself in a warm bath to help with the stinging pain.
Bass wasn’t due to come home until tomorrow, and as much as I would like to take him up on his offer to call him anytime, I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone. I was already needy in so many aspects in our marriage, I was sure I could handle tiny spurts of cramps.
But at ten at night, an hour after I fell asleep, I was woken up by severe pain. It shot up from my belly all the way to the back of it, I was gasping for air, trying to calm myself down as I reached for my phone. I wasn’t sure if I should call 911 first or Bass.
My heart won out. I groaned when he hadn’t answered after the second ring. And when his voicemail answered, I was on the verge of tears, feeling neglected. “Bass—” I need you, I wanted to say. Feeling stupid, thinking that he might be busy, I hung up just when another wave of stabbing pain shot through me—this time it didn’t go away. With shaky hands, I called emergency services.
I think I was just able to ask for help before the pain became too much that I lost consciousness. I remembered thinking how sad it was that if I couldn’t manage to save our baby that I was going to be a divorced woman very soon.
Chapter 33
Bass
Tonight called for celebration. You see, good news came from my lawyer and Barbara that it wasn’t me who fathered Nikki’s baby. In fact, it was the other guy who still remained unknown. Barbara informed me that it could possibly be a married man of high importance, that’s why he wasn’t willing to easily give out his name. This terrible nightmare was definitely a closed and finished chapter.
“You look extremely happy. It looks good on you, you know. You should smile like that more often.” Kim winked at me while giving me those longing glances.
“Thanks, I guess,” I said, pouring myself another glass of full-bodied French red. I was sure Emma would be happy with this news; it wasn’t a secret how much she hated Nikki.
Kim moved closer, about an inch away from my face, looking a tad nervous. “I’m not really sure what’s going on with your personal life—I’m just picking up from what you tell me—which isn’t really much, but I think you’re very unhappy with your life. And if things were any different, I’d just like you to know that I really like you. Staying in a marriage all for a baby isn’t a recipe for success.” She looked away. “You’ve spent more time with me in the last weeks instead of her, did you not know that?”
Of course I did. I wasn’t dense. I chose to hang around Kim because she was easy to talk to. Being with Emma was suffocating…and I hated how each time I saw her, I wanted to touch her belly…and I just couldn’t. She reminded me too much of what I had lost. Even though she and I were married, my wounds weren’t healed. They were stitched up and yet, still raw.
Kim was a great girl. Not like Nikki, who was always in my face. Kim had class. She was also very intuitive and smart. In other words, she was a woman I liked to be around—and if Emma wasn’t in the picture, I might’ve probably dated her, too. In the back of my thoughts, I knew once the divorce was done, I was going to…
I needed to free both of us. Emma might not understand my motives, but it was for the best.
“Yes?” Kim asked the waiter who approached our table while I reached for the olives and scanned through the crowd in the hotel bar in Arizona.
The waiter cleared his throat before addressing me in a formal tone. “Mr. Cole, I was told to relay a message about your wife being in the hospital, sir.”
I tensed as I reached for my phone. Emma called two hours ago. I didn’t even think twice, I immediately darted out of there as I dialed to book a private jet to get me to her. When I was told that I couldn’t leave until an hour later, I wanted to scream in frustration.
The production always had chauffeured cars on standby for us to use, so I made use of one so I could go straight to the private airport. I didn’t want to waste any time. Once I was inside the car, I called Emma’s phone, but it just went straight to voicemail. “Emma. Fuck.” I was beside myself, angry for not hearing her call.
She never called me—well, not anymore. So for her to do so only meant that she was desperate. Had something happened to the baby? Or did she get into an accident? The horrifying ima
ges were bombarding me left and right. All I knew was that she was in Cedars-Sinai Hospital. Other than that, no one knew what was really happening. The nurse who’d apparently called the hotel wasn’t allowed to disclose anything over the phone due to Emma being a celebrity and the regulations were different when it came to disclosing important details to anybody.
By the time I got to the hospital, Emma was fast asleep. I almost lost it when I saw how pale she was. “I’m so sorry.” I sat next to her, holding her cold hands, before kissing them as my tears fell.
Our baby was gone, and when she woke up and found out that it was, she was going to be destroyed. Our baby meant everything to her. I should’ve been here with her. I should’ve kept her with me in Arizona, instead of agreeing with her that she stayed in LA to be close to her family and friends. She was my wife, and I failed to protect her and our baby. Somehow, this was my fault… everything was, that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to look at her at times.
And just as expected, when she woke up six hours later, she was screaming at the nurse who informed her of the news when she didn’t believe what I had said about the baby. “You can’t tell me that—I need to see the doctor and not some nurse!” she yelled at the sorry looking nurse, distraught.
“Emma,” I gathered her in my arms as she punched my chest, wanting to be free. “I’m here, my love. I’m here.”
“Our baby. Our baby’s gone,” she murmured, sobbing. “This is all my fault, all my fault.”
For the next couple of hours, we remained the same, I held her until she couldn’t cry any longer. I wanted to take her pain away, but I knew I couldn’t. I was hurting too, but I knew hers was far worse. That baby was one of the things that I craved. I always pictured a blue-eyed blonde little girl, bouncing off my lap, and one that looked exactly like my wife.
