by Pamela Ann
“I was going to name her Angela if it was a girl or Bass if it turned out to be a boy.”
Stroking her hair, I sighed, hoping that I could do something to ease her pain. “Shh, sleep now Emma. Don’t stress about it. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.” Gently, I lowered her body to the bed, before covering her with the blanket.
“Don’t leave.” She reached for my hand. “Please, just for tonight, I need you to hold me.”
I was almost sure that the nurses wouldn’t mind if I joined her in bed. After all, this was a sad night for us, and my wife needed me now, more than anything. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised.
And when she finally fell asleep, I whispered into her ear, hoping that she’d know that I would always be here for her. “I love you, Emma.”
Always and forever, you’ll always be the one in my heart.
Chapter 34
Bass
For two weeks, I kept an eye on Emma. I knew she wanted to leave, but somehow I convinced her to stay with me in Arizona for a little while. It was difficult to see her so broken in the very beginning, but as the days passed, I could see the old Emma return.
We hadn’t spoken about what we’d do after this. Our agreement was to divorce after she gave birth, but since we lost our baby, she was free to go. Deep down, even if it pained me to think or act on it, I know all I want was for her to be happy. After all the suffering I saw her go through losing our baby, I knew with a hundred percent certainty that Emma deserved the happily ever after that she sought …with Carter.
He was her first choice. Each and every time, she always went to him, and so, I had to make decisions—decisions that were going to affect me for the rest of my life. But wasn’t love all about making the person you love happy?
I had to be the bigger man here. If I could just make this one final sacrifice to make Emma happy, then I could take on what life had for me for the rest of my life.
With this in mind, all I had to do was wait for the right time… I still had two weeks until we wrapped up shooting. I just hoped that those two weeks wouldn’t be so hard. I supposed I could utilize the time to slowly say goodbye to her. Each time I looked at her, it gutted me to know that I couldn’t have her. I knew where her true love and heart lied, and I was going to guide her there—at all costs.
~Bass~
“Where have you been? It’s two in the morning,” Emma asked across the room the second I opened the hotel room door.
I was drinking myself into a stupor because I couldn’t bring myself to stay up here, knowing that she was in her room…knowing that she was just a touch away. I didn’t want to taint her with me. She needed to be free of any new memories of me before she left. She’d thank me for it in the long run.
Even in my inebriated state, Emma donned only her silk robe, and I had never seen anything so beautiful. I ached to touch her. I knew I was lying to myself when I said that I didn’t want to fall for her, but clearly, I never stopped. I wished I had at one point—but why reason with myself? I knew I loved her…even if she didn’t know that I was still head-over-heels-crazy-the-fuck-in-love with her.
I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her worries away. And maybe someday, we could try to have a little family again. But I knew that it wasn’t my place to make that dream happen…I was the proxy, not the real deal.
When I saw her slowly come toward me, my thoughts vanished as I watched her face studying mine. Up close, with no make-up on, she looked like a beautiful angel—a sexy gorgeous angel that was out to kill me by her eyes alone.
Emma stopped just a few inches away, looking up at me with wonderment and hurt. What came out of her mouth next took me off guard. “Why don’t you touch me?”
With good reason. I opened my mouth to give her the list of reasons why, but my mind was rendered blank as I stared into her eyes…and God, those lips—I’d give my life just to kiss her once more for the last time, I thought, looking away and feeling guilty. I wish I could, but I knew I shouldn’t. I hated being in this hateful position.
Her lips were pressed together, definitely not happy with my silence, as she slowly untied her robe and sought out my eyes. “Do you find me so repulsive?” she asked when she let the robe fall, pooling around her feet.
Fuck me. She was fucking naked. Still, her breasts were still supple and my hands were itching to touch them, but my mind kept stomping my desires down. I truly hated myself right now. “Go to sleep, Em. You need to rest.” Yeah, that was the best I could do.
“Is it because I miscarried our baby? Is that why?” she pressed on, not picking up that damn robe, while my betraying eyes watched in fascination as to how her nipples were starting to pebble under my scrutiny.
Pregnancy or not, I thought Emma was the most irresistible woman I had ever encountered. Did she not know how much this was costing me? I knew I was going to berate myself later on, but please, I silently begged her to keep herself away or I might just ravish her on the spot—and God, I didn’t want to get her pregnant again. I knew she wasn’t on birth control…
The thought of her swollen with my child again got me so hard, I kind of whimpered in agony. Maybe just a kiss. Maybe not. No. I just fucking couldn’t.
My rejection was giving her the wrong impression because tears were starting to threaten to fall from her eyes. “I need you, Bass. Touch me,” she begged, my heart reaching out to her.
I cupped her cheeks with both of my hands as I let my thumbs wipe her tears away. “Emma—I’m so very sorry, but I can’t.” My lips sealed with hers for a sweet goodbye kiss—a kiss with no tongue—but it was a kiss that I hoped conveyed how much she meant to me. For always, she was going to be my love. My soul. My home.
She sniffed, silently crying more. “I can make it right, you know I can,” she cried against my lips. “You used to find me irresistible. You used to never get enough of me. I can make it happen again. Give me a chance.”
Did she not know that this wasn’t about sex anymore? Sex was a great bonus with her…but it was never about that for me. It was always feeling that great pact—that union of soul mating—that feeling where I was one with the woman I was destined to be with…but that was the thing, I felt it all, but it was one-sided. And I had accepted that.
Giving her a sad smile, I kissed the tip of her nose, before picking up her robe and covered her naked body with it. Someday she’d understand. I comforted myself into thinking that.
Chapter 35
Bass
“What the fuck do you want!” Carter growled at me the second he took my call.
I knew I was the last man he’d rather converse with but this call was important. “I’m calling about Emma.” My voice didn’t sound so sharp anymore. This was the hardest call I had to make, but knew I had to do it. I had to do it for Emma. The last gift I’d give her—happiness. “I’m divorcing her.”
Carter became silent on the other end, but I heard his deep breaths, as if shocked. “Why are you calling me? Why are you even doing this?”
Marriage was about the person you fell in love with…it was never about me, and I had come to realize that I wasn’t the man that could ultimately make her happy. Her first choice had always been him… never me. After losing the baby, I knew what I needed to do. I should’ve done it in the first place. “She loves you and you make her happy. I just wanted you to know that she’s going to be a free woman soon.”
He exhaled a long breath. “I thought you loved her?” Carter asked, sounding even more confused.
I loved her too much, that was the problem. “I’m doing the right thing.” I hung up the call, closing my eyes as I tried to calm myself. Giving her up wasn’t easy, but I was still going through the steps to get there.
My lawyer had been informed and had already drawn up the papers. He was faxing them later on today so I could go over my assets and see which ones I wanted to give Emma.
I still had one more week left. I had more work to do to make this happen.
/> After filming, I dined with Emma and the rest of the crew, along with Kim. Both were cordial, but Emma was quite territorial, so she always made sure that she was constantly a part of the conversation when it came to Kim and me. It made me smile, and at times I found myself wishing that I could stop the time and keep her for myself. Emma in this state could be very enchanting, but alas, I always came to the same conclusion.
Once we reached our hotel room, I rounded toward the bar to get something to drink. “Can I get you some refreshments? Sparkling water with a lemon perhaps?” I called out to her as she placed her purse on the accent table.
“Sure, that would be great,” she called out, sighing.
Pouring her the sparkling water with a slice of lemon, I strode over to her with the refreshment in hand when I saw her looking at some papers that were on the table—that came in an envelope. I swallowed, praying that it wasn’t what I thought it was…but when she glanced toward me with a painful frowning expression, I knew then, that I had to say something. “Let me explain—”
She had the bundle of papers in her left hand, flinging it back and forth. “You’re divorcing me?”
I nodded, guilty as charged. “Yes, I had planned to.” It was part of what we agreed upon, but after losing the baby and the fact that we hadn’t said anything about it after we got married, I’m sure it was still a shock to find out like this. It was tacky, and I regretted for not waiting until we got to LA to explain things then.
She bit her bottom lip, looking at me like I had said the most hurtful thing. “When?” she spun around, slowly placing the items back on the table, staring at it, absorbing what it entailed. “When did you plan to tell me?”
For a while… “Last week.” But when it was time to break the news, I prolonged my agony because I wanted a little more time.
“You were supposed to…” she nodded. “Last week,” she whispered, spinning around before wrapping her stomach with her arms. “I guess, throwing myself at you jeopardized that plan huh? You didn’t want to look insensitive after I shamefully threw myself at you with no success, so you decided to wait a little longer to save me from embarrassment.”
It wasn’t like that at all, but it seemed like it would do us both a favor if she were led to believe that. “I’m doing this for you, Emma.”
Emma tried to move toward me but stopped herself. She sniffed looking away, before blowing air into her lungs, having a hard time breathing. “How? I don’t see how this is for me, Bass! Why can’t you see that all I want is to be with you?” she brought up her hand that held her wedding rings, staring at the diamond like it was the most fascinating thing; like it held significance to her. “Have I done you so wrong that you can’t love me again?”
This was it. The big moment where I had to tell the lie that would seal both of our fates for good. As much as it gutted me to say it, I comforted myself in knowing that someday, she would live a fulfilling life, one where she had everything she wanted. At the end of the day, seeing the person you loved more than anything incandescently happy was worth all the suffering I’d endure. “I’m sorry, Emma.”
She grabbed the papers in her hand. “Fucking shit, Bass! Don’t say sorry—don’t say shit you don’t fucking mean. Fine. Let’s have it your way. I’m going to pack and leave first thing tomorrow.” She barely gave me a glace before she ran into her room, slamming the door in her wake.
Waiting for her to calm down a little bit, I wondered how life got so complicated—how the hell did I place myself in this position? One mistake—Nikki—that’s all it took to flip my world upside down. The consequences kept on unraveling, the ultimate domino effect.
I stood just right outside her bedroom door, wanting to going in and talk this one out, but I was left paralyzed. We had hurt each other so much that things were just so difficult to patch up. But the thought of her hating me for not explaining myself thoroughly—I just couldn’t go on like that. Without knocking, I let myself inside her room. My eyes gathered the amount of things littered all over the room. She was packing her belongings, ready to leave me.
She was wiping her tears with one hand; the other held a pen, shaky as she tried to sign the papers. The ones that said Emma Cole, sign here.
She could only sign Emma because the pen dropped before she could sign Cole. “I—can’t sign this when you’re here.”
“Emma…”
“Please—don’t make me beg you.” She dropped to the floor, on her knees crying. “Emma Cole…” she whispered, before looking up to me. “It was what I had always dreamed of. I used to stay up late, daydreaming about what we would name our kids, what games we’d play during game night, what type of father you’d be and how you’d be as a husband.” She shook her head, staring at her wedding ring. “I’m so sorry for being such a failure. You’re right; I don’t deserve to be your wife.”
I strode over to her before I gathered her in my arms and pulled her to her feet. “Stop saying you’re sorry. We were both at fault.”
She nodded, crying softly. Sitting on the tip of the bed, I gathered her on my lap as she poured her demons out. I wanted to cry with her—shed some tears for what we had lost—the crazy passion, the love and our baby—but hearing her cry like this, like there was no hope left for anyone, made me want to protect her all the more. I loved her, I did…but if I held her back, I wasn’t sure I could let her go if she asked me later down the road. Right now, when I still had the balls to keep it together, I had to cut her loose from here on out. She needed to be happy.
“It breaks my heart when you cry this way, Em,” I whispered against her cheek, loving how my nose lavished on her scented skin. She was always going to be my home… always.
She moved her face toward my neck, lips almost kissing my skin as she spoke, her hot breath raising goosebumps all over my body. “My heart is permanently broken.”
“Don’t say that—”
Emma pushed against my chest, looking at me with a tortured expression. “I’m in love with you and yet you don’t see me anymore.”
Of course I did—I always did. “I see you, Emma. In all shades, I see you quite clearly. I have never stopped looking at you.” Never. Ever. Stopped. She had to know.
Her face contorted, eyeing me with confusion. “I don’t understand—”
It was sad, but my feelings were much stronger now. Having her as my wife for a short amount of time was privilege enough for me. I was honored to call her family. “Things remain the same when it comes to you, nothing’s changed. It didn’t before and it didn’t change now either.”
“Are you trying to say that you still feel—” she paused, speechless. “But you’ve been so—how is that possible?”
Like I was being a pompous ass? Yeah, that was my defense mechanism. Sadly. “You know why.”
“But you said you weren’t in love with me.”
“I lied.” I said a lot of things….
Emma glared, slapping my chest. “How could you!” she slapped my cheek softly.
My hand covered hers. “I was hurt, beyond comprehension.”
She looked like she was about to cry, hugging me until all I could feel were our hearts beating as one. “I love you, Bass. How about we start over?”
I remained silent, battling my inner fears. She loved me… just me? Or was it just like before? “Emma—”
“Give me a chance, that’s all I ask. Please, I gave you one before, I’m begging to have one now. I promise to be the best wife I could be. I can continue following you everywhere for a while and focus on my online classes…and hopefully someday, I can start acting again. But as for now, I want to focus on you, me and Gus. I think we both need to heal—but I want to heal together. I don’t want us parting when we have problems. We need to fight our battles together. Teamwork. Compromise. I’m willing to do all that for another shot with you.”
“Teamwork huh?” A small smile was forming. It was hard to resist her when her brows were furrowed as she spoke to me. It only me
ant that she really wanted us to try again. And when she mentioned compromise, I knew she was getting to something…maybe starting over was for the best. Together. “It’s hard to resist you and give you anything you wanted when you look this way, you know.”
Her eyes lit up. “Please tell me that means yes, cause I’m so ready to sock you if you’re going to decline that. You love me, how can you stand hurting you wife, huh?”
That made me laugh. She was getting gutsy. I liked that. “I see. So you’re my wife now.”
“I want to be your one and only Mrs. Cole, Bass.” She stroked my cheek, suddenly becoming serious.
My one and only indeed. “I believe I owe you a honeymoon, Mrs. Cole.” I softly lowered my mouth to hers, kissing her gently.
“It’s been long overdue.” She groaned, kissing me harshly, passionately.
Then I remembered something… “I might’ve done something that might tick you off, but I hope that you would understand that this was done with my love for you in mind.”
She was busy taking her clothes off, as was I. “Why, what have you done now?”
“Well… you see—” Carter Mason. Where did I begin with that?
Roughly two months later, we had a small ceremony in Greece, renewing our vows amongst our family and friends. This time, our first baby, Gus, was in attendance.
We still had a lot to go figure out, but the differences between the new Emma and the one from before, were vast. She was back to her secure self, and even though I still encouraged her to act, she decided to take the rest of the year off, only wanting to focus on me and building our trust as a family. We had a solid foundation to make it last for a lifetime. I knew, with her by my side, I could carry us through the storm. I loved her unconditionally, and she felt the same way as well.
We were finally one.
And as for Carter Mason, he sent us a congratulatory bouquet, a grand gesture of surrender. I had to give it to him. The man was a tough rival. Maybe someday, if he was secured with someone else, maybe I could see him as a man who I could mingle with and not look at him as a threat that I used to see him as.
