Fixated On You (Torn Series #5)

by Pamela Ann

  He laughs, because let's face it, I’m in Big Blue Nation and am supporting my U of L T-shirt. He looks right at my shirt and shakes his head.

  “One of these days you’ll come over to the winning side.”

  “In your dreams, Tucker. You’ll never catch me wearing anything UK.” I laugh.

  The next thing that comes out of Tucker’s mouth strikes me speechless, which is hard to do. “In my dreams, you’re wearing nothing.”

  I’m standing here completely dumbstruck, mouth gaping. I am floored. Where did that come from? This is Tucker. The boy I climbed trees and rode bikes with. When did I stop being a tom boy to somebody he would want to see naked?

  “Close your mouth Brenna, before you catch flies,” he says.

  Yep. Mouth was gaping. I quickly close it and turn back around because let's face it, I have no comeback for that. He caught me completely off guard.

  Luckily it was my turn to pay and get the hell out of here before I say or do something I may or may not regret when I leave town again. After paying, I look at Tucker and tell him it was good to see him. He gives me this look like he knows something I don't and tells me he’ll see me around. Now that sounds promising.

  As I am pumping gas, I look up and see Tucker coming out the door. He's talking to an older man that I don't recognize, but when he looks up, our eyes lock. He doesn't break contact until he gets to his truck. He smiles and winks at me, then climbs into his truck, and he's gone.

  I hang up the gas nozzle and screw on the cap, jumping back into my SUV. Instead of heading to Mom’s like I’d originally planned, there’s something else I have to do first. As I drive toward the park my mind is racing. No matter what I do, I don’t know if I will ever get what he said and the way he was watching me out of my head.

  My first thought that ran through my mind is I would like to see him around. Around midnight, the thought of Tucker wrapped around me and again around breakfast. Mind straight to the gutter.

  I can't have these thoughts. I haven't seen him in forever, and damn, had I known he'd grow up to look like this, I may have stuck around after high school instead of going to college two hours away.

  I have to clear my head and think back to see if there is something I missed along all the years. I always wondered why people traveled from all over the world to visit my little hometown of Cave City. I’ve known all about Mammoth Cave National Park since I was a little girl, but living here all my life, I never understood the allure it held for tourists.

  I understood once I began driving. I could spend days driving all over the park. It brings peace to my soul to see all the natural beauty and wildlife. There are so many places throughout the park for me to stop and think. I pull off to the road and look at the woods in front of me. Today I choose the closest attraction before entering the park.

  The Sand Cave is as good a place as any. A lot of people stop here, but they normally don't stay long. As I stroll along the trail, I breathe in the smell of nature as peace settles in. My head begins to clear. I climb up on the railing and sit. Staring out into the woods, memories start to come.

  I was eight years old the summer that Tucker and his family came to live on the farm. He was ten, and even though I was nothing more than a bratty girl, we became instant best friends. When Tucker wasn't helping on the farm, we were running through the fields or playing in the hayloft. My favorite thing we did together was climbing the big tree at the edge of the field.

  “Brenna what are you doing?” he asks.

  I drop my arms and turn to look at Tucker. “What's it look like Tuck? I'm going up.” Rolling my eyes, I turn to the tree, stretching my arms as high as I can, trying to reach the lowest branch.

  “You're too short. Here, let me help you.” Tucker squats and cups his hands.

  I press my foot against his fingers and he boosts me up. Once I am settled on a limb large enough to hold the both of us, he climbs up and joins me. We sit there for hours. This tree becomes our favorite place.

  I let out a small laugh as I remember the first time we climbed that tree. I can't remember what we talked about. Surely it was nonsense. I mean, we were just kids. When I found out we were moving into town the moving the following spring, it was the worst day of my adolescent life. I thought I'd never see Tucker again.

  I ran down the lane between my house and my grandparents’, tears streaming down my face. As I ran past a field that was being planted, I heard someone call my name, but I didn't stop. I couldn't. I ran into the field and up to our tree. That’s where Tucker found me. He helped me up onto the tree, then climbed up after me.

  “Brenna, what's wrong? Why are you crying?”

  “We're moving, Tuck, and I don't want to go.”

  Tucker put his arm around me and scooted me closer. We sat like that for what seemed like forever before he spoke again.

  “I don't want you to go either.” He sighed and hugged me tighter.

  As the sun got lower we climbed out of our tree. Tucker hugged me and kissed my cheek. “I'm gonna miss you, Brenna.”

  “I'm gonna miss you too.”

  Even though I only moved ten minutes away, I rarely saw Tucker over the next few years. When I was twelve I saw him one day while I was riding my bike, and just like that, I had my Tucker back. For a little while, anyway.

  Then there was the summer and fall when I was thirteen, I saw him as often as possible. I never think about that time, though. It’s too painful, because the summer I was fourteen, Tucker stopped coming around. And I never knew why.

  After sitting there lost in thought for the last hour, I hopped off the rail and decided it was time to head home. Tomorrow is a new day and maybe it will bring more answers. Or maybe I’m reading too much into seeing Tucker today. As I head back down the trail I take one more look around before getting into my SUV.

  Several minutes later, I pull into mom’s driveway, grab my suitcase, and head to my room upstairs. After I place my suitcase on the bed I run back down the stairs and see my mom coming out of the laundry room as I walk into the kitchen. She moved here a few years ago to be near the farm, closer to my grandpa.

  Mom glances at her watch and then looks at me. “I thought you'd be here earlier. What took you so long?”

  “I ran into Tucker Wade at Minit Mart.” I don’t tell her about my side trip to Mammoth Cave National Park.

  Mom says nothing, which I find a little odd since we have known the Wade family as long as I can remember. Maybe she just has a lot on her mind. I shrug it off and change the subject. “What time do I need to be ready to go to the farm tomorrow?” I ask. My grandpa, or Pa as I call him, is having a cookout for his friends, a kind of “thank you” to those who have worked for him over the years. But I think it’s really because my Pa loves to be surrounded by people.

  “I’m leaving around noon. It starts at three. You can head over whenever you want.”

  “Sounds good. Goodnight, Mom.” I say as I turn and head back upstairs.

  “Goodnight, Brenna.”

  Once in my room, I grab my suitcase and get out a tank and shorts to sleep in then put my suitcase on the floor and crawl under the covers. As I lay there, I think about the last time I hung out with Tucker. We were at the town fair when I was thirteen and he was fifteen, holding hands as we walked down Main Street.

  “Come on, Brenna, let's go play some games.” Tucker smiled down at me as I rolled my eyes. He laughed. “If I win, you can pick the prize.”

  “Do I get to keep it too?”

  “Of course.”

  Tucker wins me a stuffed animal, some snap bracelets, and a mirror with Tim McGraw’s picture on it. Later we saw his parents standing on the sidewalk, watching as people danced. Tucker's parents always treated me like I was one of their own, and I loved them for it.

  As Tucker’s mom, Anna, spotted me, I put my finger over my lips to quiet her. Walked up behind Tucker’s dad, John, I covered his eyes with my hands.

  “Guess who?” I laug
hed as John spun around, wrapping his arms around me.

  “Little Brenna!” John smiled. “I think you get prettier every time I see you. Doesn't she, Tucker?”

  I look at Tucker, who is staring intently at the ground, and I laugh.

  Anna says, “You better get your butt over here and give me some loving too. You can't have both my men.” She laughs as John lets me go, and I give her a hug.

  I sit up in my bed when I remember this. Did Anna really say that, and if so what did she mean?

  Chapter Two

  I roll out of bed, stumble to my suitcase to grab today’s clothes, then I head downstairs to take a shower. I don't see my mom and since it’s almost noon, I figure she’s already left for Pa’s cookout. This doesn't bother me. I love my Mom. She is always there when I need her, but we are not overly affectionate or needy with each other.

  I dress in jeans, a fitted t-shirt, and boots before heading to the farm. Glancing at the clock on my dashboard, I see it’s already two o’clock. Well, it looks like I will arrive a little early. I roll down my windows as I drive. Call me odd, but I love the smell of the country. Nothing like cow manure to open up your sinuses.

  I park at the edge of the field in front of my Pa's house so my vehicle will be unobstructed by other cars when I decide to leave. That's the good thing about my SUV. I can easily drive this baby right through the field. I jump out, slam the door, and start to walk toward the house. I look at the ground as I walk because I know to watch my step on a farm.

  A shadow appears beside me and I instinctively know who it is, but I look anyway. And yep I’m right. Thank God I’m wearing sunglasses and Tucker can't see me checking him out. He's dressed almost the same as he was yesterday except today he wears a plain white t-shirt and a ball cap. Lucky for him it’s camo and not UK blue. I snort out a laugh and Tucker grins at me.

  That grin stops me in my tracks. His eyes travel from the top of my head to the tip of my boots. As his eyes rake over my body, I shiver as though I feel them everywhere.

  “What are you grinning at?” I ask.

  “You.”

  Okay, that was helpful. “Why?”

  “Because, if you run away again, I want to remember every single detail of the grown woman standing in front of me to go along with all the other details I’ve stored from years past.”

  Oh wow, good answer. What the fuck do I say to that? “I didn't run away. I moved away to go to school.” Why does he think I ran?

  “You could have gone to school closer or come back home more often to visit. It's been four years, Brenna. That seems like running to me.”

  “Whatever, Tucker.” I don't understand where this is coming from. “What's so special here that I should’ve stayed?”

  Tucker’s gaze goes out over the fields and I wonder if he’s going to answer. He finally looks at me and I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I know it wasn't what he says next. “I'm here.” With that he walks past, leaving me there stunned.

  “Wait!” I say.

  Tucker stops, but doesn't turn to face me. I walk around to in front of him, confused. “What does that mean?”

  He looks down at me and I hear him sigh. Then he steps forward and runs his finger down my cheek. My body reacts as though I’ve touched an electric fence. His finger leaves a trail of sparks along my skin.

  Tucker says, “Just what I said, I'm here, and I thought I was something special. At least at one time, I was.”

  “I don't understand. Where’s all this coming from? We were friends. You didn't even speak to me the last time I saw you. So, what’s this?”

  I don’t bother to mention the months we were more than just friends. What if he doesn’t remember them? Or was I simply a naïve girl, thinking they meant more than they really did? No, I couldn’t go there today. The heartbreak was enough the first time, thank you very much.

  I remember the last time I saw Tucker before I moved away. He was sitting on the hood of his car, talking to my ex Wesley. When I pulled up, Tucker slid off the hood and stared at me but never said a word. He just nodded and then got into his car and left.

  “This,” he waves his hand between us, “is me finally getting what I’ve always wanted.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “You.” He’s voice is so serious. I know he isn't messing with me.

  “Since when?”

  “Since we climbed that tree,” he says pointing over his shoulder.

  I look over at our tree then walk toward it slowly. I hear Tucker's boots crunching in the gravel behind me.

  When I get there, I walk all the way around it and see the limb Tucker used to help me reach. I could probably climb up there all by myself now.

  “Need a lift?” Tucker asks, squatting beside me, hands cupped.

  I shake my head no and step away from the tree. His disappointment shows clearly on his face. We are too old to be climbing trees.

  I say, “I need to go up to the house and see if Mom needs any help.”

  “Alright, I'll see you around then,” he says as he turns from me and walks away.

  As Tucker leaves, I look at the tree knowing what I have to do. I set off toward the house and hope that when the time comes, he follows me.

  When I get to the house it looks like everything is set up for the cookout. Guests are milling around the yard. I see Tucker standing with his parents, but I'm not ready to approach them yet.

  “OUCH!” I suddenly holler as I feel pinchers on me. My Pa is known for pinching. He thinks it's funny.

  Laughing, Pa says “Oh, that didn't hurt, did it?”

  “Yes, Pa, it did. Go pinch someone with more meat on their bones,” I say as I hug him. My Pa swears he’s 29, which is impossible since I’m 22.

  He never would let me help on the farm, except to feed the calves and play in the milk barn. I can't fault him for that, though. I’m female, and his granddaughter, which means no “man's work” for me. My place was “in the house with the woman folk” as he would say. I hated that.

  I have never heard any person utter a bad word against Pa. He’s very likeable, and this entire town knows him by name. Hell, half the state knows him by name, but that’s to be expected when you’ve been farming as long as he has. There is no other man on this planet that is as strong or as good as my Pa.

  As if they have a mind of their own, my eyes scan the yard and land on Tucker, bringing on another memory.

  “What are you doing?” Tucker scowls down at me.

  “I'm gonna help you feed the calves, dummy. What do you think?” I say as I fill the bottle with formula.

  “You’re not feeding calves wearing that!”

  I look down at my clothes, which I didn't bother to change after school. I’m wearing a white shirt, a mini skirt, and boots. “Why not?” I reply. “I'm sticking a bottle in their mouths, not rolling around in the dirt with them.”

  Tucker rolls his eyes at me and goes back to work. I don't know what his problem is. It's not like this is my first time feeding calves.

  I get to see him on the days when my grandma picks me up from school. I love those days .

  “Come on Feisty, it's time to eat.” Pa says as he starts over to the table where the food is set up.

  I raise my head and my eyes connect with Tucker's. Has he been watching me this whole time? Does he remember that day I helped him feed? It seems so long ago. I think I was eleven at the time.

  I break eye contact and start over toward the food.

  “There’s my baby,” a voice calls out to me.

  I turn to see Anna hustling my way. The instant I smile at her, I’m wrapped in her arms.

  She says, “It's so good to see you, Brenna. I'm so glad you're home.”

  “It's good to see you too, Anna. I’m only here until tomorrow and then I’m heading back to Louisville.”

  Anna looks crestfallen at my announcement. “I wish you’d come back home. He's been waiting for you,” she says glancing over my shoulder. I don'
t have to look because I know who she’s talking about. “Come on and see John. He’ll be so happy to see you.”

  I don't want to go over there where Tucker is, but I can't refuse Anna. So I follow her to where Tucker stands beside his father.

  “Look who I found.” Anna hollers to John.

  John spins around and puts his hands over his heart.

  I can't control my laughter at the huge smile spreading across his face.

  John says, “Brenna, my love, let's run away and get married.”

  I laugh even harder at this and throw myself in his arms. “Whenever you’re ready, let's go.”

  I peer over John’s shoulder to see Tucker smiling and shaking his head. I release John and put my arm around his waist as we turn to face Anna and Tucker.

  “Anna, I need to divorce you so I can marry Brenna.” John says with all seriousness. This earns him a slap to the arm and a huff from Anna.

  “You can't marry her, you idiot. Tucker would never come visit you if you did.”

  “Yes, he would. At least then he’d know where she was.” John gives me a pointed look.

  I don't know how to respond so I keep my mouth shut.

  “Come on, y'all. Let's go eat and let these kids catch up.” Anna says as she puts her arm around Tucker and they move toward the food.

  John and I follow slowly behind them. He asks, “Are you back to stay, Brenna?”

  “No, only for the weekend.”

  “You know he misses you. That boy’s pined for you almost his whole life.”

  I stop walking and look at John. “How did I not know this before today?”

  “Because, baby girl, the time wasn't right. But now, y'all are both grown, and it doesn't matter much what others want. It's only what y'all want. That boy’s loved you forever and I'm pretty sure you loved him, too. You just need to remember.”

  With that, John starts walking again. I'm not sure how long I stand there staring off into space, before he came back, putting his arm around my waist, leading me to the table.

  “Just talk to him, Brenna. That's all I ask.”

  As I fix my plate, I think about what Tucker and his parents said. I always had a soft spot for him but I never thought I was more than his friend. Well, except for that one time. But now I wonder if I was wrong. It's time to find out.