by Ace Gray
“Not about that.” He shook his head and turned to look out over the city. “About Vesper. I can’t sign those contracts. I can’t run this company.” He sounded more businesslike than a moment ago. Like he was fighting for composure.
“Of course you can. This will be child’s play for you.” I barely had the strength to wave my hand around the room.
“I’m flattered you think that. I heard what you said.” He choked on those words. “But this…this is different. I’ve been around here for the past couple weeks making sure nothing went awry.”
I was surprised he’d personally been at Vesper. I’d assumed he’d simply hire accordingly.
“I did this to you, I was happy to take full responsibility for my actions, including running this company, ensuring nothing ran it off track.” I guessed his eyes clouded based on his voice. “What I’ve realized though, is that Vesper is you. This company embodies you so completely, no one can just take over. I know when to admit defeat on a business deal, when to cut my losses. This is one of those times.”
He took a very deep breath but still seemed strained. “Besides, I don’t think I can handle a living, breathing, thriving reminder of you on a daily basis. Everything else is bad enough.”
That cut deep, deep with a very rusty, very dull knife. How could he say that? How could he lie like that? Or worse, how could he possibly mean that?
“I can’t.” A sob broke the silence and with it the floodgates opened. I was blubbering but I finally found words. “I’m broken. I’m a shell. I can’t sleep, or eat. Last night…” I almost choked on my words. “I mean, I shake all the time and almost hyperventilated walking into this building. I can’t even get through the day without scotch. I certainly can’t run a company. I mean, look at me.” Tears were running furiously down my cheeks as he turned to sink into the chair across from me. “I will single handedly ruin this. I will sink the ship I built because I turned into a gigantic disaster.”
Another sob wracked my chest. Nick loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. His hands moved furiously through his perfect dark hair.
“I’m a horrible person.” His voice was a shaky whisper. “I hurt the person who mattered most to me. Badly. I brought all this shit down on you. I’ll never forgive myself.”
He lifted his chin and for the second time I saw Nicholas Bryant cry, silent tears rolling down his cheeks.
“Kate, I loved you. I will always love you.”
Those words shocked me. They threatened to shatter me. I’d only ever wanted to hear those three tiny words, to be sure he felt the way I’d always felt about him. I looked up and his watery blue eyes were blazing with a hurt I knew too well.
Inexplicably, I wanted to go to him. To forgive him and forget the past thirteen days had happened as I crawled into his lap and threaded my arms around his neck. It was hard for me to see him broken, harder than being broken myself.
“You’re not horrible, you’re wonderful,” I choked out.
“How can you even say that?” His beautiful face was covered with tear streaks.
“Because I loved you too. And I can’t stop.”
He looked as if he had been punched in the stomach. I recognized that look too. I loathed to see him in that amount of pain. In any amount of pain. Particularly because my words had put him there. My desire to console outweighed my own pain, it was the only thing strong enough to do so since I’d left him.
We sat there, the two of us, broken, but in the same room. There had to be a way to fix this. At least to fix him and save the deal. I could live with that.
“I should have told you every day that I love you. I have such a hard time with those words, they have a tendency to rain shit down on me. But I mean them, and I had to say them to you now. With no agenda. I love you and I’m sorry for everything.”
Rather than feeling destroyed by his words and the chasm they put between us, I felt slightly stronger. Determined.
Something clicked in that moment. I wasn’t listening to reason, I was just following my heart. I sat quietly, trying to figure out how best to say it. He was gently shaking his head when he wiped the tears off his face.
“I think you need some time away from the office. We can discuss business later.” I had to try and ease his suffering.
“I can’t just clear my schedule on a Monday.” He sounded so forlorn.
“You can if you want to. I know that. Clear Tuesday too and come with me? I have a meeting with a realtor in the Hamptons tomorrow.”
“You’re leaving the city?” He wore that sucker punched look again.
“I’m trying to sell my place out there so I can relocate permanently. I’m going back to Portland.”
“You can’t leave the city!” He pounded his fist on the table and his eyes watered again. “I don’t want to live in a city where you aren’t. Where there’s no chance to see you across the room or on the sidewalk or in the paper.”
“I don’t think I can stay. I can’t see you across a room. I can’t be in the paper.” My sobs threatened to return.
“I’ll clear it. I’ll come,” he interrupted decisively.
Bryant jumped up, my body immediately following suit. Whether the speed, or the proximity to him or whatever, it made my knees wobble. He moved lightning quick to steady me. My body reacted overwhelmingly to his touch. My legs turned to Jell-O and I fell into him. Every fiber of my being hummed like a live wire and I couldn’t breathe. He took the full weight of my body in his arms and his heart raced through his three-piece suit.
“You weigh next to nothing.” The signature Bryant growl was back.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to fall.” I was breathing hard.
“I don’t care that you fell. I’ll always catch you,” he said it simply as if I should have known. “I just hate that you look unwell. I hate that I did that to you. I’d kill the bastard if it was someone else.”
“Stop, please. Set me down and let’s go.”
He placed me gently back onto my heels and made sure I was balanced before he took his hands away.
“I’ll call Jaime.”
“I’m driving.”
“What car?”
“What do you mean?” In that moment, I realized how little we really knew about each other. I sighed. “The only car I keep in the city. You’re welcome to ride with me.”
“Can you drive?” he asked while straightening his collar and tie.
Can I drive?
“Of course.” I couldn’t help the snarky tone and the playful scowl I shot him. “It’s a pretty excessive hobby of mine as a matter of fact. I believe you purchased the day of racing with my fleet at The Carter Foundation auction the night we met.”
“I remember the cars on that list. That was yours?” His eyes got big and the corners of his mouth turned up.
“I said it was excessive.”
That silenced him long enough for us to leave the conference room. We were greeted by the entire staff milling about in the hallway. Some were closer to the glass than was strictly professional with Gemma closest to the large wooden door.
“Did you make that appointment in the Hamptons like I requested?” I tried to keep the arch out of my eyebrow.
“Yes,” she answered wide-eyed, taking in Bryant’s proximity to me as we walked toward the elevator.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll deal with business related items before I fly out.”
Everyone looked shocked when the elevator closed with us inside. Together. And I had to admit, a part of me was too.
Bryant watched me closely as I pulled my bright white Porsche Cayenne out of the garage. He stayed silent while I drove, his eyes following my every move like I was a peculiar animal. Anxiety rolled off him and every time I looked over his eyes were a different shade. Sometimes they changed so quickly I couldn�
�t even begin to guess at what he was thinking.
Having him there next to me was so right and yet so very fucked up and wrong. My body was thrilled, and when he removed his jacket, vest, and—much to my twisted delight—his socks and shoes, I actually vibrated. My heart was less sure. Every once in a while a painful thud echoed through me, reminding me of the hole Bryant had put through my chest.
This is to cheer him up. This is to cheer him up. This is to cheer him up.
I focused on the purr of the engine and the way my tires gripped the road to distract myself but that’s when he started speaking.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
My eyes flashed to his, but I didn’t interrupt.
“But Piper needed help.” He pulled his tie completely out and unbuttoned more of his shirt buttons as he continued. “Remember when I told you I tried the Dom, Sub thing? Piper was my Submissive.”
My insides heaved. There was no way I wanted to talk about her during our last few hours together.
“Nothing happened. I swear to God.” He looked down at his hands. I couldn’t help but remember tracing the lines of his palm. “What reason would I have to lie now? You’re leaving. No, you’ve already left,” he said the last part under his breath.
He brought his feet up onto the dash, miraculously curling his massive body into a ball as he kept his eyes fixed out the passenger window. Pain shot through me again but he was right. He hadn’t even made a play to get me back. He had said he loved me but not that my reaction had been foolish. The Bryant I knew would have railed on about how wrong I’d been. He would have shoved me up against a wall and forced me to forgive him. He’d done it before. This was explaining himself plain and simple.
“Somehow she ended up with Christopher. I’m still trying to figure out whether he knew who she was to me. I don’t understand what his motives were for choosing her but I don’t believe it was just a coincidence. Jaime was simply helping me keep an eye on her until…”
Bryant’s jaw clenched and the muscles rippled under his collar. His hands balled too but his pained reflection explained just how conflicted he actually was. I held my breath, scared that any movement would stop his story.
“He took it too far. He always takes it too far. He beat her so badly, she had to be rushed to the ER. That’s why I left the first time. It was my responsibility to step in. She was released from the hospital after Trevor’s service and that’s why I left the second time. She hid it well from you and the photographers but she had minor internal bleeding, four broken ribs, and numerous contusions.” The corners of his eyes started to shimmer.
“Why was it your responsibility? Why did you have to be there?” My voice was low and raspy.
“Even if it wasn’t Christopher, even if I didn’t think there was something bigger going on, someone had to protect her.” He took a deep breath. “I can’t tolerate abuse. I’d do anything to put a stop to it. That’s why the full BDSM thing didn’t work for me. She knew how averse I am to it and gladly accepted my help.”
This was too painful.
He’d run to her side and she’d been grateful. Piper had known about his issues, his protective side, maybe even about Christopher, all while I’d been kept in the dark. He was reinforcing my real reason for leaving—he’d never shared his life with me. The car was starting to swerve from the trembling returning to my fingertips. A small drive appeared on the side of the road and I pulled over.
I rolled down the window desperately gulping at crisp, cleansing air. My mind fixated on one thing. When we both needed him, he’d picked her. The more I thought about it, the more nauseous it made me. I unbuckled the seatbelt, pushed at the car door and barely made it out before I doubled over.
Dry heaves wracked my body, there wasn’t even scotch to throw up, but my body was sure as hell trying. The passenger car door opened and soft, uneven crunches of pebbles sounded as Nick and his bare feet walked to my side. He tried to put his hand on me but I batted it away. I shuffled back and crumbled against the car door.
“Nothing happened, I swear to God.” His voice was quiet but urgent.
“I know damn well nothing happened!” I shouted. “You still picked her over me.” My voice broke.
“Kate, please. Let me finish.” His voice was panicky. I looked up, finding sincerity blazing in his eyes. I don’t know why I agreed but I did.
“She never knew why I’m like that. Only my mother and Ari do. I’ve never felt the need to explain. It’s no one’s god damned business. But you…” He took a deep breath. “If you’re leaving for good, you have to know the whole truth. I need you to know the whole truth. It’s selfish as fuck but I need you to leave the real me.” He sagged against the car and blew out a deep breath before continuing. “My stepfather and my stepbrother are horrible people.”
I turned to look up at him. I couldn’t help but arch my eyebrow, curious and skeptical all at the same time. I’d heard that sentence before, followed by absolute silence or a complete temper tantrum. But this time he wasn’t clamming up or getting angry. His eyes were a sad, soft gray rather than dark steel. When he spoke, he was quieter and gazed out at the horses in the field beyond us.
“When we moved in with Francis and Christopher, Ari had just turned two. I was only eight. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why my mom remarried, if she panicked because we were so young. She had plenty of money to support us, but for all her amazing traits, she’s too focused on appearances. Two young kids, no husband, even if he had just died of cancer, doesn’t look good. I’d wager she just didn’t feel it was proper,” Nick said the last word harshly. “She never explained but it sure as hell wasn’t because she was in love.”
I’d never questioned that he adored his mother but I’d noticed something lurking below the surface of their relationship.
“Christopher and I are the same age. When we started school together, things got bad. I out-shined him without trying. Things like school came naturally to me. And that made him act out more than he was already prone to. My mother was always being called into school to deal with his discipline.”
His voice cracked and I could tell how hard this was for him. I stayed frozen, morbidly curious about his history and what could turn his eyes to stone.
“There was one time, I don’t even remember what he did, but it was bad. The school couldn’t reach my mom. They called her repeatedly with no answer, so they called Francis. He had to leave work in the city. When he got to school he was furious. His temper doubled when he found out Christopher was taken into the office damn near daily. My mother had been keeping that from him.”
Nick crumpled down to the ground against the car door next to me.
“Somehow Christopher managed to twist up everything that had happened at school.” Nick’s head rolled back against the car door. “By the time they finished speaking, it was my fault. I was the root of all evil in both sets of Winthrop eyes. But I wasn’t punished. The issue wasn’t even discussed with me.” He licked his lips, trying to wet them. “I didn’t quite understand what had happened until my mom came home.” His voice cracked and my stomach dropped.
“Francis had beat her so badly she still has the scar behind her left ear. He slapped two staff members who threatened to say something.” Nick shivered next to me, a violent, chatter against the car more than anything. “When he stood over her body, Francis looked me dead in the eye and told me it was my fault. ‘Pride and vanity are the deadliest of sins Nicholas. I’ll teach you to better than to be vain…’”
Nick’s stomach churning parrot of Francis’ voice was one of the most soul rattling things I’d ever heard.
“Francis strolled away, my mother left broken and bleeding like it was nothing. And that was just the beginning. When I’d succeed at something, he’d beat my mom for the way she raised me, full of arrogance and conceit.”
Bile choked my throat.
“For a long time I stopped turning in assignments and left lacrosse. Anything to get him to stop. But that just disappointed my mom. I had to choose who to upset.
“I tried to file police reports starting at age twelve. Twelve! But since she always denied my claims and the staff kept their mouth shut, the police did nothing. They weren’t going to stand up to Francis Winthrop on their own,” Nick sneered and suddenly all the police mistrust made sense.
“When that didn’t work, I begged her to leave him but she refused. She would check herself into the hospital for gardening scrapes, horse falls, or boating accidents. She got pretty creative over the years.”
I recalled the fading bruise she’d worn just weeks ago, and a thud rattled my empty chest.
“Every time, Francis would blame me. Every. Single. Time.” Nick’s voice had shifted to a fragile thing that pulled on my heartstrings. “Still does actually. It’s all my fault. It’s always been my fault.”
I hadn’t noticed I’d started crying as we sat in the dirt together. My soul ached for him, for what he’d been through. It broke me further than any of the shit I’d suffered. It certainly explained why his compulsion to protect was so consuming. I did the only thing I could think of, and turned to throw my arms around him. I pulled him close the way he’d always done for me. I didn’t mean to let my hands start playing with the edges of his hair.
“I went away to college hoping it would stop…” His voice trailed off ominously.
Oh God, there’s more?
“There was no way he would know what I was doing, no one would report back, he’d have no reason to hurt her…
“But one night my mother called. She was scared, and she never got scared. I mean, she let her husband beat her senseless to protect her children. For years. When she cried into the phone I knew there was a serious problem.” His voice kept disappearing, his breath getting hot against my chest.
“Christopher had started in on Ari the way Francis did her. At first mom hadn’t known, he’d scared Ari so thoroughly.”
