by Erin Trejo
“You aren’t afraid they’ll come back after you?” Shit! I didn’t think that one through. I have to get my ass over to meet Bone before he fucking kills me on site.
“No. Link and Bomber said they ran and that they probably aren’t around anymore.” I shrug like I believe what they said to be true. I know for a fact the assholes are still around.
“Be careful. You got that burner phone Link gave you?” he asks as I let out a breath of relief.
“Yep. Right here.” I slide if out of the arm strap that I have it in.
“Ok, then. Just watch your ass,” Bullet says, his tone firm. I give him a nod before I step outside.
I inhale the cool, morning air, before I jog down the driveway and out onto the main road. It takes me fifteen minutes to jog to our meeting spot. I see Bone and Dirk before I ever make it up the hill. My stomach rolls at the thought of being anywhere near them right now. I was finally away from them and at a place that somewhat seems safe.
“Don’t you look sexy as fuck in that get up.” Bone grins the closer I get. I breathe heavily, trying to catch my breath.
“What have you got for me?” he snaps. I stand up straight and lick my drying lips.
“Not much. They’ve been quiet. Just letting him settle back in. I checked the clubhouse but I didn’t really find anything. Two rooms are locked. I haven’t figured out who has the key yet. They have a huge room full of computers. One of the girls said it’s surveillance.” I stop to catch my breath as Bone looks to Dirk.
“Bomber’s there, yeah?” I nod my head slowly before he grins.
He takes a step forward, grabbing me around the throat. He isn’t rough enough to leave a mark but enough to show me that he’s still in charge. My body aches from his touch. I want to pull away but I know I can’t. Not if I want to live.
“You’re doin’ a good job. When this is all over, I want you all to myself. Understand? You’ll be mine, and only mine.” My stomach churns. Bile rises in my throat before I swallow it back down. I don’t want him near me. I don’t want him touching me.
“Understand!” he snaps, gripping my throat tighter this time. I nod my head rapidly before I say, “Yes. I understand.” He releases me and I immediately take a step back.
“Good. Now get the fuck back before they get suspicious.” I turn on my heel when I hear him groan, no doubt looking at my ass as I run.
I stop at the bottom of the hill when I hear the rumble of their bikes pulling off. That’s when I lose it. I drop down into the grass and cry. I sob. My chest hurts. My heart hurts. Why am I being used? Why is this all that my life has amounted to? I often find myself wondering if this is what it’s going to be for the rest of my life. This nothingness that I feel. The way it hurts when someone touches me.
Why can’t I be happy? Why can’t I find someone that understands me and wants me anyway? Why did I decide to live? Death would have been the easiest choice. I should have taken it. I shouldn’t be here to deal with this shit.
Yet, here I am.
Chapter 11
Link
I pace the room and wait on her to come back. I can’t believe that Bullet let her go. I wanted to ram his fucking teeth down his throat. When the door opens and she steps in, I can finally breathe.
“Hey,” she says with a smile on her face, that is until she looks up at mine. “Are you ok?” she asks taking a step toward me. My heart hammers against my ribs when she’s this close to me.
“Don’t fuckin’ leave here like that without tellin’ me first. I was scared shitless,” I admit to her. I don’t give a shit. I thought something happened to her until Bullet told me where she went. It’s not safe for her to just go out!
“I like to jog. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.” Her eyes drop and so does my heart. Shit! I’m messing with that girl’s head and that’s the last thing she needs from me, or anyone for that matter. I take a step closer, careful not to touch her.
“No, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to report to me. Fuck!” I run my hand through my hair and step back. I start to turn away from her when her hand wraps around my wrist.
“I’m sorry, Link. Really. I didn’t even think about it. I’ll tell you next time, I promise.” I blow out a breath before looking back over at her. I have to let her know what the hell I’m feeling. I have to tell her.
“I don’t know why I want to protect you, Jordyn. Maybe it’s just the shit that we went through in there. I don’t know. I just didn’t like the feelin’ in my chest when you weren’t here.” She nods her head like she understands but there is no way in hell that she possibly could.
“I’m sorry,” she says again.
“Don’t be. Don’t keep sayin’ it. It’s my fault. Do you still want to go get some breakfast? I have to work tonight.” She nods with a smile before she presses a kiss to my cheek.
“I’d love too.” She turns and takes off toward the stairs as I stand here dumbfounded and watch.
What the hell is she doing to me?
“Gettin’ that ass, huh?” Dax jokes. I didn’t tell anyone yet, but I am now. They need to know that those fucking jokes are off the table and why.
“Shit’s not funny. They forced it, Dax.” His features change in a second. He watches me, waiting for me to continue.
“He held a gun to her head. I don’t know what kind of sick fuckin’ thrill he got out of it. He said he’d kill her... Dirk. That little bastard started to cut her and I just fuckin’ did it. Shot me up with somethin’ too. It all went fuzzy and I fucked that girl. It was that or watch her die, brother.” Dax blows out a breath before his hand lands on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Link. Fuck!” he growls.
“She was a virgin, too. I fuckin’ took that special part away from her, Dax,” I say gritting my teeth. I’m beyond pissed about that, too.
“You saved her life, Link. Do you fuckin’ doubt that he would have killed her? He’d do it just for the hell of it. You saved her life.” As much as I’d like to believe that—I don’t.
“Did I? Or did I fuckin’ ruin her for any other man? I took somethin’ that clearly was special to her!” My body vibrates with rage and anger. My muscles cord tighter than they have in a long time. I want this run tonight. I’m glad as fuck that Bomber said I could go out with the guys. I can’t sit back in that room right now. I need this.
“It went both ways—I can’t give yours back either.” Her voice drifts through the room so softly that I barely hear it.
“That’s different. I’m a fuckin’ man, Jordyn. I can handle that.” I don’t turn to look at her but I know she’s walking toward me.
“No, it’s not. You were saving yourself for someone special too, Link. I’m sorry that it had to be me.” My heart tumbles with her words. I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know how to fix that. She feels the same way I do. It’s a fucked-up situation that we were put in.
“Let’s just go.” I shake my head before I turn to look at her. Jordyn stands there with tears in those big green eyes, further crushing what’s left of my chest.
“No. I’m not hungry. Thanks, though.” She turns and jogs back up the stairs. I do the only thing I can think of. I turn and slam my fist into the wall. I watch the plaster crumble and fall as the sting burns through my hand.
I’ve really fucked that girl up.
Chapter 12
Jordyn
We’ve kept our distance, which works for me. I need to focus on what I’m here for and not on the way Link makes me feel. He watches me all the time. It’s like I can feel his thoughts. He wants to hold me, he wants to tell me that he’s sorry and that everything is ok. I know it’s not. I’m the fucking enemy here. I walk on eggshells, trying to not catch his attention. I keep telling myself that I don’t want it but the more I don’t have it, the more I miss it.
“Are you sure they won’t get mad?” I ask Aubrie as she passes me the joint. I take it in my fingers and stare down at it. Trinity laughs before I smi
le at her. Shannon looks like she’s about to fall asleep on us.
“They don’t mind. As long as we’re here and not out messing around, they’re fine.” I bring the joint to my lips and inhale. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this. I can’t believe that I’m doing it now. It’s a release, that’s for sure. I pass the joint back to Aubrie when I ask, “How long have you and Micah been together?” She inhales that green before blowing out a ring of smoke.
“God. Years. Well, not actually. We were together when we were younger. I left when I found out I was pregnant. He came back to find me and here I am again,” she says with a grin on her face.
“So, you have a kid together?” I ask. Her smile fades before she looks back at me and says, “No. I lost her in a car accident.” Fuck! I can’t believe that I brought that up. I’m so stupid.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It was none of my business.” Trinity giggles before she throws her arm around Aubrie’s shoulder.
“It’s ok, Jordyn. You’re with Link. You’re one of us now.” My heart leaps at the thought of what she said but reality is a slap to the face.
“We’re not together.” Trinity’s face pales before she says, “Damn it. I’m sorry.” I shake my head before I hear the back-door open. I glance over my shoulder to see Bash standing there looking as pissy as the first time I saw him.
“You smokin’ all the good shit?” he asks not even breaking a smile. I don’t know what to make of him. He seems so sweet and gentle when Shannon is on his side but times like now, he looks pure evil.
“All of it! Micah gave it to me,” Aubrie says before sticking her tongue out at him. I laugh a little. A real laugh for a change.
“Just stay right here. No wanderin’ while the guys are out.” Trinity mock salutes him getting a half smile.
“You’ll have to do it without her, though,” he says. He stalks over and grabs Shannon off her chair, dragging her into his arms. She melts right into him. It’s cute.
“You’re no fun, Bash!” Aubrie whines. It’s really nice watching the connection they all seem to have.
I sit back and listen to their stories. Aubrie talks the most. She tells me about her and Shannon before Trinity tells me about Ivy. Then they both tell me about how Dax and Laura got together. It’s a somber feeling to have. They all have their connections and I’m nothing. I’m nobody.
They all lived through their own hell. They all made something better of themselves, too. I sit back and let the high take hold of me. I let thoughts that I shouldn’t, run wild through my head.
What if I was to stay with Link. Would I be as happy as they are? Would he accept all my faults and love me at some point? I know that it isn’t logical and that it would never happen, but I can’t help but let my mind wander away from me and dream. I know in the end they will want to kill me or I’ll be left to the likings of Bone. There is no happy ending for me.
Chapter 13
Link
“Son of a bitch!” I roar as my fists slam into this assholes face. I take out my fucking frustrations on him. He deserves it but that doesn’t matter right now even if he didn’t. I need this release.
“Get his ass, Link!” Dax eggs me on. I knew he would. He likes to see me fight. He’s always trying to get me to fight in the club but I won’t do it. It’s not my thing. Not that it doesn’t give me a thrill every once in a while. I pull my hand back and slam it into his face over and over, until all that flows is red. It’s a goddamn sight that I’ve missed for a while now. All I want to picture is that bastard Dirk with his knife at Jordyn’s throat. That’s all it takes for me to flip.
“You gonna kill him?” Bomber asks when I look up at watch him blow out a ring of smoke.
“Is that my call?” I ask. He chuckles before he nods his head and gives me the go ahead. I pound this asshole. I unleash every bit of frustration that I’ve felt on him until he no longer moves.
When I’m satisfied that I’ve had enough, I take a step back. I wipe the blood from my face that exploded out of me when he got a few good jabs in.
“Suppose we should get rid of him. I told Benton that we’d rough him up a little.” Bomber laughs. I glance over and shrug before I say, “I think he learned his lesson. He won’t steal shit again.” Micah laughs before passing me a cigarette. I’m not typically a smoker but they all know where my nerves and head are at right now.
“Prospect! Take care of this!” Bomber yells as we walk out of the building. I take in the crisp night air and sigh.
“You wanna fill us in on what the hell that’s about?” Bomber asks me. I don’t really want to but I see the glare in Dax’s eyes. I need to let them know what the hell happened.
“You want it all?” I ask and get a nod in return. “Dirk has a thing for watchin’ girls get fucked. He held a gun to her head. Said I better handle that or he’d kill her. I said no. Fuck him, right?” They all watch me before I continue, “No. It was fuck me. He took a knife, started carvin’ her up. I didn’t have a fuckin’ choice in the matter. She was a virgin, although, I don’t fuckin’ know how since Bone had her. Figured he’d already done that part.” Kane’s face contorts into something you never want to see, not even in nightmares. It’s almost as dark as Bash. Dax blows out a breath, clearly relived that I got it out in the open.
“Son of a mother fuckin’ bitch!” Bomber roars, sending echoes through the air. I’ve never seen this side of him. I’ve seen him pissed. I’ve seen him mad. This? No, this is something else.
“It’s my goddamn fault. Fuck!” I slap a hand on his shoulder before I shake my head and say, “No, it wasn’t. You didn’t force that shit.” He shrugs my hand off his shoulder and walks away. I look over to Micah but he doesn’t know what the fuck to say. None of us do.
“Goddamn, Link. What does she think? I mean... as far as what’s goin’ on?” Micah finally says. I bring the cigarette to my lips and inhale before I shrug.
“We don’t talk much, Micah. I don’t fuckin’ know. She has a past that I have no clue about either. She hates to be touched. She doesn’t like to say a whole lot.” It’s the truth. She doesn’t like talking much and that’s the part that bothers me. I want to know more.
“That’s gotta change. We need to know where the fuck her head’s at. We need some kind of direction here,” Micah adds.
“I’ll try, brother. I don’t fuckin’ promise shit, though. She’s lost, man.” I can see that in her more than I care to admit. I can see it in those green eyes, just how far fucking gone she is. The past that haunts her has to be a bad one. It must have ripped her apart piece by piece.
Chapter 14
Jordyn
I toss and turn, much like every night. It isn’t that the room isn’t comfortable, it is. This whole place is like another world. I throw the blankets off and climb out of bed. I walk down the hall to Link’s room. I don’t know if they’re back or not. I went to bed. I was exhausted. I raise my hand and knock, although, I have no idea what to say. I do it anyway. I stand there like a fool for a long minute. I don’t knock again. I let out a breath, almost thankful that he didn’t answer it. I start to turn back and go to my room when I hear the door open.
“Hey,” he says in a soft, sexy, sleepy tone. I turn around a little and give him a smile over my shoulder. “Hey. Sorry I woke you.” Link yawns before running his hand through his disheveled hair. There is something sexy about the way he looks doing it, too. Something I can’t pull my eyes away from.
“It’s fine. You ok?” he asks. I nod. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I say quickly, trying to get away from his stare.
“Get your ass in here,” he says but he isn’t mean about it. In fact, he sounds playful. When I turn around he has a smile on his face.
“I can go back to bed,” I say pointing over my shoulder. I didn’t want to bother him.
“Get your ass in here, Jordyn. I don’t bite.” His boyish smile rips at my insides. Why does he have to be so damn cute? I walk back
toward him where he holds the door open for me. As soon as I step into his room I’m assaulted by the overwhelming smell of him. His cologne, the man himself. Link closes the door behind him before he motions toward the bed. I walk over and sit before he climbs up and sits against the headboard.
“Havin’ trouble sleepin’?” he asks. I nod my head before I turn to look at him.
“Do you ever have nightmares?” I ask. Link nods before motioning for me to come up next to him. I do without hesitation. I slide my feet under the blanket next to him before he pulls the blanket up over our laps.
“There are times when I do. Fuckin’ hate it, too. It’s like real life. You?” he says softly.
“I thought that it would be about what happened there but it seems like my past is what always comes up.” Link grunts before I turn to face him. I take a deep breath and look into his eyes.
“Do you hate that it was me?” He knows what I’m asking about. He has to know. There isn’t anything else between us but that. I don’t know why I feel like I have to know the answer to that, but I do. His hand moves to mine, pain shooting through my body before I jerk away.
“Tell me why that bothers you?” he asks.
“My dad beat me a lot. I went to the shrink once. She said that it was all in my head. That the pain I feel when someone touches me wasn’t real. It feels real, though.” I lower my head before I feel his fingers gently lift my chin but as gentle as he is, it still hurts.
“It’s in your head, Jordyn. I don’t wanna hurt you, sweetheart. That’s the farthest thing from my mind.” He seems so sincere but I can feel it. It does hurt! More than I can describe.
“Close your eyes, Jordyn.” His fingers leave my face and the pain subsides.
Link nods at me once before I slowly let my eyes fall closed.
“Nothin’ with me will ever hurt you.” I can feel his breath as it skates over my skin.
