Innocence

by Kristin Mayer

  I gave her another treat. “I think so too. I need to ride her for a bit as a reward. Do you want to watch?”

  Brows furrowed as he thought hard. “Do you think I could ride with you?”

  “Sure, let’s go.” This seemed like good progress if Ty was willing to ride her. Per the McCole’s, he hadn’t ridden in a while.

  Sitting Ty high up in the saddle, I mounted behind him. “You promise she won’t buck, London? I’m scared.”

  I wrapped my arm around his middle. “If you want off, tell me and I’ll stop immediately. I promise she won’t buck. I promise, Ty.”

  “Okay, London. I trust you.” Those three little words did more for me than I could have imagined. To have someone trust you was a gift beyond anything money could buy. I knew what it was like to lose someone’s trust. To have this child believe I would take care of him was a gift I would treasure—a sign that there was the chance to heal.

  We set off at an easy pace. At first Ty had a death grip on the saddle horn, but it loosened as we walked along the rail of the white fence. I picked up the pace to a slow trot and didn’t see any signs of distress in Ty’s body posture. The pace increased to a cantor as Ty said, “Can we ride some more, London? This is the most fun. I love horses.”

  “Sure thing, kiddo.” We rode until Sparkles had nearly exhausted all her energy. Jaxson, Pam, and Levi all stood at the fence and watched. Levi and Pam had huge grins. Something was off with Jaxson’s expression. I didn’t know him well, but he wasn’t the carefree person I’d met last night and this morning. As we arrived at the fence, Ty excitedly said, “Dad! Dad! Dad! I rode on Sparkles and wasn’t scared. She can do tricks. Dad, did you see how brave I was?”

  Handing Ty off, Jaxson brought him into a bear hug. “I sure did, son. I’m so proud of you. That was very brave.”

  “London is my bestest friend. She helps me be brave. I love her lots.”

  Jaxson’s eyes locked onto mine. There was so much emotion there, I wasn’t sure what he was trying to convey with his eyes. I shifted uncomfortably on the saddle. Opening his mouth, he closed it and focused solely on Ty. “Come on, Ty. I think this calls for ice cream.”

  “Yay! Can I get chocolate fudge too?”

  Scrubbing a hand down his face, he nodded while Ty jumped for joy and took off toward the house, making it to the front porch in no time. The odd silence had me unnerved, so I said, “Let me brush Sparkles and get her tack put up. I’ll be right in to get to work if that’s okay, Jaxson.”

  Turning my way for a mere second, Jaxson nodded, barely giving me a second glance. I wasn’t sure why that bothered me. The intense flirting drew me to him. This new side left me feeling bereft. I dismounted. “I hope I didn’t overstep or do something wrong with Ty. I wasn’t thinking.”

  Pam pulled me into a big hug. “Don’t be silly, you precious girl. You were exactly what that little boy needed when he needed it the most.”

  Levi gave me a nod. “Thank you, London. We’ve been worried about him.”

  The way Jaxson acted still left me confused, but that was something I would need to talk to him about, not his parents. The last thing I wanted was to be one of those girls. The mental loop-da-loop with that sexy-as-sin cowboy was wearing on me. I focused back on his parents. “I’m not sure what to say. I didn’t do anything. But thank you for all you’ve done for me too.”

  They left and my phone vibrated with a text message.

  Dad: Pulling out with the new horse. Should be home by mid-afternoon. I figured you would be working and didn’t want to call.

  Me: Just took Sparkles for a run. About to brush her down and start work.

  Dad: Call me when you’re done.

  Me: Will do. Love you.

  Dad: Love you too, punkin’.

  The message from Dad helped ground me.

  After getting Sparkles settled back in her stall, I headed to one of the rehabilitation rooms. It was where they kept the Aqua Equine Treadmill. The horse walked into a clear rectangular box that surrounded him. A belt on the bottom moved as the water climbed up to about eighty or ninety percent of the horse’s leg height. Jaxson stood tall next to a long, blond-haired man up on the platform. They looked at me at the same time. The blond man’s blue eyes were a crystal clear as he gave me a friendly smile. Jaxson motioned for me to wait. “That’s looking good, Dwayne. Go for another fifteen and let him rest.”

  “Will do.”

  Dwayne waved to me and then focused intently back on the horse as Jaxson’s footsteps could be heard on the metal steps while descending the platform that gave a good view of the horse in motion. The earlier warmth I felt was still gone, and I felt my palms become clammy. I was more nervous than I had been after screaming in his face and waking up almost the entire house.

  It was best to clear the air. “I’m sorry if I overstepped by taking Ty for a ride. I’ll check first with anything until I know the parameters.”

  “No, thank you. I’ve been wracking my brain on how to get him on a horse again after he saw me get thrown.” Jaxson scrubbed a hand down his face. “We’d taken on a flighty as shit racehorse for rehabilitation. He’d broken his leg in the holding area at the starting gate before coming here. It was his first ride since the accident. I didn’t want anyone else to ride him. Ty happened to walk into the arena at the worst possible time.”

  I followed Jaxson. He didn’t say another word as we walked down a corridor. “What was wrong with the horse on the treadmill?”

  “Another racehorse. Fracture to his left cannon bone on his leg. He’s worth about ten million dollars, so the owners are trying to salvage his racing days. It’ll take time, but that horse will see a racetrack again.”

  We walked past two guys taking another horse into the room with the pool. I asked, “Why did you choose the Aqua treadmill for that horse versus the pool?”

  “I like a slow progression. I think it helps take the strain and allow for a more natural healing in serious cases.” Healing horses was his passion. It was evident as he spoke with fervor.

  “Dad has that philosophy too.”

  Jaxson slipped back into mechanical mode as he explained the operations of the business. For now, I was helping with the grooming side since I was used to it. I’d float between areas to learn the different aspects and help where I was needed. Something fun, interesting, and different from what I was used to.

  ONE WEEK PASSED. LIFE WAS settling into a routine which was good. The McCole’s welcomed me with open arms—more than I ever imagined. I talked to Dad and Millie every day. Since arriving, no additional notes were left that I knew about. My apprehension lessened more each day and made everything easier.

  I sighed as I gazed out to the pasture in front of the McCole main house while early evening approached. It was a therapeutic gesture. Picturesque was the only word I could think of as horses meandered about grazing. Ty begged for me to stay and eat dinner with them daily. Tonight was the first night I accepted. Through the week, Pam took me to get groceries, but she wanted to assure me I had an open invite to dinner anytime.

  Jaxson was a doting father, committed to the business, helped anyone who needed it. There had been a man broken down on the side of the road. Jaxson was late picking up Ty one evening because he helped the man get a new battery. He was genuine and the love of his family was evident. He watched out for all of them. I’d never met a man, besides my father, who exuded such qualities. It would be easy to fall for someone like him, but it was apparent there was no interest.

  Things with Jaxson were off. Or maybe they were right. I wasn’t sure if maybe that first couple of times was him having lack of sleep. Who knows. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but things had heated up quickly. Millie was baffled like me as she assured me there was interest from his end when they spoke the one time. I agreed there had been an unmistakable chemistry between us. I saw it in the way our bodies gravitated toward each other without thinking the first night and morning.

  Then, somet
hing had doused his fire. Maybe he found out about my past. At times this week, it was as if he was restraining himself as I thought back to one of the many instances, but I wasn’t sure.

  Ty and I were swimming in the pool. A splash war against each other was underway his giggles filled the air as he used all his might to send as much water as he could my way. At the end of each lesson, we played until he was worn out. Today we focused on his backstroke. As one of my summer jobs in high school, I was a swim instructor to help pay for all the dance fees. It seemed like I remembered most of it.

  “Ty, we need to head to town.”

  We stopped and saw Pam leaning against the rail. Ty swam as fast as he could to the steps. Pam was taking him to get some new boots and out for ice cream. The kid would do anything for ice cream.

  “Bye, London. I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye, Ty.”

  He waved and ran up the steps while dripping wet with water. Wrapping a towel around him, Pam picked him up and smothered him with kisses. The smile that spread across his face as he pretended to not want the affection was picture perfect.

  Picking up all the toys, I saw the Dr. Seuss book Ty always read at night on the lawn chair. He’d brought it this morning for us to read together. Quickly drying off and then leaving the wet towel, I headed into the main house to leave the book on the kitchen counter. As I came around the corner, Jaxson stood in the kitchen sipping a cup of coffee.

  His eyes shot to mine and they roamed over my black-bikini-clad body. “London.”

  Every time we were in the same proximity, electricity intensified around us. But then, Jaxson would abruptly leave or barely look at me while he gave his next set of instructions.

  As usual, I tried to stay relaxed. “Hey, Jaxson. Ty left his book outside and I knew he’d want it tonight.”

  Setting the coffee on the counter, Jaxson held his hand out. I took a few steps closer to where I was within reaching distance and slipped on the floor. Quicker than I would have thought possible, Jaxson’s hands shot out to catch me, bringing us chest to chest. The book clattered to the floor.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, thank you. Seems like we have a lot of situations occur in the kitchen.”

  A gorgeous smile lit up his face. “We do.”

  The feeling of his body next to mine felt oh so right. More right than I cared to admit. I missed him being near me even though we’d only touched a couple of times.

  Our breaths were labored as we got lost in each other’s gaze. “London.”

  “Jaxson.”

  His eyes darted to the side and he let me go, taking in an audible breath. “Thanks for bringing the book. It saved me a lot of time hunting it down.”

  Feeling rejected, I took a few steps back. “Anytime. I’ll see you at the barn tomorrow.”

  As I left the kitchen, I heard a muttered curse. I wanted to say something but knew it wouldn’t do any good. It was for the best. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

  Now, we were amicably friendly. Maybe sterile was a better word. Jaxson was pleasant, helpful, and a gentlemen. Ugh, I wanted him out of my thoughts.

  Through the days, I learned more about the rehabilitation side of the business. The staff was fantastic, especially Dwayne. He had an easy charm about him that made it comfortable.

  Ty sat beside me. “What are you thinking about, London?”

  He still had traces of spaghetti sauce around his mouth and I smiled. “Nothing much. Just tired. Are you about to head home?”

  Ty nodded. “Do you have a mommy? You only talk about your dad, like me.”

  I gave him a sweet smile. “I do have a mommy, but she’s sick. She doesn’t know who I am anymore.”

  His hand grabbed mine. “My mommy left me too. Does it make you sad, London?”

  This was a hard question to answer, especially since I knew some about his past. “I miss my mom. But, I know how much my family loves me and I think about that instead.”

  Taking a deep breath, he looked up at me with sad eyes. “Do you love me?”

  “Yes, sweetie. You’ve stolen my heart. I love you across the whole wide world.” It was true. Unexpectedly, this bundle of energy had crept inside my heart.

  We lapsed back into silence as his brain thought. “Do you think my mom loves me?”

  “I think every mom loves their child. Sometimes a mommy is sick and can’t be there for her kids.”

  “Do you think my mom is sick?”

  Ty had a loving family, but there was no substitute for a mother’s love. I wasn’t sure how to answer, but a deep voice my body was highly attuned to saved me from fumbling through an answer. “Your mom was sick, Ty.”

  As I attempted to stand, Ty’s grip tightened on mine. “Don’t leave, London. I like you here.”

  Glancing up, Jaxson nodded as he took a seat next to Ty. He put his arm around his son and my heart burst for the millionth time around this man. “I love you more than anything, Ty.”

  Ty leapt into his dad’s arms. “I love you too, Dad. I don’t think I want to marry, London. I want her to be my mom.”

  My eyes became as big as saucers as I blushed. This only added to the awkwardness of the last week. Jaxson glanced my way, and for a minute I saw the hunger I had the first day, but it quickly disappeared. “That’s not how it works, buddy.”

  I touched Ty’s back. “How about we be the bestest friends ever, like my friend Millie? You’ve heard me talk about her. That’s even better sometimes.”

  “Yes! I’m telling Grama and Grampa.” He scampered off.

  Standing, I said, “Night, Jaxson.”

  Tomorrow was Saturday. It was going to be nice having a day off from all this confusion. I planned on avoiding Jaxson if possible to decompress and get my act together.

  “Yeah. Thanks, London. Night.” I wanted to scream at how cold he was being. He barely made eye contact with me. It was as if I was a stranger.

  The night air was heavy. This whole situation irked me. I should have never let my guard down. I was barely two weeks out of prison. I shook my head admonishing myself. I knew I was being ridiculous having feelings this quickly. Part of me was embarrassed and the other part didn’t understand why he changed toward me. I shook my head.

  “London, wait.” My heart jerked in my chest. Footsteps fell behind me. I turned and Jaxson was closer than expected. “I know I came on strong and pulled away. I’m an ass.”

  With a fake smile plastered on my face, I responded. “It’s okay. We were super tired. I get you’re my boss and I also watch Ty.” I knew better than to flirt like I did. The attraction to Jaxson had knocked me over unexpectedly. “It’s not an issue. I’m going to get some sleep. Have a good night.”

  I attempted to walk away, but Jaxson grabbed my shoulders and backed me against the stone wall of the house. The dying embers between us roared to life. It was hard not to reach up and run my fingers along his scruff. “Fuck, London. I can’t get you out of my head. I’m a damn wreck thinking about you.”

  My head swam. “What? We’ve been so distant to each other. I thought . . . I don’t know . . . what?” His body pressed against mine. All I wanted was to be close to him again and see where the attraction went. The connection was strong. Overpowering. Almost unbearable.

  Was this happening?

  His breath danced across my lips. “There’s no denying how attracted I am to you. I couldn’t stop wanting you, but knew I could fuck everything up if we kept moving at the pace we were. Then, I saw you on Sparkles with Ty.”

  His nose touched mine and goose bumps danced across my arms. I kept my hands to my side, resisting the urge to feel him. “Go on.”

  I wasn’t sure what our situation had to do with Ty riding Sparkles.

  “He got on a horse, London. I couldn’t mess that up for him with how scared he’s been. He truly has attached himself to you. If we dated, then it didn’t work, he would be heartbroken. Tonight he wanted you as his mom.” Jaxson stepp
ed back and ran his hands through his hair. “I haven’t wanted anyone like this in a long time . . . well, really—” He stopped himself from whatever he was going to say next. His tormented eyes searched mine.

  My back was still plastered against the wall. “Jaxson, I don’t know how to respond. What are you saying?”

  “That I want to kiss you so bad it consumes me. That I want to take you on a date and see where this goes. That I’m scared shitless my boy will get his heart broken because I couldn’t stay away from the one woman I’ve wanted something else with if things don’t work out.”

  I stepped forward and placed my hand on his chest. “At least I wasn’t crazy about how things initially went and what I felt between us.”

  Crowding me again, Jaxson leaned in, barely leaving any space between us. “No, you weren’t. Not at all.”

  The sound of the screen door opening nearly had me jumping out of my skin and Jaxson stepped back. “I’m heading to the house, Jaxson. We can talk later.” He nodded and I jogged to the guesthouse. There were things Jaxson needed to know.

  What in the hell just happened? Where did that leave us? Unlocking the door with the code, I hurried inside, letting out the breath I’d been holding. The last few minutes felt like a roller coaster. Jaxson liked me. He couldn’t stop thinking about me. I consumed him. A dopey smile spread across my face.

  With Charles we had always . . . been.

  There was never the anticipation, the build, the desire to be consumed.

  This was more . . . so much more, and it hadn’t even started.

  A knock startled me from my thoughts. I cracked open the door to see Jaxson standing there. “Jaxson, what are you doing here?”

  “I couldn’t leave with everything still unsaid between us.” Those words caused me to open the door wider. Jaxson stepped closer, piercing me with his eyes.

  “Where’s Ty?”

  He looked over to a truck disappearing in the distance. “My parents are watching him. They’re taking him to feed the sheep in the north pasture.”

  “He loves feeding the sheep. I went with him and Levi once this week.” Jaxson stared at me for a few beats and I started to get nervous. To fill the silence, I asked, “What did you tell them you were doing?”