Forgotten Fiancee

by Lucy Gordon

  “Are you asleep?” he whispered after a while.

  “No. I’m so happy I don’t want to lose a moment of it.”

  “I’m glad.” But then an impulse he couldn’t control made him say, “It’s just that I still wish you’d confide in me. There’s something standing between us, and I know now it isn’t Alex.”

  “Hush! Don’t ask me any more.”

  “Will you tell me one day?”

  “Maybe the time will come when I can tell you— or when you’ll understand without being told. I don’t know. I hope so.”

  He waited, hoping she would say more, but she was silent. Justin lay still, trying to come to terms with his jealousy. His brain seethed with questions. Did you lie like this with him, your head resting against his heart? Did he hold you as I do, listening to the sound of your breathing? Does what we share drive him from your mind, or is it less than you shared with him? Are you thinking of him now? But he didn’t ask these questions, because he was afraid of the answers.

  She stirred and began to slide out of bed, but he held her.

  “I have to go and check Nicky,” she said.

  He followed her. Nicky was just opening his eyes. “Can I help?” he asked.

  “You can heat up his milk while I change him.”

  He returned a few minutes later with the milk just right. She already had Nicky settled in the crook of her arm. She took the bottle from him with a smile, tested it for temperature and began to feed her son. Justin watched them, trying not to mind her absorption.

  “Is Nicky like his father?” he asked abruptly.

  “I’m not sure,” she said slowly. She’d known this moment must come. “If you mean, was Nicky’s father always laughing and sweet-tempered, no. Not when I met him. But I used to think it would have been nice to have known him when he was young, before the world got to him and he started to believe that only size and money mattered.” She stopped, unsure how much it was safe to say.

  “What was his name?” But Sarah shook her head. “Why not?”

  “His name doesn’t matter.”

  “What did you mean about the world getting to him?”

  “He’d been born poor, and he’d made his mark in the world by himself. But he’d begun to feel that only the struggle mattered. He’d forgotten about people.”

  “But you saw something in him.”

  “I think I saw the man nature meant him to be, fine and generous. He did laugh sometimes, and then…” She stopped with a little smile.

  Justin saw it, and his bitterness rose. He wished he could make himself stop this, but he had to know about the man who’d taken possession of Sarah’s heart. It was incredible that she could still love him, but that smile and the soft, faraway look in her eyes told their own story.

  “How did you meet him?” he asked.

  Sarah decided to take the risk. “At his firm’s party,” she said. “He said I didn’t look as if I was enjoying myself, and he didn’t care for it, either.” She stole a glance at Justin to see if her description was touching a chord in his mind, but he gave no sign of it.

  “It was only when the speeches began that I realized he was the boss,” she continued. “Later he insisted on driving me home. After that we saw each other quite often.”

  “And you loved him?” Justin forced himself to ask.

  “Yes,” she said simply. “I loved him with all my heart.”

  Justin let out a long breath, wondering how anything could hurt so much. There was a note in Sarah’s voice that he couldn’t bear. It was filled with longing and bittersweet memory, as though her love had been so beautiful she would cherish it forever, even if it meant embracing pain as the price. He felt she’d slipped away into a secret world shared only by herself and this unknown man, while he was outside.

  “And then it was over,” Sarah said. “I think I knew before he did. We started arguing. One night he said he’d be busy for a while, and he’d call me later. He didn’t, of course. I knew he wouldn’t.”

  Justin swore softly, but Sarah shook her head.

  “No, why should I call him names just because he didn’t feel the same as I did? People can’t love to order.”

  “But they don’t have to be fools about it,” Justin said. “If he’d won your love he should have thanked heaven, not thrown it away.”

  Her heart leaped at his words, and even more at his tone. She took hold of the hand with which he was stroking her face and rubbed her cheek against it.

  “Did he know about the baby?” Justin asked.

  “Yes. I went back to see him. I didn’t want him to marry me, not if he didn’t want to. But I never dreamed he’d want me to have an abortion.” Her voice shook. For a moment she was back in his austere apartment, listening to him reject their child.

  “The bastard!” he said softly.

  “He meant to do right by me. He was going to pay for everything—a good clinic, the best care. I’d thought he cared for me a little—not loved me as I did him, but a little. But I was a naive fool. Our child meant nothing to him, just an inconvenience to be gotten rid of. I couldn’t bear it. So I ran away.”

  “Good!” Justin said fervently. “You’re better off without him.”

  “I felt as if he’d destroyed some of the good between us. I had to get well away from him before he spoiled all my memories. I wanted to keep some of my belief in him.”

  “For God’s sake, why?”

  “Because he’s still Nicky’s father.”

  Nicky grunted in her arms, and Sarah looked down. Justin thought how quickly she forgot him for the child. Every loving glance and smile given to Nicky was also for the man who’d sired him. It made him bitter to think that, after the overwhelming experience they’d just shared, she could be drawn back so quickly to that other love.

  He watched for as long as he could bear, then went to his room and locked the door.

  There was an aftermath to the incident with Alex. Haven awoke next morning to the news that young Mr. Drew had been called away from the village by urgent family affairs.

  “Of course, there is another version,” Sergeant Mayhew told Justin when he made his collection. “Some say he was set upon by a dozen thugs.”

  “Only a dozen?” Justin asked.

  “Or more. Supposedly he beat ‘em off singlehanded.”

  “I heard they threw him into the duck pond,” Justin remarked.

  “No, sir, he fell into the duck pond when he collapsed after his heroic efforts.”

  “A giant among men,” Justin remarked.

  The policeman’s face gave nothing away. “As you say, sir. I don’t think we’ll be seeing him around here for quite a while. Good morning.”

  When Miss Timmins heard the true story she locked up Imelda’s dress and prepared to stand firm against demands for its return. But her care was needless. Imelda had been discouraged from rash action by her seldom seen husband, who pointed out that this would instantly confirm the more undignified rumors about their son. Instead she took refuge in glacial dignity, which fooled nobody. Everyone knew the truth through Mrs. Dakers, who cleaned for Imelda three mornings a week.

  Alex’s departure left an awkward gap in the ranks of the dramatic society. In the end the juvenile lead doubled up the comic gardener, and Lucinda’s seventeen-year-old grandson was press-ganged into playing Frank on pain of having certain peccadillos revealed to his parents.

  The production was a triumphant success. The Haven Players had a reputation for miles around, and the three hundred seats were filled for both nights of its run.

  Justin worked hard backstage, building scenery, prompting, relaying messages and carrying things. He was acclaimed as the most efficient assistant stage manager the Players had ever had. To crown his growing popularity he provided the funds not only for the opening night party but the closing night party, too, thus showing, as Miss Timmins observed, a sense of the fitness of things.

  But the next day, trouble struck. Miss Timmins, gat
hering props to return them to their rightful owners, discovered that Mrs. Drew’s royal dress was missing. Everyone conducted a frantic search, but despite their attempts at secrecy it came to Imelda’s ears. Things might have gotten even nastier but for a disaffected member of Joker’s gang, who revealed that his leader was the culprit. Sarah, who was present to hear this, ran home to find Justin.

  “You’ve got to come,” she said breathlessly. “Mrs. Drew’s on the warpath, and Joker’s already been in trouble with the police.”

  It was late evening. The store was closed, and Nick was just about to set off for the Haystack, but he readily agreed to stay at home with the baby while the other two went. “But I want the whole scandal as soon as possible,” he called after them.

  They reached the poky little house where Joker lived with his widowed mother, arriving just as the dress was discovered hidden in a plastic bag under the boy’s bed.

  In vain Joker protested he’d never meant to keep his plunder. It had served its purpose, and he was looking for a way to return it. “I was gonna get it back next day, but Ma Timmins found it missing first.”

  “A likely story,” Imelda said, sniffing. “This is a matter for the law.”

  “Hang on.” Justin stopped her. “Joker, just what was its purpose?”

  A grin broke over Joker’s face. “These,” he said.

  Before a riveted audience he produced a wallet of photographs fresh from being developed and handed them around. Imelda shrieked. The others regarded the pictures in stunned silence, shielding their twitching lips with their hands.

  Imelda’s royal gown had been lovingly draped over Timmy Bags.

  “A scarecrow!” Imelda exploded. “You put my dress on a scarecrow!”

  “It ain’t hurt,” Joker protested.

  “Vandal! Thief!”

  “He’s not a thief,” Justin objected. “He was going to give it back.”

  “So he says. We found it in his possession. That’s theft. You’ve been in trouble before, my lad. Well, it’ll be the reformatory for you this time.”

  There was an outcry. Sarah put her arms about Joker’s weeping mother. “Justin, do something,” she pleaded.

  “There’s no need to take it that far,” Justin said. “This was a prank. He’d have put it back—-”

  “I might have known you’d stand up for this ruffian,” Imelda snapped.

  “Nonsense, he’s just a lad with a lot of energy and imagination, and not enough for them to do. In fact he’s the sort of—” Justin stopped, on the verge of saying Joker might be the sort of raw material his firm

  needed. “The sort I was myself once,” he amended.

  “He’s a criminal,” Imelda insisted.

  “He’s not a criminal, but he soon will be if you make a fuss about a practical joke,” Justin said. “I’m asking you to give him another chance. Aren’t we all entitled to another chance?”

  Watching his face, Sarah was puzzled to see a strange look come over it. For a moment he was confused. Then it passed, and he became Justin Hallwood again, a man used to command and, if necessary, intrigue to get his way.

  He placed himself in front of Imelda. “Mrs. Drew, I’ll make a deal with you,” he said. “You take your dress home and say nothing of this to the police, and I’ll make sure that none of those pictures fall into the wrong hands.”

  “I’ve got them here,” she snapped, holding up the wallet. “They’ll be burnt as soon as I reach home.”

  Justin paused before delivering his bombshell. “What about the others?”

  “Others?”

  “You don’t think this is the only set of prints, do you? Joker’s a resourceful lad. There must be at least one other set, which I will undertake to find and destroy.”

  There was a silence, in which everyone present imagined Joker scattering his pictures far and wide. Imelda clearly imagined it, too, for she blanched. Her blazing, spiteful eyes met Justin’s cool, determined ones. Her eyes fell first.

  “Can you guarantee you’ll get every print?”

  “Every last one,” Justin said, with a look at Joker that boded ill if there was trouble.

  “Naturally, one wishes to show compassion,” Imelda said, going into regal mode.

  “I was sure we could rely on you,” Justin said smoothly.

  When Mrs. Drew had departed he shooed the rest away. “Joker and I have some talking to do,” he said.

  To Sarah’s eyes he still looked very pale, as though his moment’s confusion had left a strain he hadn’t confronted yet. But he gave her a smile as he ushered her out.

  “Now,” he said to Joker when he’d closed the door, “the others.”

  Grinning, Joker produced another set from under his mattress.

  “And the rest,” Justin said.

  “Aw, c’mon.”

  “The rest.”

  Joker rummaged in the back of a drawer and produced another wallet. Justin glanced through it, then looked up, raising his eyebrows significantly. After a silent battle of wills Joker scrabbled under his bed for the pictures he’d carefully stored in a separate place.

  “Blowed how you knew,” he grumbled.

  “Been there. Done it,” Justin informed him. “Is this the lot?”

  “Word of honor.”

  “All right. I’ll accept your word of honor. If you break it I won’t bother with the police, I’ll personally make you sorry you were born.”

  Joker nodded, clearly finding this reasonable.

  Justin wandered to the store, so thoughtful he’d. walked past it and almost into the duck pond before he realized what he was doing. Sarah was watching for him at the window.

  “Is it all right?” she asked anxiously. He told her what had happened. “How did you know what he’d have done?” she asked.

  “Because I saw myself in him. I was a handful at that age. Mostly innocent stuff, but I might have gone to the bad if someone hadn’t taken me in hand. It was the vicar. He almost twisted my arm to get me into engineering college.”

  “Was that why you had that faraway look on your face when you were talking about a second chance?”

  “No, that was…something else. Sarah, I had the weirdest sensation, as though what was happening ought to be familiar.”

  “Because you saw yourself in Joker?”

  “No, it was to do with the last two years. When I’ said a second chance, the air was singing. I was on the edge of remembering…. It was there, almost within my grasp, and it was important. That’s what I’m trying to recall—someone who should have been given a second chance, but they weren’t, and everything went wrong after that. Dear God,” he shouted in frustration.

  “What did I do?” he asked desperately. “I treated someone unkindly, I wouldn’t let them make amends, pride—damnable pride—wanting to hurt someone like they’d hurt me—hell, I don’t know. Sarah, what’s the matter?” He’d looked up to find her staring at him with a wild, horrified look. “Darling, what is it?”

  “Justin, suppose it’s the other way around. Suppose it’s someone who wouldn’t give you a second chance?”

  “I don’t think that’s likely.”

  “But you don’t know.”

  “I know the sort of man I’ve always been, and I never asked anyone to let me off. It’s not my way. No, it’s me.” He sighed. “But it’s no use trying to remember it. Trying just drives it away. I guess I’ll go to bed. Maybe it’ll come back while I’m asleep. Although frankly, I’m beginning to lose hope.”

  He kissed her cheek and departed, unhappily.

  Nick arrived home merry after consuming a liter of cider and trouncing Colly at chess. But his smile faded when he saw Sarah on the sofa in the darkness and realized that she was weeping. “Hey, what’s this?” he asked, alarmed.

  Sarah hastily dabbed her eyes. “I’m fine, honestly. No, don’t put the light on. I’ve just been having a think.”

  “And that made you cry?”

  “I’ve realized that I d
id something terrible. I didn’t understand, but I was so wrong. I did Justin a dreadful injury.”

  “Hmph! It seems to me like he did you the injury. Didn’t he abandon you when you were pregnant?”

  “Not really. I saw it all tonight, when he was talking about second chances. He thinks he didn’t give someone another chance when they needed it, but it wasn’t him, it was me.”

  “But he tried to force you to have an abortion.”

  “No, not force—he said it in the heat of the moment, but he couldn’t have forced me, and I know he wouldn’t have tried. I think I could have made him accept that my mind was made up. And then he’d have come to visit Nicky because he’d have been curious about his baby. I see now what Nicky would have done for him, how he’d have taught him about love. And I denied him that—out of pride.”

  “A bit more than pride, surely?”

  “No, it was pride,” Sarah said with self-condemning bitterness. “Damnable pride. I took him by surprise, and when he didn’t react as I wanted I said something so cruel I can’t even tell you about it. And then I vanished. I wouldn’t let him find me and make it right. If I’d given him another chance I’m sure he’d have made use of it. But I didn’t. Oh, Uncle Nick, don’t you see? He didn’t abandon me. I abandoned him.”

  “Don’t be so set on taking the blame, darling.”

  “Perhaps I should have blamed myself a little more and him a little less. I might have spared him this.”

  “Would that have been a good thing?” Uncle Nick asked shrewdly. “He needed to learn for himself what was important, and he mightn’t have done that if you’d made it too easy.”

  She knew there was a lot of sense in Nick’s words, but it still hurt her to see Justin so troubled. She bade the old man good-night and went to her room.

  Nicky was sleeping peacefully. She kissed him softly, not to awaken him. She was bewildered, wondering what the future held and what she should do for the best, and her heart ached for the man she loved.

  There was a light tap on her door. Justin stood there.

  “Is everything all right, Sarah?”