Lockdown (AM13 Outbreak Series)

by Samie Sands

  So why do I feel so afraid?

  I knock tentatively on his door, feeling myself cringe as he yells at me to go right in. As soon as he realises it’s me, Jamie’s face breaks out into a beaming smile.

  “Sit down.” He indicates the chair by his desk. I tiptoe over there, wanting this meeting to be over quickly. “Glad to see you back, Leah.” There isn’t a trace of annoyance; he sounds genuinely pleased I’m back at work. “So thank you again, this has been great for us. I don’t know if any of the others have caught you up, but we’ve been extremely busy! Our ratings have gone through the roof, we’ve been allocated more hours, and we’ve even been given a small segment on the national news.” I guess my days off haven’t exactly been too devastating to the company then. “We now have all the credibility and respect possible—we found this story, we were the first to put it out there.” I have no idea what I’m supposed to say, which is becoming quite normal for me, so I just nod. “Everyone has been working round the clock to ensure we’re always first with the information…”

  I know if I don’t interrupt now, I never will “So, this quarantine. Is it definitely going to happen? Has it been decided?”

  ***

  A little while later, I walk out of Jamie’s office in a daze. Apparently ‘my’ brilliant idea—however much I insisted I found it online—has led to some fantastic plans being made. The quarantine is definitely going to happen, they’re just working on finer details, logistics, and practicalities. After I asked a couple of questions and sort of got my head around the idea, I mentioned that I’d like to go home to visit my parents for a few days. The simple shake of Jamie’s head was all I needed to know. He’s insistent that I’m needed here, regardless of the fact that they’ve clearly coped fine without me until now.

  He then went on to say that I’ll even be needed during the quarantine. Because our news station is now so important, we’ll be required to stay on the air during. We’re going to be the ones to keep everyone up-to-date on the latest progressions. I suppose this is a good thing—it’ll be necessary to keep the quarantine under control—I just can’t believe it has to be us.

  He’s in the process of setting up plans and a budget for beds to be put up in the canteen for us all. With the promise of a good payout at the end, apparently everyone is keen to do it. Particularly as the estimation of fourteen days isn’t too long, I suppose.

  How typical is this, a national disaster and I’m one of the unlucky ones that still has to work!

  As I speak to others throughout the afternoon, I can see it isn’t just the money that’s spurring people on to want to stay here during the quarantine. Most of us live alone, in our first homes since leaving our parents, so we’d rather be with others. Plus, this building is extremely secure—much more so than my flat, at any rate. There’s already a large wall surrounding it, and gates that you need a special pass to unlock, so if, by some miracle, we really do end up in a zombie infested world, this is probably a really good place to be!

  Chapter Nine

  The only person who didn’t seem quite as happy as the others was Michelle, so I call her as soon as I get home, wanting to know more about where her mindset is.

  She answers after only one ring.

  “Well?” I immediately chime in, not giving her a moment to answer. “What do you think about all of this? It’s crazy, right?”

  I’m still thinking hypothetically at the moment. There’s no way this is really going to happen, surely? It’s not even practical. I mean, they can’t actually force everyone to stay indoors, can they? There must be some kind of human rights act or something that prevents it. Or worse, will everyone be forced to stay in work like us? Oh God, this really is a nightmare. I feel even worse about the whole thing than I did this morning, when I was basically ignorant.

  “I don’t know…” she murmurs, clearly deep in thought.

  Annoyed by her lack of enthusiasm, I start to rant almost incoherently. “I mean, why? Does he not see this is all going to blow up in our faces? And the others…they’re just…I don’t get them. It’s all an overreaction to—”

  “I just thought we’d have more choice,” Michelle finally jumps in, stopping me in my tracks. I’ve been pacing up and down the room, but as soon as she says these words, my body slumps down into the nearest chair.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I know I played a part in achieving the quarantine—and I totally agree with it. I think it’s essential to our survival, but I didn’t know we’d all be stuck at work. Jamie’s being totally inflexible about it. It’s just…” She sighs deeply. “I thought we’d have more choice.”

  I don’t know what to say to that, so we sit there in silence for a few moments. “What about the others?” I finally say. “Don’t they feel like you?”

  “Yeah, to an extent, but they’re all so focused on the financial side of it that the rest of it pales into insignificance. At first they all complained, now all I hear is what they’re going to spend the extra money on—fancy holidays, new cars, and bigger homes.”

  So it seems they’re thinking a couple of weeks fanning the flames of fear, then boom. Better career and more money.

  But what about when it’s all proven to be a hoax? What will happen to us then? How will people feel about me when they know they wasted two weeks and ruined their careers in the process?

  My blood runs icy cold and a lump forms in my throat as these thoughts race through my mind. My fingers almost begin to tremble. I’m starting to realise this has really spun out of my control. I knew this snowball was huge and damaging—but just how damaging is just occurring to me now.

  I think back to my enthusiasm to go and see my family this morning. It’s still there, burning embers underneath the surface, but I can’t do it. For one, if I do then I’m a coward. I’m running away, hiding, whilst everyone else remains at work, dealing with the mess that I inadvertently created. And for two, if I do go then I’m basically accepting the government—who I’m assuming are all intelligent men and women—are going to go through with the plans. Which, in turn, means I’m kind of accepting the virus is real and I’m really not ready to do that yet.

  I’ve already gone nearly six months without seeing them, what’s a few more weeks? I can still talk to them on the phone whenever I like, and I can go and visit when all this has blown over—assuming we’ll have the freedom to make our own choices by then, of course. Hopefully I won’t be going back with my tail between my legs.

  A tiny part of me is hoping there is a virus. Not like what I’ve seen, of course. Just something so my life isn’t totally shredded apart.

  “Anyway, I’m going to go…” Michelle interrupts my thought pattern suddenly, jolting me back to the present. I suddenly realise she’s been talking a lot and I haven’t even been paying attention.

  “Okay, see you tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, bye.” The sadness in her tone sends guilt right through me. I wonder if she’s been telling me something important and I’ve been in my own world.

  I remain seated for a few moments, just stewing in emotion. I have no idea where my head is and what I really think anymore. I’ve always been one of life’s ditherers, but I’ve never been so confused ever. This is on another level entirely!

  My mind flicks from decision to decision, never quite settling on anything, so after a while I give up trying to think and make my way to bed. Maybe a good night’s sleep will be the answer I’m looking for.

  ***

  I wake up a long time before my alarm goes off. Well, to be honest, I barely slept, so it was more that I gave up and got up. I stagger over to my mirror and sit down in front of it, just looking at myself. My dull hair is straggly and limp, my dark eyes tired and bloodshot and my skin is covered in blotches and spots. Rather than picking on every fault and internally criticising myself, I just stare—fascinated. It’s as if I’m looking at someone else, an alien species or something.

  My mind is blank, my brain al
most empty, but that doesn’t mean I feel any calmer than I did yesterday. It’s almost as if I’m too exhausted to feel anything anymore. Numb is all I can be.

  Time whizzes past and soon I dress myself and amble over to work. This all happens while I’m in another world entirely. I’m acting solely on autopilot, and even if I wanted to change that, I don’t think I could.

  Even as I get into work and sit down at my desk, I remain in that same comatose state. All kinds of things happen around me, but it’s all in my peripheral vision. I can’t concentrate at all—not even on the delivery men that traipse in and out, bringing crappy camp-style beds with them. Under normal circumstances, I’d be laughing about this with Michelle, making jokes about it being a bit like a bad sitcom. I’d be slagging off the boss’s new mad idea with the others over by the water cooler. I’d be wondering how all of this was real—but I’m not. I’m just sitting.

  Just sitting, waiting for something to happen.

  And then, in the afternoon, it does.

  Jamie bursts into the office, clutching a piece of paper tightly to his chest. “The date is here!” he cries. Everyone looks up from whatever they’re doing in shock. A gasped murmur breaks out, as my heart jumps into my throat. “It is a bit sooner than we expected, of course.” He smiles brightly. “The Lockdown is going to be in ten days…”

  “Why?”

  “Is there a reason?”

  “Are we ready?”

  A selection of necessary questions spill out, but Jamie doesn’t really address any of them. “All the information is coming. I don’t know anything else yet. There is obviously a reason for things happening so quickly, but I can’t tell you any more at the moment.” He waits a moment for everyone to settle down. While he’s silent, the sound of my racing heart seems to get louder. I start to believe it might burst from my chest at any moment. “On a positive note, we’re going to be the ones to make this announcement on our national news segment tonight. This is really great for us, so I just want to say thanks to you all. Thanks, Leah.”

  I blush as soon as my name is mentioned, not in pride or anything, but in pure unadulterated embarrassment. Everyone turns to face me, which makes it much worse. My breaths become laboured; nausea swirls around in my stomach. I become convinced I’m about to be sick at any moment.

  I try to calm myself down, only half-listening to the questions swirling around me. When it comes down to practical arrangements, it seems everyone is most concerned with how we’re going to eat. I don’t know what this says about everyone’s priorities, although they are right—if we’re locked indoors, there’s no way we’ll be able to pop out to the supermarket at random.

  According to what Jamie knows about the latest plans, everyone will register where they’re staying during the quarantine—kind of like a census—then the armed forces will deliver supplies a couple of times a week. Anything else we want needs to be purchased beforehand. The budget set aside for this is for two weeks, so there are definitely no plans for it to last any longer than that.

  The talk then goes on to discuss the infection right now. One of our main priorities is to urge people showing any signs to get themselves to the hospitals right now—before the Lockdown starts. This is for their safety, their families, and everyone else. Special hotlines have been set up so people can report anyone they suspect, anyone looking unwell or acting out of character. Our news anchors will be working hard over the next few days to convince people that it’s in their best interests to get every ill person to hospital or we’ll never be able to get all of this under control.

  As Jamie talks incessantly, I subconsciously find myself looking at Jake. He was the one I was trying to impress with the video in the first place, and now I’m pretty sure he can’t even bring himself to look at me. Great. That’s just marvellous. This is officially the stupidest thing I’ve done to impress a boy. And that includes the time I told Kriss Birnam Tony Hawks was coming to perform skateboarding tricks at my 13th birthday party.

  Come to think of it, that was the last time he spoke to me as well.

  I’m so done with boys.

  Chapter Ten

  I unwillingly continue to go into work every single day, however much my mind screams at me not to. I’m so unbearably paranoid that everyone hates me I can barely look at anyone, never mind make conversation.

  When things get too difficult I keep telling myself that at least I’m doing the right thing. At least I’m being brave and facing the music. If I’d hidden away whilst everyone else came to work, then I’d never be able to return. I’d absolutely have to find another job. So, by being here I’m doing the decent thing.

  This mantra isn’t really working, no matter how many times I repeat it to myself, but I don’t have anything better, so I’m sticking with it.

  If I’m really honest, the day Jamie announced the quarantine date, I went home filled with determination and rang my mum. I told her I was catching the next train, that nothing would keep me away from my family in this difficult time. I told her they were far more important than my job.

  Her response?

  “Oh, don’t worry, dear, it’ll be fine. It’s only a precaution and we’re happy to be in for a few days. It won’t really change our routine that drastically. There’s bound to be loads of good television to watch, and we’ll stock up on magazines. Plus Felix is here anyway.”

  I was so angry at her when I hung up. How could she be so inconsiderate? If this all turns out to be the truth, then she might never see me again! What if I turned out to be one of the people that contracted the virus? It’s fatal, so she’d never see me again.

  As soon as I calmed down, I realised she was just taking the same level-headed approach to it as me. Of course she’s treating it as any other health warning media scare—that’s all it is. My reaction was more to do with my own difficult emotions than it was to do with her.

  So, instead, I’m just working on getting through each day. The marketing team has come up with the super clever—not!—term ‘Countdown to Lockdown’, so a lot of my effort is going towards not having a meltdown every time I see the days ticking down. I might not be contributing a lot work-wise, but that doesn’t seem to matter. Especially not now that I’m the face of it all.

  Jamie made the quite frankly mad decision to use my face when reporting the news. Apparently it’s to give the story a human element, without showing any victims and gore. This is particularly useful at times of the day when children might be watching the television. Thankfully, he let me pose for a new photo, which has replaced the hideous one used before. I even had proper makeup and my hair done by professionals. I’m sure, in my normal state of mind, I’d have been terribly excited about the whole thing.

  It’s ironic that all I wanted was a decent career and to be someone important. Doesn’t everyone dream of making an impact on the planet in some small way? That dream has pretty much come true for me, and I’m the most miserable I’ve ever been. I guess I can’t enjoy even a single moment of it because I’m just waiting for it all to come back around and bite me on the arse.

  At moments when I particularly loathe myself, I look up online reactions to the news story. It doesn’t escape my notice that #AM13 is now trending on every social media website. Although the stories linked to it are much more focused on the Lockdown and the implications of that than on the virus. I’m glad about this—at least this proves it’s only the online nutters and the people that have a bank balance depending on it that are showing any real belief in it.

  The promise of extra money has everyone here in a fantastic mood—they’re all working harder than ever before. I’m sure Jamie is riding this wave of positive thinking as much as he can, knowing the following weeks are going to be tough. I occasionally plaster a fake smile on my face just to fit in, but really I’m on a knife edge.

  I keep my opinions to myself. I don’t even discuss them with Michelle. Every now and again, someone will yell out a positive story about us online for ev
eryone else to hear. They never seem to mention the negative ones I keep seeing, but then again, bringing morale down won’t do anyone any favours right now.

  Today, we are focusing our news show on new science research from Mexico containing theories as to why this has happened, and how it’s been allowed to get so out of control. I can’t help but think this sounds more like scare tactics than anything else. As far as I know, not one person has seen a real victim or attack, so how this is ‘out of control’ yet is beyond me. We must have used up every resource and angle for signs to look out for over the last few days, so are trying something new to keep it fresh and exciting.

  As we draw nearer to the Lockdown date, the plans get more complex and involved. I keep expecting it to be cancelled. I’m still waiting for it all to fall apart. It’s almost as if I’m sucking in a breath and I can’t let it out until all of this has finished.

  Just a few more days to hold it together. Just a few more days until one way or another, I’ll have a conclusion. Right now, whatever the outcome is, it’s got to be better than all of this damn waiting.

  Chapter

  Eleven

  More days pass in a blur. I feel as if I’ve been shoved in the middle of one of those film scenes where I simply sit in my desk chair, motionless, while everyone else whizzes around me, chatting animatedly and busily sorting everything out. I’m dizzy with it all. The announcements have been coming in thick and fast, and we’re always the first ones to receive them, which I find terrifying. Maybe I should be excited by it all, but I’m still numb. I can’t remember the last time I really felt anything.

  “Don’t forget to register for food supplies now.”

  “Anyone with health concerns must immediately get themselves to the hospital.”

  “Be careful when out in public, it can be dangerous.”