Not Alone

by Liz Bradford

  “Oh, I didn’t mean worse…”

  She chuckled, and her heart rate returned to normal. “No, worse would be accurate, for us anyway. We were the snotty, stuck up kind. Our dad was killed when we were in high school, and that changed us a quite a bit.” A deep sense of loneliness flooded her soul at the memory of the moment her dad was murdered in front of her.

  Caleb squeezed her hand that held his arm. “Sorry about your dad. That didn’t tear you and your sister apart?”

  Peace filled her. “No, the whole thing drew us and our mom much closer.”

  “When I lost my parents when I was in college, it tore my brother and me apart. Guess it may have helped that you both still had your mom.”

  Rebecca squeezed his arm this time. “I’m sorry to hear that. Being girls probably didn’t hurt either. Women deal with things like that so differently than guys.”

  “So true,” Caleb said with a smile. “My brother and I were stereotypical guys. Once in high school, we had a full-blown fist fight over a girl. She and I had been talking, and he knew I liked her. But went and asked her out anyway. I don’t remember who threw the first punch, but it wasn’t pretty.”

  She laughed. “Haven’t you told me that story before?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  That’s weird.

  “Well, my brother and I eventually made amends. He’s trying for a job at the police station, per your suggestion, and going to move in with me for a while if he get the position.

  “That’s great! I’m glad you guys mended your relationship, and that your parent’s death, or that girl in high school, didn’t completely tear you apart.”

  He chuckled. “Me too. We didn’t speak for years, but he’s a different person since he came to know the Lord.”

  “Oh, that’s great.” Rebecca was enjoying diving a little deeper with Caleb. She smiled and gave his elbow a slight squeeze. She was trying so hard to open up to him, but still was finding it difficult.

  “Did you always want to be a paramedic?”

  He stiffened, and his breath seemed to catch in his throat. “No… but… um… Did you always want to be a cop?”

  She considered him for a moment before answering. Was he hiding something from her? Maybe she wasn’t the only one with a secret past. “After what happened to my dad, I couldn’t see doing anything else.”

  Their conversation turned to less personal topics as they completed their stroll through the town and then headed home.

  It had been a delightful night. Once they arrived back at her house she paid the babysitter and let her leave. Callie was already in bed, so Rebecca and Caleb went out on her little front porch to say goodnight. Caleb took her hand as they stood there face to face smiling at one another.

  “I had a great time tonight, Caleb. Thank you.”

  “I had a great time, too.” He reached up with his other hand and pushed a loose strand of hair out of her face, brushing her cheek with his knuckles in the process. Her heart began to race. Was he going to kiss her? Was she ready for that? He leaned forward and before she knew it their lips had locked. She leaned into him, put her other hand on his chest, and kissed him back. As his soft lips caressed hers, the mushy, lovey-dovey feelings she expected to have during a first kiss did not surface, instead a knot formed in her throat. She abruptly pushed him away. She was not ready for this.

  “I’m sorry. Too soon?” Caleb apologized. He gently squeezed her hand.

  “No, well yes. I thought I was ready…” She was going to have to tell him more. Maybe she was more prepared than she thought to tell him just a little bit. She let go of his hand and rubbed her eyes with her finger tips then pressed them against her temples. “Oh, I don’t know, Caleb. Cliché as it may be, it’s not you; it’s me.” She walked down the porch a little bit and leaned forward over the railing searching for exactly the right words. He cautiously came over next to her. “You see, Caleb, you are the first guy I’ve gone on more than one date with since Callie’s dad. We were very serious, and a really bad situation tore us apart.” She hoped she was giving enough detail to make sense without having to tell the whole story. “We were together for a long time, and I don’t know what to say, but…”

  “But you aren’t ready to be kissing yet.”

  “Exactly. I’m sorry. It was a very nice kiss, though.” She gave him a weak smile.

  “It’s okay. As long as you aren’t giving me the boot, we can take this at your pace. I promise not to make any moves except in response to a move you make. How does that sound?”

  “That sounds good. And no, I’m not giving you the boot,” she reached out and placed a hand on his arm, “but we will have to take things slowly. Thanks for being patient with me. I really think you are a pretty great guy. And Callie likes you, too.”

  “I’m glad she does. She’s a great kid, and you’re an amazing mom.”

  “Thanks.”

  As Caleb pulled out of the driveway, she closed the door and leaned against it. She had been fighting with all her might to keep her emotions at bay in an effort to keep from having to explain to Caleb things even she didn’t understand. But she was about to shatter. Her hands were starting to shake, and a lump was forming in her throat. She couldn’t hold it in any longer. The tears started to flow. Sliding down the door, she sank to the floor.

  God, why?! Why am I having such a hard time with this? I don’t understand why I can’t move forward in this relationship with Caleb. He’s perfect. What is my problem? I keep asking you, crying out to you to help me in this relationship, so what’s the deal?

  Rebecca silenced her heart and tried to listen for an answer. But no answer came. The only thing she heard was the sound of her hiccups from sobbing.

  I just don’t get it, Lord. Do you want this relationship? Are you blocking the way, or is it just me? I thought you were leading me into this; I thought you were the one orchestrating this. Did I hear you wrong? Is he not what you have planned for me? I know Jeremiah 29:11 says you have plans… plans of hope… I thought this was it, but my heart just can’t seem to get on track.

  And why, o why, does my heart still yearn for Callie’s dad? Where is he these days? Does he know you? Is he happy? Oh, why am I thinking and praying about him again…? Oh Lord, I just… I just… I don’t know… Becca leaned forward hugging her knees and leaned her head on her arms. A few last tears soaked her arms. Deep in her heart she felt her Heavenly Father’s arms embrace her just as her earthly father’s arms had held her when she was a little girl and her best friend had won the gymnastics competition that Rebecca had worked so hard to win. Peace that she couldn’t explain diffused through her soul.

  The very first Bible verse Rebecca had memorized as a new believer came to mind, “Trust in the Lord will all your heart, do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6. Yes, Lord, I will trust you. I don’t know what you are doing, but I will trust in You!

  Jared Johnson ran his hand through his shaggy brown hair as he closed his computer. He had nailed the interview with Captain Baker. It was a bit strange to have an interview entirely over Skype, but it had worked out well, and he now had a new job in Hazel Hill, the town where his brother lived. He was ready for a change again. He had spent the last five years of his life looking for a situation that just felt right, where he could stay, but the last three places he had lived just didn’t fit the bill. Maybe reconnecting with his brother was going to be the right thing. Maybe then he could meet a nice girl and settle down. Maybe.

  He and his brother had been at odds for so many years. It started in college after his parents died. His brother had become a Christian and gone all “holy-roller” on him, telling him how he needed to turn his life around or he was headed to Hell. But Jared had enjoyed his life of drinking and women, and it had suited him just fine. However, five years ago his perfect worldly life had been turned on its head, and he found himself scraping to pick up
any pieces that remained. He had found a new job and even made detective, but he knew something was missing, and it wasn’t just the girl he had lost. Two years ago, he discovered what his brother had been telling him ten years earlier was true. It took guts, but he had called his brother to make amends, and ever since he and Caleb had grown closer and closer. Now he was going to be moving in with him. How much his life had changed!

  His heart still ached for the girl that had been part of his life back in the day, but she was gone. He had no idea what had happened to her or where she was. He really wished he had handled things differently, but he hadn’t, so he had to move forward. That part of his life was in the past, and it would have to stay there. He would finish his current job and start a new one in a new town with a new life in two weeks.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Rebecca’s stomach threatened to expel the half cup of coffee she had downed on the way to the crime scene.

  Another week.

  Another body.

  She sucked in a slow, deep breath in attempt to settle her stomach as she stared at the corpse of Crystal Atkins. They had known she was missing, but they had failed. After forty-eight hours straight of a full-blown manhunt Crystal’s body was found on a Thursday morning, just like the others. Their search had been in vain. Rebecca turned away from the body, walked five paces, and then turned back around as she replayed the last two days.

  The search had begun on Tuesday when Rebecca and Doug had been handed four missing persons reports that had come in during the previous twenty-four hours. Rebecca had looked at them. First one was a middle-aged man, the second an elderly woman, the third one – it was her. The next victim, Crystal Atkins. She fit the profile almost perfectly. Brunette, single mom, but she was only twenty-six. It was her. It had to be, especially since the fourth report was for a teenage boy. “She’s younger than the others but fits the bill perfectly otherwise. Let’s go find her!” Rebecca had said.

  But they hadn’t. Forty-eight hours they had searched. They had followed every possible lead and searched what seemed to be the entire city, but now she was dead. And the killer was still out there. Rebecca sighed and pulled her emotions together. She was tough, and she was not about to let this guy win by getting the best of her. She had been a cop for ten years, and this guy was going down if she had anything to do with it.

  Crystal had gone missing while on her regular evening run Monday evening. She had left her four-year-old in the care of a neighbor as she did every evening. The unsub, or unidentified subject, clearly only wanted the mothers, since, so far, all the children had been cared for and not with their mothers at the time of the kidnappings. It had been an exhausting forty-eight hours that had produced very little information. They couldn’t even identify where exactly she had been taken. Very few traffic cameras were on her regular running route, it had been dusk, and no one had seen anything. Their best guess was that he grabbed her in the park she ran through, but there was no evidence to confirm that.

  “Palmer,” Doug said bringing her out of her thoughts. “The flower this time is a white chrysanthemum, but no flowers were found at her place.”

  “We need to go back to her apartment again and see if there was anything we missed that could give us a clue about the flowers. It doesn’t fit. Why did he choose this flower for her if she didn’t have any in her home like the other victims? Maybe she has a shirt or a pin? He chooses these flowers intentionally; everything he does is intentional and methodical, so what was the game with the flowers?”

  “I don’t know,” Doug said.

  “Me neither, but I do know it matters.”

  “Maybe. What’s the note say this time?”

  Rebecca had read it five times already, so she didn’t even have to look back at it. “‘I have paid for my sins. I lied, but now my tongue will be silent.’” A shudder ran down Rebecca’s spine.

  Doug and Rebecca left the crime scene and went to Crystal’s apartment, but after searching everywhere they found nothing having to do with chrysanthemums. Rebecca insisted they ask her friends and family.

  “Why does it matter that much, Palmer?” Doug asked.

  “I’m not sure why or how it matters, but my gut tells me there is something to it.”

  “Fine, I trust you, Partner. Let’s go talk to her friends and family.”

  The two detectives went to Crystal’s parents’ house where many of them were still gathered as they had been all week since she went missing.

  “I am so sorry for your loss,” Rebecca said when invited in by Crystal’s cousin. They split up and mingled with the mourners.

  She sat down with a small group that was gathered in the living room and included Crystal’s mom, sister, and best friend. “I hate to do this, but I have a strange question for you about Crystal. She was found holding a bouquet of white chrysanthemums. Is that a flower that she was particularly fond of?”

  “No!” Crystal’s mother replied. “Crystal doesn’t like flowers at all. She is… was… very allergic to them. Always has been, and so has never liked any flower of any kind.”

  Rebecca’s heart broke for the woman who hung her head in grief for the daughter she had lost. She couldn’t imagine losing Callie.

  “Yeah, she’s always hated anything floral or flower related at all,” Crystal’s sister added.

  Rebecca was really confused now. Did he just choose this flower at random since Crystal didn’t have a favorite flower?

  “Did you say white chrysanthemums?” her best friend, Katie, asked.

  “I did.”

  “Are those the flowers with lots of petals like daisies but without the yellow in the center?”

  “Yes, it is,” Rebecca leaned forward in her seat. What did Katie know? “Why?”

  “Well, I was at Crystal’s house on Saturday morning and someone delivered a bouquet of white flowers that looked like that. She had me put them in a plastic bag and take them to the dumpster immediately.”

  “Do you know who they were from?”

  “No. She didn’t even look for a card. She doesn’t have a boyfriend, and anyone that knows her at all knows that flowers could send her to the hospital.”

  “Did you see the delivery man? Do you know what florist shop they were from by chance?”

  “No. I was in the other room. She had closed the door by the time I got to her.”

  “Okay. Thank you for your time. This helps a lot. We are going to get the guy who did this.”

  She left the women and joined Doug, who had been talking to some of the other family members. After they left the house she relayed the information she had learned. “This guy wasn’t choosing a flower these women liked,” Rebecca said. “He was sending them flowers.”

  “But why different flowers?” Doug asked. “Aren’t most serial killers consistent with the details? He’s consistent about everything else he is doing.”

  “Since when is there a category for ‘most serial killers’? I agree; this seems out of sync somehow. There must be something to it. But my brain isn’t working at its sharpest any more. Too little sleep and way too much coffee in the last three days.”

  “Agreed. Let’s head back to the station and call it a day.”

  “Doug, that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”

  “Would you like a cup of tea or something?” Rebecca asked Caleb as she came back into the kitchen after tucking Callie in for the night. He had come over for dinner and a movie with her and Callie on Saturday evening. It was a nice distraction, but she was having trouble keeping her spirits up because the case was getting to her.

  “Not a big tea drinker, what other options do you have, I’d love a beer if you have any?”

  “No, sorry. I stopped drinking when I got pregnant with Callie and have managed to never pick up another.” Wow, she did not expect that nugget of truth to escape tonight.

  “Good for you. You said that as if you had been a heavy drinker. May I ask?”

  She leaned on the counte
r across from where Caleb sat at the breakfast bar. “I’m the one who said it, so I guess you can. Yes, I was a bit of a heavy drinker, nothing too outrageous though. But since I became a Christian, I don’t want to step back into that scene at all, so I abstain completely.”

  “Sounds reasonable. I just enjoy an occasional beer. I don’t think I’ve ever had more than two in one day though.” He looked up and to his left. “I guess I shouldn’t keep any in my house anymore.”

  “You don’t have to do that on account of me.”

  “Okay. Actually, I was thinking about my brother. Drinking was a vice of his until a couple of years ago.”

  “So, he is moving here?”

  “Yep. Next week. I pick him up from the airport a week from Monday.”

  “That’s great. Why don’t you guys come over for dinner? How about Tuesday evening?”

  “That sounds good.”

  She fixed a cup of tea for herself and a glass of soda for Caleb, and they sat down at the kitchen table.

  “Rebecca, are you okay? You seem distracted and maybe even sad tonight.”

  “It’s just the case I’m working.”

  “I know your rule about talking about work outside of work, but if you ever need to talk you know I’ll listen, right?”

  “I do, thanks, Caleb. I’ll be all right. I need to just not think about it right now.” Part of her wanted to cry on his shoulder, but she wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet either. So, she shoved the feelings aside and found something else to chat about for the next little bit. Before long though, she was starting to yawn.

  “I should let you get to bed. You seem tired.”

  “I am. Thanks for coming over tonight. It was fun.”

  “It was. Thanks for having me.”

  They walked to the door, and he pulled her into a hug. Her heart fluttered in strange way as his strong arms surrounded her. She wanted to push him away, but she needed the hug too much. She let him hold her for a moment before loosening her own grip.