Letting Go

by Madison Stevens

  She groaned in frustration and tried to slam her hips onto his hand in such a way that he would finally be forced inside. Each time he anticipated this and moved slightly. The pressure below was maddening, and if something didn’t happen soon she was going to scream.

  Just as quickly as she thought it, he was gone. Her foggy state clouded what she was hearing until she heard his pants hit the floor. She leaned up on her elbows so she could admire him and all his glory. He had turned his back and was digging through the drawer next to the bed. She noticed a few more vibrant tattoos scattered on his back that she was dying to trace with her tongue. Then she came to the most perfect ass she had ever seen. The dimpled lines of perfection were just begging for two hands to be planted on them as he pounded into her.

  A flush crept through Sarah, and she bit her lip to keep from moaning. When he turned she nearly swallowed her tongue. She couldn’t figure out how he fit that into his pants, let alone wonder how that was going to fit into her. It wasn’t the length but the width that made her heart race. The man was seriously beefy all over.

  The drawer being slammed shut brought her out of the daze.

  “Shit,” he mumbled.

  “What?” Sarah sat up and reached out to him. He slid on top of her and rested his forehead against hers.

  A big sigh swept across her face.

  “It has been a long time.”

  “That’s okay,” Sarah said. She reached up to rub her palm against his cheek.

  “No,” he said. Jake turned to kiss her palm. “What I mean is that I wasn’t prepared for this.” Jake chuckled. “But then who could be? You took things by storm today.”

  Sarah narrowed her eyes.

  “Not that I’m complaining.” His hand once again made its way down the front of her body. When it reached her moist heat, he didn’t stop this time and sunk his finger inside.

  Sarah moaned and bucked up on the bed. She could feel the explosion of her orgasm just seconds away. He slowly worked his finger in and out of her, gently rubbing the nub.

  “But that’s okay. There are still other things we can do.” She barely heard him as he slipped down her body. Her eyes flew open when he withdrew his finger and tugged down her panties.

  His words were starting to register in her mind.

  “It’s okay, we don’t have to—”

  All thought was cut off when he thrust his tongue in her. Sarah’s body arched up as her orgasm crashed into her. As her muscles began to slow the flutter, she realized he was still lapping away. The crude noises he was making only heated her further. She had never had someone lick her. It wasn’t outside her imagination, but the actual experience was far more pleasurable than she could have ever guessed.

  Jake gave a few more swipes and then moved up her body again. He was desperate to sink into her but knew it wasn’t wise to risk her getting pregnant. Hell, he didn’t even know if she wanted to see him on a more permanent basis, let alone have a kid with him. A sigh of frustration slipped out as he made his way up the bed.

  Sarah lay contentedly on his pillows when he flopped down next to her.

  “That was amazing,” she said. “I never—” she paused.

  Jake rolled over to look at her.

  “Never?” His brow furrowed with frustration for her.

  “Nope. No one cared enough to.” She closed her eyes. “If I’m being honest, I’ve never even had an orgasm I didn’t create myself.” Jake could see the embarrassment color her face.

  “Oh, baby, don’t say that.” Jake groaned and could feel himself getting even harder.

  Sarah shifted to her side and looked at Jake. A small smile crept on her face.

  “Which part? That I haven’t had an orgasm with a man or that I like to touch myself?”

  Jake broke out in a sweat when he felt her small hand grasp him. Sure and steady strokes caused him to bite hard on his lip.

  “Do you like thinking about me touching myself?” she whispered in his ear. He groaned again when she licked and bit his earlobe.

  “Oh, Sarah. You don’t fight fair.”

  “You’re right,” she said. The hand on his cock stilled as she slipped down his body. Jake tried to catch her as she moved away but she playfully batted his hands. It wasn’t until he felt her hot tongue trace the length of him that he knew he was in trouble.

  Sarah licked Jake as she tried to figure out how she would fit him into her mouth. When she swirled her tongue along the base, he shifted and tried again to make her stop. She knew he had some strange notion that as long as she was satisfied, he would be.

  Open-mouthed, she slid up the length of him making sure he was nice and wet. When she reached the head, she swiped across the slit where salty droplets had formed. Planted between his legs, she looked up at him and pushed the head into her mouth.

  Jake watched as her mouth filled with his cock and nearly came undone. Being in her mouth was both heaven and hell, and if he had to do it much longer he would lose his mind.

  Sarah slid her mouth down as much as she could. Her jaw ached from his size. Her other hand worked the base as she slid up and down, swirling her tongue around the head. She could see beads of sweat slide down his neck and pulled off him with a loud pop.

  Panting, she could see he tried to hold on and keep from finding release. Sarah slid up his body. She felt him go ridged. When her bare heat met the length of him, his wild eyes shot to hers.

  “Please, I can’t hold much longer. You have got to stop.”

  “No,” she said as she worked her slick folds up and down his length.

  “I told you, I don’t have any protection.” A vein in his neck popped out with the strain.

  “So,” she said. Sarah rubbed her stiff nipples on the hard planes of his chest.

  “What?” Jake nearly choked on the restraint he commanded.

  “You said it was a long time. Does that mean you’re clean?” Sarah continued rubbing against him.

  “Well, yes, but that’s not going to help prevent—”

  Sarah stopped moving.

  “Good,” she said.

  Sarah sat up and straddled him. She rose and positioned his head at her entrance.

  “I’m clean, and I’m on the pill,” she said.

  Jake lifted his hips as she slid herself down his length, her vaginal muscles squeezing him along the way. When she was fully seated on him, she leaned forward and rested her head on his chest.

  “Wow,” she said. She took in short breaths. “It’s so tight.”

  “Baby, if you don’t stop talking like that the show is going to be over before it even starts.”

  Sarah chuckled. Jake sucked in a sharp breath at the new sensation which only made her laugh harder.

  “Think this is funny do ya?”

  Suddenly, she found herself being pressed into the mattress. The wind was sucked out of her at the deep connection they had.

  When she looked up, she met with a pair of very green eyes. They stared at one another as Jake pulled back slightly only to push back in. This time they both moaned. A few more slow thrusts gave way to a steady rhythm.

  Jake reached between them and began working her clit. With the torture earlier, there was no way he would be able to last long. He only hoped he could hang on for her.

  Sarah could feel she was so close, but she needed more. Lifting her hips, she changed how deep he could manage. He abandoned her clit and slipped his hands on her ass, angling so he could sink in deeper. After lifting her up, he went in hard and fast. The tight squeeze nearly sent him over. As he pounded into her, he felt the fluttering when she came around him. Feeling his own release rising, Jake grasped her hips, seating himself deeper onto her. Several quick thrusts and he exploded, shouting her name.

  He slumped onto her, kissing the bare skin beneath his mouth.

  Jake rolled off and landed on the pillow next to Sarah. Worry ate at him with how rough he had been. It had been a long time and apparently he had been building things u
p.

  He sighed when her arm slipped around his middle and her leg fell over his thigh.

  “Wow,” she said and planted a few kisses to his side as she snuggled deeper into his embrace.

  “I got a little carried away.” Jake sighed loudly. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

  Sarah lifted her head. “You can get carried away any time you like.”

  When she grinned, Jake couldn’t help but feel the warmth spread through him.

  As she lay with her head pressed to his chest, she traced the phoenix on his arm.

  “You really do have some beautiful work.” Sarah leaned up to look at him as she spoke.

  Jake turned and stared at the picture frame, now resting on the bedside table. He sighed loudly as he turned back to her.

  “Thanks,” he mumbled. Pain reflected back at her.

  It might be a risk, but she snatched the picture from the table and stared at the smiling men.

  “You are a handsome bunch.” She leaned her head back on his shoulder, holding the picture so they could both see. “I bet you all were trouble when you went out.”

  She felt the rumble of his laughter.

  “You could say that.” He reached over to take ahold of the picture. “Luc and Kurt were always the life of the party. I’ve always been the quiet one.”

  Sarah rolled to look at him.

  “I know something happened with you three.” She sighed. “Luc is so carefree despite the scar. It just seems that where his are visible, yours are hidden.” She slid her hand over to the phoenix.

  Jake closed his eyes.

  “We were out canvasing a small village in Afghanistan. There were twelve of us total.” His voice thick with emotion, he struggled to continue. “Luc called for backup on the set. Several of them were under fire, and they couldn’t find the shooter.” He opened his eyes to stare at the dark ceiling. “I told them all to take cover.”

  Sarah could feel him shake.

  “It was a fucking trap! They ambushed them into taking cover in the only building available.” The muscles ticked in his jaw as he tried to regain control.

  “Kurt had just gone in with Luc, close behind, as the bomb went off. It wasn’t big, but the explosion leveled most of the building.”

  Sarah linked hands with him across his chest. His large fingers squeezed and drew support from the connection.

  “Luc got hit by shrapnel that sliced his face nearly to the bone.” He turned to look at her. “Kurt hadn’t been so lucky.” Jake sighed. “By the time the rest of us had made it to the other side, the only survivors were Luc and Kurt. The rest were buried in the rubble.” Jake looked again at the pictures and swiped a finger over Kurt. “They were both on the ground. Luc couldn’t see for shit but tried to put pressure on Kurt’s wounds. Something had shot straight through his stomach. We weren’t sure, but the best guess is some sort of pipe.”

  Sarah could feel the burn of her tears that threatened to fall. Her throat closed over with emotion when Jake closed his eyes.

  “There was just so much fucking blood.” He sighed. “They medevaced them out with me right along with them. Luc was stitched up quickly and doing well. Kurt, well we all knew where that was going. They took all day operating on him and were successful. It was almost cruel to even give us that hope. Before we even had the chance to see him, he crashed. They were able to fix the wound, but it was too late for the other organs. His body just shut down and like that,” Jake snapped, “he was gone.”

  “I’m so sorry.” She squeezed his hand again.

  He was silent for a moment as he processed his emotion. When he started to talk, his eyes were fixed on the phoenix.

  “Got out of the service after that. Luc was released since his vision in that eye was damaged. Without Kurt or Luc, just didn’t seem like much point.” He scrubbed his hand across the stubble on his face.

  “When I opened the bar, I thought it would be a chance to move on. Got the tattoo just after.” A bitter laugh escaped. “Supposed to mean rebirth. Just felt like there should be a fresh start.”

  “Why?” Sarah chewed on her lower lip.

  “What?” Jake turned, so he could lean in and see her eyes.

  “Why do you need to start fresh?”

  “Baby—”

  “I think that if you care about someone you don’t try to shut that part off. The pain can’t fade if cap off your feeling. All that left is that pain, bubbling at the surface.” She reached up and cupped his rough cheek. “If you cared for him then share his light with the world. I’m sure he would want to be remembered for how he lived, not how he died.”

  Sarah brushed her thumb across this mouth and slipped out of the covers.

  “Oh, are you leaving?” He couldn’t help but let the disappointment seep into his words.

  “Only if you want me to.” Sarah picked up his t-shirt from the floor and slipped it on.

  “I’d really like it if you got back into bed, so I can show you how much I don’t want you to leave.”

  He lay on his back. Arms behind his head as a certain area started to tent from his desire.

  “Love to,” she said. She bent over to give him a searing kiss. “I just need to call home, and let my aunt and mom know where I am. It really wasn’t such a great idea to smash my phone.”

  Jake chuckled. “It certainly wasn’t what I expected.”

  He reached over and snatched his phone from the bedside table and handed it over. He watched as she paced the room, dialing the number. Seeing her pale slender legs made his need for her grow. When she stopped, his eyes shot to her face.

  Sarah scowled at the phone, punching in more numbers. When she started pacing again, he noticed that her hand pick nervously at the ends of the shirt. Again, she stopped and punched in more numbers.

  Jake sat up. “Anything the matter?”

  “I can’t get ahold of anyone. No one answered at home, and my aunt didn’t answer her cell. I’m calling my phone in case they left a message.”

  Sarah stopped to punch a few numbers and listened.

  He knew it wasn’t good when he heard her sharp intake and watched as she started to tremble. She snapped the phone shut and tossed it on the bed.

  “I have to go.” Sarah whipped off the t-shirt and started to slip on her clothes.

  Concern coursed through him as he shot out of bed and put on his jeans.

  Frantically, she sifted through the clothes on the floor in search of her other shoe. It was hard to focus with her head strumming its own beat.

  She jumped when two strong arms came and wrapped around her. The comfort she felt in them eased her distress. She leaned back.

  “What’s going on?” he whispered in her ear.

  Choked with worry, Sarah slowly worked the words out. “Mom’s in the hospital.” She closed her eyes as tears leaked out.

  “What happened?” He placed her gently on the bed and lowered himself to look under the bed.

  “My aunt didn’t say but called about an hour ago.”

  Jake popped up with the other shoe and pushed it into her hands. As she slid it on, he left the room.

  She hated to ruin their time, but she just had to go. She stood, despite her shaky legs, grabbed his phone off the bed and walked into the living room.

  “Do you know the number for a cab?” she asked as she rounded the corner.

  “A cab? Why would you need a cab?”

  Sarah stopped short when she saw that Jake was fully dressed and grabbing his keys off the counter.

  “Unless you don’t want me to come.” The worry in his voice sliced through her. Before she knew what she was doing, she had launched herself into his arms.

  “You are amazing.”

  “For driving you to the hospital? Honey, I hate to tell you, but that’s not amazing.”

  “No,” she hesitated and buried her face to his chest. “For being here.”

  He squeezed her tight as anger coursed through him.

  “Of cou
rse I’m here for you. That’s what real men do for their women.”

  He gave another squeeze and turned her toward the door.

  “Let’s take my bike. It will be faster.”

  ***

  When they pulled into the emergency parking, Sarah was thankful she hadn’t had to drive. He might drive a little faster than she was used to, but there was no way she would have been able to concentrate.

  As they came to the front entrance, she turned to Jake. “It might be a long night. You can just drop me off if you want.”

  His mouth formed a firm line. “What I want is to be with you.”

  She couldn’t help but smile at his words and slipped her hand into his.

  When Sarah talked with the nurse at the front desk, Jake thought over the last time he had been at a hospital. He knew Kurt wouldn’t make it. Hell, all of them knew. It was just a matter of time at that point. He shut down the night Kurt died. Feeling lost didn’t fit into his life of discipline and regulation. And it sure as hell didn’t fit into his training of doing things by the book.

  Jake shook himself from his demons once they reached Sarah’s mother’s room. A slightly heavy set woman with short mousy blonde hair stood outside the door talking with a nurse.

  “Aunt Patty!” Sarah rushed into her aunts arms as the nurse walked away. “Is Mom okay?”

  “She’s fine, just a nasty spill. They want to run a few tests to be sure her levels are all right, but otherwise she’ll be fine.”

  “Oh thank God. What happened?” Although the crease of worry across her brow had faded, the concern still crept out.

  “She said she had some pain most of the day. When she went to get something in the kitchen, her left leg just gave out.” The older woman patted her hand. “I found her like that when I came home and it nearly gave me a heart attack. She had hit her head on the corner of the counter and there was quite a bit of blood around her head.” She chuckled a little. “Thirty years of nursing, you’d think I would be used to that.”

  “What about the head wound? Are they worried?”

  Aunt Patty shook her head. “Things seem to be alright. They were even able to just glue the gash closed. No worries, hun.” Patty pulled Sarah in for another hug. “Head wounds are scary, but it’s better to bleed out than in.”