A few yards in front of her and Charlie, Roy twisted around in his saddle. “We’ll ride to the water tank,” he told Justine. “Or are you getting too tired?”
His consideration both touched and surprised her. She hadn’t expected her comfort to cross his mind. “I’m fine, and Marble seems fine.”
Roy looked at the boy. “How about you, Charlie? Ready to stop?”
“No, sir!”
“Okay. We’ll go on to the water tank and let the horses drink, then take a different trail back to the house.”
Several minutes later, they reached the cattle. The herd hardly noticed their presence. Roy had to yell out a few yips and wave his arm to clear the three of them a path to the watering tank.
Once there, Roy dismounted, then lifted Charlie out of the saddle. Justine also slid to the ground, and led Marble up to the cool water. Roy and Charlie brought their mounts up beside hers.
“You have a beautiful ranch, Roy,” Justine told him as they waited for the three horses to get their fill of water. “How much farther south does it go?”
“Oh, about five more miles, I’d say. The Pardee is big. But not nearly as big as the Bar M.”
Lifting her hand to shade her eyes, Justine surveyed the far horizon. She loved this desert land, and was constantly awed by is tough beauty.
“It might not be as big, but I’m sure it’s more solvent.”
Roy looked at her sharply. “What are you saying? That the Bar M is in financial trouble?”
Justine made a dismissive gesture with her hand. “It’s not exactly in trouble,” she said, wishing she’d kept her thoughts to herself. She, and her family, didn’t necessarily want anyone to know about their financial woes. “Things have been a little strained since Daddy died, that’s all. Of course, it sure would help if the cattle market would come out of its slump.”
“If prices stay this low for very long, the little fellows will be forced out of business,” he agreed. “But you Murdock sisters aren’t a little operation. You’ll make it.”
Justine appreciated his confidence, but she wasn’t so certain herself. She knew Rose was definitely unsettled by the Bar M’s lack of working funds.
The ride back to the ranch took nearly an hour. By that time, Justine was beginning to get saddle-sore.
“Your walk appears to be a little stiff,” Roy remarked to Justine as they left the corrals and headed to the house.
“I don’t ride every day, like my sisters and Charlie do,” she said, then smiled at the sight of her son loping far ahead of them. “Look at him. He had enough energy to go another five miles.”
“I’ll bet he could go that far and more,” Roy agreed, then slanted her a glance. “I don’t guess you’ve ever regretted having him? I mean, even though you’ve had to raise him all alone?”
Justine kept her gaze firmly on Charlie. “There was no anguished choice for me when I discovered I was pregnant,” she told him truthfully. “I knew I wanted him or her. I loved my child before it was born, and now…well, Charlie is everything to me.”
Like a lance thrown by an angry hand, jealousy tore a hole through Roy’s chest. He knew it was foolish to feel that way, but he couldn’t seem to stop the evil green emotion from spreading through him. Over and over through the years, he’d found himself wishing that it had been Justine, instead of Marla, who came to him with the news that she was pregnant with his child.
And now that Justine had returned home and he’d met Charlie, he wished it a thousand times more. Yet he couldn’t change the past. He had to think about the future.
This morning, before their ride, he’d told Justine that his invitation was prompted solely by his wish for Charlie to see the paints. But that hadn’t been entirely true. He might as well admit it to himself.
For the past several months, Roy had been feeling flat, although he didn’t know why. He served the county as sheriff and then he came home and took care of the ranching chores. He had plenty of things to keep him busy and his mind occupied. But in spite of that, he’d been thinking, brooding, wondering if there was supposed to be more to life than what he had.
Then he’d been called to the Bar M and Justine had opened the door. The moment he saw her, it had been as though scales had fallen from his eyes. Everything around him had seemed sharper, more vibrant. He’d felt more alive than he had in months. She did that to him. She was like a light in the darkness.
“Justine?”
“Yes.”
“This morning, when you questioned me about asking you over here today, I…well, the answer I gave you wasn’t entirely honest.”
Her heart beating fast, she turned her head to look at him.
“No?”
The twist of his lips was full of self-disgust “As you’ve probably already guessed, I’m not a sociable sort of guy. My work keeps me pretty busy.”
“I’m sure it does.”
“I don’t get to…have much company. There’s never anyone around that I can just talk to about things that have nothing to do with the law. I guess I just wanted someone to talk to.”
More than anything Roy had ever said to her, these words shook her, turned her insides to warm mush. “And you wanted that someone to be me?”
The dismay in her voice put a wry smile on his face. “Why should that surprise you? We’ve known each other a long time, and I consider you a friend.”
Perhaps Justine should have been insulted that he considered her a friend, rather than an old flame. But she wasn’t. A friend was special. And whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not, that was what she wanted to be to Roy. Special.
Justine and Roy had reached the yard. Charlie came racing from the front of the house to join up with the two adults.
“When are we gonna eat?” he asked.
“Eat? Charlie, you’re not supposed to invite yourself to eat at someone else’s house,” Justine gently scolded him.
“But we need to have a cookout,” he explained. “That’s what cowboys do when they get back from a long ride.”
Roy laughed while Justine groaned.
“He’s been watching too much of that western channel,” she said.
Snagging his thumbs over the waistband of his jeans, Charlie rocked back on his heels and looked up at Roy. “Do you know what a cookout is?”
Roy pretended to mull over Charlie’s question. “I think I do. I don’t have a chuck wagon, though. But I have a grill, and plenty of mesquite.”
“Do you have steak and beans?” Charlie asked.
Roy chuckled. “I might find steaks in the freezer and a can of pintos in the cupboard. Can you help me get the fire going?”
Charlie literally bounced on his toes. “I sure can!”
Justine quickly spoke up before the two of them could make more plans. “Oh, we’ll not be staying to eat, Roy. We need to be getting home. I have a jillion things to do, and Kitty might be needing help with the twins.”
He guided her up a short set of steps and onto a redwood deck. “You two have to eat sometime, and so do I. It wouldn’t be very hospitable of me to allow you to go home hungry.”
When Justine drove over here this morning, she’d expected to stay for only a few short minutes and then be gone. Taking a long horseback ride, then sharing a meal with Roy, was the last thing she’d planned on doing today. But what the heck, she decided. For once, the man was being more like the Roy she used to know, and she couldn’t resist spending a bit more time with him.
“Well, I suppose Charlie and I could help you scrape something together,” she told him.
They entered the house, and Justine quickly ushered Charlie to the bathroom, where she ordered him to wash. Once he was finished and out of the small room, she used the facilities herself, then went back to the kitchen to see if there was anything she could do to help Roy with the meal.
She found the room empty. However, there were three steaks thawing in the microwave and two cans of beans sitting on the cabinet counter. He ob
viously intended to give Charlie the meal he wanted.
Deciding that for the moment there was nothing for her to do in the kitchen, Justine started to the back door, then stopped when she heard Roy and Charlie’s voices on the deck.
Peering through the screen, she could see the two of them filling a grill with mesquite chips.
“That’s enough,” Roy said as he eyed the measure of wood.
Grinning impishly, Charlie added one more to the pile, and for a moment Justine thought he might scold their son. As she’d said earlier, in the barn, Roy wasn’t softhearted enough to spoil.
But to Justine’s surprise, Roy chuckled and ruffled the top of Charlie’s head. “All right. One more. But no more. Do you want to squirt the lighter fluid on the wood?”
“Yeah!” Charlie exclaimed. “Can I put the match on it, too?”
Roy shook his head. “No. You’re going to stand far back when I do that. Understand?”
Not the least bit disappointed, Charlie nodded. “Yes, sir! I’ll get back, ‘cause I don’t want my eyelashes singed.”
Roy glanced at the boy. “Have you ever had your eyelashes singed?”
Charlie’s head swung back and forth. “Nope. But Mommy has. She got too close when she was building a fire in the fireplace.”
“Your mommy needs to be more careful. We wouldn’t want anything to happen to her.”
Justine’s heart felt as if it were tearing into jagged pieces. As she took in the sight of her son and his father, it almost seemed as if the three of them were a real family. But they weren’t, and she’d be crazy to ever think they could be.
Misty-eyed, Justine continued to watch the two of them until the fire was burning and they started back into the house.
Quickly stepping away from the door, she went over to the cabinet counter and began opening the cans of beans.
“Is everything going all right in here?” Roy asked.
Sniffing, she plastered a smile on her face, then glanced over her shoulder at him. “Sure. Did you get the fire started?”
Charlie, who’d sidled up to Roy, gave his mother a proud nod. “We sure did.”
Roy patted the top of his head. “My sidekick here did most of the work.”
As Charlie continued to beam from ear to ear, Justine knew that this outing today with Roy was one her son would never forget. And she was glad that he was having this bit of time with his father, even if it might be the only time.
“Will it be long till the food is ready?” Charlie asked.
Justine nodded. “You’ll have to find something to do until the steaks cook.”
“I’ll go play with Levi.”
“Wait a minute,” Roy told him. He walked over to the cabinets and pulled a mangled rubber ball from a drawer. Handing it to Charlie, he said, “Levi loves to play fetch. The farther you throw it, the better be likes it.”
“What if I throw the ball so far Levi can’t find it?”
Roy chuckled and gave Justine a sidelong wink. “Don’t worry, partner, Levi has a nose like a hound. He’ll sniff the ball out no matter where you throw it.”
“Boy! He must be some dog. I’m gonna try it!”
“Just stay away from the river,” Justine cautioned him.
“I know, Mommy. I will.”
Charlie raced out the screen door and off the deck. Justine gave Roy a wry smile. “I guess you can tell he’s enjoying himself.”
“He doesn’t appear to be bored.”
Now that Charlie had gone outside, the kitchen seemed much smaller. Her heart began to thud faster, and every nerve in her body tightened with anticipation. Of what, she didn’t quite know. She only knew that the sight of Roy’s hard, masculine body standing so near to her was a temptation she wasn’t used to dealing with.
“Charlie loves doing anything outdoors,” she told him. “Especially if it involves horses or dogs.”
A faint smile touched his face. “You know, I never thought I liked children that much. I didn’t know what they were like, and I wasn’t sure I cared to know. But after being around Charlie and the twins—”
He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Justine got the impression he was embarrassed by his newfound feelings. But that wasn’t surprising. Roy had always been… maybe not a macho man, but a tough man’s man. She supposed it was a surprise to him to discover he had a soft spot for little ones. It certainly surprised her.
“You realize how special they are,” she finished for him.
He nodded. “Yeah. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.”
Not stopping to question herself, she closed the small space between them and laid her hand on his forearm. “Feeling tender toward children doesn’t make you any less of a man, Roy. Only more.”
He looked down at her small, soft hand, curled around his arm. It felt so good to have her touching him like this, to know she’d done it of her own accord and not because he’d riled her into it.
“Well, I don’t figure it makes much difference. I doubt I’ll ever have any children of my own.”
Now is the time, Justine, a voice inside her whispered loudly. Tell him about Charlie. Tell him that he already has a son.
As the urging of the voice swirled around in her head, something else hit her, something so strong and overwhelming, she couldn’t stop herself from inching closer and lifting her face up to his.
“Roy, I—” She stopped as all sorts of words tangled in a confused wad on her tongue. She was full of the need to give to him, yet terrified that she had nothing he wanted from her. “Kiss me, will you?”
She could see a look of surprise flicker in his eyes, and then, suddenly, it didn’t matter that she was behaving recklessly. His mouth settled over hers, and sweet contentment poured through her body, urged her onto her tiptoes and her arms around his lean waist.
He kissed her not for just a moment, but for a long time. With one hand on her face and the other threaded through the hair above her ear, he tasted every curve of her lips, explored the sharp edge of her teeth with his tongue.
Justine’s palms slid up his chest, then settled around the hard muscles of his neck. He felt warm and wonderful and so right. And as Justine gave her mouth to him, she realized she’d only just now come home to the Hondo Valley. She knew in the deepest part of her that Roy was the only man who could make her feel this way, the only man she would ever want to love her like this.
Roy finally lifted his head and gazed down at her. Caressing her cheek with his thumb, he said in a thick voice, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had an invitation like that from you.”
Now that there was a bit of space between them, the reality of what she’d just done hit Justine like an avalanche. She’d more or less told him she wanted him. Dear Lord, what must he be thinking?
Color swept across her cheeks, and her eyes dropped to the center of his chest. “Yes. A long time,” she agreed, her voice low and husky.
“You probably don’t want to tell me why, do you?”
“Why?” she asked shakily.
His thumb slid beneath her chin and tilted her face up to his searching eyes. “Why you wanted me to kiss you.”
Now that sanity had crept back in, Justine felt like an idiot. So what if she still loved Roy? That didn’t mean he had any sort of feelings toward her. Other than friendship, she told herself. But friends didn’t kiss. Not the way Roy had just kissed her.
“No,” she said.
He grimaced, and she threw up her hands in a gesture of surrender. “Oh, all right. You’re a good-looking man, Roy. You know that without me telling you. And I was simply tempted by the sight of you.”
He didn’t appear to be a bit convinced. “My looks are the same as they were a few days ago, and you sure as heck weren’t inviting me to kiss you then. In fact, you insisted you didn’t like my company.”
Annoyed with herself more than with him, she twisted away from the hold he had on her waist and walked over to the screen door. “I know you’re
the sheriff, but do you interrogate every woman who invites you to kiss her?”
Frowning, he said, “I know you won’t believe this, but you’re the only woman who’s issued such an invitation to me.”
She grunted mockingly. “You’re right, I don’t believe it.” Whirling back around to him, she said, “Roy, I wish you’d forget the whole thing. Women have urges, just like men do. I had an urge, nothing more.”
She knew she was making herself sound cheap, but that was better than confessing that she loved him. He didn’t want to hear it, and she didn’t want to give him the opportunity to throw her heart back in her face.
Roy didn’t believe her. Justine wasn’t the sort of woman who kissed a man without some sort of feeling behind it. But he wasn’t going to push the issue any further. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what had motivated her to suddenly melt in his arms. He liked being around Justine and he liked being around Charlie. But he didn’t want to get to liking their company too much. Marla had betrayed him. Justine had walked out on him. He didn’t ever want to go through that much pain again. But, dear God, a moment ago it had felt like heaven to have her back in his arms. He hated these swiftly changing feelings he’d been having ever since he’d seen Justine again.
“Don’t worry, Roy,” Justine went on, when he continued to remain silent. “I promise not to get any more urges around you. It was just a onetime thing.”
Roy wasn’t at all sure that was the sort of promise he wanted from her. “You certainly know how to toy with a man’s ego. First you ask him to kiss you, and then you tell him it’ll never happen again. I feel like a balloon that’s lost its hot air.”
Relief swept through Justine. Apparently he’d decided not to take her kiss seriously. Smiling now, she said, “I’m sure your ego is just fine. Now, don’t you think we should check on the fire? I’m sure the steaks are thawed and ready to cook.”
Seeing she was determined to drop the whole thing, he nodded. “You’re right. Charlie’s going to be yelling he’s starving.”
Roy stepped past her and out the door. Closing her eyes, Justine remained where she stood and tried to collect her scattered senses.
The Sheriff's Son Page 10
