Vampires She Wrote

by Eve Paludan

  “They’re beautiful.”

  “Put them in your boots.”

  “I’m wearing Nikes!”

  “Stop whining. Just put them down your socks and try not to stab yourself.”

  I lifted my pant legs, concealed the scabbards in my long sport socks, and then adjusted my clothes. “The silver burns my skin, even through the scabbards.”

  “I’m sure it does.” He frowned and I could see him thinking hard and fast. “On my mark, be ready to draw those short swords together and toss one to my left hand. The other one is for you to use.”

  “So noted. But what’s your exact plan, Dracul?”

  “I told you. A trick. I’m going to trade hostages.”

  “Hostages? What hostages?”

  “You for the girl, of course.”

  And then, Dracula broke down the door.

  Chapter 18

  All hell broke loose as Dracula and I rushed into a basement utility room that was packed tightly with grungy vampires dressed as medieval peasants, complete with knee-high boots that probably served to cache their weapons.

  Haggard-faced, they stood in a circle around a thin girl in filthy footie pajamas that might have once been pink. They were in the middle of drawing lots to see who would have ‘first bite.’ The girl had a blackout hood over her head and was in a chair—and she was singing her head off. It was muffled by the hood, but it sounded like she was singing, “Puff the Magic Dragon.”

  I didn’t have time to figure that one out because as soon as I heard him roar like a dragon, I got out of Dracula’s way. He overturned their gambling table and pummeled the gamblers without mercy, while yodeling a fierce, sustained ancient battle cry resembling a ki-yi-yi-yi howl.

  The throng rushed us as we rushed them. I wanted to draw the silver weapons, but Dracula had not yet given me the command to do so.

  He was fighting hand-to-hand so I did the same. These were not kill blows on either side and I knew it. We pounded the advancing throng of smelly vampires who threw punches that let me know who had fed recently and who hadn’t, but no one drew a lethal weapon against us. The weaker ones were starving and slow-witted. I mowed down the vacant-eyed ones first, with my fists, with my feet, even with my elbows.

  Dracula and I began to clear a path toward little Carrie.

  The henchmen got in a few punches, but as a very healthy vampire who fed multiple times a day on prime-quality blood, I was much stronger. And probably nobody knew it but me, but Dracula wasn’t just strong from regular blood feedings. He toted around powerful and rare dragon’s blood in his body, because that was what he was when he shifted to fly.

  Even as we battled the fray—two of us against perhaps twenty weak henchmen—the ones closest to Carrie were still arguing about who was going to be the first to drink her blood. Even without the table, they were still casting lots.

  With the sound of those dice still falling, Dracula let loose with a shrill screech of rage that almost burst my eardrums. In fact, blood ran out of my ears, and I wasn’t the only one. Holy crap, my ears hurt. I realized it was his dragon voice.

  Everyone covered their ears, including me. It was as if someone had shoved fishhooks in my eardrums. When the room was quiet, Dracula stopped the screeching and ordered in a terrifying, booming voice, “Surrender or be deafened, you wretched filth!” And they all dropped to their knees in surrender, except for one massive guy.

  I hadn’t expected any of this.

  I saw Ace slipping out, crawling on his hands and knees for the door behind us. I let him go. He was the only one who got a free pass from me. The coward. He’d left without his daughter. I was appalled, even though I knew this was a terrifying situation.

  The massive guy with the hammerhead shark face and the mouth full of rows of teeth, one behind the other, was Sharky aka Genghis Khan. He also wore a giant curved silver scimitar that looked like it was a prop from an Aladdin movie. Genghis Khan the giant, who probably rivaled the size of the ancient Nephilim, was quick to move on tree-trunk-like legs. He pushed over his own minions and even stepped on some of them, cracking their backbones and making them cry out in pain as he came face-to-face with Dracula.

  When they were about six feet apart, Khan said, “We meet again, Lord Dracul.”

  “Genghis Khan, I have come here unarmed to negotiate the release of the child prisoner, Carrie.”

  “I do not negotiate with members of The Order of the Dragon. I kill them.”

  As Khan advanced, Dracula raised an open palm. “Listen to my terms! I have something you want.”

  I gulped, knowing something of what was coming. The trick. I looked at Dracula to see if I should draw the silver short swords yet and throw him one. There must have been that obvious question on my face because he subtly shook his head at me and said under his breath, “Kneel and do not look at anyone but me.”

  Shocked, I obeyed, kneeling to him, not to that bloodthirsty savage with the shark-like teeth. I kept my eyes on Dracula’s face for the sign that we were going to go to weapons mode.

  Dracula lifted his arms and dramatically moved his cape with the cross behind him and I saw that his shirt also carried the cross that was embroidered over a golden dragon. “I come here unarmed, to negotiate the release of this girl child.”

  “You have nothing I want but your undead life and the final destruction of The Order of the Dragon,” Khan said.

  Dracula ignored that threat and glanced at me. “I offer you this fit, well-fed, healthy vampire. He is obedient, unquestioningly loyal, has a respectful nature and clean morals. He has great physical strength and tenacity. I offer him, in exchange for the release of the puny, sickly mortal child.”

  Oh, hell! I stayed silent, even as I was impressed by his flattering description of me.

  But Sharky-Khan was suspicious. “What has he done wrong to earn your displeasure, that you would trade him for a mere human child?”

  “He’s done nothing wrong. He is one of the best of us that was ever created from the House of Rachel.”

  “A fine bloodline, despite the lack of flight. He could be useful to me in some regard.”

  “Agreed. Will you now exchange my prisoner for yours?” Dracula asked.

  Oh, my God. I did feel like he was really negotiating a prisoner exchange. I was getting nervous and my knees were killing me from kneeling on the concrete floor. I gulped and kept my eyes on Dracula.

  Genghis Khan thought for long moments. I could feel him staring at me, but, as ordered, I didn’t look his way. At last, he replied, “I don’t understand, Dracul. Why would you throw this exemplary vampire into the pit with thine enemy?”

  “Because he’s worthy. I will sacrifice something dear, but so will you. I will walk out of here with the unharmed girl and leave this fine young vampire behind. With you.”

  I was trying not to shake.

  “What could I possibly do with such a fine vampire?” Khan mused.

  “He could train your women vampire gladiators.”

  “Perhaps, but I would have to kill him if he availed himself of sex with them.”

  “He would not do that.”

  “How can I be sure?”

  “He prefers men.”

  Oh, man, Dracula and I were going to have some words later…

  Khan began laughing in a terrifying way and suddenly, he shouted, “Search Dracula for weapons! Pig! Bear! Get over here. Now!”

  A couple of aptly named henchmen crawled over on their hands and knees and, trembling when they stood next to him, they patted down Dracula as gingerly as playing patty-cake. Dracula sneered at them and feinted an eye clawing, which made one of the henchmen squeal like a little girl.

  I kept a straight face and fixed my eyes on Dracula.

  “Lord Dracul has no weapons, sire,” they said together in a way that gave me the heebie jeebies. Like they were Stepford vampires.

  I stayed on my knees, trying not to think of how my mouth was getting dry like I might even hurl. It
wasn’t hard to paste a scared, obedient expression on my face as I only stared at Dracula. As I was his “prisoner,” they didn’t think to search me for weapons, or perhaps he compelled them not to think of searching me. In my head, I was madly compelling all of the weak and starving vampire henchmen to not notice me, to not pay any attention to me at all. My attempted compulsion of these less intelligent vampires was the equivalent of, ‘These are not the droids you’re looking for.’ And somehow, it worked.

  “I shall call you Horse,” Khan said to me.

  The hell he would!

  I withheld my dirty look, only because I knew it would tick off Dracula.

  Khan continued, “And you will train my female vampire gladiators to fight harder for the pay-per-view games. And, upon punishment of death, you will never, ever f—”

  Suddenly, a vampiress burst through the basement door with murder in her eyes.

  “Justine!” Her name burst from my lips and Dracula looked shocked, too.

  Throwing numerous silver stars of the martial arts type, Justine wiped out a slew of the henchmen and then gave a bloodcurdling, trilling scream of triumph as if she were an ancient warrior princess. Yes, that one.

  A Jets-versus-Sharks type of rumble began in earnest as the clink and clank of drawn silver weapons echoed throughout the entire sewage-dripping basement.

  As the henchmen rushed us, Dracula shouted, “Now, Fang!”

  I pulled up my pants leg and flipped a silver short sword to his left hand. He caught it deftly and stabbed the closest enemy in the heart, dropping him in his tracks.

  Before Dracula’s first kill hit the floor, I drew the other silver short sword for myself. As I stood, I gutted a henchman in the belly who was heading for me with a heavy silver chain that whooshed through the air. I ducked the leading part of the chain—unfortunately, I didn’t see the tail end coming. The end link thwacked me in the head. Hard.

  I couldn’t help screaming as red stars of agony burst in my vision. If I’d been mortal, that blow would have killed me. The smell and taste of my own blood spilling and the intense pain made me go berserk. I jammed a forceful uppercut in my opponent’s abs with my borrowed short sword—his intestines spilled out on the floor. In a stroke of luck, his heart was speared on the end of my sword like a macabre shish kebab.

  “Make a triad!” Dracula yelled.

  At first, I didn’t know what he even meant until I saw Justine align herself back-to-back with him. They made a whirling circle of death and destruction in their wake. I jumped in with my back to them and together, we made a formidable triad that became a tornado of impenetrable annihilation. We dropped our enemies left and right.

  Genghis Khan wasn’t eager to engage us. He was huge but not quick and he knew it—he hid in a circle of his finest lieutenants until we dropped most of them, too. Justine was using karate moves and her feet were flashing fast—I did see her pick up a silver knife from the floor and use it.

  Bleeding and wounded, we dropped the bolder foes and we even killed the ones who tried to crawl away. I didn’t keep count, but it was a lot—the three of us were merciless assassins in our whirling triad.

  Soon, it was just Genghis Khan and one foolish henchman against Dracula, Justine and me. My ears were ringing, my head was throbbing and I’d never wanted to kill someone as badly as I wanted to kill Genghis Khan.

  Back-to-back-to-back, the three of us whirled with our weapons, heading for the last two standing enemies.

  When we got close, Justine grabbed a silver scimitar from Genghis Khan’s final henchman and she did it with her foot! She kicked the handle of the scimitar into her hand and the henchman shrieked in fury as he bashed her in the leg with the ball-and-chain silver mace in his other hand. She clenched her teeth and inhaled, then exhaled screaming as she launched the scimitar at him like a javelin. Her aim was true as it jammed into that henchman’s throat and he went down.

  Justine rushed the gurgling henchman, slashing the air as she went at him, her hands and feet a blur while we still spun in our triad. But Justine wasn’t done yet. She pulled out the scimitar and rushed him again, whooshing it in far-reaching arcs—getting crazy with it.

  Dracula and I both stepped away from her, out of our whirling triad.

  Justine grabbed the henchman’s man-bun, and thunked the razor-sharp silver blade of the ancient scimitar through his thick neck, finally separating his head from his falling body.

  She held the bloody head over her own head, letting the blood pour all over her and screaming in triumph. I thought she was going to have a stroke from her glee. She was covered in blood from head to toe.

  “He’s dead. You don’t have to take a bath in his blood!” I shouted.

  “You have no idea what Khan’s lieutenant did to us—this is our well-deserved revenge on his number one and I am going to savor every drop.”

  “Look out!” I shouted as a huge shadow went over our heads—we ducked just to time to avoid the slashing motion of silver-tipped talons as they went over our heads.

  I heard the flap of huge wings and I saw the shapeshifted vampire bust upward through the basement window and head into the night.

  “Genghis Khan is getting away!” I shouted. Of course, I didn’t have the power to fly after him and I was livid about it, too.

  “Lord Dracula, come with me and we’ll finish him,” Justine said quickly.

  He replied, “No, the child is not out of danger. I won’t be distracted by revenge and risk her life.”

  Justine looked disappointed. “We can get Khan if we transform and leave now, the same way he did!”

  Dracula shook his head. “No, we’re a mighty force as a triad, but separated, he might kill us. Divide and conquer is an elementary rule of war.”

  The firmer Dracula was in his replies, the more desperate Justine got.

  Justine gave an inelegant screech of frustration when he put his hand firmly on her shoulder to stay her. She insisted, “Khan must die! Now!”

  “Stand down, Justine! We will not abandon Fang and the child to pursue Khan. He and I will fight another day. Obey me in this, and survive this night. And my wrath.”

  She was reluctant, but nodded grudgingly at Dracula, who removed his hand from her shoulder. “I know who you are. Come, my Lord Dracula, and drink with me, the bitter blood of our vanquished enemy.”

  Dracula let out a wry chuckle. “Every moment that I doubted you, Fang believed in your loyalty.”

  “And I believe in his. And now, yours.” She bowed her head in respect. “Come share this with me now, Lord Dracula. Fang, join us.”

  I shook my head. Something was off with her.

  “Justine,” Dracula said, “I know that you were setting me up for Khan to kill me. If we had pursued him, you would have turned on me, fought with him, and helped kill me.”

  I was absolutely shocked when she kneeled in front of him and let out a sob.

  “Justine? Is this true?” I asked.

  She nodded. “Kill me then, for my treachery, Lord Dracula, so he can never use me again.”

  He said, “You are under his compulsion. And you fought bravely as long and as hard as you could. I felt the shift of him when he transformed, that he was sending you a message to kill me with him outside. And that if you did not do it, he would kill Fang.”

  My mouth dropped open. “You can hear Khan in your head?”

  “When I am in his proximity.”

  Her undead eyes pleaded with Dracula, “Kill me with your blessed silver and release me from my torment. I deserve no more.”

  A chill went through me. “Don’t!” I begged Dracula.

  “Justine, lie on the floor facing the ceiling,” he ordered as he raised his silver short sword.

  I stepped between them. I said, louder, “I’ll die before I let you hurt her. It’s not her fault!”

  “Get out of my way, Fang. This must be done.”

  He gave me a look so powerful that my own knees bent from the force and I cou
ldn’t lift my hands to defend Justine. In fact, I was paralyzed. I couldn’t even shout.

  “Open your mouth, Justine. I swear by all that I am that I will be swift and merciful,” Dracula vowed.

  She sobbed one last time and opened her mouth wide. Was she waiting to swallow his blade? I was still paralyzed and horrified at what was about to be the end of Justine.

  No! No!

  “Close your eyes,” Dracula said.

  She did so and I could see her trembling in fear.

  I thought he was going to kill her, but instead, he softly ordered me, “When you see evil, kill it.”

  He released his paralytic freeze on me. I had to trust that he knew what he was doing. I braced myself with a short sword in my hand and got ready.

  Dracula put down his weapon and firmly placed each of his hands on her temples. And prayed in another language. I didn’t know what he said, but Jesu was at the end of the words.

  Justine shrieked in pain as flames shot out of her mouth. Her body convulsed once, twice, and then, a black slimy creature with red eyes belched out of her mouth. It trailed black smoke and a snail-like slime behind it. It was the most vile, disgusting creature I’d ever seen. And it had come out of beautiful Justine.

  When it flicked its forked tongue, I hacked it up into tiny pieces like a wild man. Chunks of it caught on fire from the sparks that flew when my sword hit the concrete under it and the acrid odor of sulphur and burning, bubbling blood stung my eyes.

  When the creature was no more, Justine opened her eyes and they were serene. She sat up with a beatific smile that I had never seen before.

  Dracula nodded at me. “It is done. The compulsion is no more. Fang killed the demon.”

  I looked at him in amazement.

  “I’m free!” Justine cried.

  “Yes, but at some cost to me.” Dracula added, “I have the strength to fly home, but that is all. I will not be able to fight again for some time.”

  “I thought you were going to kill her,” I said.