Back to You

by Annie Brewer

  “Well, isn’t this a wonderful sight to see? My two girls hugging and getting along so well, it’s beautiful.” We break apart at the sound of my mom’s voice. She sits on the bed with us, her eyes sparkling with a smile.

  “Hey mom. We’re just catching up and whatnot.”

  “Well I’m happy you two are getting along.” She gives me a hug and gets up ready to leave the room, then turns around at the door and looks at me.

  “Abby, I hope you’re not upset about Sarah moving in with your dad. It’s not a permanent thing; we’re just testing it out.” She smiles at me and I can’t help but smile back even if I feel like crud. My mother’s smile has that affect on me.

  “I’m not in favor of it at all, but I guess there’s nothing I can do about it. But if I suspect any mistreatment, I will intervene. I promise you that.” My mother nods and walks up to me, putting her hands on my shoulders.

  “Believe me; you will have to get to me first. I’ll kick his ass.” We all start laughing again and soon I’m by myself, lying on my bed. I retrieve my phone from my bag and charge it.

  After an hour, I turn my phone on and check any missed calls or texts. None. Well that’s a little suspicious that neither Brooke nor Brady has tried getting a hold of me. I send a quick text to Lucas telling him about my conversation with Sarah. I get an immediate response.

  “So she’s not mad? What a relief!”

  “I know! One down and three more to go!”

  “I miss you! I hope it goes well, but no pressure.” I smile and realize how much I want his arms around me. My smile fades, replaced by a frown. This sucks!

  “I miss you too, so much!” After talking to Lucas a little longer, I text Brady asking what he’s done all weekend. As I’m about to put my phone down, I get a text from him.

  “Hey, babe. I’ve been sick. I miss you. How have you been?” Liar, I want to say. But I don’t, instead I just play along.

  “I’ve been good! I spent the night with Brooke, we had girl time. It was fun.” No response. Hmm, well maybe I shouldn’t feel too guilty for what I’ve done. It seems he’s done the same thing.

  “Abby!” I hear Sarah’s voice from the hallway. I put my phone down and leave the room.

  “Yes?” I find her in the kitchen and my mouth turns sour.

  “What are you doing here?” I cross my arms over chest and ask the man in front of me, who’s my father. He stiffens; a look of remorse crosses his face.

  “I wanted to talk to you for a minute, unless you have other plans.” Any plan would be a better plan than talking to this jerk.

  “Abby, please don’t start anything. Just hear what he has to say.” My mother says to me, pleadingly. I look at her and soften a little. Damn I hate when she puts a guilt trip on me.

  “Fine, you’ve got ten minutes to try and suck up to me.”

  Chapter 17

  We go for a walk around the neighborhood, after arguing for ages about not getting in a car with him to save my life. He’d have to do some serious groveling for that to happen and even then it will take a lot to convince me that he’s changed.

  “So how’s Lucas doing?” He asks, trying to make small talk. I don’t bite. This isn’t about me and I will not let him trick me into small talk.

  “What do you want?” I almost call him Dad but that would be acknowledging that he is, and I’m not ready for it.

  “Look kid, you’ve got a lot to learn about life.” I interrupt him hastily.

  “Kid? I’m not a kid anymore. But wait I guess I can’t expect you to understand since you’ve never been around.”

  “That’s not fair Abby, I.”

  “Fair? Was it fair when you left mom to raise two kids on her own? Was it fair that Sarah and I never had a father who loved us enough to stay around and watch us grow up? Don’t talk to me about fair.” I snap. I kick pebbles on the ground not looking at him.

  “Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you girls. Things were complicated. I wasn’t really a good man then.”

  “So you’re a good man now? Nice timing. I’m a senior in high school and about to go off to some far away school where you’ll never have to see me and you come crawling back to mom because it didn’t work out with your previous family. I must say that’s a sneaky plan.” He stops midstride and I keep walking like I don’t notice.

  “Abby please. I didn’t come here to fight. I just wanted to make sure you were okay about my taking Sarah to live with me. I’m going to watch out for her.” At that I turn around and stalk back to him, just inches from him, hands shaking and fury building inside of me.

  “Of course I’m not okay about this. Why the fuck would I be happy about you taking Sarah? This isn’t the answer. She’s better off at a boarding school than in your care. You can’t just barge back into our lives like you never left. It doesn’t work that way.” His eyes go wide as I’m spitting venom from my every word. I stalk back to the house. He catches up to me.

  “I will prove to you that I’m a decent man Abby. I will.” Whatever. I slam the front door in his face and storm into my room. I grab my phone and keys up from my desk and leave the house, before my mother asks me about my visit with so called dad. I text Lucas to meet me as I head out and away from here.

  “I just don’t understand. Why would they give him the time of day? It’s so insane.” I say to Lucas as we lie on the hood of his car, at our spot by the river. He rests his head on his arm and holds my hand with the other.

  “I know it may seem crazy and maybe it is. But maybe Sarah needs this. She needs a male figure around and if he’s willing to be a dad to her, maybe you need to let it be. Just see what happens.” I glare at him and he shrugs.

  “I’m just saying. It could be for the best.” Even though I know he’s right and it’s not like my opinion will change a thing, I don’t relent. My stubbornness wins out every time.

  “I don’t see how it can be for the best. He was never there for me, so why all of a sudden a change of heart? Was I not good enough for him?” I realize as I say the words that I’m jealous. I’m jealous that he never cared to pay attention to me. I’m jealous that he wants her to live with him. Even though he did ask me when he first moved out but I thought it was more like an obligation that he felt he had to ask, not that he really wanted me to.

  “So have you told Brooke or Brady yet?” I hadn’t thought about them since I got home earlier and I remember I still hadn’t received a text from Brady yet.

  “Can we not talk about them please?” I cringe at my own tone, sounding a little bitter.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up. I know you have enough to deal with.”

  “No, it’s not that. I think I saw them together when I was leaving your house. I stopped to get gas and I could have sworn I saw them across the lot but when I turned around for a second then turned back, they were gone. I think they’re sneaking around. I sent a text to Brady but he was short and I got the vibe he was lying.”

  “Oh, well why don’t you just go to his house and surprise him? Then you can catch him in the act, if he is indeed doing something wrong.”

  “Yeah, cause I should really talk after what I’ve done.” Lucas sits up and looks at me seriously.

  “Abby you have to stop this. If you’re having second thoughts or regretting anything, tell me now. I’m not going to be strung along, feeling like crap.. I love you but I don’t regret anything. Maybe you should have been honest about us from the beginning but you weren’t. It’s over and done with. You can’t change it. Now it’s up to you what happens next. You make the call. I’m here for you but I’m going to back off until you tell everyone.”

  He gets off the hood and I’m frozen in place, stunned at his harshness. I appreciate his honesty, but I was not expecting that. I love him all the more for it, and he’s right. I don’t regret anything either, but I hate being dishonest to those I am supposed to love and care for, especially Brady. I get down and walk over to where Lucas is standing, lo
oking out at the water. I revel in the beauty of nature. I bend down to pick up a rock and toss it in. I wrap my arms around Lucas’s middle and close my eyes.

  “I’m sorry Lucas. I don’t regret anything and I’m not having second thoughts.” I pause before continuing. “I will fix this. I just need a break from all this drama. But I promise, I will tell them.” We both stand there together, overlooking the view and hoping for a better tomorrow.

  At home I sit at my desk attempting my homework but my pen is midair not moving. I can’t concentrate. I put my pen down and lean back in my chair. I hear a knock at my door. “Come in” I say as I move to my bed.

  “Hey, how you doing?” Sarah asks shutting the door behind her.

  “I think Brady is cheating on me.” I blurt out before I can stop myself. I slap my hand over my mouth. Sarah comes to sit on my bed next to me.

  “I was actually talking about the visit with you and dad. But damn, really?” I nod mechanically, unable to speak. She lets out a loud breath, then says “You know, I can’t say I’m not surprised.” I glare at her and finally find my voice.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Oh come on Abby, you know guys are only after one thing, at least high school guys. You wouldn’t give it to him so he finds it elsewhere. It’s not a hard concept. It doesn’t make it right of course but that’s a teenage boy for you.” I slip under my covers to get comfortable and lean against the headboard.

  “I saw him and Brooke together, earlier. I think they’re sneaking around. I haven’t heard from her since, well for two days now.”

  “Wow, some friend you’ve got there.” She shakes her head in disgust.

  “But really, what does it matter? You’ve got Lucas now, you should be happy. Fuck them! Let them have each other.”

  “Sarah I feel like shit for what I’ve done and plan on telling them about Lucas and me. But they’re still my best friends so of course it matters. Besides, it hasn’t been confirmed. Those were just suspicions.” We are both silent for awhile, lost in our own thoughts.

  “Abby?”

  “Hmm?” I say closing my eyes feeling sleepy.

  “Did Lucas force you to have sex or did you willingly give it up?” My eyes fly open and I stare at her in surprise by her question.

  “Uh, Sarah when have I ever done something I didn’t want to do?” She shrugs.

  “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to compete with anyone. You willingly kept your innocence all this time. I don’t want him putting pressure on you.” I gently lay my hand over hers in assurance.

  “Believe me, it was my decision. He even asked if I was sure. He was sweet about it.” I smile at the memory of our night together. “I love him.” She smiles back at me and pats my hand. “You look like a pathetic puppy in love. It’s pretty sad.” I laugh at her and nudge her shoulder with mine.

  “You’re just jealous.” She throws a pillow at me and I toss it back at her.

  I walk to my locker the next morning in hopes of not running into Brooke or Brady. I do feel compelled in finding out the truth and, if they are indeed sneaking around. I’m not sure how I’d feel about them two, even though I would be happy for them. It would make it easier for my confession about Lucas and me.

  “Hey, any word on the love birds?” Sarah sneaks up behind me. I cringe at her comment.

  “Can you please not call them that?” I reach in and grab my History book for class. The first bell rings signaling ten minutes before tardy.

  “Sorry, I think it’s funny. Brooke always seemed like she had a thing for Brady. Well, catch ya later sis.” And she’s gone before I can add a retort. I let out a sigh and check my phone. Nothing. Disappointment settles in my belly. I was hoping to have a sweet text from Lucas. I then spot him down the hall and my heart leaps out of my chest. He looks sexy all up in a pair of khaki shorts, which sit past his knees; a dark blue polo shirt that fits snuggly and accentuates his upper body. Damn! He winks, as he walks by and I melt inside, feeling my organs drip like butter. He’s mine. I think to myself.

  “What are you looking at?” I hear Chelsea’s voice behind me.

  “What is it with everyone sneaking up behind me today?” I turn around, close my locker and look at her. “What’s up?” I ask her.

  “I was wondering the same thing. You had this goofy grin on your face. Where’s Brady?” I start walking to class, Chelsea right beside me.

  “He’s been busy. I haven’t seen him much lately.” It’s not a complete lie. We’ve both been busy. I laugh inwardly, as I realize how ironic it is. We walk into class together and take our seats. I see Brooke walk in and when she sees me, she just walks right past me. Guilt written all over her face.

  I can feel my blood boiling, and I need to know why she’s acting up like this. It’s killing me. Instead I ignore her and face the board, remaining quiet during class. I find Brooke’s behavior extremely unsettling. I feel a tap on my shoulder. I ignore it, until I hear Chelsea’s voice calling my name quietly.

  “What?” I ask a little too loudly turning to look at her. She shushes me and I turn back around. Apparently she had nothing of importance to say. What the Hell is going on with the world today?

  When the bell rings I jump out of my seat and head for the door. Brady is at my locker and my heart beats faster.

  “Hey Abby.” He says as he gives me a kiss. I don’t respond right away, I just open my locker and forcefully shove my books in it. He looks from me to my locker then back at me again.

  “Is everything okay? I’ve missed you.” I turn around and glare at him.

  “Have you now? Is that why you avoided my texts, because you miss me?”

  “Sorry babe, I’ve been sick. I really did miss you. What have you been up to?” He tries to kiss my neck but I dodge him and wind up on the other side of my locker.

  “Seriously, Brady cut the shit. I’m not in the mood for your hanky panky bull shit. I’ve got to go.” I hear him call my name as I speed walk down the hall. I grab my phone out of my bag and text Lucas.

  “I miss you. Sit with me at lunch?” I don’t have to wait too long for his response and my pulse races.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. We are still friends you know…for now at least. ;)”

  “Okay, you twisted my arm. See ya then!” I close my phone and head to my next class with a smile on my face.

  “So, let me get this straight…Brooke is avoiding you and now Brady is trying to be all ‘lovey dovey’ and said he’s been sick?” Lucas asks as we eat lunch together. I’m not worried about them seeing us anymore. We are friends, there’s nothing wrong with eating lunch with your friends. Besides, it’s not like they are acting like my friends right now. If they’re going to avoid me, I’m going to hang out with Lucas.

  “That’s correct. It’s bizarre. Brooke didn’t even talk to me in History. She walked right by, with a guilty conscience. They’re up to something. I just know it.”

  “Hello lovebirds. I’m so glad to see you both together.” Lucas laughs.

  “Hi Sarah. It’s nice to see you too. When’s the big move?” I moan inwardly, forgetting about my sister leaving me for my father. Ugh, it seems my life is falling apart.

  “Well, I’m not sure but probably in a couple of weeks.” Lucas nods and smiles.

  “I really hope it works out for you.”

  “Thanks Lucas, me too!” I eat ignoring their conversation.

  “Have you seen them yet?” Lucas kicks me under the table and I snap out of my daze.

  “Huh?”

  “I asked if you’ve seen them yet.”

  “Oh, yeah Brooke is avoiding me and Brady acts like nothing’s going on.” I take a sip of my Gatorade.

  “I think you should spy on them. I’ll bet you’ll catch them in the act soon enough.” Lucas nods in agreement; he’s engrossed in his pasta bowl.

  “Look, I will talk to them. I don’t really want to spy on them. It feels wrong.”
r />   “Really? And cheating on your boyfriend isn’t wrong?” My eyes go wide and I’m momentarily stunned by her audacity at pointing out my fault. Haven’t I felt bad enough? The look on her face tells me the she wishes she could take the comment back.

  “Sorry Abby, that slipped out. But don’t feel bad; what they’re doing isn’t any better. I just think you should catch them in the act and then they’ll feel like shit and come clean and then you can reveal your secret and everyone can go back to being friends again. Once it’s all out in the open, everyone would have had time to yell and shout and be angry or resentful or whatever. And then, you can all start acting like a couple instead of sitting here and pretending that you are just friends, and not lovers.”

  I finish my salad and push my tray away, leaning back in my seat. Lucas looks at me; his eyes are warm, showing a little concern. I reassure him by giving a small smile. I wish he would sit next to me and wrap his strong arms around, to comfort me. But I know he’s refraining for my benefit. He doesn’t want to be pushy and that’s why I love him. I look around the cafeteria for Brady or Brooke but see neither of them. Yeah, that’s not obvious, since they’re both missing. Then I think maybe they are having trouble telling me the truth afraid I’d flip out so they’re trying to avoid me altogether so they don’t look suspicious. Too late. I dump my tray and sit back down for a while.

  “So I heard on Facebook the other day that the party y’all went to-“ She gives me a pout and continues. “Well there were cops everywhere. Apparently it got out of hand.” I look at her in confusion and shake my head. “I guess we just missed them. Too bad we missed the drama eh Lucas?” I give him a sexy grin.

  “Yeah, it’s too bad. But I have to say, it was worth missing.” He winks at me and my heart skips a beat. My sister snorts and says “You guys make me sick. Get a room already.”

  “Oh believe me, we will.” I retort and Lucas raises an eyebrow in astonishment. I laugh at him. “We will, just not now.” His face drops and I gently kick him under the table.