"Wow." My heart swelled. "Did you tell him about us?"
Nathan nodded. "I hope that was okay. I couldn't not tell the guy that I was engaged to his daughter. It would have been unmanly of me. Did I do wrong, love?"
I shook my head, but my mouth had gone dry. I had decided when I came out of the water not to approach my father. It would be too painful for him, and it would raise a lot of questions I couldn't answer truthfully. I felt bad about going to sea without warning, but at the time I had no choice. "What did he say?"
Nathan opened his mouth but didn't respond right away. "I'm not going to lie, it hit him hard, Mir. I hope it doesn't knock him for a loop. I mean, not the wedding part. I think he was happy about that. But... well, he didn't know if you were even still alive. He looked dazed when I told him."
There was a hint of accusation in his tone. Nathan deeply disagreed with my decision not to reach out to Hal. I couldn't blame him for that, but there was so much he didn't know. I'm only half-human. I had lost my mother and my only mentor. The only being who could teach me how to be a siren had been lost to me at the tender age of eleven. There wasn't a mermaid alive who wouldn't disappear into the salt-water for years after something like that.
"Poor guy," Nathan was saying. "I mean, I don't know how you survived all those years as a runaway. Away from home and without your family. He must have gone out of his mind with worry." I opened my mouth but he held up a hand. "I know, you don't like to talk about it, and I would never push you, but," he took my face in his hands. "You're here. You're alive. You're perfect and beautiful and healthy and amazing. And..."
I waited.
"And, he's your father, Mir. Don't you think it would give the old man some kind of happiness and peace to see that you're ok? No matter what happened between you all those years ago. Doesn't he deserve that?"
I swallowed hard as Nathan's hazel eyes probed mine. They were so full of concern, so full of love. I leaned in and kissed him. Nathan was so much better than me, so compassionate. My heart swelled for him. I didn't want to hurt Hal, it was nice to know he was doing well, but I struggled for memories of the man who had fathered me. My life on land before I had spent eight years in the saltwater seemed more like a hazy dream than actual events. Anxious though I felt about seeing my father again, it would feel worse to ignore his existence now that he was back in Saltford.
I pulled back from the kiss and said, "Yes. He does."
The smile that lit Nathan's face nearly burst my heart. He gave me a fierce hug and kiss goodbye and I watched him cross the hardwood floor toward the Sea Dog's front door, waving to Phil as he went.
30
The March winds buffeted my face as I walked through the residential neighborhood, a little piece of paper with an address handwritten by Nathan was clutched in my mitt. Snow had piled in drifts on either side of the sidewalk, and I skirted patches of ice as I kept an eye out for the house where Hal was working. Nathan had told me that Hal would be working alone today and I took the hint.
Anxiety fluttered in my breast like a tiny bird as the snow crunched underfoot. My steps drew me up the walkway to the two-story on Breaker Street. An old red flat-bed truck sat parked in the driveway. Footprints led from the truck to the front porch. I mounted the steps, pushed the doorbell and unwrapped the scarf from in front of my mouth.
Heavy footsteps approached and the inside door cracked open. A haggard face with a grey beard appeared, and the door swung wide. He pushed open the screen door and stared at me. The color drained from his hollow cheeks. He'd aged much more than I had expected. I thought Nathan said he'd looked good. If this was good compared to the last time Nathan had seen him, then just how bad had Hal been a few years ago?
"Hi Dad," I said, and doffed my hat.
"Mira," he whispered. He brought a shaky hand up and covered his mouth and then tugged down on his beard. His eyes misted. "Come in."
I stepped into the strange house and the smell of industrial glue hit my nose. "Nathan says you're installing a new toilet..." I began, awkwardly. "Oof." He crushed me into a hug. He squeezed me hard. I could feel his whole body vibrate.
"Mira." His voice cracked.
Guilt seeped into my bloodstream and I squeezed him back. I was partly responsible for his suffering. When he pulled back, the grief on his face hit me like a blow to the back of the knees.
"You'd better sit down, Dad." I kicked off my winter boots and pulled him toward the living room just off the small entrance. He shuffled like an old man in a daze and sank into the blue Lazyboy. He couldn't tear his eyes from me. I crouched in front of him and he grasped my hand.
"You ran away. You just ran, Mir. You disappeared. Trina warned me you might do something like that but I..." he took a shaky breath. "I never believed her."
"Mom warned you I might run away?" I felt hot. I hadn't heard my mother's name spoken out loud in well over a decade. I unzipped my winter jacket and pulled my collar away from my throat where it felt like it was choking me. My fingers trembled and my mind skittered for something solid to grasp. I folded my coat over my arm and moved to the sofa. "What did she say?"
"It's funny, because my memories of things your mother said to me are wishy washy. The alcohol can do that to a mind like mine, brownouts, that sort of thing. But what she said to me about you is crystal clear in my memory. Just like she said it yesterday." He sounded like such an old man. I could hardly reconcile his age-spotted cheeks and salt and pepper hair with the robust man of my youth.
"What did she say?" I repeated.
"She said, and I can repeat it word for word. She said: Hal, I need you to understand that if Mira runs away after I pass on, that she'll be okay. I know it sounds strange, but I need you to trust me. You don't need to look for her and promise me you won't send the police after her. One day, she might find you again, but even if she doesn't, you can trust that she'll be alright." He shook his head. "Can you believe that? She made me promise. And stupid me. I actually did." He put a stubby fingered hand to his temple. "Why would I make such a daft promise?"
I grasped the arm of the sofa tightly with cold fingers and closed my eyes. She knew I'd run to the sea and the salt. Instead of using her voice to make him forget, she used it to prepare him for what I would do, so he would accept it.
Hal gave a humorless laugh and I opened my eyes. "Strange words, but at the time I didn't think they were strange. They made perfect sense. Now..." His voice faded and his eyes left my face for the first time. He put his fingers to his temple again and I saw his head shake just a little - tremors like that were the trademark of people twenty or thirty years his senior. "Now, I just can't fathom why she would say such a thing. Why wouldn't she want me to go after you? You were my little girl."
"She was right to say those things, Dad," I said softly. "I was okay. I know you don't understand it but she was right."
"I guess she was, but––" His expression hardened. "Why? Why did you leave me, Mir?"
"You know why," I said, quietly.
For a full minute, all we did was look at each other. Bits and pieces of our past materialized in my mind. His guttural sobs through the thin walls of our home. The smell of alcohol on his breath. The day he broke a chair against our kitchen table, splintering it into a hundred pieces. The sharp grip of his fingers around my upper arms, a violent shake and a yell into my face as though I was the one who'd killed her. His grief was ugly, and I was just a lost little kid. No, I was a lost little mermaid. No one knew what I was but my mom, no one understood me. And the saltwater was the only place I felt better, the only place that could erase the pain. Hal didn't know that part, but surely he could remember how broken and out of reach we had been to one another. The grief would have killed me if I hadn't left.
The silence between us grew heavy, cold and awkward. Tension mounted. Then said, "Yes. I know why, Mir. And I'm sorry."
I blinked at his apology. I never expected to hear those words from him. "No, I'm sorry," I said. "It's alrig
ht. It's over now, Dad."
"No," he said, with more strength than he'd uttered any word since. "No, it isn't. You're still my little girl. You're getting married, and I'm happy for you. I'm proud of you."
"Thanks, Dad."
"You couldn't have found a better man," he said.
"I agree," I said. I took a deep breath. "Why don't you come to our wedding?"
It was like the sun broke through the cloud cover after a storm. "Really?" His eyes opened wide and fully for the first time since we'd said hello.
"Really. We would like you to come."
"Well, if you really mean that. I will." He slapped his palms on the arms of the Lazyboy. "By golly, I will. My daughter's get'n married. Hallelujah, there is some joy to be had in this old life of mine still."
I stood and put on my coat. I gave him our date and told him that Nathan had wanted us to have the reception at the Sea Dog since that was where we'd met. He walked me back to the door. I turned to say goodbye and saw the strangest expression on his face - a confusion or a memory struggling to surface.
"Mira, was your mother keeping a secret from me that you know of?"
I was about to pull on my hat and froze, my cap dangled in front of my face and hid my shock. "What?"
"Like I said, my memory isn't very good these days, but I'll be damned if I can't shake the feeling that she was keeping something from me all those years."
I fixed my face into neutral and finished pulling on my hat. "Like what?"
"I don't know, but I feel like it was something big. Like, she worked for the government but couldn't tell anybody, even me. Or maybe she was involved in something dangerous and wanted to keep her family out of it. I know how crazy that sounds, but the feeling has been haunting me for weeks now."
I cleared my throat. "Maybe the narcotics just did a number on your head, Dad," I said. A tiny mouse of worry began to gnaw on my insides.
His shoulders slumped. "Yes, they can do that," he admitted, humbly. "So, you don't have that same feeling? You don't know of anything?"
"No, not at all. I don't think Mom would hide anything from us," I lied.
Thankfully, Hal was nodding his head. "I'm sure you're right. Well, I thank ya for coming to visit your old dad," he said. We hugged again and I had the flash of a memory - of his sturdy young hands tying a white ribbon with red trim around my ponytail. "It's a blessing to my heart to see you happy," he continued. "I'll look forward to the wedding, Mir. Until then, you know where to find me. And Nate's got my number, too."
I nodded. "Okay."
I took the snow covered porch steps down, turned and waved at him. He waved back and I continued on down the street. The door didn't close behind me until I was well down the sidewalk.
31
Almost a month passed before I saw my dad again. The wedding plans swept Nathan and I along like flotsam and jetsam in a strong ocean current. Nathan was thrilled that I'd invited Hal. Crystal tortured me regularly with dress fittings, asking for my opinion on centerpieces and invitations (nautical themed), hairstyles (a spectacular up-do that made me look like I was wearing a bouquet on my head), and cake-tastings (all vanilla).
I didn't have a lot of material possessions but I'd packed up most of my belongings and Nathan had already moved them into his two-storey on Dixie Street. I got a thrill every time I thought about moving in with him. I already knew which of the three bedrooms to turn into the nursery - the one with the dormer and the window seat. I had collected seashells, bleached beachwood, and had layered colored sand and pretty pebbles into vases for decoration in our house. My love of the sea and beach wasn't lost on Nathan. He'd already painted our bedroom acqua, and our kitchen a light teal with white trim.
I still wanted to go out to Devil's Eye Cove for a little treasure hunting but I hadn't been able to sneak away, and there had been a near constant barrage of storms coming in off the water all through the month of March. I could handle storms if I had to, but why make things more difficult?
At the end of the month, my chance came. The storms had ended and the sea was finally calm. It would be icy, but once I was in mermaid form I was impervious to the cold. Crystal had fallen into bed exhausted, Nathan was out playing hockey and I wouldn't see him afterwards since it was a late game and I had no shifts at the Sea Dog until late afternoon the next day.
I waited until I heard snores emanating from Crystal's room before I got up. I drank two big glasses of water, then crept to the door. I pulled on my jacket and boots, trembling with excitement. I hadn't been out for a swim in months. I crammed a hat on my head and pulled on my mitts, clapping them together with nervous energy as I thought about slipping beneath the icy waves. I opened the door and stepped through into the night, closing it behind me without a sound. I turned to cross the porch when movement in my periphery startled me.
"Dad!" I barked, and my heart exploded into a gallop. "What are you doing here?" He was sitting on our porch swing, his chin on his chest as though he was asleep.
"Ho!" His arms and legs jumped as though he'd been shocked awake. "Ha-watch her while she's turning, boys!" he yelled. And then he seemed to come to himself. His eyes cleared. "Mira? Where am I?"
My hands clutched at my chest as though my heart was going to slither out from under my ribcage. To scare a siren takes some real stealth... or so I'd thought. Apparently, it just took falling asleep on her porch and waiting for her to come out in the middle of the night when she's trying to be sneaky. "You're at my house. How long have you been here? Why are you sleeping on my porch? It's freezing out here."
He pushed his hat back on his head and rubbed his face. "I'm sorry, Mir. I been needing to talk to you. Nate told me you lived in a little yellow bungalow on Stone. Well this is the only yellow bungalow on Stone, so here I am. Only thing is, once I got here, I lost my gumption." He laughed nervously and fished a tissue out of his pocket.
His words were taking a bit too long to make sense. Watch her while she's turning, boys?
"Were you dreaming just now?"
"I think so," he said, wiping his nose. "Something about a cement mixer. Nate's got me pouring a basement with Ron and Casey."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "What did you need to see me about?" I sat down beside him on the swing.
"I... Well, I'm just going to come out and say it. I've been having these episodes. Almost like dreams, but they're more vivid than dreams. They're really like... memories. About your mother."
The little gnawing mouse was back, working its way through the wall of my stomach. I waited.
He didn't look me in the eye. "I keep seeing her, remembering her, as a..." He stopped. "This is crazy."
I waited.
"Well, like a fish or something. Like a... one of those sea creatures that's half fish, half human. You know?" He shuddered. "Gross."
My breath stopped. If I couldn't hear it pounding in my ears I would have thought my heart stopped, too. My face felt numb in the night air. Something inside me stretched out silently until it became too thin, then it snapped. He had seen her.
"They're just dreams, Dad," I said, my voice sounded soft but my insides felt stormy. "There is no such thing as..." I couldn't even bring myself to say the word out loud. "Half fish, half humans."
"Yes," he said, without hesitation. "I know. I'm sure they were just dreams. I'm not really sure why I'm here, Mir. I'm sorry. Maybe, don't mention this to Nathan." He stood up and pulled his coat collar up around his ears.
Cold sweat formed in my armpits and in the palms of my hands. My mother must have slipped up pretty bad if she'd allowed Hal to see her in siren-form without wiping his memory. But then, why was he so unsure of it himself? Either he'd seen her and she didn't know it, or she knew and she'd cleaned his mind of it. But if he'd seen her and she didn't know it, then why were the memories more like 'episodes'? Had he been high or drunk? I couldn't piece it together, but one thing was for sure - he had seen her in her siren form at some point. It was too coincidental to jus
t be a random dream.
"Good night, Mira. Sorry to bother you," he said. He shuffled down our porch steps and was halfway down the walk when he turned around. He looked at his watch. "It's two o'clock in the morning. Where were you headed? Is everything ok?"
"Everything is fine. Just getting a breath of fresh air. Couldn't sleep."
He nodded. I watched him walk down the road and into the shadows between the streetlights. He was illuminated again in the next circle of light, his breath puffing up in the air in front of his face. I frowned. Everything was definitely not fine.
The door cracked open behind me and Crystal poked her head out. "Oh, its you! You scared the crap outta me!" The door opened all the way. "You planning to sleep on the porch swing or are you gonna come back inside?"
I spied the fire-poker in her hand as she lowered it. "What were you planning to do with that? Clobber me?" I stepped inside and unzipped my jacket.
"I was going to clobber the burglar before he could do any actual burgling. Who were you talking to? I thought I heard another voice." She closed and locked the door and turned on the foyer light.
"Hal," I said as I unzipped my jacket and took off my hat.
"Hal..." she repeated vacantly. Then Crystal gave a start. "Your dad?" Her mouth formed a perfect 'O' of surprise. "You never told me you were seeing your dad."
"I haven't exactly been seeing him," I began. "Well, I did go and see him. Once." I sighed. I didn't want to have to explain this. "You know that Nate hired him for a job..."
"Yeah, I know. But working for Nate and conversing with you on our freezing cold front porch in the middle of the night are two vastly different things." She put the poker back in its place, perched on the edge of the sofa and crossed her arms. She looked hurt. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I just invited him to the wedding."
The pink drained from her cheeks. "Mira," she whispered. Her brown eyes scanned my face and the expressions I saw there were so complex and mingled that I couldn't read it. Pity? Pain? Her own pain? Or sympathy pain for me? Suddenly, I felt bone tired.
Sirens and Scales Page 97
