"I'm going to go to bed. Have a good sleep, Crys." I went toward my room.
"Mira," she said, louder this time.
I stopped.
"You never told me anything." I heard her stand and take a few steps. "We're friends right?"
I nodded. Shame crept into my heart. I hadn't meant to hurt her. It never occurred to me that she'd care so much about it.
"How am I supposed to friend you if you don't tell me when big things like this happen in your life? Your dad, who you've never expressed an interest in having a relationship with before, is all of a sudden coming to your wedding, and you tell me nothing about it?"
It was obvious now what she needed to hear. I'd been on land long enough to know. "I'm sorry." I looked her in the eyes so she would know I meant it.
The hurt melted from her face. It was amazing what those two little words could do to an upset heart. She let out a long breath. "It's alright. Sometimes, I really don't understand you. I love you. But I don't get you."
"I know," I said. I gave her a smile and headed toward my bedroom. "Good night."
"I hope you know we're not done talking about this," she said. "Good night, Mir."
32
"Ouch." I twitched as Crystal's pin jabbed the soft skin at my waist. "You're a menace with those things."
"I'm a magician with these things. Now hold still," she replied from around the pins between her teeth.
I was standing on a beer crate in Phil's office wearing the silk slip Crystal was making for underneath my wedding dress. She had modeled it after a vintage slip she'd found at an antique store. "What do you think of embroidery along the hem?" She asked, standing back and cocking her head. "Not on the slip of course, on the dress."
"Embroidery is nice. But there's no time and you're already doing too much." The dress was finished and it was lovely, but Crystal kept wanting to fiddle with it.
"You know I love it," she said, a dimple appeared. "Just a little bit. I was thinking of little white anchors. Just one every eight inches or so. It would only take me a couple of hours."
"The wedding is tomorrow, Crys."
She sighed. "Yeah. My time has run out."
Nathan, Phil and a couple of volunteers Crystal had rounded up were decorating the Sea Dog for the reception. I shimmied out of the slip and pulled on my jeans and sweater. As I was stepping down to put on my boots there was a knock and Nathan poked his head in. I grinned up at him and he winked.
"You're lucky, mister," said Crystal. "One minute earlier and you'd have seen her in her wedding dress. Well, part of it."
"Disaster averted," he said, leaning in and giving me a kiss. "Hal's here. Says you told him to pick up his tie?"
"Right." Crystal fished into a bag and pulled out a silk navy bow tie. "Here."
Nathan took it and paused. "It's navy."
"Yeah, so?"
"I thought he'd get the white tie. He's the father."
"You're the groom. You get the white tie," responded Crystal. Her sharp tone made me look at her curiously.
"But, he's her father. He's walking her down the aisle and giving her hand to me. There is only one white tie. It should be the dad's, shouldn't it?"
"Absolutely not," Crystal and I said at the same time.
Crystal and Nathan both looked at me wide eyed.
"What? I do have an opinion about some things. The white tie is for the groom. My one and only."
"Hal's lucky to be part of the wedding at all," Crystal muttered.
Nathan's brows drew together. "Lucky? The man did the best he could for Mira, all while fighting a horrible illness and losing his wife. Where is your compassion?"
"If he was doing so good, why'd she run away at the age of eleven? How do you know he wasn't beating her while in a drunken stupor?"
Nathan's expression morphed from anger to shock and the knuckles around the tie went white. His face drained of color. "What? Did he beat you, Mira? You never told me..."
"She's made a habit of that," Crystal mumbled.
"Whoa, whoa," I put my palms up. "Nobody beat anybody." Grabbing and shaking me wasn't beating me. Shoving me around from time to time wasn't beating me. He might have hurt a human girl in one of his drunken episodes, but he couldn't hurt me. I had been stronger than him since I was eight. "Nathan's right, he did the best he could."
Nathan's fist relaxed. "I know you didn't have the best relationship with him, Mir. But I'm proud of you for letting him walk you down the aisle. You only have one dad."
Crystal snorted and rolled her eyes. "Please."
Nathan gave her a hard look. "Would you rather she walked down the aisle alone?"
"Of course not. I could walk her."
"You're the maid of honor."
"Phil, then, since you're so stuck on traditional roles. Both of us care for her more than Hal ever did."
"That's not true," Nathan raised a finger.
"Can we stop this please?" A headache had begun behind my eyes. I never knew weddings could be so political. Complex emotions were at play all the time and the more humans I had in my life, the more tangled I became trying to figure out what and why people were feeling the way they did.
Crystal and Nathan glared at each other. I took the tie from Nathan. "I'll give this to him. It's settled."
I left Phil's office and spotted my dad standing near the door. His shoulders were blanketed with drywall dust. He was studying a framed blueprint of the original Sea Dog.
"Here's your tie, Dad."
He turned and what I saw in his eyes made my heart jump.
Fear. He was riddled with it.
"Oh, thanks Mir." He took the tie and stuffed it into his coat pocket. "I won't be getting in your way." He stepped to the door. "See you tomorrow."
"Anything wrong?" I asked.
"No," he said too quickly. "Why?"
"You're afraid," I blurted.
It was his turn to look surprised. He didn't answer and the two of us just stared at each other.
"What are you afraid of, Dad?" I kept my voice low. Nathan had come out of the office and saw the two of us talking. He gave me a smile of encouragement.
"Myself, Mir. My counselor says its normal to confuse dreams with flashbacks for someone like me. I'm having a hell of a time trying to tell the difference. Things I think I saw... They can't possibly be real but they've got me fooled. And things that happened when your mom and I first met, things she did." His voice went rough. "It was like she had a hold over me. At the time I thought nothing of it, but now..." He trailed off.
My mouth had gone dry. "What did she do, Dad? Things like what?"
He rubbed a hand over his face. "She had a way of telling me what to think or feel, and it was like, I was helpless against it. Did you know that I asked her to marry me less than a month after we met?" He shook his head.
"No, I didn't know that."
"I barely even knew her. But I wanted her, I remember that. I thought I was in love. Now, when I look back, all those feelings are muddled. They don't seem like mine."
I saw Nathan watching us, brows drawing together. Probably at my expression of growing horror. He began to come toward us. My stomach clenched. "Let's talk later, Dad. Okay?" I said.
Nathan threw an arm around my shoulders. "How's the job going, Hal? Got everything you need." His warmth and solidity stabilized me.
Hal's eyes went from one of us to the other. "Good. Job's going good. Everything okay here?"
"Everything's awesome." Nathan squeezed a smile out of me. "We're super excited for tomorrow."
"When did you two meet?" Hal asked, abruptly.
"September," I said.
"Kind of sudden, don't you think?" Hal answered. "I know all about sudden. I wouldn't recommend it."
I would have laughed if I hadn't felt so nervous. For me, it seemed like centuries had passed since Nathan and I met.
"8 months isn't sudden," said Nathan, his eyebrows up.
"She didn't trap you into anyt
hing, I hope," Hal muttered. And then gave an awkward laugh. "Only joking." It was clear that he wasn't joking.
Nathan had stiffened beside me. "If you think that, then you don't know your daughter at all." Nathan's words resounded with so much truth that it was like someone had rang a bell inside my head. Hal didn't know me. Never could. And it wasn't his fault. He might have made poor choices, but so had my mother, by the sounds of it. I wished I'd asked my Mom more about how she and my dad had gotten together, but there was no time and I was so young when I'd lost her. I was growing more and more grateful that she'd at least warned me not to use my voice on my sweetheart.
Hal frowned. "I'm beginning to realize that."
"What does that mean?" Nathan asked, his brows drawn.
"Nothing." Hal crammed his hat onto his had. The fear I sensed from him earlier had soured into bitterness. "It don't mean nothing. See you kids tomorrow." He opened the door and left, closing the door a little harder than was necessary.
33
We were married in the park gazebo. The day was cool and a touch windy, but the sun was out and a few of the ladies sported bare arms. The trees were showing the smallest green buds and birds chirped endlessly. It was already late afternoon. We'd made the decision to have the wedding and reception close together so that the guests wouldn't have to do a lot of waiting around. Already, the sun had long since crested and the shadows were growing long.
"You may kiss the bride," said the minister.
There was an explosion of cheers as Nathan took my face tenderly and kissed me. His arms slipped around me and tightened, sweeping me into the cradle of his elbow. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him back. His scent filled me and desire made my legs weak. He pulled back and looked at me. "We did it," he whispered, and put his forehead to mine.
"Can we make a baby now?" I whispered back.
He laughed and kissed me again. "I'm up for the task." He stood me up, both of us flushed. We faced the crowd and Nathan lifted a fist, like he'd just won the Stanley Cup. The hockey loving crowd cheered and whooped like a bunch of teenagers. We walked down the aisle together to whistles and applause, and the crowd got up from their seats and began to mingle.
I moved through the afternoon in a daze. I was so happy I didn't care what the photographer asked us to do. I was in Nathan's arms or very near to him the whole time so I found the patience to smile this way, tilt my head that way, or freeze in place. The photographer gushed at how my skin appeared on camera, and the contrast with Nathan's copper hair and my black was just 'fabulous'.
Nathan's stomach gave a huge growl just as Crystal came striding across the lawn to gather us for the reception and dinner. She looked radiant in a navy dress and her blonde hair piled on top of her head. We'd taken our photos with her and my father earlier to get them out of the way as she wanted to make some last minute preparations. She was rubbing her hands with glee and practically scampering across the grass in her high heels.
"It's time, you lovebirds. Everyone is waiting for you."
When I'd last seen the Sea Dog, it had been in a sort of shambles. Crystal kicked Nathan and I out at dinnertime the night before, not long after Hal had left. We weren't allowed back in until the reception.
"Wow," said Nathan as we approached the ship. The sun was low on the horizon and the light was growing dim. Someone unseen flicked a switch and the two masts lit up with white fairy lights. Navy and white fabric had been draped along the railing, punctuated by gigantic white bows.
"Like it?" asked Crystal.
"It's beautiful," I said. And it was. It was enchanting.
"Wait till you see inside," she said, almost dancing in her excitement. "Okay, just like we rehearsed. I'll go in before you. Then give it maybe twenty seconds, then it's your turn," Crystal said. She opened the door and I caught a glimpse of bodies as the DJ announced the Maid of Honor. She closed the door behind her.
"Nervous?" Nathan asked me.
"No," I said. I squeezed his bicep. I hated being the center of attention, but I could bear anything as long as he was with me.
We walked up the gangplank together and stepped through Sea Dog's door to join our guests.
34
"Is it just me, or has your dad been staring at you all through dinner?" Crystal leaned over and whispered behind her glass of wine.
"He hasn't seen me for a decade, let him stare," I whispered back.
Crystal frowned. "I don't like it. Maybe if he was staring with love and adulation, but. Look at that face? What is that?"
I looked at Hal, sharing a table with Nathan's parents. He'd been drinking nothing but soda as far as I could tell, but he looked like he'd been slamming shots of vodka. His eyes were bleary, his nose red, and a deep line had formed between his brows. He was staring at me, and when I caught his eye, he looked away.
Nathan leaned in on my other side and said to both Crystal and I, "I asked Hal to give a toast to Mira's Mom."
I looked at Nathan with surprise.
He winced under my expression. "Bad idea?"
"You think?" hissed Crystal. "Just having him here is bad juju." She put a thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, sighing. "Use your head for more than a hat-rack, Nathan."
"He does look like he's about to face a firing squad," Nathan chewed his cheek. "I'll tell him he doesn't have to." He got up and made his way through the tables to Hal, sliding his bulk between the chairs. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him as he bent to whisper in Hals' ear. His copper hair against his navy suit made my heart vibrate. His broad shoulders blocked out everything. What if we had a son? A copper-haired, pale-skinned baby boy with hazel eyes. My heart gave a sort of love soaked squeeze of pain. No matter what came, I would love our child.
A flash of light startled me. "You should so see your face right now," Crystal said, using her thumb to ratchet the camera she'd just used.
"Mushy?"
"Revolting," she sighed, sweetly.
The smell of pine settled over me as Nathan took his seat. "He almost kissed me. Really, I would have thought your dad would like the opportunity to toast your mom. You always told me how in love with her Hal was." Nathan took a sip of water and shoveled a forkful of mashed potato into his mouth.
"Some people don't like to speak in public," I said. Hal already looked more relaxed, but I still felt his eyes on me.
"Some people are a train wreck," Crystal said under her breath.
Towards the end of dinner and before the tables were cleared away for the dance, we had the traditional speeches from the Best Man and Maid of Honor. Crystal made everyone laugh, Devon made everyone cry. Nathan's parents welcomed me to the family.
Hal looked pale and uncomfortable, but to his credit, he stood and lifted his glass of soda and said, "I know no finer man than Nathan MacAuley, no girl who is more lovely or who knows her own mind more than my Mira. May your future together be full of good health and prosperity."
We all raised our glasses, and even Crystal seemed somewhat pacified by his words.
Nathan and I gave our thanks and appreciation speech last. Nathan did most of the talking, of course. My internal organs shrank in on themselves as my turn came. Nathan had generously offered to do the entire speech himself, but I wouldn't have felt right if I hadn't at least thanked Crystal.
Nathan moved aside for me to step up to the microphone. The Sea Dog descended into complete silence. Even the clinking of glasses and cutlery had stopped. Goosebumps sprang out on my bare arms. Were they that anxious to hear what I was going to say? Fifty sets of eyes were glued to my face. Why hadn't I written something down? These were mostly long-time friends of Nathan, the man I loved. If there was ever a time to put some effort into showing them how committed I was to him, now was it.
"After my mother, Trina, passed on..."
There was a low intake of breath in the room. Nathan's warm mass was directly behind me and he stepped up and snaked an arm around my waist. His solid heat st
eadied me.
"I ran away from home, and didn't come back for eight years..."
Nathan's mother and Crystal both covered their mouths with a hand at the same time.
The words continued to spill out. Something about the faces in the crowd expectantly waiting, perhaps hoping for some truth from this strange girl who didn't talk much. Perhaps, looking for something they could trust in me. They'd feel insincerity or lies in the span of a heartbeat. The only way I could be truthful without raising more questions was to keep things vague.
"This was hard on my father, of course. And during those years, we each wrestled with our demons in our own way. When I finally returned, the first friend I made was Crystal. She offered me her home, she introduced me to Phil..."
Phil raised his glass to me from a table near the bar.
"Who gave me work. And my life soon came to revolve around the Sea Dog. This ship is where I first heard Nathan's voice." To my surprise, my own voice sounded steady, and strong. "And I knew immediately, it belonged to a man I couldn't live without." Nathan's arm tightened around me.
"These three people became my family, and along with Nathan, I inherited all of you, too." I raised my glass. "Thank you for being here." Fifty glasses were raised along with mine. "And thank you to Crystal for her wedding wizardry." The glasses were raised again, in her direction. Crystal tilted her chin down to accept. "This wouldn't have happened without you, Crystal."
"And to all of you, who love this redhead behind me, you can rest assured knowing that I'll do everything in my power to love, support, and care for him. Until death." I turned and raised my glass to Nathan. He released me and raised his glass. Fifty glasses were raised to lips and the Sea Dog fell silent while we drank.
"That was great, Mir," Nathan whispered in my ear. "I don't know why you hate talking so much. You're good at it."
I laughed and shook my head. My limbs felt limp with relief that it was over.
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