Plastic Hearts

by De Jong, Lisa

  I dressed in Dane’s clothes, which were a few sizes too big, and walked out to the main living area where I was greeted by the smell of bacon, coffee and maple syrup. Dane was standing over the stove with his back to me wearing grey sweat pants and a fitted white tee. I could spend hours…days staring at him, taking in every inch of his body and never get bored. He was kind, protective, decisive and more than anything he was mine and I didn’t have to be anyone but me when I was around him.

  Walking up behind him, just loud enough not to scare him, I wrapped my arms around his stomach and rested my head between his shoulders. He was warm and I felt safe just being near him. When I finally lifted my head to see what he was cooking, I saw pancakes, eggs, bacon and hash browns. “Who’s going to eat all this?”

  “You,” he said, placing his hand over mine.

  I laughed. “I hope you have a doggy bag.”

  He put down his spatula and turned, wrapping his arms around me tightly. “I love that sound.”

  “What sound?” I asked. I could hear the bacon crackling in the background.

  “Your laugh. You didn’t do that often when we first met. I like hearing it,” he said, leaning down to kiss the corner of my mouth.

  Pulling his head to mine, I looked right into his eyes. “You make me feel things I have never felt before, you know that? I didn’t laugh because I had very little to laugh about.” I moved my hands to the back of his head and kissed him. If I could, I would spend the rest of my life showing Dane how much I appreciated him. That very thought broke me from the kiss. This was too good to be true for a reason; it couldn’t be my forever. My forever was somewhere between Hell and misery and this was just a stop in what I wanted and couldn’t have.

  Dane must have sensed that I was pulling away. “Hey, stay with me. What are you thinking about?” At some point I needed to talk to him about my parents, but not today. He helped me make my life better, but this was one area that even he couldn’t fix.

  “Nothing, I guess I’m just tired. Do you realize we missed class? I have never, and I mean never, missed class. What are you doing to me?” I said, smiling up at him.

  His eyes bore into mine and I could tell that he was trying to read me. “I hope I’m turning you into Mrs. Wright.” It felt like all the air I had in my lungs escaped me and I couldn’t breathe. He didn’t just bring up marriage. No, I wasn’t hearing him right. It was too soon and I needed things to remain simple. Okay, we said I love you and we had sex but I needed this to remain where it was. “Hey, calm down. I was just kidding…sort of.”

  I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I knew that.”

  “Come on, over-thinker, let’s eat.”

  As we ate breakfast, I thought about Dane and what it might do to him if this had to end. I spent so much time thinking about myself and what my parents were going to say that I hadn’t thought about Dane and his part in all of this. There had to be a way to make this work. I could have Dane and make my parents happy. There had to be a way.

  I woke up this morning and felt complete. I couldn’t tell you what it was like to walk through life from day to day living someone else’s dream. There were no words to describe what it was like to be a puppet with someone else holding the string. The big house, nice cars, country club membership, and last name affiliations may be important to my parents, but they were never what defined me, never who I was on the inside. When people thought of Alexandra Riley, they thought of money; I wanted them to see Alex Riley and think of the person. I could never get that at home, but college was like my second birth. I began to live my life the way I wanted to.

  It has been a week since Dane and I were together for the first time and it had done nothing but bring us closer. We had continued our nightly study sessions during the week, but now we usually ended up at his apartment and studying often turned into something else. He treated me like I was a piece of fine china and I wanted to tell him how right he was. My mind constantly drifted to the future and he sensed it. He could read me like no one else could and I was having a hard time letting him in completely. The best way to drown out those thoughts was with his kiss; it had become my drug of choice.

  He was always caring and attentive, nothing like I thought sex would be, but I think it had a lot to do with the guy I was with. I wondered if my mom ever had this with my dad or if things were always so robotic between them. I wondered if my sister had this with her fiancé, but I knew the answer to that one. Their lives were about appearances and parties and I couldn’t remember a time where I ever looked at them and thought, “They look so happy”. A part of me felt sorry for them because they have never experienced this. But then again, they didn’t really know any better.

  My sister’s wedding was two weeks away and I hadn’t brought Dane up to my parents or the wedding up to Dane. If I told my mom about Dane, she would ask a bunch of questions that I wouldn’t want to answer or I would lie about everything. Either way, it was not going to be easy. If I told Dane about the wedding, he would expect to attend with me. That was what couples did, right? My solution was to wait and tell Dane about the wedding a few days beforehand. That way he wouldn’t be able to get off work and I wouldn’t have to introduce him to the parents. I didn’t feel good about doing it, but it was what was easiest for all of us. It was a way for me to stay in my own little world a little while longer.

  Jade thought I was being stupid and selfish and I was. I wanted Dane to go with me and help relieve some of the stress my family created, but I knew it would only cause new stress. Gwen agreed with my decision to keep my new relationship on the down low; she knew the fall out it would cause if my parents knew about Dane. The difference between Jade and Gwen’s advice was just another game of tug of war playing in my mind, but Gwen knew what I was facing more than Jade did.

  I was also starting to think about what would happen over the summer when I returned to Greenwich and Dane remained in the city. I spent hours one night looking at summer internships, but they really did not exist for someone who had just completed her first year of Pre-Med. Getting a real job was out of the question; my parents would never let me work over the summer. The only thing I could hope for was a few weekend trips to the city to see Dane because it wasn’t like I could have him come to my house.

  On top of everything, midterms were coming up and I needed to do some serious studying so I could maintain the grade point average I was expected to have. I was well aware that study sessions at Dane’s apartment were not very productive so I opted to study in the library today. I did invite him to join me; I couldn’t imagine spending the whole evening without him, but here we would be focused and monitored. He couldn’t distract me with his sweet kisses and beautiful body.

  I wandered into the library and found a quiet table in the corner. It appeared I wasn’t the only one trying to find a quiet place to study; there were groups of students at almost every table with their noses buried deep in a book. I pulled out my Calculus book and got to work. Dane was supposed to meet me here after his last class. This was not a place he would usually go, he had reminded me of this over and over, but said he would go anywhere that I was.

  Just like I knew he would, he walked in a little after four and put his bag down on the chair across from me before kissing my cheek. He smelled so good, like soap and mint; it took everything I had to not grab his head and kiss him senseless. That kind of kissing was definitely not meant for the library. “Hey, Gorgeous, have you been waiting long?”

  “No, not really. I was just studying for my Calculus midterm.”

  “That sounds exciting.” He sat across from me and started pulling his laptop and notebook from his bag. “I need to write a paper for art history. I thought it was a punishment until you mentioned Calculus.”

  “Well, Calculus is the one subject I’m not very good at so let’s get some studying done. Let me study until seven and then you can take me out for pizza. Deal?” I knew this would work. He liked to buy me things and take me places, b
ut I always fought him on it. This was my compromise of sorts.

  He leaned over the table so we were less than a foot apart. “Anywhere you are, remember that.”

  I swore my toes just curled in my brown UGG boots. Dane was every girl’s dream and I was his only dream. I leaned in to kiss him on the lips quickly before sitting back in my seat and reading through my Calculus notes. After an hour or so, my eyes started to blur and I reached into my bag for my reading glasses. They were large and dark rimmed; my mother had hated them when I picked them out which made me love them even more.

  I heard Dane clear his throat from across the table and looked up to find him staring at me. “Do you need help with something?”

  He had a glint in his eyes…those beautiful green eyes. “Actually, yes. Can you see if you can find a book on Salvador Dali? I suck at finding books in the library; it’s like the road less traveled without a map.”

  “But they have a whole system,” I said. I thought that learning the Dewey Decimal System was a pretty standard part of elementary school education. Maybe it wasn’t in New York.

  “I know, I just don’t have time to learn it today. Please. I’m buying you a pizza later,” he said before sticking his lower lip out at me. How could I say no to that?

  “Fine, I’ll be right back.” I walked through a few aisles to the back of the library. This was definitely a less utilized area of the library. The books all looked and smelled old. When I was younger, I used to go into my grandparent’s library and pull books from the shelf to smell them. Some people liked the smell of gasoline or rubber cement, but for me it was always the smell of old books. The old leather bound ones smelled the best. I couldn’t help myself when I grabbed a black leather Art History 1800-1899 book from the shelf and inhaled its scent.

  I had completely lost touch with all reality, when I felt big strong arms wrap around my waist. Turning around quickly, I saw Dane standing in front of me with a huge grin on his face. “What are you doing over here? I thought you didn’t know your way around the library?” There was a bit more annoyance in my voice than I had intended, but he had just taken me away from my ‘moment’.

  “I know my way around the library; we learned that back in elementary school.” He was still grinning at me and I was not seeing the humor in this. He definitely had other things on his mind. They weren’t the smartest, considering the circumstances.

  “But-”

  He placed a finger on my lips and moved us back so I was up against the bookcase. He replaced his finger with his lips and I was temporarily frozen in place. I couldn’t believe my boyfriend was kissing me in the library in the middle of the day. Alexandra Riley did not do this, but after thinking about if for a split second I realized that Alex Riley would so do this and I wrapped my arms around his neck. The electricity between us was uncontrollable and I felt like I’d combust at any moment.

  He walked us into a dark corner where he began to move his hands up to my breasts. “Dane!” A light chuckle escaped his mouth, but he didn’t stop and God knows I really didn’t want him to. I felt all self-control and self-consciousness leave my body as I wrapped my legs around his waist. I was not sure who started it, but our bodies began to move slightly and it created a friction between my legs that had me biting his shoulder a few minutes later. A week ago I hadn’t even had sex, and now I was having orgasms in the library.

  When I had calmed down, Dane stood me on my feet and helped me straighten out my clothes. I laughed as he worked to adjust himself. I felt bad that he hadn’t got as much out of our little exchange as I had, but I wasn’t quite ready to take care of that problem in the library.

  I started to walk back to our table when Dane said my name. I turned around; he looked serious, but he was biting his lip to hold back an obvious smile. “Did you find that book?”

  I walked toward him, stopping when our lips were only inches apart, “You seem to know your way around the library just fine”. I ran my eyes down his body before returning them to meet his. He wanted me to kiss him; his eyes were hooded and bore into me with enough passion for the both of us.

  When I turned to walk toward the table, he grabbed my wrist. “It was the glasses.”

  “What?”

  “The glasses,” he repeated, pointing at them where they rested on top of my head. “They are sexy as hell and if you wear them to the library or anywhere else again, I’m going to…”

  “Going to what?”

  He pulled me close and whispered in my ear. “I’m going to fuck you and I won’t care who’s watching.” He released me and I walked back to the table in stunned silence. His words sent another shot of warmth through my body and a red tint to my face. He sat down with a big grin; part of me wanted to smack it off his face and part of me wanted to return it.

  We sat there studying quietly for a few hours as the library started to empty out. I glanced over at Dane and he must have sensed it because his eyes met mine before he looked down at my book and then back at me. I knew what he was asking; he wanted to know if I was done with my studies, but he wouldn’t say it out loud. He knew how important this was to me. I smiled at him and turned my attention back to my textbook. I was ready to go, but making him sweat for a few more minutes sounded more fun.

  He cleared his throat. “Alex.”

  I looked up at him again, taking the glasses from the top of my head and placing them on my face. His eyes grew big and I could see his jaw working back and forth. I loved that I could do this to him. “Yes, babe.”

  He quickly closed his book and shoved it into his bag before turning his attention back to me. The quiet, patient Dane had left the building. He abruptly got up from his chair and walked around the table, reaching from behind me to grab my book and put it into my own bag. He did the same with my notebook and pen. I didn’t say anything. I knew he was telling me that it was time to leave. He zipped my bag and placed it on the table in front of me.

  “What did I tell you about those glasses?” I could feel his warm breath on my ear and it sent a bolt of electricity through my body.

  “You said-”

  He didn’t let me finish before pulling my chair back slightly and offering his hand to me. I stood and grabbed my backpack, watching Dane do the same before he led us out of the library.

  “Let’s go. We’ll grab some dinner on the way back to my place.” He didn’t wait for any sort of confirmation from me. This level of spontaneity and excitement was something I would have to get used to. It was doing things to me that I didn’t know were possible.

  We stopped at a deli between campus and his apartment to grab sandwiches. Dane never once stopped touching me; he had his hand in mine or on my back the whole time. I knew exactly what was going to happen the minute we got into his apartment; I could see it in his eyes. I was happy he didn’t keep his original promise to make it happen on the spot. Alex Riley wasn’t ready for that…yet.

  We entered his building and Dane took the steps two at a time as I tried to keep up. I had little choice since my hand was clasped in his. He let go of my hand just long enough to unlock the door before pulling me forward again. As soon as we were inside, he released his backpack and set the deli bag on the counter. He came back toward me, not wasting a single second before removing my coat. My heart was beating out of my chest as he backed me up to the door and placed an arm on either side of my head. God, if he didn’t kiss me soon I was going to scream.

  He grazed his lips up and down my neck, making me absolutely crazy with need. I’d never wanted anything more than I wanted him right now. The tension in the library, combined with our activities between the shelves and his constant touching, excited me more than I thought was possible. I thought he knew what he was doing and I wasn’t far away from begging. He finally brushed his lips over mine, teasing at first, not quite giving me all the contact I needed. “Please,” I said, bringing my head forward so my lips could meet his. He pulled back, grinning at me with his all too sexy grin.

&
nbsp; “Don’t you like being teased, Baby? I thought you liked playing games.” He was making me insane with need. The look on his face just made me want him even more.

  “Dane, please. I need you now.” I was breathless and desperate.

  “Let me think about it for a minute.” He moved closer to me again, putting my body on full alert. “Do you want me to kiss you here?” He kissed me below my ear before pulling back to look at my face again. I shook my head. “Do you want me to kiss you here?” He placed another soft kiss on my collarbone. God, he was making me freaking crazy. I shook my head again. “Do you want me to kiss you here?” He leaned in close and I swore he was going to kiss my lips, but he kissed my chin instead. I was done playing his game; it was time to play mine. When he moved back to look at me again, I put my bottom lip between my teeth, glancing up at him through my eyelids. I knew that drove him crazy.

  “Fuck” was all he said before his kissed me where I needed him to kiss me most. We were both so wound up that it didn’t take long before we were completely naked against the wall, and on the bed, before finally ending in the shower. It was different from the other times; I felt crazy and free. It was just another piece in the puzzle of Alex that Dane was continually piecing together.

  It was well after midnight when we finally sat down to eat our sandwiches. I was wearing one of Dane’s tshirts and he was in a pair of black athletic shorts; he looked good and it was hard not to reach out and touch his chest. The evening’s activities had left me tired and hungry, but it didn’t stop me from smiling. Dane rested his hand on my knee while we ate in silence, both too tired to talk.

  When we were both finished eating, he pulled out my chair and picked me up in his arms, putting one arm under my knees and another behind my back. “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Taking my girl to bed,” he replied, placing a kiss on my forehead.