Raw: Book 1

by Michelle Maris

  Madison’s dating life was difficult at first but working with a therapist she was able to move past much of the anxiety that first dates caused her. Jeremy was the first man she felt at ease with right from the start. When he asked her to join him in the viewing room, Madison waited for her body to turn on her but she felt calm, and that’s why she agreed to go in with him.

  When she fell in the shower, humiliation should have settled in when Jeremy walked into the bathroom while she sat there naked on the floor. Madison waited, once again, for that feeling she knew so well when anxiety surfaced, but nothing happened.

  Even her date with Alan shifted when she walked into the restaurant and saw Jeremy. Though she controlled her panic on her way over to meet Alan, it still lingered, but as soon as she saw Jeremy, all fear left her.

  She wouldn’t question why and though she knew she’d always feel abnormal in certain situations, it was nice to feel instant comfort with another human being. In the beginning stages of RAW, Madison lived there but was not an active member. It took her two years before she invited any men back to her room. Bevy gave her a hard time, and when she finally built up the courage, it was a huge letdown. She could never get comfortable enough with a man to experience everything sex had to offer until Jeremy.

  She continued to push him away because when you live a life where your father reminds you every day that you’re not good enough you believe it. You learn to accept that you’re not worthy of love, and you believe you need to be something more, something better to be loved.

  Madison knew she had a long road ahead of her, but she decided the night she confessed her love to Jeremy that she’d never push him away again.

  ~~~~~

  Madison walked through the restaurant searching for his face. Bevy sat at their usual table with a glass of wine in front of her. As Madison got closer, she examined Bevy’s expression. “Why do you look like someone died?”

  “I don’t mean to, but I’ve had a stressful day,” Bevy said.

  Madison sat down and looked around the room, “You did call him, right?”

  “Who?”

  “Where is Jeremy?” Madison asked as the thought of Jeremy refusing to come back surfaced.

  Bevy pinched the bridge of her nose, “Yes, he’s coming back next Saturday. His brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first child any day. Jeremy requested to stay until the baby arrives.”

  Madison exhaled. “He hasn’t called me at all.”

  “Don’t read into it.”

  “Should I call him?” Madison didn’t know how to react in this situation since she’d never experienced anything like this.

  “I’d give him space. He’ll be here in a week, and I’m sure the first thing he’s going to want to do is to see you.”

  “I hope so because I can’t wait to see him.” Madison stared at the bar where Jeremy always sat surrounded by women. An ache gripped at her chest as she thought about going another week without him.

  Chapter 16

  The week went by slowly as Madison waited for Saturday. She checked her phone every hour hoping Jeremy sent her a message, but he never did. She worried the time away put things in perspective for him, and that he decided a relationship with her was not feasible.

  Her home was a mansion where women paid for sex, she had social anxiety, which kept her from enjoying many opportunities, her emotions over the past year were like a yo-yo, and there was a ten-year age difference. If he did come back he surely had to be crazy, Madison thought.

  This afternoon Jeremy was returning to RAW, and it was all the ladies could talk about the night before. Becca, a RAW member, won the lottery and was the first to book Jeremy for the evening in Room One.

  Bevy questioned whether she should consult Madison about booking Jeremy with another woman, but she couldn’t deny a member an availability and Madison made the mistake of not booking Jeremy out for herself.

  Jeremy pulled up in front of the Mansion. It felt odd being back here. The two weeks away made his year spent at RAW feel like a dream. Working at a place like RAW was never on Jeremy’s radar, but life has its own plans and when you choose to let them ride amazing things can happen.

  Michael and Mason helped Jeremy bring in all his things. He made a stop into Bevy’s office on his way to the Essential’s living quarters. Bevy cried when she saw him. Her reaction shocked Jeremy but also made him happy. The people at RAW became like a second family to him. He missed everyone, and he was ready to come back.

  “So you are officially an Uncle.” Bevy finally released her hold on Jeremy and wiped the tears from her eyes.

  “Yes, I have a nephew named Matthew.”

  “Wonderful and Congratulations.” Bevy reached up and tapped Jeremy’s cheek. “We missed you. I missed you. You boys become like my sons.”

  “I missed everyone. It’s good to be back.”

  “Have you talked to Madison?” Bevy questioned if mentioning Madison was wise but the words left her lips before she decided against it.

  “Not yet.” Jeremy couldn’t wait to see her, but he was an Essential and didn’t know what to expect. He didn’t know how their relationship would change if it changed at all. The generic text she sent revealed nothing about how she felt. “How is she?”

  “I’ll let her tell you. You go and unpack, and I’ll see you tonight.”

  The vague exchange with Bevy regarding Madison left Jeremy uneasy about this evening, but he put his game face on and got back to work.

  He unpacked all his things, passed out for an hour, and when he woke, he took a shower and got ready for the night. He checked his cell phone once before he left his room hoping to see a text from Madison. There was no message. He dropped it in his inside pocket and headed out.

  As he walked down the hallway towards the restaurant, Big Mike called out to him. “Professor, glad you’re back, man. We all missed you.”

  “It’s good to be back. I missed you guys.”

  “Congratulations! I hear you’re an uncle. Just one more thing to make the ladies swoon over you. I hope you got pictures of yourself holding the little guy. The women eat that shit up.”

  “Big Mike, I never took you for an opportunist.”

  “Hell yeah, I use my gut to attract chubby chasers, of course, I’m an opportunist.” Big Mike patted his stomach with both hands.

  “You’re a big softy, and everyone knows it.”

  “Don’t say that too loud.” Big Mike handed Jeremy a piece of paper. “Bevy asked me to bring this to you.”

  “My schedule, thanks, I’ll see you in there.” Jeremy looked down at the paper and took in a deep breath when he saw the name on his schedule. He folded the paper up and shoved it in his pants pocket then continued towards the restaurant.

  When he walked in many of the ladies ran up to him. Amy got in there first and threw her arms around him. “Jeremy, we missed you.”

  “I missed all of you.” Jeremy looked around as he greeted all the women. He looked over their heads hoping to catch a glimpse of Madison, but she was not there.

  Jeremy took a seat at the bar and ordered a scotch. The women swarmed around him and though he appreciated their attention his thoughts were on another.

  Jeremy was at the bar for twenty minutes when the air in the room shifted. He heard Bevy’s voice first and then he saw Madison. The sight of her made his entire body buzz. She wore a one shoulder gray silk jumpsuit. Her skin was tan, and her hair looked kissed by the sun. Jeremy couldn’t think straight as he watched her walk directly to her table making no eye contact with anyone.

  “We haven’t talked to her since Bevy fired you,” Amy said as she brought her wine glass up to her lips.

  “Madison? Why?” Jeremy didn’t know any of the details that went down after he left.

  “She was the reason you got fired.”

  “No Amy, that ’s not true. She had nothing to do with it. It was my fault. I did something, and the guys misinterpreted it. Don’t be angry with M
adison.”

  “Oh, we didn’t know. We only knew that you were with Madison the night before Bevy fired you. Now I feel bad. I mean she seems nice, She doesn’t bother anybody, and she keeps to herself.”

  “She is nice, so I hope you’ll stop giving her the cold shoulder.” Jeremy gazed over at Madison who finally made eye contact with him. Jeremy raised his glass in her direction, and she smiled. He wanted to go over to her, but after he had seen his schedule, he didn’t know where he stood with her.

  Madison didn’t book him, and he only hoped she didn’t book anyone else. Jeremy continued talking to the ladies around him, but only half listened to their conversations. While they chatted, Jeremy considered his approach. Two weeks passed with no contact with Madison. If he walked over there and she rejected him, he didn’t know how he’d react. And if she didn’t reject him, he knew how he’d react. He wanted to pick her up, carry her back to her apartment and make love to her. He decided to wait it out for the appropriate time to reveal itself and then he’d confront her.

  “Are you nervous?” Bevy asked Madison once they settled at their table.

  “On a scale of one to ten, my anxiety is around a twenty.” Madison scanned her body, “But, not the pass out kind of anxiety.”

  “I didn’t think so; it’s most likely, that you’re in love and seeing him is sheer bliss.”

  “Yes and no. I’m concerned Jeremy changed his mind about me.” Madison admitted.

  Bevy looked over at Jeremy then glanced at Madison, “I doubt it. He’s not a reactive man; he’s waiting for the right time to approach you.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Madison casually scanned the bar settling on Jeremy. Jeremy’s eyes burned into hers, and Madison reciprocated with an imperceptible nod.

  When Bevy and Madison finished eating, Madison stood and walked over to the French doors leading to the patio. Jeremy watched to see if any of the Essentials got up but no one budged. Jeremy excused himself from the conversation and walked out onto the Patio.

  He watched Madison walk across the grounds in the direction of her apartment before he followed her. He hung back about fifty feet waiting for her to notice him. Finally, she stopped but didn’t turn around. “I missed you.” She said loud enough for him to hear.

  Jeremy continued to walk up behind her slowly. “I missed you, too.” He got a few feet away from her, and she spun around. They faced each other but didn’t move.

  “I hear I am to congratulate you.” She said.

  “Yes, I’m an uncle. His name is Matthew.”

  “I’m happy for you and your family.”

  Jeremy nodded. “Thank you.” There was a long moment of silence as they gazed at each other. “I need you to tell me where we stand?” Jeremy asked.

  Madison had swallowed before she spoke, “I’m in love with you.”

  Jeremy advanced on her and held her head. He kissed the side of her face from her temple to her chin then covered her mouth with his.

  They covered each other with kisses until Madison pushed away from him, “Jeremy, I wish I was good at this, but I’m not. I need you to tell me what we do next.”

  Jeremy pulled her into his chest, “My love, I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out together.”

  “You’re booked tonight.” Madison reminded him.

  “Yeah, about that… why didn’t you book me?”

  “I forgot to, and by the time I thought of it, Becca already had booked you.”

  “I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it, but please tell me you didn’t book

  anyone.”

  “You haven’t looked at your phone.” She said.

  Jeremy pulled his cell out of the inside pocket of his suit jacket. He tapped on the screen to see he had one new message. He read the message out loud. “I am unofficially booking you out at one o’clock. I will leave the door to my bedroom unlocked.”

  Jeremy released the breath he’d been holding. “I’ll be there, and I love you.”

  “I hate that you’re going to be with another woman before me.”

  “I know, but don’t think about it. I only want you. I only love you. We’ll need to sit down and discuss everything but let’s try not to figure it all out in a day.”

  “Agreed.”

  Jeremy walked Madison back to her apartment then met Becca in Room One.

  Jeremy was happy to see the curtain closed. The thought of having sex with Becca made him feel like he was cheating on Madison and that would only be made worse by having an audience.

  Becca wasn’t one of Jeremy’s favorites. She was the type of person who offered left-handed compliments. He’d watch as the ladies faces brightened as Becca began to compliment them then he watched as their faces dropped when she ended on an insult.

  Jeremy looked around the room, but there was no Becca. He walked into the bathroom, and there she stood under a spray of water in the shower. She glanced over at Jeremy and gestured with her index finger directing him to join her.

  Jeremy stripped himself of his clothes and stepped into the shower. He had hesitated before he touched her but then Jeremy reminded himself the sooner he started the sooner it would be over. He rested his hands on Becca’s waist, drew her close to him, and then asked his signature question, “What do you need from me tonight, Becca?”

  Jeremy arrived at Madison’s room a little after twelve-thirty. Becca wanted it rough, so Jeremy gave it to her rough. Her stamina waned, and all she wanted when Jeremy finished was to go back to her room to sleep.

  Jeremy gripped the doorknob anticipating it locked even though Madison said she'd unlock it. He feared she’d change her mind as she waited for him. He turned the knob, and it opened. Madison was asleep in her bed when Jeremy approached. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “Hello, Sweetheart.”

  Madison stirred then spun on her back as a big smile stretched across her face. “You’re here.”

  “I’m here.” He kissed her forehead then whispered, “I’m going to shower.”

  Madison nodded her head and watched him disappear into the bathroom. She pulled the covers up over her shoulders, closed her eyes, and waited for Jeremy to return.

  She awoke to his warm hand gliding over her belly. She let out a sigh as his touch vibrated through her body. Jeremy placed soft kisses on the skin right below her breast as he glided his hand up and down the side of her body. He continued the path over her thigh and between her legs until he found her wet seam. He glided his fingers in and out of her as Madison purred.

  Jeremy lifted his mouth off her skin and looked at her, “Madison, open your eyes.”

  Madison opened her eyes as she brushed her hand along his cheek.

  “Tell me, Madison.” He demanded.

  She knew what he needed her to say. “I love you, Jeremy.” She paused, “And I need you.”

  Jeremy reached up and kissed her mouth then disappeared under the covers. As soon as Madison spread her legs for him, she felt his wet tongue on her sensitive skin. She raked her fingers through his hair as he glided his tongue forward and backward, in and out then settled it on her clit.

  He gently stroked his tongue over the bundle of nerves then alternated between sucking and licking. He slipped his fingers inside rubbing her clitoris from inside. Madison’s hips bucked at the sensation.

  He slipped his fingers out and scissored them on either side of her clit rubbing them up and down squeezing her wet folds together as he continued to suck on the tight bundle of nerves. Madison’s body clenched down without any warning. She screamed out Jeremy’s name as her body convulsed in pleasure.

  Jeremy crawled up her body and slipped his cock inside her. He thrust deeply in and out as he grabbed her leg and positioned it high around his waist. Madison gripped his shoulders and threw back her head as another orgasm took over.

  Jeremy grunted as he watched Madison lost in her pleasure because of him. He wanted to own her body to worship it; so another man could never touch her. “Madison, you mak
e me crazy. Sweetheart, if you knew what I was thinking…” Jeremy impaled her one last time then came inside of her, hard and fast.

  He dropped on top of her, and their hearts rapidly pounded against each other. Jeremy breathed into her neck then placed a small kiss on her mouth before he slipped to one side of Madison. With his arm draped across her stomach and his lips pressed against her shoulder, they fell asleep.

  The next morning they woke in the same position, but everything else changed.

  Jeremy rolled over onto his back pulling Madison into the side of his body. He tucked his arm under her and caressed the side of her arm. He moaned as he scrubbed his face with his free hand. “Madison, sweetheart, we need to talk.”

  “I know.” Madison swallowed the lump in her throat. She feared Jeremy considered their situation and realized it couldn’t work.

  “We need to figure out a way to make this work because I can’t live without you.”

  “Really?” Madison lifted her head to look at him.

  “Really. What did you think I was going to say?” Jeremy scooted himself up on the bed and propped the pillows behind him.

  “I thought you were going to tell me it can’t work.” Madison sat on her hip as she leaned on her elbow.

  “Come here, baby.” Jeremy opened his arms for Madison. She rested her cheek on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. “This isn’t going to be easy. I want to be able to wake up with you, have breakfast together and spend the day with you but every Wednesday through Sunday that’s not possible.”

  “So what do we do?” Anxiety began to take over Madison’s mind, and she attempted to take a deep breath but couldn’t. She straightened up and took in a breath but still found no relief.

  Jeremy watched her eyes get glassy, and he knew what was happening. Her expression was the same as the night of the Gala. “Madison, sweetheart, instead of trying to take a deep breath, take slow steady breaths even if they're shallow.”